Chapter Twelve: Crush
Takes place during: Never Been Kissed

Blaine and Justin talked once after the Incident, very briefly. Justin apologized for being so abrupt, and assured Blaine he wouldn't tell anyone what he knew. It was little comfort for Blaine, who had suddenly realized he was doomed to be alone because he'd only ever fallen for gay guys and that even if a gay guy fell for him as well... He still had a female body. Maybe he'd meet a bisexual guy some day and it would work out, but what were the chances of that ever happening? Especially when Blaine just wanted Justin.

As the months passed, it began to hurt less. Blaine threw himself into singing and school work. He found himself boxing daily as a way to channel all of his stress. He was maintaining a 4.0 GPA, so he should hopefully manage to land a scholarship and could attend college without taking on a lifetime's worth of loan debt.

By the end of the semester, he felt like himself again. His voice had settled even more and he sounded more like an upperclassman than a sophomore. Maybe it was because he was injecting hormones rather than producing them naturally. Maybe that made his voice change faster. Maybe he should have been injecting a lower dose. He didn't know.

He'd stopped taking his hormones shortly after the Incident, however. It was then that he decided he needed to find out about top surgery at the very least. Since he'd gone on hormones so early, his chest hadn't grown too big and he was pretty sure he could get the "keyhole" surgery. It was more expensive, but there wouldn't be any scars once it was done. It was so much easier to save money when he wasn't blowing $100 every few weeks. Even working at the mall, he was still about $500 short by the time he got the confirmation that the doctor he'd chosen could perform the surgery he wanted. He phoned Cooper, told him that he'd be able to pay him back by March, and Cooper gave him what he could. Blaine went ahead and scheduled the surgery. On the weekends, he sold magazine subscriptions in the local neighborhoods to make up the difference, so the second day after winter break Cooper flew with him to Maryland and he met with Dr. Fisher and she gave him the chest he'd always known he was meant to have. He spent the rest of the break recuperating with Riley until he could move back into his dorm at Dalton.

Unfortunately, going off hormones meant his penguin came back around Christmas. That was a present he could have lived without. At least he had his own room at school now, so he didn't have to worry about any of his roommates accidentally stumbling on a box of tampons when spring semester finally arrived. The penguin really didn't bother him too much, possibly because he was still high on the idea that he could play on the skins team instead of the shirts in gym if he really wanted to.

Blaine started lifting weights on top of boxing. Suddenly he had a body that he was at least marginally proud of, so he wanted to make it even more built. He felt in control of his own life in a way he hadn't since he'd purchased his first ACE bandage. He felt comfortable with himself.

He auditioned for a solo with the Warblers again, and got it. They'd been rehearsing the number for a couple weeks, and were ready to debut it in front of their classmates before deciding on whether it would move on to any competitions.

He was beginning to feel a bit nervous, but in a really good way. He rushed down the stairs with everyone else, but was stopped. He turned and looked up at one of the most attractive guys he'd ever seen. When he heard him speak, he wondered for a second if this guy was like him. Blaine replied to his questions on autopilot, talking about the Warblers like they'd been talked about to him when he first arrived.

Ultimately, he decided that Kurt was probably not like him. He was too tall, his jaw was too square, and his voice had that bass-y resonance to it even if it was higher in pitch. Of course, that did nothing to quell the sudden rising desire to ask him out. Blaine gave him a second look. This guy was clearly not a Dalton student. "Come on," he said and grabbed Kurt's hand. "I know a shortcut." So no one will see you and kick you out before you can see us sing, Blaine finished silently.

He did his best to deliver the song to Kurt. If the Warblers impressed him enough, maybe he'd transfer to Dalton. Maybe that's what he was doing here. For a full three minutes, Blaine forgot why he could not possibly start a relationship with this boy.

They talked to him after, and Blaine felt his heart melt to learn why Kurt had come. He told him that he could face his bully, that he was mad he didn't face his own- and he was, to an extent. He did not tell Kurt why he ran. He did not reveal that he would run again if faced with the decision. He especially did not tell him why he'd been bullied.

He was glad when Wes and David showed up after Kurt left.

"That new kid is all over you," Wes teased.

Blaine laughed nervously. "Don't be ridiculous."

"No, he has fallen in love with the dulcet tones of one Blaine Anderson, and he has fallen hard."

"He's fallen for the Warblers and a zero tolerance bullying policy," Blaine said, and felt his spirits sink as he realized the truth of it.

"Yeah, okay," David said in a tone that clearly said he thought Blaine was crazy.

Blaine shook his head. "I'll see you guys at practice tomorrow, okay?"

He was early for work at the mall, but it was okay. He'd finally paid Cooper back, so he was saving up again. He had tried to find Ray to buy more hormones from him, but his old dealer had vanished. He'd have to find a new one, he guessed. That was going to take a lot of research and he wasn't sure he wanted to bother. Aside from his penguin, there was no reason to take it. His voice had dropped; he even shaved his face the other day. It was nothing major, but it was more than just the feathery fluff he'd had before.

So he'd put it off. No big deal.

Unfortunately, he suffered another setback that day. He'd left his wallet in his usual cubby at work (his trousers didn't have pockets today) and someone had stolen it. He sat down on the bench at the bus stop, trying to figure out how in the world he was going to get back to Dalton when someone sat down next to him.

"You alright?"

Blaine looked up. "Yeah, well no. My wallet was stolen, so I don't have bus fare."

"Want to borrow my phone to call your parents?"

"No," Blaine said, wildly searching for a lie. "They don't live around here. I go to boarding school."

"In Ohio?"

Blaine shrugged.

"You work over in the food court, don't you?"

Blaine nodded. "Making smoothies for all the health nuts Ohio has to offer."

The guy laughed. "Well, I work over at the Gap and I think I've had one of your smoothies before. It was excellent, and I feel like I should return the favor."

Blaine's eyebrows rose hopefully. "I can pay you back-"

"Actually, I haven't got any cash, but I can give you a ride. I'm assuming you go to Dalton, since it's the only high school around here I know of with dorms."

"Yeah. Dalton. Thank you so much," he said. "Really."

"I'm Jeremiah," he said and extended his hand.

"Blaine."