Aug. 21, 2011, 10:34 a.m.
Let Me Be: Chapter 3
E - Words: 2,388 - Last Updated: Aug 21, 2011 Story: Closed - Chapters: 6/? - Created: Aug 08, 2011 - Updated: Aug 21, 2011 278 0 0 0 0
I woke early Sunday morning with a groan of pain, and an unyielding crick in my neck. I'd taken to sleeping in my hard plastic chair, with my head resting on the side of Blaine's bed, my fingers still permanently entwined with his, of course, but after a day and a half of this, it was beginning to take its toll. Blaine had tried, several times, to convince me to hop into the bed with him, but I was so scared of hurting him even further that I resisted, even long after I had begun to realise that it was hurting him more every time I said no. His body was certainly beginning to heal, but I was growing increasingly more concerned about what was going on in his head.
Of course, I completely understood why he was afraid right now. After what he had been through, not just with the attack but with the behaviour of his parents as well, it was completely understandable that he wasn't able to trust right now, but what concerned me was that he treated me like not just the only person he could trust... but the only person in the room. No, actually, not even just the room. In the world. I was everything to him now.
When it was just him and I alone, he was almost completely normal. My Dad had brought in a stack of brand new magazines for me, and I spent a good portion of the day sitting there reading the articles aloud to him, while he gently stroked my hair, or traced my earlobe with his fingertips, or traced his fingers in lazy circles across my back. Infact, the only time he was really comfortable and relaxed was when he was touching me. It was beautiful, and very touching that he found so much peace in having me with him, but I couldn't help but wonder what it would mean for us in the long run... if this behaviour was to continue. I loved that he needed me, but I was well aware that being needy in a relationship was not a good thing. Still... maybe I was being too harsh. It was only less that two days ago that he had been so brutally attacked, of course he would still be traumatised by it.
If he was spoken to by anyone, he wouldn't answer. He would instead begin to tremble, and sometimes cry, and attempt to hide his face under our linked hands, begging me with a silent plea to make them go away. Doctors seemed to bring out the worst reaction in him... and there was a certain young blonde orderly, probably in his mid twenties who Blaine was absolutely terrified of. Nurses were a bit better, he let them monitor his vitals signs and chart his progress with minimal fuss, but he couldn't look them in the eye. It was getting to the point where he didn't even like for our friends to visit, and when Mercedes and Sam came in on Sunday afternoon, hand in hand, armed with flowers and prayers and well wishes from their respective church groups, and Blaine started crying immediately, I decided that I had to do something. This couldn't just go on like this any more, he was getting worse by the day.
Mercedes and Sam both froze, just inside the door, when Blaine began his loud, fearful sobbing, and as I stared from his tearful face to Mercedes pitying frown, I realised that if anyone could calm him down, it would be me. Glancing at my friends by the door, an idea came to me.
"Sam? Sorry, but would you mind waiting outside please? I want to try something, just with Mercedes."
Sam quickly nodded, kissed Mercedes gently, then left the room. I gestured to Mercedes to stay where she was, then turned my attention back to Blaine.
"Blaine stop. Babe, Blaine... Blaine, look at me." He had turned his head so it was pressed into his pillow, and was gripping hard to the side of the bed with his good hand. I leaned over him, peeling his fingers off the bed bars and threading mine through his, and used my other hand to gently stroke his cheek.
"Baby please, look at me. Just look at me, okay. You know you can trust me, you are safe with me. Just stop, okay. Stay with me, baby. Blaine, look in my eyes."
It took a little encouragement, and lots of soft stroking of his hair and cheeks, and even a few gentle kisses, but I managed to get Blaine to calm down enough to turn over and meet my eyes. I smiled at him, and kissed his forehead.
"Thankyou babe. Listen, okay? You know I love you, right?"
His deep hazel eyes, so intense, so full of pain, met mine with ferocity, and he nodded.
"And you know, I will never ever let anyone hurt you again, don't you? I would not let anyone come in here and hurt you. I love you Blaine. You are safe now, okay. You know that, right?"
His hand fluttered, and his tears welled in his eyes again. I quickly kissed them away. "You are safe Blaine. I love you, and I will keep you safe."
He nodded again, burying his head into the crook of my neck, holding me close. I kept soothing him, stroking his hair and gently squeezing his fingers that I still held so gently between my own.
"Okay, good Blaine. You're doing great. Now listen to me, okay? Mercedes loves you too, baby, and she only wants to help me keep you safe. She won't hurt you Blaine. You know that too, right?"
He began to tremble, but nodded against my shoulder. I stroked his hair, then reached out my hand for Mercedes, beckoning her closer.
"Can she come and sit here with us for a minute, just here, next to me. Look Blaine, Mercedes is holding my other hand, and I'm holding your hand too, and you're still safe. It's okay babe. You are safe. Mercedes and I will keep you safe, okay?"
Blaine hadn't looked up, but he hadn't pulled away and hidden under his blankets again either, which was definitely progress. I glanced up at Mercedes, who stood quietly beside me, tears streaming down her face. I squeezed her fingers gently, silently thanking her for her patience and compassion, and she quietly sank into the chair next to mine.
Okay, part one was complete. Now to push it just a little bit more...
"So, tell me what you've been up to, Cedes? Tell me everything that's been going on?" I gave her an encouraging squeeze of the fingers, hoping that she would understand that I needed her to chat for a while, so Blaine could get used to her presence. She was a smart girl, she caught on quick.
"Well, I dragged Sam along to my church this morning, so that the ladies in my choir could meet my hot man."
I heard a low chuckle from just outside the door, and I smiled.
"They were most impressed, I gotta say. Vera told me that I had to keep this one." Mercedes winked at me. "I told her I was planning to."
I laughed, and Blaine startled a little at the action. I turned to give him a light kiss on the cheek, and whispered in his ear. "I got you, baby. You're safe. You're safe."
Mercedes watched our little interaction intently, then pulled out her phone and began to type a text message. She kept typing, not looking up, as she continued.
"Mr Schue skyped us on Sams computer last night... he said he's staying on for a bit longer in New York, even though the April Rhodes show crashed and burned. He's going to audition for a minor role in a short running production of 'Hair'. Can you believe it?"
She slid her phone over to me so that I could read what she had typed.
Puck and Finn have been in talking to security guards at the
mall. They have found surveillance footage of the attack.
It's dark, and you can't really see their faces, but
the guys said they think they recognised one of them.
You need to see this. Can you get away for a while?
I shook my head 'no', as I gestured down to Blaine. I deleted what she wrote, and typed my own message while she continued to talk about Mr Schue.
"He said he'll definitely be back in time for the school year to start. He said he wouldn't miss it for the world. He's already planning what he wants us to do when we get to Nationals next year. Can you say 'jumping the gun'?" She smiled across at me as she said that, and I slid the phone back into her hand.
I can't leave him alone, he freaks out.
Anyway, I don't want to watch that happening to him.
Does my Dad know? What about the Police?
How many guys were there? Who was it?
She shook her head, and started punching letters into the keypad. I searched for something to say, to keep up the conversation.
"That's great that he's coming back, but it's a shame about his show. He had such high hopes for that April Rhodes show. Blaine and I had plans to do a road trip to New York at the end of the summer to see it, before we found out it was axed, didn't we babe?"
Blaine nodded against my neck, then with a deep sigh, he leaned back from me, onto the bed, and lifted his head a little.
He was trembling. I could feel it going right through his body.
Then he turned and looked straight at Mercedes.
She stared back, the phone temporarily forgotten in her lap, and gave him a gentle, cautious smile.
"Hey boo." She spoke kindly, softly. "We're all heaps worried about you, you know. All your friends love you tons, and we're all praying for you to get better."
I watched on in awe, as Blaine courageously kept eye contact with her. This was the first time since the attack that he had looked at anyone other than me without screaming, or crying, or both. His fingertips were digging so hard into my palm that I thought my hand would burst from the pressure, but I didn't care. I held my breath.
Mercedes reached out and very tenderly touched the fingers of his right hand, that was clutched against his body encased in a blue cast. Blaine gripped her fingers gently, tears welling in his eyes, but this time, they weren't tears of fear, I was sure. They were tears of pain, tears of gratitude, and knowing Blaine, probably tears to silently beg her forgiveness for having been scared of her; tears of shame.
She kept his hand in hers as she told him of the prayers that had been said for him, and of the song the choir sang for him, and of the churches dedication of today's service to him. She told him of all the flowers and cards and balloons that had been brought here to the hospital for him, but because he was intensive care, only a small number were allowed in his room, so then she told him how her and Tina and Brittany had taken most of the balloons and flowers down to the children's ward, to brighten things up for the kids. Blaine actually smiled at that. Then she pointed out all the cards lined up along the window sill, and the bunch of brightly coloured balloons in the corner, and the 6 vases of flowers lined up across the small shelf, and told him who each was from.
And then, when it was time to go, she leaned over and hugged him, but not before she carefully dropped the phone into my lap so I could read while he was distracted. But I couldn't help watching to see how Blaine would react.
And my heart melted when I saw that Blaine hugged her back.
Looks like some football guy Puck knows, but he's not positive.
They're checking on it. Your Dad is at the Police station with them now.
It was 3 guys, and they ambushed him. He didn't stand a chance.
He eventually managed to get in his car to get away.
Oh, that reminds me. Ask your Dad about Blaine's car. :)
The smiley face confused me, but I figured it had to mean something good. The last time I had seen Blaine's car, there was nothing good to see at all, so I took that to mean that my Dad had done something about it. I stood up and hugged her before she left, slipping her phone back into her pocket as I did so, and for the first time, Blaine even stayed relatively calm while I excused myself to quickly use the bathroom. Then, when I came back, it was to find that he had wriggled over in the bed, leaving more than enough room for me to hop in beside him. I smiled in spite of my concern, and cautiously slid my body in next to his, pulling the blankets up over both of us. He seemed like he had made so much progress in the last hour, and had managed to let go of so much of his fear, that I really thought that I had gotten through to him. We stayed like that for hours, earning a combination of sweet adoring gazes and disgusted sneers from the nurses, but I didn't care. If this is what my boy wanted, nay needed, to help him feel better, then there was no way I was going to deny him.
But unfortunately, as the next few days passed by in a blur of tests and procedures, not to mention the new roster of weekday nurses, orderlies, staff and Doctors, Blaine only continued to draw further within himself. It tore me apart, but I knew that I had to stay strong for him. I had made him realise that Mercedes wasn't a threat to him, in only a few short minutes, so surely that could work again, with other people? I just had to give him time. Or try harder. Or maybe I should just let his body heal properly before I pushed his head too much?
Urgh, I was so confused. All I wanted was to help Blaine get back to normal, but I had no idea how to do it.
I needed help.
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