Chapter Eleven: Back to School

By the time Blaine got back to Ohio, he was a new man. He'd spent so much time trying to inflect his voice "like a man" to please Cooper that it felt a little odd to drop the new speech pattern. Cooper had seemed a little off at the airport, but Blaine just decided to put that down to the fact that they'd spent the summer together and now Cooper was dropping him back in Ohio with technically no real place to live. Blaine didn't mind. He'd already proven to himself that he was more than capable of taking care of himself without parental consent.

The first day back, he ran into David in the hall. The Warblers would probably have practice that day unless they were holding off for students to settle in for the semester. He was definitely going to vote for David and Wes when they held Warblers elections today. "How's the voice?" David inquired.

Blaine grinned and sang a few runs. David's jaw fell open. "Well, that is something to be jealous of. If only puberty were so kind to everyone." Blaine smiled self-consciously. David lit up, "You should audition for a solo, Blaine. Once we've held elections, we'll probably do that if there's time today."

"So we do have practice?"

"More housekeeping than practice," David explained. "We have to elect officers and find soloists before we can choose songs."

"That makes sense."

"Listen, Blaine, I've got to run, but I'll see you later. Definitely audition, okay?"

Blaine nodded and waved as David rushed off. Okay. He could audition for a solo. He had no idea what he was going to sing, but he'd sing the heck out of it.

Soon he reached his original destination: the math class he and Justin now took together. "Missed you," Justin smiled shyly at him.

"Missed you more," Blaine said totally seriously, and then laughed. "Now you hang up first."

They'd exchanged several letters over the summer, and grown a lot closer. Especially once they'd decided the US postal service was too slow and resorted to texting several times a day. Blaine had gotten a job at a coffee shop in LA and bought himself a cheap phone that Cooper was perfectly happy to add to his own plan. He'd told Blaine not to worry about it, that it didn't cost him that much more. Blaine started to wonder when Cooper had turned into such a good... dad.

"Still up for a study night?" Justin asked.

"I have been looking forward to it all summer," Blaine grinned.

"Then I guess we'd better get to class so we know what to... study."

Somehow even math class was fun when he was sitting next to Justin. They kept looking at each other and then looking away quickly when the other noticed. Blaine just wanted the day to hurry up and end so he could hang out with... his boyfriend? Were they boyfriends? They hadn't actually talked about it.

Warbler practice was the only part of the day he didn't automatically hate for standing between him and his study date. Wes and David won the election by a landslide along with some upperclassmen he didn't know too well, and there was plenty of time left for solo auditions.

He settled for a song he'd heard during countless hours he'd spent on YouTube, watching transition videos. His favorite channel had, of course, been a singer-songwriter who was a year older than Blaine. There was one song, "Going West" that was Blaine's favorite, but he couldn't sing a song for anyone about getting a "T shot" or having scars on his chest. So, he picked his second favorite.

He got up, introduced himself and his song, and started to sing. "Try to stop myself from falling to the ground. Looking around the world for answers that can't be found. I looked up. Well, I got down real low. Tell me how far, how far can you really go? And I wonder how you're sleeping through the night..."

As he got further into the song, he realized it probably wasn't the best song to show off his dancing or his range, but he nailed the emotion of it. The upperclassmen looked thrilled, everyone clapped, Justin gave him a look that made Blaine suddenly wish it was study time.

He waited nervously in the hallway with two older members while everyone inside the room discussed their fate. Finally, Wes opened the door. "Alright," Wes announced. "George and Francis? Congratulations, you're moving on."

Blaine tried to hide his disappointment. Wes noticed anyway and took him aside after practice. "You were fantastic, Blaine. You really were."

"Then why didn't-"

"Because the Warblers is a team, Blaine. Just like any other group, we have to do what's best for everyone overall. We need a strong tenor to lead the section, and that's you. Being in the Warblers isn't about showing off or beating out everyone else in the group. It's about all of us working together to make the sweet, sweet music for which we are so well known."

Blaine nodded. "Then thank you."

Wes beamed proudly. "But don't let that stop you from auditioning next semester, okay?"

"Most definitely," Blaine agreed. "But I won't be too upset if I don't get it."

Wes nodded. "I'll let you go. I think someone's waiting for you..."

Blaine turned around and Justin was definitely sitting on a bench just down the hall, trying not to look like he was listening. Blaine made his way to the bench and sat. "Been waiting here long?"

"Far too long. Shall we?"

"Oh, we shall."

Blaine led the way to his new single room. He missed Brian, Jason, and Chuck, but he didn't miss the sweatshirt he'd had to wear to bed to hide his chest. (He'd learned all too quickly that he couldn't bind while he slept. He'd only wake up with his ribs feeling sore like they'd been bent around all night and then mysteriously reshaped by morning.) He dropped his bag on the bed and pulled out his math book.

Suddenly, Justin's arms snaked around his waist and his body pressed into Blaine's back. Blaine stiffened a bit. He turned in Justin's arms. "I thought we were going to study."

"We can if you want," Justin said and Blaine forgot to argue as their lips touched. It spiraled out of control all too quickly. Blaine barely had time to register that they weren't studying before Justin's hand had climbed up his spine to the edge of his binder. "What's this?"

Blaine pulled away like he'd been burned. "Nothing," he replied, pulse racing.

"Are you wearing a bra?"

"No," Blaine replied, his throat tightening. "It's an undershirt."

"Why is it so short and so tight?"

"I..." Well, it wasn't like he could have had a serious relationship without telling. He might as well get it over with. "It's a binder."

"What?" Justin only looked more confused.

Blaine stared at the floor. "I'm transgender. It... binds my... breasts." The words made him feel like he was going to vomit.

"Wait," Justin said. "So you're... a girl?"

"No." Blaine looked up, feeling angry and defensive all of a sudden. "I'm a boy."

"But you have... breasts."

"That's what transgender means," Blaine mumbled furiously. This was humiliating. Why was it his responsibility to explain all of this while Justin stared at him like he was some kind of mutant freak? "My body is female. I am not."

"Okay." Justin still looked like he was about to turn tail and run. "Listen, Blaine... I-"

"I'm still the same guy."

"I'm sorry, Blaine. I- This is just too weird for me."

Blaine nodded. "It's okay," he lied.

"You're a really great- person, but I can't... I'm a little too gay for this."

"And I'm a boy," Blaine blurted out.

"Maybe on the inside," Justin threw back, "but... I can't, Blaine. I'm sorry."

"It's fine," he lied again and Justin grabbed his bag and left with an awkward pause like he was going to say goodbye, but instead said nothing and left without another word.

Blaine closed his door, locked it, and cried for the first time in months.