Chapter 32: Anything
TPD: Pot O' Gold

Blaine put the finishing touches on hair, still struggling with the question of how much was too much gel, but not really caring. He'd looked at his bed head that morning, and it had been too long, and he and Kurt hadn't gotten to see each other since the movie night. Burt was running for Congress and that was new and exciting, so Blaine couldn't fault his boyfriend for being distracted by that.

But he was still feeling horribly self-conscious. He knew having his hair loose didn't make him really look like a girl, but sometimes he just needed it under control. It was stupid and it made no sense, but it made him uncomfortable. When something made him uncomfortable, he fixed it. Even if it meant fracturing a rib.

Meanwhile, Rachel had apparently decided to run against Kurt and Brittany for president and Kurt was not taking it well. At least he had something to focus on besides the fact that he'd just found out his boyfriend used to be a girlfriend. So he was relieved when Kurt finally came over to hang out one afternoon, sprawling out on Blaine's bed. They were both lying like that, staring up at the ceiling like they were star gazing.

"I just need this so much, Blaine."

"Kurt. NYADA isn't going to care about whether or not you were president. If they're as good as everyone says, they will want you because you are the most talented boy in all of Ohio. Besides, too many extra-curriculars... That means no time to rehearse. Why shouldn't they pick someone who's managed to devote basically all of their time to honing their craft?"

"You are so sweet," Kurt smiled and drew closer so he could wrap his arms around Blaine's waist.

"I'm just being honest."

Kurt turned his head to kiss the arm Blaine draped over his shoulders. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"I mean about you being transgender?"

Blaine swallowed. "Yeah."

"I've been doing some reading-" Kurt had been doing reading? "-and don't worry, I'm not going to ask anything stupid like 'well, wouldn't it have been easier to stay a girl' because honestly I could never see you as one. Probably not even if I'd known you before. You're just so..." God, Blaine felt uncomfortable. But they had to talk about this. He had to be able to talk about this with Kurt or they were never going to be able to have a relationship. "I guess what I'm trying to say is... I'm going to ask stupid question and I'm really sorry about it. I love you and you know I'd never try to say anything to hurt you, right?"

"Yeah," Blaine agreed, his voice just a little too high.

Kurt squeezed him tight. "I mean it. So... my first question is if there is anything I should never, ever ask you."

"You can ask me anything," Blaine stated firmly. "I'm... To be completely honest, I'm probably never going to be fully comfortable talking about it, but I'm not going to shut you out just because-"

"I never want to make you uncomfortable."

"And I don't want you to feel like you can't talk to me about something. If something makes me too uncomfortable, I'll let you know. And I expect you to do the same."

"Okay. Then I guess... You don't... You've had top surgery."

"Right."

"Do you have scars?"

"No."

"But I thought-"

"Some guys are lucky enough that they can get the keyhole incision. It doesn't leave anything noticeable."

"Do you think you'll ever get bottom surgery?"

Blaine hadn't been ready for that question. "I don't know," he responded without thinking. Did Kurt want him to get bottom surgery? Would Kurt leave if Blaine told him he didn't think he would? He settled on, "It's really expensive, so it's not even an option right now."

Kurt seemed to sense he'd stepped into bad country, so he changed the subject. "I guess your parents were pretty supportive."

Blaine didn't reply.

"I only mean to let you go on hormones and get surgery so young."

"Y-yeah," Blaine agreed in a hurry. Cooper didn't even know that Blaine had obtained all these things illegally. Maybe he suspected, but he didn't care enough to do anything about it. Blaine was sure Kurt would, so that had to remain a secret. "I mean it all sort of snowballed after the dance."

Kurt tensed a bit and Blaine decided not to mention it again.

"Can I ask you something and you don't have to answer it? If you want, we can pretend I never asked... I don't even have to ask."

Kurt sounded like he was going to be sick. "I already told you that you can ask me anything," Blaine reminded him.

"Did they... Sorry, I just-"

"Anything."

"They hurt you."

"Yeah," Blaine agreed, uncertain where all of the strength and confidence in his tone came from.

"Did they...?"

Blaine frowned. "Did they what?"

"It's just- I watched Boys Don't Cry because it kept coming up when I was researching and-"

"Oh." Blaine hugged Kurt close. "I wasn't raped if that's what you're asking."

"Good," Kurt said and Blaine could feel him relax a bit. "I mean- Not good that you were attacked, but-"

"I got it." Blaine kissed the top of Kurt's head. "I think I was worried about it for a minute, though. They sort of... ripped my shirt open. Tyler tried to get me to back down, but I didn't listen. They kept calling me a girl, and I guess they wanted to prove their point."

Kurt propped himself up so that he was just inches above Blaine's face. He looked so sad, and Blaine wished he hadn't said anything. Again. Per usual. "I hate hearing about horrible things happening to you," he whispered, "but I'm glad you can trust me with it. You can tell me anything, Blaine. Absolutely anything."

"I love you."

"Especially that," Kurt grinned.

Blaine craned his neck to close the few inches between them and Kurt followed his face back down, cupping his cheek as they kissed.

"I love you," Blaine repeated and Kurt smiled.

He kissed Blaine one last time before admitting that he had to get going. They were having a family dinner at Breadstix.

Blaine walked Kurt to his car, accepting a goodbye kiss, and stood in the driveway feeling like he'd spent the afternoon dreaming.