Kurt walked along the pavement beside a long line of yellow New York cabs honking their horns as they travelled along the busy road slower than snails. He blew on his hands and rubbed them together, silently cursing himself for forgetting to put on gloves that morning. He stuffed his hands deep into his coat pockets and carried on down the ice-covered footpath, all feeling long gone from his fingers and slowly ebbing away from his toes too; the cold wind bit at his cheeks and his ears were so cold they were sore. He was five minutes from his and Rachel's apartment and since her and Brody were ‘studying' today, he would have it all to himself. He smiled at thought, already imagining the heat seeping through his clothes and feeling returning to his fingers and nose; he couldn't wait to make himself a cup of steaming hot chocolate before sinking into his couch with his iPod on the dock beside the TV blaring out Wicked songs.

He'd entered his building and pressed the button in the elevator to take him up to his apartment when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Taking it out, he smiled when he saw Blaine's name and picture on his screen. Kurt looked forward to Blaine's calls; they made him happy. He slid his thumb across the bottom of the screen and, after several attempts, he finally answered.

“Hey,” he smiled into his phone as he opened the door into his apartment.

“Hey there,” Blaine's voice replied immediately and Kurt heard a door close down the line. “What's up?”

“It's so cold, oh my god. I thought Ohio got cold but it's nothing compared to here and I can't even have a hot shower because the water doesn't warm up until seven and when it does, Rachel's straight in there and uses it all up anyway,” Kurt let out a frustrated grunt as he dropped his messenger bag on the floor and flung himself onto the couch. He heard Blaine chuckle and a rustle of sheets indicated he was lying on his bed. “What about you? Tell me what scandalous drama is going on at McKinley.”

“Not much really. Oh wait, did I tell you that we got back into the competition?”

“No! That's great! How?”

“Sam discovered the Warblers were cheating –“ Kurt gasped – “I know, right?! But anyway, we got their place for Regionals, so yeah. Oh! And to pay for the bus, Tina came up with idea of a ‘Men of McKinley' calendar.”

“'Men of McKinley'?” Kurt laughed as he rested his head on the back of the couch, completely forgetting about hot chocolate; Blaine's voice seemed enough to warm him up. “What does that consist of?”

“A bunch of shirtless pictures of the guys in glee club,” Blaine replied and there was a pause during which Kurt heard more sheets rustling.

“Considering you guys are all pretty hot, I'd say that's a good idea for a fundraiser,” Kurt said, his mind wandering and picturing all sorts of scenes of Blaine with his shirt off.

“I guess…” Blaine trailed off and his voice seemed uncertain.

 Kurt frowned. “What's the matter?”

“N-nothing, nothing,” Blaine paused again but this time Kurt didn't say anything, waiting for Blaine to continue. “It's just that everyone else works out so much more than me and they all actually care about how they look. I didn't… until now that is. I'm going to look so stupid next to them all.”

Kurt felt sorry for Blaine, he really did, but he couldn't help but roll his eyes; he thought Blaine's body was pretty perfect. “Blaine, you're body's fine, believe me. You may be small but all that boxing makes you look good.”

“You sure?” Blaine still sounded uncertain.

“I'm positive,” Kurt promised. “Trust me, I would know.”

Blaine laughed quietly which made Kurt smile. Even though they'd broken up, Kurt couldn't help the happiness he felt every time he cheered Blaine up and every time he'd had a bad day, he always called Blaine because, quite frankly, Blaine just understood him. Blaine knew that if Kurt called first and didn't say anything, he knew to ramble on about some other unimportant thing until Kurt would cut him off and rant about whatever he needed to get off his chest. That was just how they worked; they always had and probably always would.

“Thanks,” Blaine said in a small voice and although Kurt could see him, he knew Blaine was smiling. “Tina's still acting weird though. She told Sam that I had a perky behind today.”

Kurt had to bite his lip to prevent him from laughing loudly and telling Blaine that it's obvious she's practically in love with him. Blaine had phoned him the previous week, telling him all about the Sadie Hawkins dance and it took all the willpower Kurt had to wait until Blaine had hung up so he could collapse into a chair laughing.

“Perky behind, huh?” Kurt teased. “Sounds like she's been checking you out.”

“Shut up,” Blaine answered and Kurt could just picture Blaine rolling his eyes. “Hang on a minute,” Blaine said hurriedly down the line.

“Okay.”

Kure heard Blaine throw the phone down onto the bed, open the door and call down the stairs to the person who had called up to him. After two or three minutes of Blaine being silent and listening to whoever was talking to him, he picked the phone back up off his bed.

“Sorry, that was my mum. Apparently we're going out tonight,” Blaine sighed tiredly.

“Where to?” Kurt asked as he toed his shoes off his feet.

“Some place to represent Dad – wait a minute,” Kurt heard the phone being set down again and Blaine calling, “What?” After another minute's silence, Blaine spoke again down the phone. “Yeah that was mum again, telling me to get ready because we have to be there in an hour. For god's sake, she could have at least sent me a text about it at school – I don't even know where my dress pants are.” Blaine let out a frustrated groan and Kurt heard him opening his sliderobe. Kurt could just imagine the scene; Blaine holding the wardrobe open with both hands while he squashed his phone between his shoulder and ear as he searched through his never ending amount of evening clothes his father was forever buying him.

Kurt felt sorry for Blaine; he always had to go to some charity event or business dinner with his mother and father; as if that wasn't bad enough in itself, he was always forced to take a date. It was usually one of his father's colleague's daughters because none of them could know Blaine was gay. If they did, it would result in Michael Anderson losing business. It was for this reason that several times in the past when Kurt and Blaine had been out in public together, Blaine would jump away from Kurt as if he'd been burnt but it was really because he'd seen one of his father's work mates.

“Should I wear the royal blue or red tie?” Blaine's voice brought Kurt from his reverie.

“That depends; what suit are you wearing?” Kurt replied.

“Um, I don't know. Either the charcoal one Mum got me last year or black the one I bought over the summer when we went shopping together,” Blaine told him. Kurt closed his eyes, picturing both suits with each tie.

“Wear the charcoal one with the blue tie and then you can wear the blue tissue to match it.”

“Okay,” Blaine sighed again. “Thanks Kurt, I really appreciate it. I –“

There was a slamming of a door and Kurt heard Blaine's mother's voice down the line saying, “Blaine will you get off the phone! We're leaving in fifteen minutes!” then Blaine said, “Okay! Jesus, Mum, calm down.” There was another door slamming and Blaine let out an angry grunt; Kurt bit his lip again, feeling immensely sorry for Blaine.

“You should probably go,” Kurt said tentatively, not wanting Blaine to turn on him. “I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” Blaine replied although his voice seemed more distant.

“And send me a photograph of that calendar as soon as you get it printed,” Kurt said, making his tone lighter and sure enough, he heard Blaine chuckle quietly.

“Whatever. Talk to you later,” Blaine replied and then the line went dead.

Kurt set his phone on the coffee table in front of him and suddenly, he was cold again. He grabbed his hoodie that was slung over the back of the couch and shrugged it on before making his way to the kitchen and making himself hot chocolate in the mug Carole had got him for Christmas. Sitting down on one of the chairs at the table, he pulled last week's copy of Vogue toward him and started flicking through it even though he'd memorised nearly every page spread five days ago.

An hour later, Kurt was sitting back on the couch, trying to ignore he sounds of Rachel and Brody making out on Rachel's bed, with Harry Potter in his hands whenever his phone buzzed. He picked it up and opened the message from Blaine. It was a picture of a small girl – smaller than Rachel – with long, blonde, curly hair; she was wearing a navy dress and a cream corsage with navy eyeshadow to match her dress; Kurt thought it clashed horribly with her pale complexion. She sat at the seat beside Blaine and it looked as if the picture had been sneakily taken from under the table, which Blaine often did to show Kurt his dates. The girl looked incredibly bored and extremely uncomfortable in her dress that looked two sizes too small.

The picture was sent with the text: What do you think of this one?

Kurt laughed quietly and typed out a quick reply: You can do better. Go dance with her, she looks bored out of her mind.

Kurt had hardly set his phone down when it buzzed again: She told me she didn't play on my team, I told her that makes two of us and she hasn't spoken to me since.

Kurt rolled his eyes and replied telling Blaine that he should still dance with her and Blaine merely replied with ‘Whatever' and that was that. Kurt chuckled to himself and he couldn't help his mind wandering back to the first time Blaine had been told he would have to take a date.

***

Through the storm we reach the shore

You give it all but I want more

And I'm waiting for you

Kurt and Blaine lay cuddled in each other's arms only a couple of hours after Blaine had first told Kurt he loved him. They were relaxed on Blaine's bed with one of Kurt's playlists playing softly in the background. The sun had started to set which made Blaine's room considerably darker but they hadn't bothered to put on a light; they were content the way they were.

Blaine's fingers trailed a gentle line up and down Kurt's arm that was hugging Blaine's waist, his head rested on Blaine's chest just under his chin. Blaine's other hand had been running through Kurt's hair for the last while as they simply lay there. They didn't even have to say anything, they were happy to be in each other's company.

With or without you

I can't live

With or without you

Blaine dropped a kiss to the top of Kurt's head just as his door opened and Julie Anderson walked in. She stopped abruptly when she saw her son in such an embrace. She was fine with Blaine being gay, she somehow hadn't been that surprised when he first came out, but she still felt awkward walking in on an intimate moment as such.

“Oh – um,” she stuttered.

“Hey Mum,” Blaine murmured as Kurt lifted himself from Blaine's chest and sat up on the bed. Both boys seemed didn't seem embarrassed at all by the intrusion. “What's up?”

“Sorry to bother you but that your father on the phone –“ Blaine frowned, as he always did when Michael was mentioned. “He was telling me about your date for tomorrow night's dinner.”

Blaine's eye widened. “My date?”

“Yeah…” Julie bit her lip. “You know George Phillips? Him and his family were over for dinner a few months ago?”

“Of course I don't Mum, there are people over all the time,” Blaine retorted, also sitting up on the bed.

“R-right,” Julie stammered. “Well anyway, it's his daughter. Her name's Elizabeth and she's a year younger than you. You have to pick her up tomorrow at half six so you can be at the dinner on time.”

Blaine's brow creased and he looked over at Kurt who stared at the floor. “But –“

“Listen, honey, I know you want to take Kurt, I do but just for once can you please go along with this? Your father's coming home for the first time in two weeks tonight and I don't want any more arguments than is necessary, okay?” Julie bit back at Blaine, her shoulders tense as she clutched her phone to her chest. She sighed and her shoulders sagged as she sat down beside Blaine, placing her hand over his knee. “Sweetheart, I want you to be happy but you know what your father's like. I'm just asking for tonight without any fallouts and then you can argue the bit out with him tomorrow if need be but tonight, just one night, please just go along with it.”

Blaine frowned as he looked in Julie's eyes and covered her hand with his own. “But Kurt…” he trailed off and looked over to Kurt who met his eyes this time and offered him a small smile. Kurt took Blaine's other hand and held it between both of his own.

“It's okay, I understand,” Kurt said softly and the crease faded from in between Blaine's eyebrows. “I'll help you pick out something nice.”

Blaine stared into Kurt's eyes, his gaze saying more words than he ever could. Julie got up and left the room quietly, leaving Kurt and Blaine together for the time they had until Kurt would have to leave before Michael got home. Blaine looked down at their locked hands and squeezed Kurt's fingers.

“I'm sorry –“

“Blaine…”

“No, I'm sorry. I hate going to those stupid dinners and to have to go with a date is even worse,” Blaine complained.

“At least I know you won't run off with them at the end of the night. I think your experimenting with Rachel Berry has given me that much to be sure of,” Kurt said, trying to lighten the tension and sure enough, Blaine let out a small laugh. He looked up and met Kurt's blue eyes.

“I really do love you,” Blaine whispered and Kurt smiled.

“I know you do,” he said before leaning forward and pressing his lips gently against Blaine's.

My hands are tied

My body bruised, she's got me with

Nothing to win and

Nothing left to lose

And you give yourself away

And you give yourself away

***

Kurt opened his eyes, not realising he'd closed them and stared longingly at his wallpaper of him and Blaine ice skating at Christmas. He mentally shook himself, telling himself that that part of his life was over. Blaine was his best friend; they'd been friends first, they'd be friends last if it came to it. Kurt sighed and opened his book again trying, but failing, to get back into whatever mad thing Harry was doing.

Two days later, Blaine was walking down the empty hallway from the gym with Tina beside him, chatting animatedly about how well the calendar had gone and how great he looked. Blaine nodded his head every now again to look as if he was listening but his head was full of his own thoughts, like how Sam now had something to be happy about and how hot Jake had looked in his pumpkin outfit.

They reached the doors to the car park and Blaine made a beeline for his Prius, leaving Tina mid-sentence but really not caring as he climbed into the front seat. Not wanting to sit around and risk Tina coming over to continue talking to him, he quickly turned the key in the ignition and pulled out of the lot.

He drove down the familiar road until he came to the junction five minutes from McKinley. He stopped at the red light and pulled the calendar out of his bag sitting on the passenger seat; he cringed at the first picture of him for January. He really did look stupid, especially compared to Ryder with only a heart covering his junk for February.

He grabbed his phone off the dashboard and snapped a quick picture of January as he heard a horn honking from somewhere in the queue behind him; he looked up and saw the light was green. He drove forward but looked back down at his phone, his fingers working quickly to tap out a message to Kurt. Just as he hit send, there was a loud horn and a screeching of tyres.

Then everything went black.

***

Kurt locked and unlocked his screen for about the billionth time in two hours. He'd been holding it ever since he'd replied to Blaine so it was impossible to miss a text if it came yet he still frowned when he saw his screen was just as blank as it had been twenty seconds previously. Blaine always text Kurt back straight away, ever since they'd met. Kurt was putting the lack of communication down to either glee club or Blaine was driving; it did take him an hour to get home after all and he might have stopped by at Dalton on the way.

Kurt sighed and set his phone on the kitchen table before making his way over the iPod dock and selecting the first song he came to; he didn't even have time to recognise it before his phone buzzed on the table. He snatched it up quickly but instead of having a text message, Burt's number was calling him. Kurt frowned and answered the phone.

“Hello?”

“Kurt? That's you, isn't it?” Burt sounded… off.

“Yeah Dad, it's me. What's up?” Kurt frowned.

“Are you sitting down?” Burt asked anxiously.

“No…” Kurt looked around the apartment, thinking someone was going to jump out at him if the tone of his father's voice was anything to go by. “Dad, what's going on?”

“Buddy, I think you should sit down,” Burt told him seriously.

Kurt sat down with sweaty palms and hastily brushed a strand of hair from his face, his heart pounding a mile a minute. “Dad is something wrong with you? Is it the cancer? Oh god, Dad, what has –“

“Kurt, this isn't about me. Calm down, okay?” Burt's tone was soothing but firm.

“O-okay…”

“It's Blaine,” Burt began.

“Blaine,” Kurt's voice came out as more of a sharp intake of breath.

“Yeah, he – uh,” Burt cleared his throat and Kurt could hear him shifting. “He was in a car crash and it's… it's pretty bad.”

Kurt gripped his phone tightly, swallowing hard.

 “How bad?” Was that his voice? It didn't feel like it was.

“A lorry drove over the top of his car… he's alive but barely.” Burt said as gently and as tentatively as he could. “He's in a coma, Kurt.” Burt paused and when Kurt didn't say anything, he continued, “They're – um – not sure if things will…”

Burt continued talking but Kurt wasn't listening. His mouth was hanging open and his eyes were staring unseeingly ahead of him. He couldn't help, much less care about, his phone slipping out of his grasp and crashing onto the floor.

The world was spinning but Kurt wasn't a part of it. His father's words were echoing in his brain, ricocheting and tumbling and falling around his head.

He's alive but barely… the words crashed down on Kurt like tidal waves.

It couldn't be real. It was a huge joke. Blaine didn't get sick. Blaine didn't get hurt. Blaine was the strong one. Blaine was the fighter. Blaine was… in a car crash. And in a coma. Kurt couldn't breathe. He felt compressed; isolated.

His heart was still beating loudly in his chest and blood pounded in his ears. He knew the beat of his heart like he knew the back of his hand. He knew it kept the same pace as Blaine's when they slept. He knew it calmed Blaine down when he was angry. He knew that it matched perfectly with Blaine's when they lay together under the covers of his bed, boneless and sated, limbs tangling with limbs.

He knew it beat for Blaine and it was on its own without him.

And then the song drifting around the apartment finally registered with Kurt.

Hello, Hello

Anybody out there? Cause I don't hear a sound

Alone, alone

I don't really know where the world is but I miss it now.