He felt the warmth crawling across his skin from where it seeped through the glass window as he stretched the sleep from his limbs.  He snuggled back under the feather duvet and tried to keep his sleepiness intact for just a few minutes.  Sundays were the lazy days in their house; sleeping in, pancakes from scratch, and bad reality television.  He lived for these days where fun and laziness were mandatory and clothing was minimal.

Blaine slowly rolled over and wasn’t surprised to find the right side of the bed empty.  Three months ago he would have jumped out of bed and gone searching for Kurt, most likely finding him in the kitchen, sipping coffee as he made his delicious pancakes.  Now, however, he simply sighed and burrowed deeper into the mattress, wanting to remain sleepy until the last possible second.

Twenty minutes later Blaine lazily fell out of bed, his feet hitting the cool hardwood floor, and slowly padded out to the kitchen.  He immediately started to brew a fresh pot of coffee before reaching for a mug in the cabinet above him.  The warm, soothing smell of French vanilla began to waft throughout the room and he took a deep breathe in, letting it relax him.  He opened the freezer and sighed loudly as he wished, not for the first time, that fresh homemade pancakes were being served on a plate.  Instead he reached for the frozen waffles and popped three into the toaster. He felt like he was back in college while Kurt slaved away at the internship he had landed.  That six-month period was rough on their relationship, but they had made it through that; surely they could make it through this.

As he grabbed the syrup out of the pantry, a cream colored piece of stationary caught his eye to his left.  He set the bottle down next to his plate and grabbed the note off the countertop.

Blaine-

At work. Don’t know when I’ll be back.

-Kurt

Blaine rolled his eyes and crumpled the note in his hands before he threw it in the trash under the sink.  Kurt had never written their full names out in their entire relationship on notes; it had always been initials or nicknames.  He ran a hand through his thick curls that were still untamed and poured a massive amount of maple syrup onto his plate with the other.  He grabbed his waffles and coffee mug and sat down at the small breakfast table, and he smiled as he felt the warmth of the sun through the kitchen window.  He loved being able to sit here, have his worries melt away, and leisurely eat as he stared out into the street, watching the residents make their way to their destinations.  It reminded him of Ohio but without all the hate and judgment.

He waved at the young boy outside of the window riding past the window on his bicycle, and he watched as three of his friends trailed behind him on their own bikes.  He smiled and saw them stop in front of the boy’s house, two doors down and across the street, and race inside, most likely for an early lunch.  Blaine sighed deeply, and hoped that one day those would be different kids, running up the stairs of their house, into the kitchen where Kurt would be serving pancakes and he would just be trying to stay out of everyone’s way, thankful for the life they built.  He so wished they would get to that point.

Blaine slowly stood up from the table and glanced one more time out the front window as he walked over to the kitchen counter and placed his mug in the stainless steel sink. He turned around and leaned back against the counter and crossed his feet as he dropped his head back and stared at the ceiling. It was always quiet now- no music floating through the house, no television in the air; he didn’t know what to do about it. He immediately reached across the counter and pressed the power button on the radio and was grateful to hear the music flood the air. He looked around the kitchen and saw a gold star that caught his eye. He wandered over to the corner of the room where their calendar was hanging up next to the doorway and noticed something written in red pen on today’s date.

Lunch w/Rachel, 1pm

Blaine rested his head on the wall in front of him rolling from side to side and let out a loud groan.  “Dammit Kurt.”  He pushed back and slapped the side of the doorway in frustration as he padded back to the bedroom and muttered to himself the whole way.  “This is ridiculous.  Why am I even going? He’s the one that made the damn thing.”  He sighed and threw the closet doors open and he tried to decide what he was going to wear.

*~*~*

Blaine walked through the wide open doors into the café and searched around the room before he found the short brunette and plastered a grin on his face. She smiled and waved him over, and he rushed to the table in the corner by the front windows. He noticed the café was fairly empty. 

“Hi Rachel.”  He wrapped her in a hug and felt her squeeze back before she pulled away and sat down at the table. 

“Blaine Anderson, I am so glad you’re here. I have so much to catch you up on. Where’s Kurt?”

The smile dropped off of Blaine’s face and he chewed his bottom lip as he stared out at the street outside the cafe. “He’s at work. Sorry, Rach.”

“Again?”

He nodded and stared at his lap. “Always.”

Rachel sighed and placed her hand on his arm. “It seems that you have a lot to tell me as well. You better be ready to talk.”  The waiter came over and quickly took their usual orders before leaving them alone to talk. “So, would you like me to start and give you some time?” 

Blaine nodded and Rachel began to speak about the musical she was in rehearsals for. He was thankful for her constant chattiness at that moment for once in his life; it helped him relax and gather his thoughts. Rachel was Kurt’s best friend and as much of a friend as she was to him, he had to be very careful about what he said to her. There were times when he didn’t know what would come back around to bite him in the ass. He smiled at her and nodded at her stories and was thankful to have a friend like her.

“I mean of course I can hit the ranges that most of those women can’t, but I guess I’ll have to prove myself yet again. My co-stars are quite delightful though. It’s one of the first shows that I actually enjoy being around them.”

“That’s great Rachel, really. I’m so happy that you finally found a good cast to work with.” Blaine glanced up and thanked the waiter as he placed the food on the table in front of them. Blaine immediately took a bite of his salad before Rachel began speaking again. 

“I also met a guy.”

Blaine perked up at that statement and grinned across the table. “Really? Ooh do tell.”

Rachel smiled and picked at the salad on her plate for a minute. “His name is Matt, he’s actually a producer for an off-Broadway production. One of my co-stars introduced us and I really like him. He’s ambitious, he loves Broadway, he loves going out around Manhattan, and he’s worked his tail off to get where he is. He took me out to dinner the other night and afterwards we spent three hours walking around Central park talking.”

Blaine placed his elbow on the table and propped his head up in his hand. “He sounds great. How many dates have you been on?”

“Three,” she replied as she took a sip of her water. “All I want is to spend all my free time with him. I haven’t felt this way in a while.”

He reached across the table and placed his hand on top of hers and squeezed it gently. “I’m so happy for you Rachel. Do I get to meet him at some point?”

She shrugged smiling before taking a bite of her meal. “We’ll see. I kind of want to keep him to myself for right now.” She swallowed and rested her hand on top of his. “So Mister Anderson. Are you ready to talk?”

Blaine shrugged and the joy drained from his face. “Not really but does it matter?”

Rachel sat back in her chair and crossed her arms. “Blaine you don’t have to tell me anything, you just looked like you could use a friend to talk to about something. If you aren’t comfortable don’t worry about it.”

“No I need to talk, I really do. I’ve been keeping things bottled up and I obviously can’t talk to Kurt about anything anymore.”

“Uh-oh. I don’t like the sound of that.”

He rubbed his hands over his face and let them drop to the table before he rested his head in the palm of his hand with his elbow propped on the table. “Kurt isn’t here because he’s working. He’s been working twenty-four seven, seven days a week, for over a month now, almost two.”

Rachel tilted her head in confusion.  “I thought they finished the collection and hired him an assistant?”

He shrugged and took a sip of water. “I did too. Turns out they decided not to. I still don’t know why he’s working so hard though. Whenever I ask a question about anything, whether it’s work or groceries or his family, all I get is a snippy response. “Leave it alone, Blaine. I don’t have time, Blaine.” I mean, I don’t, it’s bad Rachel. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Rachel frowned and dropped her fork then reached for his other hand that rested on the table. “I’m so sorry Blaine. I wish there was something that I could do for you. Actually, now that you mention it, I haven’t talked to him in a week; that’s rare.  I’ve only talked to him a handful of times over the past two months. I wonder what’s going on. Are you sure he hasn’t said anything that might hint at what’s wrong?”

Blaine shook his head and took a sip of his iced tea. “No, all he says when I ask him, and he doesn’t snap at me, is that he’s in charge of projects and he has to be there. He never says he wishes he was home, or that he wished he didn’t have to go in that day, just that he has to go to work.” Blaine rubbed the palms of his hands over his eyes and shrugged. “I don’t know how much longer I can deal with being alone and living with a stranger. I try and talk to him, I try to ask what’s happening at work, I try so hard to talk to him even about stupid small stuff like we used to; he just doesn’t care. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Rachel squeezed his hand and rubbed her thumb over the back of it. “I am so sorry Blaine. It’s not fair that he’s doing that, to either of you. I wish I could do something. You’ll let me know if I can right? I know it’s your relationship, but if I can help in any way…”

Blaine smiled weakly and nodded at her. “Thanks. It’s just something I have to decide, whether it’s worth it or not. The Kurt I used to know was worth every single second I spent. This Kurt? I’m not so sure.”

“I’m going to call him tonight or tomorrow, if he’ll even answer, I just can’t get ahold of him anymore. I’m curious as to why he’s acting that way. Hmmmm. It’s not like him is it? I’ll see if I can talk to him, maybe I can get something out of him, since I’m away from the situation. Maybe you two need a break. Just to recharge the batteries and remember why you are so great together. Just an idea?”

He nodded and filed that in the back of his head. It might not be such a bad idea. He loved Kurt, he would do anything for him, but if it would help them to step back from each other and put everything in perspective for them both then he would gladly do it.  “Maybe. I don’t know what to do yet.”

She nodded and took a gulp of her water before placing her hands back on the table. “I’m always here to talk. Now, tell me what’s happening with that theater of yours!”

Blaine shut the front door and dropped his keys in the bowl before shrugging his jacket off and hanging it up in the small hall closet. As he shut the door he heard something drop on the floor down the hall and a loud, long string of curse words filter through the air. “Kurt?”

“What?”

The faint but snappy sound of his boyfriend rang through the apartment and he tried to remember to breathe before responding. “Are you okay? What happened?”

Kurt came barreling out from the spare bedroom where his home office was carrying a bag full of art markers. “This fucking bag fell off the shelf and fucking tipped over onto the floor and these went everywhere. God I don’t have time for this right now.”

“How long have you been here?”

Kurt huffed as he threw pads of paper and file folders into his messenger bag. “Like five minutes, I have to get back to the office.”

Blaine pursed his lips together and shut his eyes, taking a deep breath, before running a hand over his gelled hair. “Kurt it’s Sunday afternoon.”

“Yeah well my office didn’t get the memo.”

He watched as the taller man flew about the apartment in a flurry gathering supplies and papers to shove in his bag. “Coffee, Kurt.”

“I know I have that sketch somewhere here. What about coffee Blaine?”

“You missed coffee with Rachel today. At noon. Our tradition, remember?”

“I don’t have time for stupid traditions right now. Besides she’ll get over it, it’s not like she hasn’t cancelled before.”

“Alright that’s it,” Blaine sighed before leaning against the dining room table, arms crossed over his chest. “I’ve had it Kurt. I’m at the end. You don’t care that you missed our weekly date with Rachel, you don’t even feel bad about it in the slightest, because apparently you are too busy for the people who care most about you in your life.”

“Blaine, I don’t have time for this.”

“Well then make time dammit!” Blaine saw Kurt’s body go still and he was thankful he finally had the man’s attention, though he knew that all the feelings he had been harboring for the past few months were about to surface.  “God, Kurt, you don’t even seem to care anymore, about anything! I’m sick of coming home to an empty house, all the time, I’m sick of you canceling on everyone and me having to come up with some bullshit excuse for you.”

“I never asked you-”

“Exactly! You never asked anything, you never wonder how my day went, you never ask about anything except your designs and work. Your own father keeps calling me because he can’t get ahold of you! I don’t even know you anymore Kurt.”

“Oh don’t pull that with me Blaine. You know I’m working my ass off right now at my job, doing three different positions at once. I told you I would be busy. This is not my fault. Maybe if you actually tried to understand and tried to be accommodating with me here.”

“I AM trying Kurt! I am trying so, so fucking hard and no matter what I do you don’t seem to give a shit! What do I have to do to get you to understand what’s happening to us here?”

Blaine’s chest heaved with lack of air from his anger and he tried to slow his breathing as he waited for Kurt to answer. He watched as Kurt squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his palms against his eyes. The horns from the taxis and city noises outside floated up through the windows and permeated the tension-filled silence. Blaine dropped his head back to stare at the ceiling unsure of what was going through Kurt’s mind.

Kurt exhaled loudly before he rolled his eyes and shut his messenger bag as he turned to Blaine and swung his bag up onto his shoulder. “You know what? I don’t have time to do this now. I have to get back to the office; I have people waiting for me. Maybe you should try to understand how hard I’m working and be a little sympathetic toward that.”

“Kurt come back here-”

“Leave me alone Blaine!” 

Blaine heard the front door slam shut, shaking the photos that were hanging on the wall, and he let out a long sigh before he walked to the large reading chair in the corner and flopped down into it. He tried to breathe in, and then breathe out, and steady himself as tears slowly trailed down his cheeks. How had they come to this? They had never fought like this before- not in high school when that boy tried to come between them, and not in college when that guy had pursued Blaine to point of insanity. He held his head in his hands, wiping the tears off his face with the sleeve of his shirt, and then tilted his head back toward the ceiling. Rachel’s words from earlier began ringing in his head.

Maybe you should take a break.

Maybe they should.  Kurt had always been a grand gesture kind of guy when it came to their relationship behind closed doors. Well, this was definitely a grand gesture.

He stood up and walked toward their bedroom, stopping at the hall closet to grab a large suitcase before continuing to their room.  He pulled his cell phone charger out of the wall and grabbed his grandfather’s pocket watch out of the nightstand before he hauled the suitcase onto the bed and walked to the closet. 

Blaine began with the drawers, grabbing his three favorite pairs of jeans, then reached for his favorite sweatshirt, Kurt’s old, worn-in school hoodie, then threw them onto the bed by the case. He grabbed the essentials from the drawers and a few polos before he began with the rack on his side.  He reached for his black suit, perfectly tailored by Kurt, and carefully walked it out to the suitcase and placed it inside.  He grabbed a few of his cardigans, a jacket, a few bowties, though not nearly as many as he would have a few years ago, and three pairs of shoes and gently folded them up into the suitcase before folding his suit lightly on top. He zipped it up and placed it onto the ground then went to the bathroom and grabbed his toiletries bag out of the drawer, packing his essentials and some of his comfort items. 

He paused as he glanced at the picture that was resting in the frame on top of Kurt’s vanity. It had been taken the night after Kurt had graduated from the advanced program in fashion design, at a bar where they had celebrated until three in the morning with their closest friends. His arms were wrapped around Kurt and they were both grinning widely, so grateful to have made it through college so that they could start the rest of their lives together. Blaine lightly traced over Kurt’s face and sighed before he turned around and shut the light off, walking toward the suitcase resting on the floor. He hoisted it up and rolled it out to the living room, shutting the lights off as he went, and placed it against the entry wall before he walked back to the desk in the living area and reached for a piece of his stationary and an envelope. 

Blaine wrote his boyfriend’s name on the outside of it and pushed it to the side as he grabbed the sheet of paper and a pen and began to write. 

Kurt-

I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep living as strangers passing each other by in the same house day after day, and more importantly, I shouldn’t have to. I can’t keep reaching out for someone who doesn’t care about reaching back. Day after day I’ve tried to talk to you, to ask you about your day, to try and help you with anything I can, and I never get anything in reply except for a snappy response. I don’t know what to do anymore.

I’ve packed enough for myself for a few weeks. Hopefully by then we’ll know where we stand with each other and we can make a decision about the future. 

I’m sorry, but I can’t keep living like this.

Love,

Blaine