Feb. 12, 2012, 4:32 a.m.
El tango de Roxanne: As If We Never Said Goodbye
E - Words: 3,007 - Last Updated: Feb 12, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 4/? - Created: Oct 18, 2011 - Updated: Feb 12, 2012 193 0 2 0 0
A few hours passed, but Kurt still wasn't able to look away from Blaine. The whole time he was silent. He was sure that this time his voice wouldn't betray him, but he preferred to pretend he still can't speak, just so he can hear his friend's soft voice and be able to look at him with impunity. Blaine was talking about his new friends and studies, seeing how much it helps Kurt. Kurt didn't care, as long as he didn't have to think about where he was and why he was there.
Blaine has changed so much. It wasn't just about his manly posture, although he looked much more mature than Kurt could even imagine. Kurt noticed a few wrinkles and started wondering what had happened to make them appear. His silent side, which he tried to ignore, regretted that he couldn't be with him during those times. Sentimentality had to wait, though.
Kurt wasn't sure what he felt when he was looking at Blaine, just like he wasn't sure what Blaine feels when he's looking at him. He saw his reflection in Blaine's eyes. That view must've been heartbreaking even for a stranger, so he admired Blaine for acting like nothing was wrong. Just like they would have if they sat in some cozy coffee shop, remembering old times. As if that hospital was only a nightmare in Kurt's head. Blaine didn't want to push, because he knew there were things Kurt wouldn't tell him anyway. However, if he knew every little detail of this case, he would never ignore that topic.
Blaine explained to Kurt what injuries he has, even if his doctor did it for him before. However it was a completely different thing to hear it from his friend than from a complete stranger, so he was listening in silence. He had broken ribs, an arm and a few smaller injuries, but it didn't bother him too much. Blaine, optimistic as ever, provided that soon Kurt will be let out and everything will heal soon enough, which made Kurt smile a little.
That's how their morning has passed. Blaine was just talking about his brother's family, when Kurt finally decided to speak.
"If I didn't have the... accident, would you even like to meet me?" he interrupted.
His voice was very hoarse and probably nothing like the one Blaine remembered. Kurt saw in his eyes something he was too afraid to define, so he bent his head.
"I thought you didn't want to see me." He heard.
Blaine's voice lacked emotions. It was the exact reflection of what was going on inside of Kurt.
"Blaine, a little drama that happened few years ago isn't an obstacle or an excuse if you really want to see somebody."
"Kurt..."
Despite the sorrow creeping into his heart, Kurt managed to control his voice.
"Never mind, just drop it."
"But..."
Kurt clenched his eyes.
"I said 'Drop it'."
Suddenly the door opened and Rachel came into the room.
"Blaine, can I talk to you for a minute?"
Blaine sent Kurt apologetic smile and left . When Kurt started to wonder if he'll come back at all, the door opened again. Blaine seemed a little embarrassed and... No, Kurt didn't recognized that expression.
"Kurt, I would like to introduce you to someone."
A little girl looked shyly at Kurt from behind Blaine's back.
"It's my... daughter, Claire."
Nothing. Zero reaction.
No way.
His blood rushed to his head.
Daughter.
Boom, boom. His heart speeded up.
Blaine has a child.
Kurt felt like he was going to be sick.
Blaine has a family.
Claire couldn't be older than three, maybe four. She had black, curly hair, that reached her back and big, blue eyes. If it wasn't for them, she could be the exact copy of her father and she was just as beautiful.
Father.
Kurt looked at Blaine, his eyes full of confusion. They might haven't seen each other this whole time, but he needed some explanation. Blaine probably understood, because he leaned over to the girl. "Darling, could you go to Rachel for five minutes? She's the nice lady you've been drawing with the whole morning," he whispered.
The girl nodded, took Blaine's face in his small hands and pecked him loudly on the cheek. Blaine laughed softly and looked at her as she ran away from the room.
"I'm sorry, I couldn't leave her with anyone," he said, clearly uncomfortable, when they were finally left alone. "Everything happened so quickly..."
Kurt didn't say a word. He was too shocked to say anything.
"You have... a daughter?" he finally said with the effort. "When... how..."
Blaine looked even more uncomfortable.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought her here just like that..."
Kurt decided not to let Blaine see what's going on inside of him and smiled a little. Lies were a part of his job.
"Don't apologize, you don't have to. It's just... So hard to believe. When I saw you last time, you couldn't even cook... And now you have a daughter."
"Let's just say she's the only thing I've done right in my life." Blaine bit his lip. "Everything else is only fucked up."
After that last sentence he sent Kurt a weird look. Kurt tried to pretend he didn't understand the allusion.
"Stop me, if I'm being rude, but... How...?"
Blaine stared blankly. "Short story? Party. I was drunk. Obviously too drunk to remember I'm gay. And it didn't end well."
"You've always been a little bisexual when drunk," pointed out Kurt, not bothering with hiding the irony. Blaine ignored him.
"I still don't know how that girl had found me... Anyway, I believed her just like that, I wasn't questioning my fatherhood. She said she wanted to give the child up for adoption and I accepted it. You see, I couldn't imagine my life with that strange girl or raising a baby. School, work, I had too many problems already... That's what I thought, at least, until the day she was born. Kate… the mother… didn't want me to be with her, so I waited outside just to make sure everything was alright. I didn't even want to look at that baby. I didn't feel the need. But... then the nurse came out of that room. She asked me if I'm the father. I wanted to say no and leave, but I couldn't, so I went with her. That's when I saw her. The most beautiful creature in the world. She looked at me in that way... oh, I know it didn't happen, it's just my imagination, but I saw so much... trust in her eyes. Like she knew I'll do everything to protect her. It scared me at first. Coward Anderson was going to run. But when I was holding her... I wanted her to stay in my arms forever."
Kurt looked at him with eyes wide open. He has never saw Blaine talking about someone in that way and he wasn't quite sure if he liked it.
"Does she know that you..."
Blaine nodded. "She's too young to fully understand, but... I'm trying to tell her that ever since she started talking. I want her to grow up with that knowledge."
"Yeah, I understand... And well, she's beautiful," said Kurt. "She's gonna be a heartbreaker, just like her daddy."
Blaine probably didn't notice the double meaning of that sentence, because he only laughed.
"Don't even tell me! When the teacher in the kindergarten told me that Claire befriended some boy named Mark, I almost had a heart attack. My first thought was 'Find and destroy'."
"Who would have thought you're going to be the overprotective dad," smiled Kurt. 'Or dad at all,' he added in his head.
"Yeah, who would have thought..." Blaine creased his eyebrows and looked at him cautiously. "I'm sorry... It makes no sense, it has to be a shock for you that I'm..."
"No, it's fine," Kurt lied smoothly. "I just need some time to process all the information, but... Yeah, it's fine."
The awkward silence surrounded them. Kurt used it, to collect some courage to ask Blaine a question that was bouncing around his head ever since he saw Blaine.
"Your boyfriend doesn't mind that you're here?"
"My boyfriend?" Blaine repeated dully.
"You know. The lucky man you're raising that little angel with."
Blaine looked at him, eyes tired.
"Do you think I have time for a love life when I'm raising a child? School, job, Claire... I don't even know how I'm doing that. Anyway, I kissed dating goodbye after many sleepless nights when I moved from bed to changing table."
Kurt was impressed. "So, you're studying?"
"Yes, law. You know, without studies I won't get a promotion and without the promotion I won't be able to take care of Claire... and so on."
Kurt didn't like the direction, where this conversation was heading. In every moment Blaine could ask what he's doing. But he didn't have a choice, he had to do it.
"So... where are you working?" he asked.
"At a small company. My father got me the job. You know, they usually don't take people without a college education... I really wanted to be independent, but when Claire was born, I didn't have a choice, I needed to swallow my pride," he smiled a little. "But while we're at that topic, I expected to see you on one of the many Broadway posters, Mr. Hummel."
Kurt's heartbeat speeded up. He was very grateful that he was no longer connected to a heart rate monitor, because he would be in an awkward situation.
"Can't we say the same about you, Mr. Anderson?" he asked. He sighed with relief, when Blaine started laughing.
"It was never my dream. However, I still sing in my almost-free time. But I'm a little ashamed, because my daughter is much better than me. I think I should sign her up for singing lessons."
"Be careful or Rachel might want to take her under her wings. I may not believe in God, but when I look at her, I consider the existence of Satan."
Blaine laughed and send him his warm smile, that reminded Kurt about high school times.
"You have no idea how much I've missed you."
***
After a week, Kurt finally left hospital. Blaine promised he'll call and they would meet, but Kurt highly doubted it.
And he wasn't wrong.
Another two weeks passed and Blaine still hadn't called. Kurt was angry at himself, that he even had a hope. It reminded him so much about the story that happened few years ago. Looks like life hasn't taught him anything.
And of course, he needed money. In his current state he couldn't have customers and his last one was a really long time ago. Luckily for him, Rachel was a very thoughtful person, so she visited him every day with groceries and they were cooking dinner for both of them. She was leaving on evenings, when they didn't know what to talk about anymore and the TV started to get boring. That's how they time has passed.
One day Rachel left a little sooner than always, leaving Kurt alone, which, as he knew, couldn't end well. But he was kind of glad, because it was an occasion to finally leave the house.
***
The bar was crowded. A little bit too crowded, for Kurt's taste. But tonight he didn't want to fuss about it, he just needed a place where he would be able to forget about his problems.
He ordered his favorite drink and sat at the bar. From his place he noticed straightaway a few prostitutes, some better, some worse. Just after a few months of working, they were just about as easy to miss as neon signs.
Some man tried to offer Kurt a drink, but he gently showed him he's not interested. Suddenly there was a group behind his back, which stirred his interest. Someone jumped on stage.
Kurt made himself more comfortable on his chair and squinted his eyes. Well, well.
Noah Puckerman in the flesh.
A guitar, dark clothes and devilish smile. Just like in old times. He was wearing tight pants and unbuttoned, loose shirt, which showed off a little (like Kurt quickly noticed) of the boy's very muscular torso.
'Boys'.
Kurt laughed.
Noah Puckerman definitely wasn't a boy anymore. He wouldn't recognize him if it wasn't for a guitar and the mohawk, reminding him of high school times.
His thoughts were interrupted by happy, loud music. Puck stepped to the microphone.
If you're havin' trouble with your high school head
He's givin' you the blues
You wanna graduate but not in 'is bed
Here's what you gotta do
Pick up the phone
I'm always home
Call me any time
Just ring
36 24 36 hey
I lead a life of crime
The guests joined during the chorus, singing loudly. Kurt smirked.
Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
Dirty Deeds and they're Done Dirt Cheap
You got problems in your life of love
You got a broken heart
(She's) He's double dealin' with your best friend
That's when the teardrops start - fella
Pick up the phone
I'm here alone
Or make a social call
Come right in
Forget about him
We'll have ourselves a ball
Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
Dirty Deeds and they're Done Dirt Cheap
Concrete shoes, cyanide, TNT
Done Dirt Cheap
Neckties, contracts, high voltage
Done Dirt Cheap
When Puck left the stage, Kurt started walking to him with a smile.
"Looking good, Puckerman."
Puck turned around to face him. For a moment he was surprised, but then, the smile crept onto his face.
"I would like to say the same, Hummel. Just don't tell me you wanna fight for a solo."
Kurt laughed.
"Let's say I don't have time for this."
"So, you're waiting for a client?"
Kurt looked at him with wide eyes.
"How did you..."
It was Noah's time to laugh.
"If you would work here as long as I do, you would know, too."
"If that was true, you would have known that with this," Kurt nodded at his cast. "I can only give someone a blowjob in the toilet."
Puck raised his eyebrows and shook his head, almost with appreciation.
"Well, well, Hummel. Who would have thought. I thought that now I would work for you, and look what happened."
"Not everything works out the way we would want it to," Kurt pointed at the stage. "Don't get me wrong, but I've never thought you'll get that far. New York, well done."
"It's still not the peak of my dreams. But I do what I like. Can you say the same thing about yourself?"
Kurt smiled sadly. "Touch�."
Puck packed his things and pointed at the door.
"Despite everything, I hate this place. Are you coming with me?"
"I was hoping you'd ask."
***
"It's a tough break, man."
They were in Kurt's apartment. Kurt was leaning against the wall on the east of his living room, while Noah was leaning against the west side, so they were sitting at the opposite sides of the room. Well, considering the amount of the alcohol they drunk, they were more laying than sitting.
"You know, the last thing you're expecting from your gay ex boyfriend, is that he'll come to visit you with his fucking child..." continued Kurt. "I had the right to be a little shocked."
Puck moved the bottle to his lips.
"Sooner gay than straight. Just saying..." he mumbled. When he noticed that the bottle is empty, which took him long enough, he nodded to the alcohol which was laying next to Kurt's leg.
"Puckerman, stop drinking." Kurt rolled his eyes, but he threw the bottle at Puck. " I mean... I don't know, I don't think I feel anything to Blaine. It's impossible, right? After so many years..."
Puck make an effort to focus on Kurt, but he managed to talk after a while.
"Hummel, admit it. You're jealous of him."
"Jealous of what exactly?"
"That he didn't fuck up his life the way you did. Or no. You're mad that he didn't help you fix yours. You blame him for where you are now."
Kurt sent him a mocking glare. "When did you get your psychology degree, Puckerman?"
"Oh, you know, the school I was going to gave out the degrees to everyone. It was called life."
Kurt sighed. "I just want to..."
"...bang him?"
"That, too," admitted Kurt. Puck laughed. "What? Are you surprised? After such a long time lying in the bed, I felt sexually frustrated while I was looking at nurses and I'm not into women... And of course Blaine couldn't visit me wearing garbage bag. No, he was wearing tight pants and even tighter shirt, like he was doing this with premeditation. It was so hard to look at it without wanting to claw these damn clothes off him."
"So what was your problem? Even if he didn't want the same thing, I'm talking from the experience now, right after you would unzip his pants, he would stop having objections."
Kurt raised his eyebrows, hearing the word "objections", but it was the only comment about this.
"From experience, huh? How often do gay guys unzip your pants?"
"You're overstepping, Hummel, and we're not even friends."
"You know, if you want to, I don't charge much."
Puck looked at him heavily and started laughing.
"That's my boy." He wanted to pat his back, but then he remembered that Kurt's sitting on the exact opposite side of the room, so he sighed. The floor was too comfortable. "He has no idea what you're doing, right?" he asked after a while.
Kurt shook his head. "How do you imagine that? "Hi, Blaine, guess what, I became a whore!" He could be a little bit surprised."
"Stop calling yourself a whore and listen to me for a while. Sooner or later Blaine will find out about this. And no matter if you want to admit it or not, princess, you still care about him."
"I know that. But it only makes everything harder and... Did you just call me a princess?"
"I'm probably not the first one," smiled Puck. Kurt wanted to throw something at him, but he didn't have a strength to do this.
"Idiot," he mumbled.
"Idiot or not, I think I should go." He looked at his wrist, crease his eyebrows. "Oh, yeah, I don't even have a watch..."
Kurt stood up and called the cab. When it arrived, he helped Puck stand up from the floor and kissed his cheek goodbye.
"It was good to see you, Noah."
He was going to close the door, but Puck turned around to look at him.
"Don't be so harsh on Blaine, man. I'm talking from experience and I know that not many guys would do what he did, if they were in his place."
Kurt smiled a little.
"You're a very experienced man, Puckerman."
Comments
Glad you got it up :) It really is a great story! Any you're welcome. It was a pleasure :)
Please come back Blaine! I'm really interested to see his reaction to Kurt's profession. Also, I was NOT expecting Blaine to have a daughter :P