This was it. He’d done it. He’d given Blaine everything and gotten everything back. He’d kissed him, and told him he loved him, and made love to him, and now here they were, breathing in sync, clinging to each other, and he kept asking himself what would happen next. Did Blaine go back to sleeping in his own room? Did he have to hire a different nanny and make Blaine work somewhere else because they were dating? Were they dating? Was this inappropriate?

He laughed silently to himself. It was probably too late to think about appropriate employer behaviour now. He stroked a circle onto Blaine’s back and breathed slowly to try to calm himself down. He didn’t know if it was working or not; his heart was thumping but that could have been adrenaline and excitement just as easily as fear. Not a lot of people could panic in this situation: he had a beautiful, loving man holding him, a daughter he adored across the hall, and a job he’d only ever dreamed of. He should have been shrieking with excitement, and part of him was, but things had almost been perfect before. And everything had fallen apart. And this… he didn’t want to admit it, didn’t want to disrespect Rachel’s memory, but this felt so much better. Blaine made Kurt happier than life with Rachel ever would have.

He opened his eyes to glance at Blaine, making sure he was still asleep, before squeezing them shut again as his stomach became heavy with guilt.

Jesus, Rach. Still annoying me without even being here.

He heard a crackle on the baby monitor as Eliza woke up. Blaine flinched, ready to snap into action, but Kurt shushed him.

“I’ve got it. Go back to sleep.”

Blaine nodded and smiled, drifting off again immediately. Kurt laid his head gently onto the pillows and kissed his temple before slipping out from under the covers, pulling on a t-shirt and a pair of pyjama pants and padding over to the baby’s room despite the residual tremors in his thighs. She was sitting up in her crib, and Kurt tried to figure out when that had become just another thing she could do. He grinned and made aeroplane noises as he swooped down to pick her up. He gave himself a couple of minutes standing and holding her, swaying gently from one foot to the other. She nuzzled against his collarbone.

“Sorry we kind of ditched you there. Trust me, baby, it was for the best. But I’m here now. I’m not going anywhere. I just…” he gazed out of the window at the city, streaked with shadows as the sun set. “What if something- if he-” he looked at Eliza again, her fist in her mouth and not a care in the world, and sighed. “I’m scared. I’m scared, sweetheart; I don’t want to mess this up.”

He closed his eyes and kissed the baby’s forehead as she clutched at handfuls of his shirt. He focused on her heart beating steadily against his chest. It grounded him; it was always therapeutic talking to her, but there was only so much she could do. He needed someone who could respond.

He wandered downstairs, still holding onto the baby and whispering typical father-y nonsense: ‘come on, baby girl, let’s see what we can find down here, you’re being so good and quiet, aren’t you, we don’t want to wake Blaine up, I think he’s pretty tired…’ as he searched for his phone. As soon as he found it, he called Santana.

“You banged him yet?”

Kurt took a breath and said nothing. Busted.

“You dog! How was it? Ugh, it was hot, right? If your heart eyes the other night are anything to go by, it must’ve been-”

“Santana! I- I need to talk to you. Well, I just need to talk to someone, and I know you don’t have a life, so-”

“Excuse me. Do you want my help or not?”

“Sorry. Eliza and I will be with you in twenty.”

~

Santana started making grabby hands as soon as she opened the door.

“I thought you hated kids-”

“Blah, blah, gimme. I haven’t seen her in forever.”

She lifted Eliza out of Kurt’s arms eagerly, kissing her cheek with a loud ‘Mwah!’ and bouncing her on her hip. She did hate kids. But Eliza was different.

“Careful; she’s not used to boobs-”

“Funny. Okay, tell me everything.”

It took a few cups of coffee and some almost-hyperventilation on Santana’s part, but he explained the whirlwind that had been the last two days: the interview, the kissing, the hand-holding, the L words, the sex – although he didn’t go into as much detail there as she would have liked. He wasn’t sure if she was even listening; she seemed preoccupied with the little girl on her lap. Finally, she offered her special kind of response to his ramblings.

“You’re dumb.”

“Right. Good to know I can always rely on you-”

“Just like I can always rely on you to be dumb. Why the hell are you acting so weird about this?”

“It all happened so fast, Tana. I told him I loved him!”

“Well, do you? Love him?”

Kurt couldn’t answer. She raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t give me that look. The situation, it’s- it’s… delicate.”

Santana sighed dramatically and decided to talk to Eliza, as Kurt was being such an idiot.

“Oh, honey, isn’t Daddy stupid?”

“Santana-”

“Kurt-”

“You don’t understand-”

“Yes I do. You’re head over heels in love with this guy, this adorable guy with a great ass who loves you back and even loves your kid, and you feel bad.”

Kurt frowned into his coffee cup.

“That’s ridiculous. Why would I feel bad?”

“Because of her.”

Again, it was impossible to argue. She’d nailed it.

“You’re crazy.”

“And you’re dumb. You know she’d scream at you, right? She’d slap you in your stupid face and tell you to marry him.”

“It’s not that simple-”

“Yes it is! Okay, tell me one thing: if this was the other way around, do you really think she’d hesitate for a second? If she was a single parent and had the chance to be with someone like that, do you think she’d feel the slightest bit guilty? Don’t get me wrong, it’s cute that you are. You’re a better person than she was.”

“Santana!”

“Hey, I’m not suddenly going to be nice about her just because she’s dead. And you can’t put everything you have on hold just because of how you’ve got it.”

Santana hugged Eliza a little closer and kissed her head. Of course she felt a pang of guilt. She was angry that this little girl didn’t have her mother, but she was also angry with Rachel for dying, for leaving Kurt alone and then making him feel bad when he finally moved on.

“It’s not fair.”

“What?”

“How do I get to have all of this? I get the baby and the job and the guy and she’s got nothing. She’s gone. She- she never even got to hold her. She didn’t get to take her to feed the ducks or sing her to sleep or rock her when she cried or- it’s not fair.”

Santana took his hand and squeezed it gently.

“You know what’s not fair? She lost her mom. It’s terrible. But it would be worse if the one parent she had left was miserable. She deserves a happy dad. Let’s face it; she deserves two. If something good can come out of this crap heap of a situation, you’d be an idiot to throw it away.”

Kurt took a deep breath. He knew she was right. He knew if he turned his back on Blaine now he’d regret it for the rest of his life. He knew he’d be physically incapable of turning his back on Blaine now, even if he wanted to. He didn’t want to. He squeezed her fingers between his.

“Thank you.”

She shrugged.

“Anyway, as much as I love seeing you, shouldn’t you be somewhere else? Where’s Blaine?”

He frowned.

“Bed.”

“You left that man in your bed to come and get boy advice from a lesbian? Get out. Go.”

She held the baby out in front of him and he couldn’t help smiling when she blinked contemplatively at him. He took her from Santana, kissing her nose and stroking her hair as he held her to his chest. He looked at Santana and had to bite his lip to stop himself beaming. He was going home to Blaine – he wasn’t sure if he was his nanny or best friend or boyfriend, but he was pretty sure he was his something.

He squeezed all the air from Santana’s lungs as he hugged her goodbye.

“Easy, tiger. Save it for him.”

~

Blaine stretched out on the bed, cat-like, until he realised he was alone. His heart started racing until he remembered Kurt getting up to see to Eliza. It kept racing, however when he smelled Kurt on the pillow and the sheets and suddenly all he could see, feel, hear was Kurt; Kurt’s eyes and hips and heavy breathing and groans and his face, so serious but so blissful, and that calm smile as they held each other, as if everything had just fallen into place.

He reached out to run his fingers over the space where Kurt had been, tracing indentations that had faded already. It didn’t matter; they were still etched onto his memory: every curve and dip and swell. Each movement was so vivid he was sure it was still happening. He could still feel Kurt’s eyelashes fluttering against his cheek. He listened out for the familiar sounds of him outside with the baby. All he could hear was silence.

He slid out of the bed, pausing to smirk at the rumpled heap that had previously been Kurt’s sheets, and wandered through the house – Eliza’s room, Kurt’s office, his room (if it was even his room anymore) and downstairs – the whole house was empty. He took slow, deep breaths. Of course Kurt was going to come back. It was his house. He hadn’t left a note, but maybe he’d just gone out for milk. They had milk. But milk is important. It’s full of calcium and is therefore vital for healthy bone growth. Kurt was simply a concerned, responsible father.

Blaine ran back upstairs to get his phone. He paced up and down between the kitchen and living room as he stabbed shakily at the buttons.

“Oh-my-God-Cooper-I-messed-it-up-and-he’s-gone-and-oh-my-God-”

“Blaine, slow down – who’s gone? What happened?”

“Kurt. Kurt’s gone.”

“What? He’s gone out?”

“Yes.”

There was a pause. Blaine could hear Cooper covering his mouth.

“You’re calling me because he left the house? Does he usually… stay in?”

If they’d been talking in person, Blaine would have punched him. But Cooper would have got him in a headlock and the conversation would have been severely delayed, so this was probably better by phone.

“This isn’t funny!”

“If you don’t think this is funny then you’re not listening properly.”

“No, Coop, you don’t- he- we- things are kind of… different.”

Cooper paused again, but this time it was because he was punching the air silently.

“Oh, really?” he tried and failed to be nonchalant, “Did something happen between you two? Did you have a fight?”

“Stop that.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Stop acting like you don’t know.”

“Know what-”

“Oh Christ, Coop, you’re the worst liar. I remember you smirking when you met him. You couldn’t run away fast enough and you kept grinning. You know.”

“B, you’re going to have to be more specific-”

“Fine. I like him. And it turns out he liked me back.”

“Yes! I knew it- I mean, uh, what? Really?”

Blaine rubbed a hand over his eyes in exasperation.

“Cooper!”

“Okay, fine. So, liked, huh? Why past tense?”

“Because he’s gone.”

“Wait, go back. What actually happened before he, you know, went out?”

“Um. Everything.”

“You kissed him?”

“He kissed me. And I kissed him back. And we, uh, slept together.”

“Shit. Good work.”

“Shit? Why shit? Was it too fast?”

“Hasn’t it been, like, three months?”

“No, but we only just-”

“Shut up, Blaine. You’ve been crazy about him since, what, a week after you moved in? You’re fine.”

“But I told him I love him-”

“But you do love him.”

“Yeah.”

“And he said it back?”

“Yes.” He couldn’t hold back a grin.

“Now do you have any actual reason to call me other than the fact that your boyfriend has left the house?”

“No. Um. Well, how’ve you been?”

“Do you care?”

“Not really.”

“Are you suppressing a giggle because I called him your boyfriend?”

“Maybe.”

“I’m hanging up on you now. Moron.”

“Okay.”

“I’m happy for you, Blaine.”

“I’m happy for me too.”

The line went dead. Blaine smiled at the phone in his hand.

He heard a noise at the front door; the familiar scratching of the key in the wonky lock. He froze and stared as the door swung open to reveal a dishevelled Kurt and Eliza, both with pink cheeks and windswept hair and goofy smiles. Kurt wandered into the living room and stopped as soon as he saw Blaine. They stood perfectly still, staring at each other. Eliza looked from Kurt to Blaine and back again. Kurt could feel her judging him, and it was justified. It was probably a little late to play coy, but his mouth had forgotten how to work. It hung open as he stood two metres away from the man whose eyes had been rolling back in his head because of him just hours earlier. He would have laughed if he hadn’t felt so faint.

“H- hi.”

“Hey.”

They both swallowed, trying to clear a path for words to come out.

“Sorry for disappearing; I just, uh… I… I don’t know-”

“Freaked out?”

“Maybe. A tiny bit. I just needed to think. I went to Santana’s house, talked some stuff through.”

“Us stuff?”

Kurt nodded.

They went quiet again, breathing slowly and unsteadily.

“Did you… come to any conclusions?”

Kurt nodded again.

“One. Blaine Anderson; would you like to move in with me?”

Blaine narrowed his eyes, but resisted the urge to blurt out ‘but I already live here’ and let Kurt finish.

“I know, okay, I know you already live here, but… Would you like to stop being my roommate and start being my boyfriend?”

Blaine grinned.

Kurt grinned back.

“Is that a yes?”

Blaine nodded. Kurt’s smile got even wider.

“Can I kiss you now?”

That time, Blaine didn’t nod. Instead he took three steps forward and leaned up to kiss Kurt. It wasn’t hard and desperate like it had been earlier. It was unbelievably soft and sweet, and he wrapped his arms around Kurt’s waist while Kurt draped his over Blaine’s shoulder, tangling his fingers lazily in his hair.

Eliza wondered if getting squished between these two was going to become a regular occurrence.