“Are you sure this is okay? This doesn’t feel right, leaving you.”

Blaine ran his palms up and down Kurt’s arms and stepped closer, neatly slotting their hips together. He gave him a quick kiss and an easy smile.

“Relax, honey. This is practically my job, remember? I don’t want you to feel any worse than absolutely necessary. If this helps, I’m all for it.”

He had to try and make it easy for Kurt. He focused so hard on Kurt’s wellbeing that it made it impossible to think about himself, and that was the way he liked it. He could never be so selfish as to ask Kurt to stay, just for his benefit.

“Okay,” Kurt squeezed the words past the balloon that was slowly inflating in his throat, “here we go, sweetie. Over to Blaine.”

He shifted the baby from his arms to his husband’s, his hands shaking, his voice a meagre attempt at calm. His hand drifted over her for a second and her fist closed around his little finger as it brushed past her. Kurt had to purse his lips and sniff before he bent down to kiss her forehead and pull his hand away.

“You sure you’re going to be okay?” Blaine asked. It was pretty much all they’d asked each other since last night.

No, Kurt wanted to say, not one single part of me is going to be okay for a long time, and I hate leaving you but I can’t watch her go, and at least this feels like it’s my choice to say goodbye even though I wish I didn’t have to say it at all.

I’m scared for me, for you, but most of all for her.

I just want to know that we’re all going to survive this.

“I’m sure.”

Blaine nodded.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” He tugged his coat around himself protectively. “I’ll see you in an hour-ish? I’ll bring home something for lunch.”

Blaine reached up to cup Kurt’s cheek with his hand, and Kurt closed his eyes and leaned into the touch.

“I’ll call you when- when it’s okay to come back.”

When she’s gone.

Kurt nodded, took one last look at the baby and heaved a sob before he turned and left. He knew the healthy thing would be to say goodbye properly, but the word never made it past his lips. It already hurt enough.

By the time the doorbell rang, Blaine wished he had been selfish.

He opened the door to a beaming Rachel and a surprisingly skinny girl hiding a little behind her arm, long brown hair hanging over her shoulders. She was pale and obviously scared, but Blaine had a knack for telling if a kid was dangerous. She wasn’t.

“Blaine, this is Marley. Marley, Blaine’s the man who found the baby.”

She gazed up at him for a second, wide-eyed, before stepping up and wrapping her arms tightly around his waist. It took him by surprise, but his instincts took over and he hugged her back, stroking her hair and shushing her as she started babbling.

“Thank you so much. I can’t believe what you must- I’m so sorry. I promise I’ll take such good care of her- is she okay? Can I- can I see her?”

Blaine took a deep breath and pulled away, making sure he smiled at her and made eye contact. He knew she would need to feel trusted.

“Of course you can. She’s your baby.”

She let out a half laugh, half sigh, wobbly and nervous.

“Oh. Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. God.”

He put a hand on her back and walked her into the living room, where the baby was dozing in her carrier. The sound Marley made when she saw her wasn’t that different to the one Kurt had made when he’d had to leave. It was quiet but pure, pained somehow. The poor girl was terrified. She took a few steps towards her and reached out to stroke her cheek with a finger. She whispered a little ‘hi, baby’, as if she were scared of being heard, as if she had no right to be there, and she was just about to reach in and pick her up when she looked back at Blaine, eyebrows raised nervously. He realised she was waiting for his permission and gave her an encouraging nod.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart,” Rachel added, just making Marley flinch, “you won’t hurt her.”

Marley sucked in a breath. She was just scared of making her cry; the idea of hurting her hadn’t even entered her mind. Shaking just a little more, she steeled herself as much as she could and eased her hands in around the tiny form nestled in blankets. She stirred a little and Blaine could see Marley wanting to back down and run away. He looked at Rachel who obviously wasn’t going to step in, and walked over to where Marley was standing, placing a gentle hand on her wrist.

“Here,” he said, as if he were talking to one of his younger patients, “you’re doing fine. Just support her head with this hand, then get your arms under there- perfect. See?” She pushed out a long breath which she must have been holding for thirty seconds. The baby didn’t make a sound, settling into the hold. “Just keep your arms nice and relaxed. They can tell when you’re nervous.” Marley nodded, her shoulders sagging as she forced herself to calm down.

“Mm-hmm. Blaine, is this okay?”

Blaine couldn’t help but flash back to when Kurt had first held her and he’d asked the same question.

“She seems pretty comfy to me,” he said with a smile, “look. She’s trying to get closer to you.” For the first time since she arrived, Marley smiled when she looked down and saw her baby snuggling against her chest, showing no signs of resistance. “I think she likes you.”

Marley sniffed, and Blaine noticed tears in her eyes.

“Really?”

Blaine nodded.

“Wow. Hi, little girl. Do you remember me? I’m- I’m your mom.”

Rachel put a hand on Blaine’s arm and whispered in his ear.

“The only reason we couldn’t find her before – we weren’t looking far back enough. She’s six weeks old.” Blaine’s stomach lurched. She was far too small for six weeks; then again, Marley was far too thin for a girl who’d given birth less than two months ago. “She won’t tell me anything about the father. She says if his mother finds out, it’ll be hell for all of them. I’ll keep pushing, but I can’t force her to get him involved. So sad.”

“But you’ll still help her?”

“Oh, of course. We’ll make sure the baby’s safe and healthy now that we’ve got her on our books.

Blaine wanted to ask if they’d been checking on Marley’s welfare too, but he held his tongue despite the clench in his chest. He just kept smiling and turned to Marley again.

“Good. Well, we put a bag together for her – there’s enough diapers for a few days, some clean clothes, the formula we had left over-”

“We?”

Rachel gave Blaine’s shoulder a light squeeze.

“Blaine and his husband have been taking wonderful care of her the last couple of days. Other than the pneumonia, she’s been doing really well, and we’ll make sure you get all the antibiotics she needs.”

Marley was staring at the baby’s eyes as she started to wake up. She didn’t cry, just blinked up at the girl holding her. Blaine heard Marley whisper “I’m sorry” while Rachel talked.

“So, if that’s everything, I guess I’ll take you two home?”

“I- are you sure? Now?”

Blaine kept trying to smile. As long as he could maybe help Marley be a little less scared, he would be okay. He could still keep himself on hold. He put a hand on her back, stroking a thumb over her shoulder blade.

“You’re going to be fine. There’s plenty of support for you if you need it, right Rachel?”

Rachel nodded eagerly.

“Absolutely. Come on, sweetie, let’s go.”

Marley glanced from the baby to Blaine and back, looking terrified with a desperate attempt at determination.

“Thank you for everything, Blaine.”

He knew she meant more than looking after the baby. She felt like he’d been looking after her too, even if just for ten minutes.

“Don’t worry about it. Look after her - and take care of yourself too, won’t you?”

She stopped for a moment.

“Well. She’s the priority now.”

Rachel ushered her out, telling her everything was going to be fine, nodding at Blaine in thanks. He kept nodding and smiling, having to bite his tongue when he looked at the baby. He wasn’t sure which girl he was more worried about. He just knew it was better for him and Kurt to stay out of it and move on. They’d been hurt enough. He just needed this moment to be over.

“Bye, baby girl,” he whispered, clenching the doorknob to stop himself from dragging Marley back inside. He could have sworn the baby waved goodbye, even though he knew she was nowhere near old enough and it was just her hand opening and closing. He waved back anyway. He kept the door open and watched as they strapped the baby in her seat, climbed into the car, and drove away. He kept watching when they were gone, just in case they could have forgotten something. After seventeen minutes, he closed the door quietly and rested his head against it, taking slow, deep breaths. He pulled his phone out of his pocket.

“Kurt.” He still managed to keep his voice even as he spoke into Kurt’s answerphone. “Come back. Please.” He paused. “I need you to come back.”

-

“Blaine?” Kurt bustled into the house, overloaded paper bag in his arms. “How was it? What was she like? Was the baby okay?”

He frowned when he didn’t get an answer, but carried on into the kitchen, putting the chilled food in the fridge and leaving the rest on the counter for now. “Blaine?” He listened for a response, but none came. He walked through to the living room. “I thought I’d just do a stir fry for dinner-”

He stopped in his tracks when he saw Blaine on the couch, fast asleep, tears striped across his cheeks. His legs were tucked under him, and his head was balanced awkwardly on the too-hard arm of the sofa. Kurt knelt next to him, stroked his hair out of his eyes, and that was when he spotted a little yellow bear grasped in his hand. He closed his own hand around Blaine’s, giving a squeeze, took a pillow from the armchair next to him and lifted Blaine’s head to slide it under, and he nuzzled into it with a hum. Tugging the blanket from the back of the couch and draping it over both of them, he climbed carefully over him and settled in behind him, burying his nose in the hair at the nape of his neck.

“Kurt?” Blaine mumbled, voice still thick with sleep and sore from crying. “You okay?”

Kurt shushed him and curled his arms around his waist, pressing kisses into his neck.

“I’m here now. I’ve got you.”

Blaine couldn’t say anything else. He felt his throat swelling again, and all he had the energy to do was lean back into his husband and cling to the arms holding him.

-

Two weeks passed. Kurt started going into the office again. He couldn’t think straight at home. He couldn’t think straight anywhere, but at least there weren’t as many distractions there. Nothing to associate with the baby, nothing to make him want to break down crying. Blaine took every shift he could get, almost always staying late despite everyone’s objections. Soon enough, they all stopped commenting. They figured he just needed to keep taking care of people. Maybe there were two girls he couldn’t look after, but that wouldn’t stop him from attending to every other child in the city. At any time of day, both of them were either at work or asleep.

The few times they were both at home and awake, they talked about anything but the baby. Work. Weather. Friends. Anything they could think of.

The only thing that didn’t change was the touching, the constant contact whenever they were together, the need to feel skin on skin, gentle strokes and squeezes, and they still slept tightly wound around each other.

-

A tut snapped Kurt out of his stupor.

“Look at her. Living off my taxes, I’ll bet.”

He tried to zone them out, recognizing the tone all too well. He could remember the same voices muttering ‘it’s unnatural, two men. I wish they wouldn’t rub it in my face.’ He realised he’d been staring at ketchup bottles for five minutes, and tried to look in his basket to remember what the hell he was supposed to buy. He’d been told not to come into work today, to take some time for himself, even though it was last thing he wanted. He thought maybe making a decent meal for him and Blaine would make him feel better, even if only because it meant he could make sure Blaine ate, but he was too exhausted to do anything but wander around the store absent-mindedly.

Exaggerated sighs were still heaving out of the couple behind him, and he turned to see what they were so annoyed about. His eyes were met by a pram, with odd supplies stacked inside, and a grizzling little girl with soft, brown skin in the baby carrier, nestled amongst the groceries. Kurt couldn’t breathe.

He knew that baby.

Looking around, he couldn’t see anyone taking care of her. She kept squirming uncomfortably, and despite having no intention of moving, he found himself walking towards her. He let her wrap her fingers around his thumb and smiled when she squeezed, a lump forming in his throat.

“Okay, baby,” a girl mumbled, flustered, as she came around the corner with a pack of diapers in her hand, “I found them.” She stopped in her tracks when she saw Kurt. “Who are you? What are you doing?”

His mouth fell open for a moment, but he couldn’t pull his hand away from her.

“I’m sorry, I- she was crying, so I just- sorry.”

She sighed in a sob of relief.

“Oh god, no, I am. I get paranoid, you know?” He nodded. “How did you get her to be so quiet? She’s been stressed out all day.”

“Well, whatever you’re doing, don’t stop. It’s nice to have a break.”

He shook his head. She had no idea how much he’d love to keep holding this tiny hand forever.

“No, I don’t want to intrude. Just- she’s lovely, though. What’s-” he told himself not to ask, but couldn’t hold back, “what’s her name?”

Amazed to be treated like a real parent rather than a delinquent, she beamed.

“Daisy.” Kurt flinched. “It was my aunt’s name, but she passed away a couple of years ago. I thought it- would mean a lot to my mom… Not that it really matters any more…” She paused, trying to figure out the shock on his face. “Sir? Are you okay?”

A shaky breath later, he nodded.

“Uh-huh. It’s- it’s lovely, that’s all. Beautiful name for a beautiful girl.” Marley smiled proudly at her daughter. “Do you- uh- need help with anything?” His gut told him to walk away, but he didn’t know how.

“Gosh, no, you’ve already been so kind. I wouldn’t want to take up any of your time.”

He nodded, his mind flooding with a thousand excuses to stay with Daisy’s hand clamped onto his thumb, but he eased her off.

“Don’t worry about it. I guess, uh- just- have a good day, I suppose.”

Her forehead creased with a hint of a frown, confused as to why he seemed so bowled over by her name, but she just smiled and went on her way, cooing over the baby as she walked down the aisle. Kurt gazed at her, pushing the cart away with no idea that she’d just slammed into him with something as simple as a name.

She seemed okay, though. She was overwhelmed, of course, but she was a single mother. It came with the territory.

It was all Kurt could do to stay standing.

Hope and dread filled him at the thought of running into her again. He was already feeling the emptiness of saying goodbye to her one more time, and he didn’t know what another farewell would do to him, but he never wanted to rule out the possibility of seeing her again. Daisy. A choir sang in his head, screaming that it was the name he’d called her, the one he and Blaine had picked out for their daughter, and now she was- she was with someone else. Her mother. And apparently she was fine without him.

With a bump to his hip from a man walking past, he shook himself back into focus. He went back to his shopping, picking items up on autopilot as he tried not to think about the baby but thought of nothing else.

At the register, all he wanted to do was pay and leave before he could bump into her. He just wanted to run home to hug Blaine, to feel those hands on his back, grounding him, making him feel normal, like his whole world wasn’t spinning the wrong way – just as he was about to walk out of the door, he heard a familiar screaming that pulled him back.

“Could you try it again?” Marley asked the boy on the register as she picked the baby up and tried to soothe her. “Shh, Daisy, it’s okay- look, I know there’s money on it. Please.”

“Miss, I’m sorry, but it’s just not working. You could try calling your bank?”

She looked utterly lost, and there was a queue building behind her. She apologised and stepped to one side, pulling out a phone and just staring at it. She had nobody to call. Kurt knew he should just leave, that it was none of his business, but-

“Sweetie? Is everything okay?”

She looked up at him, tears in her eyes.

“Um- I can’t- I can’t pay. I don’t know what to do. I can’t just not get it, it’s for her, what am I going to-”

He took her hand that wasn’t holding Daisy, covering up the phone.

“Don’t worry about it. Just take of care of her now.”

She looked confused, then tried to stop him when he stepped towards the register, pulling his card out of his pocket.

“No, you can’t- sir-”

As she rushed up to him, still trying to calm the baby in one arm, he patted her wrist soothingly, stroking a thumb up and down the back of her hand. He spoke quietly but firmly, so she wouldn’t be embarrassed but she also wouldn’t argue.

“You need money. I have money. I’m not using it right now. Please let me do this – for her,” he nodded towards the baby, and she looked down at her, squirming and whimpering in discomfort.

“I- uh-” she looked over at the line of sympathetic but clearly annoyed shoppers, the confused cashier, the bags of food that she desperately needed, and into Kurt’s eyes. She couldn’t find any malice there. He really did just want to help, and she was on the verge of bursting into tears in the middle of the store. “Okay. Please. Thank you.”

“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart. Thanks,” he said to the boy at the till as the payment went through, “it’s really no big deal. I couldn’t just hear her crying and walk away, could I Daisy?” She’d quietened down now, and was contentedly suckling on Marley’s little finger. “Listen. My name’s Kurt.”

“Um. Marley.”

“There. Now we’re friends. I’m just a friend helping you out.”

He picked up her two bulging shopping bags, squeezing them alongside his own.

“No, you don’t have to do that-”

“Honey, you’ve got your hands full. How about we stack these down here-” he slotted her bags into place on the shelf set into the pram for that very purpose and she blushed a furious red, feeling like an idiot for not realising it was there before, “then you’ve got your very own shopping cart.”

He edged her away from the till so she didn’t feel humiliated in front of everyone, and just when they were out of sight, she started crying.

“God, Kurt, thank you so much. I don’t know what I would have- I’m such an- I- thank you.”

He shushed her a little, taking Daisy’s hand again despite his better judgement.

“Honestly, it’s no trouble. I’m happy to help.”

“Well, let me do something- I, um, I could make you lunch?”

Sirens starting blaring in his head, telling him to stop. To get out.

“Oh, I don’t think I should-”

“Please. I mean, you said we were friends, right?”

“Well, I-”

“Kurt. Please let me do this.”

He’d dented her pride enough. He felt like he couldn’t say no.

“Okay. That would be lovely. Thank you, Marley.”

She grinned at him, blinking her tears away.

-

She insisted on letting Kurt hold the baby while she cooked, despite his protests that she probably just needed a nap.

“No, no, not for another couple of hours if I can help it. I’m trying to keep her to a routine. I hope you like pasta; I’m not the greatest cook in the world.”

“It’s fine. Are you sure you don’t need any help?”

He wanted any excuse to put Daisy down; it hurt too much to hold her, feel her warmth in his arms.

“I’m sure,” she gushed as she hurried around her tiny apartment, attempting to clean it up. It wasn’t even that messy, just a little disorganised, but she seemed embarrassed nonetheless. “You’re helping me just by taking care of her. Gosh, you’re a natural with her. She loves you. How do you do that?”

He ignored the sting in his chest and smiled.

“Hey, I’m not as good as you.”

She grinned, a rosy tint in her cheeks.

“You really think so? I worry so much about her. Like, she should be with a real grown up, not- never mind. Really though, you’re so – do you have kids?”

He shook his head.

“No. We- we tried- but no. Sometimes I think,” he couldn’t stop himself from sharing, even though he knew it was too much. It wasn’t as if he could say it to Blaine. “I think maybe it just isn’t meant to happen, you know?”

He regretted it immediately. She looked so ashamed, so apologetic – here she was, struggling to take care of a baby she never meant to have, flaunting her right under his nose.

“Well,” she tried to comfort him, “that’s crazy. Look at you. You’re meant to do this. It’ll happen.”

He suddenly felt all wrong. His hands were stiff and his chest was burning and his eyes were stinging; he needed to get out.

“Look, Marley, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come here. I need to go. I’m so sorry.”

He got up and pushed the baby into Marley’s arms, taking both girls by surprise. He closed his eyes as Daisy started crying and the sound pierced him like an arrow.

“Kurt? Did I do something?”

“No, no I just- I can’t. Sorry.”

-

He got home to hear Blaine humming to himself in the kitchen. He quickly wiped the tears from his cheeks before walking in.

“Hey, you,” he said, doing a good job of pretending he wasn’t crumbling, “I didn’t think you’d be here.”

Blaine smiled weakly as he sipped a cup of coffee.

“It was a long morning. Needed to see you. And have some decent coffee. Everything okay?”

Kurt wanted to tell him everything, try to explain what had just happened, but he didn’t know where to start. How could he tell him he’d bumped into Marley without sounding like he’d stalked her, without getting that disapproving look from Blaine for getting too caught up, even though it would be completely true? He swallowed and nodded.

“Yep. Come here.” He pulled Blaine into a hug, telling himself again and again that this was all he needed. Blaine was his family. He smelled like home, and Kurt clung on tight. Blaine hugged him back just as hard. “Missed you.”

“I missed you too. I’m supposed to have another shift in twenty minutes, but I- I could stay? We could just- be here tonight? Together?”

Kurt heaved a sigh of relief, but sucked in a breath just as quickly. The idea of just the two of them for the evening, just trying to heal properly, feeling Blaine’s skin under his all night, sounded heavenly, but there was a weight in his stomach. He officially had a secret that he was keeping from Blaine. He’d never done it before, and he hated it, but he had no idea how to tell him what had happened. It hurt enough while it was happening, never mind recounting it all to Blaine and having to admit that he’d done it for selfish reasons. He’d wanted to help Marley, of course he had, but part of him just wanted to hold that baby again. He’d gone behind Blaine’s back and he suddenly felt wrong just holding him. He didn’t think he could take a whole evening of it.

“No. I’m okay. They probably need you at work.”

Blaine wanted to argue that they would cope without him, that he’d rather be here, but the ‘no’ from Kurt shook him. He pulled back to look into Kurt’s eyes in case maybe he would change his mind and ask him to stay, but it didn’t come. Blaine nodded solemnly.

“Okay. Yeah. I guess I’ll just- go.” He made one last attempt, one last effort to get Kurt to be honest, to say he wanted him there. One word would have done it. “You sure?”

Kurt nodded and kissed his forehead. Blaine felt a crack snaking its way through his heart. He nodded back and gave Kurt’s hand a squeeze.

“So, I guess you’ll be asleep when I get back, and we’re both working tomorrow, so… I’ll see you when I see you?”

Another nod, a fake smile each, and he left. Kurt spent an hour staring at sketches he was supposed to be working on before giving up, going to bed and crying himself to sleep.