“Yes,” Kurt said. “I remember.”

“Well…the guy I went to the dance with…his name was Taylor. He was my best friend.”

“Just your best friend?”

“Yeah. I mean, he was good looking and nice and everything, but I didn’t like him like that.”

Kurt nodded. “Just wondering. Continue.”

“Based on how you describe McKinley, Jefferson High School was like your old school. Lots of jocks that loved to push around anyone they considered beneath them. Which was…basically all of those who were not involved in sports. But because we were gay, Taylor and I got special attention from them. We experienced hell together every single day we were at that school. It made us closer as friends.” He finally raised his eyes from his hands and looked at Kurt. “He had days when he would talk about just ending it all and putting himself out of his misery, but I talked him out of it,” Blaine hesitated before adding, “and vice versa.”

Kurt felt his heart plunge into his stomach at those words. His eyes started to sting. “Blaine, you…you wanted to kill yourself?” he whispered. Blaine nodded, avoiding Kurt’s gaze again.

“One time, when my family was out of the house, I went into the kitchen and took out a sharp steak knife. I pressed my finger onto the blade and watched as the blood dripped out. I thought about Emily and Taylor crying at the funeral. I imagined my parents there too, but in my mind they didn’t seem as sad. In fact, they way I saw it, they were relieved. And then at that moment, as if he knew what I was contemplating, Taylor knocked on the door and let himself in. He told me he had dropped by to borrow something for school, but stopped short when he saw me with the knife. I’ll never forget that afternoon.” Blaine ran his right thumb over the pad of his left index finger; Kurt assumed that was the finger he’d cut with the knife. “Taylor convinced me to put the knife away. He made me promise to call him every time I had suicidal thoughts. I agreed, on the condition that he did the same. It was weird…we were okay with the thought of killing ourselves, but were devastated at the thought of the other killing himself. We were selfish.” Blaine paused. “Then a few weeks later, Taylor was absent from school. I knew immediately that something was wrong because he never missed school. He hardly ever got sick, and even when he did, his mother still made him go to school. She was intense about his grades, and said that if he missed school, he would fall behind quickly and then his grades would drop. She wanted him to go to Harvard, which was her alma mater. So when he wasn’t at school that day, I feared the worst.”

“You thought that Taylor had committed suicide,” Kurt said. It wasn’t a question.

Blaine nodded. “I tried texting him but he didn’t answer. At first I was scared, and then I was pissed. Him killing himself meant that he broke his promise. I skipped the rest of my classes and walked to his house; he lived only a few blocks from school. I knocked but no one answered. A neighbor called out to me from the street and told me that she saw EMTs bringing Taylor out of the house in a stretcher, so they were all at the hospital. I started freaking out…and immediately ran the three miles to the hospital. The adrenaline from the urgency and panic that I felt made me run faster than I’d ever run in my life, and I made it there in no time at all. I found out where his room was, and when I got there…his parents were crying in the hallway. I asked them what happened, and although they looked surprised to see me there, they didn’t tell me to go back to school. They said that he had indeed tried to kill himself, but luckily hadn’t succeeded and he was going to be okay. They were crying from relief.”

Kurt let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding in. “So he was alive?”

“Yes,” Blaine said. “Alive, but weak. He’d swallowed a bunch of pills, but his mom had found him just in time.” Here, Blaine paused and took a deep breath and let it out. Kurt knew that he hadn’t gotten to the heart of the story, since Emily said that whatever happened to Taylor was at the hand of bullies.

“Then what happened?” Kurt pressed.

“A few days after he was allowed to return to school, he was staying after to meet with a teacher to catch up on what he had missed while he was in the hospital. It was really late and he was on his way to his car. The parking lot was pretty far from the main building on campus and partially hidden by trees. It was the only parking lot that students were allowed to use, though.” Blaine swallowed hard, and Kurt had a feeling he knew what was coming. “He didn’t see that a group of four big jocks had approached him. They verbally abused him, saying that they were bummed that he hadn’t been able to off himself, and said that they could do it for him. Then they started beating him, and left him there to die.” Blaine wiped his eyes and sniffed. “Luckily a student happened to find him laying there on her way to her car after some sort of sports practice and called 911. Apparently he was still conscious when he was brought into the hospital, and told the doctors what happened…but before he could tell them who hurt him, he...became unconscious and fell into a coma. I went to visit him and he looked so small and helpless…and he was bruised and cut all over. I had never seen so many bandages on one person; he looked like a mummy. Some of the bandages were soaked in blood. It was so bad. It literally made me vomit.”

Kurt pursed his lips, wanting to ask the one question that he knew could set Blaine over the edge depending on the answer. But he had to ask it. There was an obvious plot point that Blaine hadn’t mentioned it in the story. Quietly, he asked, “Blaine…did Taylor die?”

“I don’t know,” Blaine said truthfully. “The last I heard, he was still in the coma. It happened pretty close to the end of the school year, and then that fall I transferred to Dalton. I wanted to stay at Jefferson to be there for Taylor when he woke up, but my parents insisted I transfer. I was still getting bullied daily, sure, but I think they just wanted me out of town so they could pretend they didn’t have a gay son.”

Kurt opened his mouth to protest, but Blaine shushed him. “Don’t try to argue. You don’t know my parents. They’re…not as accepting of us as your dad is. Anyways, I visited Taylor in the hospital as much as I could, and then once summer vacation started, I had a job that took up basically all of my time so I couldn’t visit anymore. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I tried calling Taylor’s house to talk to his parents about his progress, or even to see if maybe he got discharged, but some other man answered the phone, saying that he and his family had just moved in. He didn’t know anything about Taylor or his family. They didn’t tell me they were moving. I was so hurt. I mean…he was my best friend in the world, and yet his parents didn’t give me a call or stop by to say goodbye. He didn’t answer his phone when I called. And even now, I still haven’t heard anything. That’s the worst part. I don’t know if he survived or not.” Emotionally, he had been holding it together relatively well throughout the story, but at that point Blaine suddenly dropped his face into his hand and sobbed. “It was all my fault.”

“Oh, Blaine,” Kurt said, laying his hand on the smaller boy’s shoulder. “Blaine, shh. It wasn’t your fault at all. How can you even say that? You had nothing to do with it.”

“Yes, I did,” Blaine said miserably, lifting his head from his hand. He looked up at Kurt, his hazel eyes shining with tears. “I was supposed to meet Taylor at the parking lot that evening when he got out. I was going to get dropped off so we could go catch a movie together because it was a Friday. He had texted me after he met with his teacher to ask if we were still going to hang out, but I told him that I didn’t really feel like going anymore and asked if he wanted to come over here instead. So that was where he was heading when those jocks got to him.” Blaine pressed his fingers into his eyes and sniffed. “If I had just gotten my lazy ass off the couch and had met him at school like I was supposed to—“

“Then you would have gotten beaten up, too,” Kurt finished for him. “Blaine, no offense, but you’re not the most burly guy out there. You are kind of tiny. I don’t know how big Taylor was, but I doubt the two of you would have been a match for the jocks. It’s good that you didn’t meet him at the parking lot. Then you would be in a coma or dead right now.”

“Good,” Blaine said ruefully. “I deserve that for being a horrible friend.”

“Telling Taylor you’d rather have him come over to your house instead of going out to a movie does not make you a horrible friend. You didn’t know those jocks would beat him up. Neither did he. It just happened. I’m so sorry it did, Blaine, I really am. But it’s not your fault,” Kurt said, punctuating those last three words. He added, “I know it hurts. I wish there was something I could do. But you know as well as I do that our lives aren’t going to be easy. Homophobes are ignorant and stubborn. They are also insecure, which makes them want to lash out at people like us. I hope that changes soon, but until then, we’re going to have to endure some hardships. But Blaine…I’ll be by your side through them all…you’ll always have me.”

“Thank you,” Blaine said. He stroked his hand along Kurt’s cheek. Kurt closed his eyes and leaned into his warm touch. “And thank you for listening to the story. It felt good to get my feelings out.”

“I’m glad. Thanks for telling me the story.” Kurt smiled.

Blaine nodded. “And…um…please don’t tell anyone that I wanted to kill myself. I mean, that was a while ago, and I don’t have those thoughts anymore. Overall, I’m much happier now…unless I dwell on how much I miss Taylor…and no one but him knew about the suicide thing. Well, now you know, I guess.”

“I won’t tell,” Kurt assured him. “So even Emily doesn’t know?”

“No, she doesn’t.” Blaine shook his head. “We’re really, really close…but…I couldn’t tell her. I can’t tell her. It’ll break her heart. She can be really protective of me. She was born five minutes before me, and really takes the ‘older twin’ role seriously.”

“I understand. Your secret’s safe with me.”

“Thank you, Kurt,” Blaine said, looking into his eyes.

Kurt could still see the pain, regret, sadness and helplessness in Blaine’s eyes and it made his heart ache. He scooted closer and wrapped his arms around Blaine’s neck. He rested his forehead against his boyfriend’s and closed his eyes. “I’m so happy to be with you, Blaine,” he said softly. “You are an amazing, strong person, even if you don’t think so. I really admire you. You are the best first boyfriend a gay guy could ever ask for.”

Blaine rubbed his hands up and down Kurt’s back before responding, “I feel the exact same way about you, Kurt. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize my true feelings for you. But I’m so glad I finally did. You’re perfect.” With that, Blaine cupped Kurt’s jaw in his hand and pressed his lips to his boyfriend’s. Kurt kissed him back, tightening his arms around Blaine’s neck. The kiss lasted longer than any of their previous ones had, and when the boys pulled apart, they were both breathless. They smiled at each other and hugged, reveling in each other’s comforting warmth.