Training with Finn is going well. It takes up most of my spare time, keeping me distracted. I think, one of the reasons I'm so glad about it taking so much time is because I need to be distracted from what's going on around me. Blaine walked out a week ago and he hasn't been back since. I assume he's staying with Tina and Rachel; they haven't talked to me since the incident. But, I'm not alone – Finn talks to me when he sees me, and, surprisingly, I have Puck and Quinn to keep me company. I never thought I'd hang out with these people. I mean, we're friends, but I've never felt particularly close to them. However, for the past few nights, we all end up in my room, eating take out and watching films. The boys leave but Quinn crashes on the couch most nights. I always insist that I'm fine and she tells me she knows but can't be bothered to walk back to her own room. Considering her room is three doors away, I find this hard to believe but I have to admit, it's nice having someone in the room with me. Being in the common room is awkward, the people in there splitting into three, tense categories. Number one, 'I can't believe Kurt did that to Blaine.' Number two, 'Blaine should have listened to Kurt' and finally, 'I feel sorry for both of them and I wish they would talk it out.' If I could choose, I'd be in the third group, but I guess that's the whole reason the groups were formed in the first place ; I don't fit into any. It's nice to see people in the middle though, to know the people you live with don't completely hate you is a nice thought.

Despite that, it's hard to be in there when Blaine is. His face full of sadness and knowing that I put it there; I can't. What I would give to be able to run over, trap him in my arms and kiss him, telling him I'm sorry and how it will all get better. That's unrealistic, obviously, because this isn't a fairy tale where everything works out for the better – this is real life. People mess up, hearts get broken. The mental pain that comes with those things can hurt, sometimes more than physical pain. And even though we have powers, and we can save people, our lives are still so far away from the land of 'Happily Ever After's.' So, instead, I sit and try not to stare, hoping that one day soon he will come back to where he belongs. 

A long training session with Finn, working on my thoughts and controlling my powers with them means I'm exhausted when I get back to my room. A normal session with Sue wears me out, yet these with Finn are draining me of energy and I just want to sleep for weeks. He explained that this is because I'm exerting myself physically and mentally in a more intense fashion. I take everything back I've ever said about Finn – he's smart. He has taught me so much, things that I didn't know. The reason some might say he's dumb is because he isn't textbook smart. The things he teaches are from his heart, information that's been passed down from people he loves. 

After a short shower, letting the hot water ease my muscles, I dry myself and throw on sweats and an old t-shirt of Blaine's. Being able to smell him helps me control myself, bringing the memories of him to the front of my mind. I've been ordered to practise, to find something that keeps me connected to Blaine, keeping me out of the dark side. One day, I wore one of Blaine's hoodies to training and that's when we realised that it helps, makes me  feel like he's with me. Curling up on my bed, I grab the TV remote and switch it on. I settle into watching reruns of Friends when I hear a noise from behind the door. I mute the TV and sit up. The sound is a key being inserted into the lock. And the only person who has a key, apart from me, is Blaine. This sets me going into a mild state of panic because he's coming in! What's going to happen? What's he going to say? Is he going to break up with me for good? Have we already broken up? I miss him coming into the room, so wrapped up in my thoughts. 

"Oh, Kurt. I didn't realise you'd be in," his voice sounded nothing like usual – it's quiet, sad and I hate it. 
"I- yeah. I got back not too long ago," I decide to stand, leaning against the frame of my bedroom. I don't really know what to do with myself.
"I see," he looked to the floor, "I just came to get some more of my things. I was running out of clean clothes."
I drop my head, not letting him see the disappointment on my face. So he isn't coming back.
"Right. Of course," I glance up and he's looking at me, brows furrowed. And it hits me. I'm in his shirt. Before I can say something – anything – he speaks. 
"Is that my t-shirt?" I nod, not trusting my voice right now.
"Why," he pauses, "Why are you wearing it?" He's confused, not angry. It makes me wonder if he knows how much I miss him. Reasons that I could answer with, get away with, rush into my mind – "My clothes are in the wash," or "I thought it was mine," – but none of them will help the situation. If I want him back, ever, I need to tell him the truth.

"Finn wants me to be more connected to my anchor. When I'm training, I mean. We tried different things but it turns out, wearing some of yours works best." I don't want to look at him but I can't help it. For a fraction of a second, I think I see a smile but then I can't be too sure. It might be a trick of light. By the time I look back he's over at the door, bag in hand. Ready to leave, again. 
"Okay then... I'll," he sighs, "I'll see you soon, Kurt."
He leaves and I'm left for the rest of the night, wondering what he means by soon.

Blaine

Another sleepless night. It's spent thinking about Kurt, of course. I want him back. In fact, I'm not going to lie to myself, I need him back. I just can't bring myself to forgive him yet. I may be overreacting but what he did to me brings the horrors back from my past; being pushed around, into lockers or walls. I know it happened to Kurt too but when he went home, at least he was safe. 
He didn't have a father who would do the same if he did something too 'faggy,' and he didn't get blamed by said father when he was beaten within an inch of his life. He wasn't told that it was his fault it happened. The reason I'm finding it so hard to go back to him is because of these memories. They're stopping me. I never thought that the person I loved the most in the world would do that to me. I know it wasn't his fault, I know he wasn't all there, but it still scares me, knowing he could turn at any moment. But, shouldn't love scare you? But it should be the scared-to-commit kind of fear, not don't-hurt-me fear. My mind is at war with itself. Yet, seeing him today and hearing what he said to me, I think I'm ready to go back. Am I? I look to the clock and it reads 6am. I can't sleep, so I put some clothes on and decide to walk; to clear my head. I head out to the courtyard, sitting on the steps and looking out in front of me. I remember singing to Kurt, right here, at the start of our relationship. I think about how far we've come and I don't even realise when I start to sing a song that has been circling my head for a week now.

Our love has changed, it's not the same 
And the only way to say it is say it, it's better

I drop my head into my hands, but continue to sing, quietly. Like it's a secret that only I should hear.

I can't conceal this way I feel 
For all the times we spend together 
Forever just gets better

I feel like I haven't slept at all. Well, I hardly did – a measly four hours. I can't stop thinking about Blaine, how I miss him so much. Looking around the room just brings back so many memories, the way we were before and after we started dating. I get up and switch my music on, letting it fill the room, trying to find some distraction while I tidy up the little mess there is from a few nights ago. I know the song playing and I feel like it describes how I feel. I can't help myself from singing along.

See what I'm trying to say is 
You make things better 
And no matter what the day is 
With you here it's better 

I stand up and walk around, each step bringing back memories of our time here , whether it was by ourselves or with friends.

I'll stand by you if you stand by me 
I think it's time that I reveal it 
Because I believe it, its better 

Instead of distracting myself away from the thoughts of Blaine, I let the memories come rushing in from this room, everything. From the fights, to the make ups, the laughs and the crying but most importantly the love that was found here that is only half as strong now.

See what I'm trying to say is 

You make things better
And no matter what the day is 
If you're here it's better 

I then remember that awful night, the way he snapped and me and pushed me like I've been pushed so many times. But unlike those times, when he snapped out of the hate, the look of love and sadness and pain of what he did to me was clear on his face. I've never been looked at like that before. I stop when it hits me. I could never stay away from Kurt. If I don't go back to him, I will always feel this want that I could never have. 

Oh the more I talk to you
I fall in love with everything you do, oh 

I head for the doors, knowing exactly where I have to be right now, and forever.

See what I'm trying to say is 
You make things better 
And no matter what the day is 
With you here its better 

I'm standing outside the door now, and I don't hesitate to knock because this feels right. He opens the door and I look into the blue eyes I love.
"Blaine?" he says but I don't let him continue. I crash my lips into his feeling more at home then I have for that awful week. this is where I belong, right in Kurt's arms.

Our love has changed it's not the same 
And the only way to say it is say it, it's better