Blaine was frustrated. By the end of the school day he wanted to rip his hair out by the handfuls.

He loved Kurt, but the way he had been acting was sending him up the wall.

Kurt spent everyday quiet and closed in on himself. He barely ever smiled. He barely laughed. Touching him was out of the question. Any time Blaine brushed him or reached over on instinct, Kurt would wince and then look away. Then a day of silence between them would ensue.

It was wearing Blaine thin.

Confronting Kurt was out of the question. Blaine didn't want to start a fight. But he had no other idea on how to get an explanation from Kurt.

Blaine sat in class and watched Kurt. He was sure his grades were dropping with how much he paid attention to his boyfriend and not class. He watched the way he doodled in his notebook, never looking up at the teacher. He watched the way he never answered questions. Never talked to anyone around him.

It seemed so much like when they first met.

And they had come so far.

Blaine's chest was tight with that thought.

It's been a year of change and love and babysteps. Then they were suddenly shoved down a mountain, breaking everything they had come to know.

His fingers curled around Kurt's upper arm and he flinched away in the hall. Blaine tried to ignore the hurt he felt at the action, the disappointment that seeped into his blood.

The bathroom was empty when Blaine pulled Kurt into it, closing the door behind him as he let go of his arm. Kurt curled his arms around himself and looked away from Blaine.

"I need to talk to you." Blaine said.

"Can we not do it here?" Kurt asked, his voice soft.

"Yes, of course. I just needed to be able to speak to you without you walking away from me. I can drive you to your house? Then we can talk there?"

Kurt shrugged, biting his lip. "Sure."

Blaine sighed, running his hand through his hair. He held back the sounds of frustration he could feel creeping up his throat. He didn't want to yell at Kurt. He just hated fighting with him.

But this was it.

He was tired and irritated and just wanted the truth.

The wind was whipping as Blaine leaned against the passenger side of his door. He pulled his coat closer and shivered as he watched Kurt make his way with his head held down against the wind. Blaine opened and closed the door for him before heading over to his own side.

When they pulled up to Kurt's house, Kurt pulled out his bag and hurried to the door, trying to get out of the cold as fast as possible. The Hummel-Hudson's house was joyously warm when Blaine walked in, following Kurt up to his room.

Once the door was closed behind them, Blaine looked over expectantly at Kurt. Kurt was on the other side of the room, his bag resting on the floor next to his desk. He was by his beside table, rearranging the face creams and other bottles he had resting there. Blaine cleared his throat, rubbing his hand together. Kurt looked over at him, startled.

Blaine held out his hands and took a step forward. Kurt turned and shrugged, "You're the one who wants to talk."

Blaine closed his eyes for a moment. "Kurt." He took a deep calming breath. "Tell me what is wrong."

"There's nothing wrong."

"Yes, there is."

"Well, you're wrong, Blaine. Because I'm perfectly fine." Kurt insisted.

"Stop talking!" Blaine snapped. "You are nothing close to fine. And I don't want you spouting lies at me."

Kurt looked taken aback by Blaine's tone. Blaine clenched and unclenched his fingers, trying to stay calm.

He couldn't snap on Kurt.

He had to hold on.

"I'm fine, Blaine." Kurt shot back.

Blaine felt his composure slipping. "Kurt. You are not fine."

"Then, I don't know what to tell you, Blaine. I don't know what you want to hear? Because I have nothing to tell you." Kurt said desperately, his voice growing high and tight.

Blaine tilted his head to the side and clenched his teeth. "I love you. But you really need to stop talking right now. Because if you were fine, you wouldn't flinch when I touch you. You would talk to me." Blaine's stomach twisted painfully at the thought that this was the most that Kurt had talked to him in the last three weeks.

"I'm talking to you right now, am I not?" Kurt spit out.

"Stop talking!" Blaine yelled, everything snapping inside him. Emotions rolled through him, his breathing becoming fast. Kurt took a step back, his cocky look turning to surprise. "Seriously, Kurt. You're doing nothing but lying to my face! I. Know you are. We have come so far! You were fine! You were okay! We were working! Then I don't know what happened. Suddenly I can't touch you anymore. I want to kiss you, feel your skin like I usually do, but I can't. Because you suddenly treat me like one of the jocks I pushed away from you. You flinch like I've hit you before. I've never hit you before. Never hurt you at all. I just don't understand why you're acting like you are. You barely talk to me. Passing words. I haven't heard you say 'I love you' in forever. You don't talk to anyone. You have shut out your friends and family and the entire school. It makes me wonder what your grades are like." Blaine didn't realize how loud his voice was till after he stopped, his breathing deep and fast.

Kurt had taken another step back, a hurt look on his face. Blaine hated the look. It literally ripped him apart to see the fright in Kurt's eyes, the sad frown pulling at the corner of his lips. His arms curled tightly around him, his hands shaking as they gripped his shirt. Why they were shaking, Blaine didn't know. Maybe because he was scared, or because he was afraid to admit something. But he didn't answer Blaine. When he met Blaine's eyes, he looked away, his head tilted down in shame. He began to shake his head, his lips pressed tightly together.

Blaine was frustrated, his anger from minutes ago still lashing out inside him. "Why can’t you tell me what’s wrong! You’ve curled in on yourself and kept me out! Kurt, you need me, but you won’t let me help!" Blaine yelled. Kurt shook his head furiously as he backed up a bit more. Blaine took his lip harshly between his teeth, keeping more words from pouring from his mouth.

Him and Kurt had never fought over anything. They were always so truthful, so trustful of each other. When they had gotten frustrated with each other, they'd tell the other and try to work everything out. But Kurt was the one who wasn't cooperating now.

“I’m tired of you never telling me anything! What’s the point of having a relationship without trust. I’m over this, Kurt!" Blaine didn't think his words through. He didn't mean for them to come out as they did. He would admit he needed space from Kurt, but he couldn't break up with the boy. Never. He wanted to take the words back, but it was too late. Kurt had heard. The effect had already begun.

Blaine's head snapped up when he heard a broken breath coming from Kurt. Kurt had stopped shaking his head, but he looked so worn down. His body was exhausted. "I just... I can't, Blaine. I can't." His voice was soft, and tear ridden, breaking on the last word.

Blaine's heart broke, his anger simmering away at the sound of his voice. He saw his body begin to shake as suppressed the sobs and tears. Blaine hung his head, knowing he was the one to cause this.�“Why can’t you just tell me? Why won’t you let me in? Please. Let me help you," Blaine begged. He didn't know what else to do. He was so helpless when it came to helping this boy. This broken boy he had taken in to try and the fix. The boy he wasn't able to fix, no matter how hard he tried. "Kurt-" his voice broke on his name, turning his head to the side as he heard his voice turn from strong to thin and wavery and thick with tears. "I want to help you. I need you. And you need me. Please. Just please." The last words were said in a whisper. He was losing this fight, Kurt not doing anything to help.

Kurt shook his head again, this time tears were visible on his cheeks. "I can't, Blaine."

Blaine sucked in a breath, biting his lip, hard. He closed his eyes tightly, his fingers clenching around air. "I need to go. I- I just- I need to go." With that, Blaine turned and walked out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him.

The sound of the door slamming shook Kurt, shattering every last resolve in him. He was exhausted. His body and mind weak. He just collapsed, laying on his floor, curling into a ball. His arms tightened around himself as he began to sob.

He wanted to be normal and safe again.

He wanted Blaine to come back and hold him and kiss away his tears.

He wanted all this pain and disappointment to go away.

He wanted to feel awake and well; not exhausted.

He wanted so many things he knew he couldn't have because he couldn't come clean. Because he wouldn't tell Blaine.

But he couldn't tell Blaine about everything. He couldn't. He would leave. So would everyone else. Because Kurt was now damaged goods. And nothing was good about him. He was vile. He was only good for being used and thrown around. He was a cheater. A weak person who couldn't stick up for themselves. Blaine deserved someone so much better than Kurt. Someone who could give him the love and care he deserved. Someone who could satisfy the needs that Kurt had satisfied for someone who wasn't Blaine. Someone who wouldn't cheat on him with a boy at the bar.

Someone so much better than Kurt, because Kurt was trash.

His life was shattering, crashing down around him. He was losing his mind, his body, his control. Now he was losing Blaine.

He didn't have anything to live for.

Had no reason to wake up next day.

It was a subconscious decision. But he made it. And he was going to carry it out. Maybe not today.

But the next day.

If he had no Blaine, no love, no safety, everything Blaine was, then he was nothing.

Then he was better off dead.