Blaine sunk down on to the top step of the building, the cool air a relief after Rachel’s overcrowded apartment. Inside, a group of people far too vast for him to ever work out who everyone was were drinking, and dancing, and laughing. Blaine just needed a minute. His head was fuzzy from the beer, so he rested it lightly on his hands, and let himself relax. He felt weird.

Last time Blaine was in the city, he’d kissed another guy. He could justify his way around it over and over, but the central facts of the story never changed. He had met a guy, and taken him for coffee, and then talked himself hoarse to a complete stranger. And then they’d kissed. Blaine thought he was past it, thought that after a difficult few months right at the beginning he was ok with Dan, was happy, just like he’d been before ice rinks and stars and a boy named Kurt. Being back in New York, surrounded by these vibrant people who somehow reminded him of a boy he’d only known a few hours, and hadn’t seen for months, was forcing him to admit that maybe he…wasn’t.

He glanced over his shoulder to the open door, irrationally hoping that somehow it would give him the answer he so desperately craved. Difficult, he thought, when he hadn’t even worked out the question.

Blaine heard footsteps, solitary and slowed by alcohol, and he smiled, a genuine display of happiness, when Dan appeared at the bottom of the inside staircase. Maybe that was the answer, Blaine thought wryly to himself. He had asked internally for help and the universe had sent him Dan. Wow. Blaine adjusted his grin, hoping he looked less manic than he felt, letting it fall into a natural smile as Dan sat down beside him and wrapped his arm around Blaine’s back, pulling him close.

“Hi” Blaine mumbled into Dan’s shoulder, and Dan laughed and pulled him closer still.

“Will you walk with me?” Dan asked, his voice shy, and Blaine felt like something was about to happen.

“Always”, Blaine replied, and his heart pinched a bit with guilt, and then he breathed, and then he meant it.

*

Kurt slowed as he reached Rachel’s street. He had lived here himself for almost a year before he moved in with Sebastian, but somehow it didn’t feel like coming home. He felt disconnected, nothing like the freedom he had expected from telling Sebastian it was over. It didn’t feel over yet.

He squinted as he neared Rachel’s apartment, trying to make out the retreating figures walking north, but failing. Rachel was far more social than Kurt had ever been; it was entirely possible he wouldn’t recognize them even if he was close enough to see their faces.

Rachel was waiting on the steps, her face expectant as Kurt approached.

“I did it” he said, and she nodded, just once. Good.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Rachel asked, and Kurt let himself feel touched. It was a huge night for Rachel, who could be self-entitled even when the occasion didn’t call for it, so for her to even ask was kind of a big deal.

“Nope.” He said.

“I want to drink beer and celebrate with my best friend”.

Rachel’s smile told Kurt that this was the right answer. She handed him the beer in her hand and placed her arm around his shoulder. Her face shifted, and with the movement of just a few muscles she was back in show mode.

“You” she said as she guided him towards the open door “should come and meet Trent.”

Kurt rolled his eyes at what he was sure was about to become a misguided attempt at a rebound, but let himself be lead.

*

Blaine and Dan walked for what seemed like hours, but in reality was barely twenty minutes. Sometimes they talked and sometimes they didn’t, the conversation between their clasped hands enough to fill the late night semi-silence. It was so rare that they were able to truly be alone, with no distractions or interruptions, and Blaine found himself feeling grateful, and calm, and so glad they had taken this trip.

“Where are we going?” he asked as they reached the Dakota building, and Dan smiled, and squeezed Blaine’s hand tighter, and said “Everywhere”.

*

By the time he was handed his third beer, Kurt had begun to relax. Trent was a sweet boy, and it became quickly obvious that a few beers made him very flirtatious, but it was nice to talk to somebody who didn’t have the legacy of Kurt Hummel to build their expectations upon. If Trent expected nothing, Kurt thought, then he wouldn’t be disappointed.

It was just past midnight when Kurt spotted Tyler and Rachel making their excuses, getting ready to hole up in a bedroom and celebrate in an entirely different way.

It was just past midnight when he bid Trent goodnight, knowing that filling the void left by Sebastian (left by Blaine?) was a bad idea for so many reasons.

It was just past midnight when Kurt grabbed his bag, and said his goodbyes, heading for the open door and the cold New York night.

It was just past midnight when he grabbed Rachel by the elbow as she passed, and said “Hey. I’m going to find him.”

*

The apartment was dark when Kurt returned, the bedroom door closed and Sebastian nowhere to be seen. Kurt took solace in that; in the idea that life went on, that Sebastian was asleep as if it was any other night, that he hadn’t upset the balance of what-was-supposed-to-happen so badly that it was visible to the naked eye. He kicked off his shoes and settled in on the couch, realizing as his back hit the soft cushions that for the foreseeable future, this would probably be where he slept.

And it was that, the first visible sign of something broken, that made his breath stick in his throat, tears prickle in the corner of his eyes. Kurt took a deep breath. You wanted this, he reminded himself. He wouldn’t allow himself to cry.

The floorboards creaked, and Kurt heard the bedroom door open slowly. He closed his eyes, sure he wasn’t ready for a confrontation.

“You awake?” Sebastian’s voice was close, and Kurt blinked his eyes open to see his boyfriend…ex-boyfriend standing in the doorway.

“Yeah” he said, and Sebastian took that as an invitation, walking over and sitting lightly on the edge of the couch. They just looked at each other for a moment, their faces so familiar, every edge and detail so well known, but changed somehow. Kurt noticed the way Sebastian’s left eyebrow grew slightly higher than his right, then tried to focus anywhere else, as if that quirk he’d loved so much was no longer his to see. Sebastian’s eyes flew to the scar on Kurt’s neck, the place he’d kissed and lavished attention upon so many times, then quickly averted his eyes, the whole thing too intimate suddenly.

The silence grew thick, and something had to happen, Kurt thought, so he smiled tentatively, and Sebastian returned it instantly. And then the silence was broken, and their words collided in mid-air as both of them went to speak.

“I’m sorry” Kurt said, and Sebastian said “I want to help you find him”.

*

Both of them had heard the horror stories about the park after midnight, but Blaine felt safe tucked around Dan as they walked towards a bench and sat, contemplative and quiet.

The March air was cold but comfortable, and Blaine balked slightly, just for a moment, as Dan rubbed Blaine’s palm between both of his and wished aloud for gloves.

Blaine had never given them to him.

The Macys bag was tucked safely away in their closet, buried somewhere in a box marked ‘Blaine’s High School Things’. They hadn’t known each other then, hadn’t shared bank accounts and bills and a life, so Blaine knew Dan wouldn’t go digging through that box for a misplaced piece of paper, wouldn’t find the gloves by accident and end up seeking an explanation rather than whatever it was he was originally looking for. It seemed inappropriate, Blaine thought, to give your boyfriend a pair of gloves that would forever represent a kiss with somebody else and a night of rarity and magic. And as for wearing them himself, Blaine couldn’t, not without wondering whether somewhere in New York City, a man he’d never meet was wearing a scarf, and fingering the tag and wondering who Kurt was. He was trying to forget; that was what he’d promised he would do. Cold hands seemed more bearable than the alternative.

“You know I love you, right?” Dan asked after they’d been sitting a while, and Blaine nodded, because of course, he had rarely been more sure of anything.

“Because there isn’t a minute of a single day that passes where I don’t feel your love” Dan continued, and Blaine’s body stiffened, so briefly he hardly even noticed, because he was right, something was happening here.

“Even when you’re not there, even when we’re in entirely different cities, I wake up and I feel warm because I know that somewhere, even if it isn’t a conscious thought, even if you aren’t thinking of me at all right at that moment, you’re out there loving me. And that is just the best feeling Blaine.”

Dan rearranged their hands, smiled at the dopey grin on Blaine’s lips, carried on.

“You told me once that you had no idea what you were doing when it came to love, but you are, and you always were, so good at it. I don’t just love being loved by you, I love loving you too, because you make it so easy, and so fun. I left a lot behind when I came to Chicago, Blaine. So many people, and opportunities, and other lives that could have been mine, but then I found you. And that was so much more”.

Dan was sliding his hand away from Blaine’s now, standing up, gesturing to Blaine to stay on the bench as he pulled something from his pocket. He winced at the cold of the ground on his knees as he knelt, and reached out to take Blaine’s hand again.

“I practiced so many ways to ask you. I wrote them all down, and then I said them aloud and I still couldn’t decide, but really, it all comes down to this. I love you Blaine Anderson. Will you marry me?”

Dan opened the tiny box in his free hand to reveal a ring that Blaine instinctively wanted to wrap around his finger and never take off. Blaine closed his eyes, tried to ignore the contradictory screams coming from his brain, let his mouth fall into a smile.

He couldn’t think of a single logical reason to say no.

So he said yes.