March 23, 2012, 7:44 p.m.
Nice Guys Finish Last: My First Kiss
E - Words: 2,737 - Last Updated: Mar 23, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 7/? - Created: Nov 14, 2011 - Updated: Mar 23, 2012 1,314 0 10 0 0
The whole leaning against things was a bit more difficult than Blaine thought. On Wednesday night he tried to lean against a light pole in the apartment parking lot while he smoked his homework of two cigarettes. He propped his foot on the pole as he leaned, trying to look like someone from a 50s movie. However, as Blaine shifted his weight, the leather jacket slipped on the pole causing him to tumble onto the asphalt. As he got up to brush himself off, he spotted a figure in his own window. It was Santana silently cackling and pointing at him.
Mainly they focused on Blaine’s new “bad boy attitude”. Somewhere in Blaine’s head he thought a bad boy was a mix of Danny Zuko and Han Solo. However, this was soon corrected by night after night of movies with lots of Santana commentary.
“See you need to have that dark and mysterious vibe going,” Santana explained excitedly during A Rebel Without A Cause. “It’s like you’re so cool because everyone thinks you are, but you don’t really care what they think. You have to act like you’re cool but you don’t know it. But you actually do know you’re cool and that’s where the whole cocky arrogant thing comes in.”
Blaine looked at her, eyebrows knit together. “That doesn’t make sense.”
Brittany looked pointedly at him and stated, “Of course, it does.”
There were lessons with every movie.
Grease
“Wearing leather and riding motorcycles is sexy. You have to make sure you keep up with your bad reputation.”
“Wait…do I have to learn to ride a motorcycle?”
“For everyone’s safety, hell no. Also if your hair ever looks as shiny as a T-Bird, I will light it on fire.”
The Breakfast Club.
“Bad boys don’t give a flying fuck about authority. Witty remarks are your weapon of choice. Pervy comments are damn hot. Be a John Bender, not a Brian Johnson.”
“But Bender’s an jerk.”
“But he’s a hot jerk.”
Fight Club.
“Fighting and Brad Pitt is sexy. The whole anarchy thing is pretty cool unless you try and blow stuff up.”
“I’m confused.”
“About what?”
“About everything that just happened in the last two hours.”
“You just wanna watch Brad Pitt again.”
“Um. No? Maybe? …Yeah.”
***
However, the most difficult part was Santana’s rule for school that week, “Be invisible”. This Blaine wasn’t going to be here in a week. So when the new Blaine showed up, they needed no one to remember the old Blaine.
It was hard thinking of it like that. Old Blaine. New Blaine.
Not even Santana and Brittany acknowledged him at school. It was weird hanging out with them everyday after school when they ignored each other all day. Before when Blaine had no friends at school, it seemed so simple. He went to McKinley and went home. When he felt too lonely, he would Skype with the Warblers or visit Dalton. He didn’t have much to worry about. Now that he had two people here who joked with him, talked with him and gave him little nicknames, he felt so much lonelier seeing the girls walking down the halls laughing to each other and not being apart of it.
But the worse thing about this plan was ignoring Kurt. Blaine had developed a routine that revolved completely around Kurt for the past three weeks, and it was hard to break that routine. He forced himself to actually pay attention in Calculus, looking at the teacher or his book but never looking at Kurt. He faked a stomachache for Home Ec, spending the time in the nurse’s office just because watching Kurt being excited about the baking assignment was too hard. He ate lunch in a corner of the library. He would even carry most of his books in his bag so he wouldn’t see Kurt when he went to his locker. Blaine never thought that ignoring someone would be so exhausting.
When the bell rang signaling the last class on Friday, Blaine let out a huge sigh of relief. He packed up his AP Spanish book and notebook into his overburdened backpack and went to his locker. As he unloaded his bag, he stretched, thinking about how he was going to have serious back problems from this week alone. After packing only what he needed for his weekend homework, Blaine turned around and stopped breathing.
Kurt was standing about a foot away from him, facing him, smiling at him.
The boy in front of him let out a cheerful, “Hey.”
To say that Blaine was panicking would be an understatement. He felt like his brain was exploding. He half expected smoke to come whistling out of his ears. Why was Kurt here? Why was he smiling at him? Should Blaine talk back? Wow, Kurt’s grey shirt made his eyes seem even bluer. Oh my god, wasn’t he suppose to be ignoring Kurt? What if this ruined everything? Why hadn’t he responded yet? Blaine’s brain yelled at his mouth to move, but he just couldn’t seem to get the words out.
Kurt’s smile fell as Blaine continued to stare in silence. The boy looked down and uncomfortably fidgeted with the sleeve of his shirt. They stood in silence until Kurt looked up again, asking in a small voice, “Um… have you been avoiding me?”
Blaine was stunned. He never expected Kurt to notice that he was ignoring him.
But just as he was about to respond, Santana swooped in from out of nowhere, grabbing his arm. Blaine barely had time to seize his bag before he was being pulled harshly toward the parking lot. Santana shouted back over her shoulder, “Sorry Lady Lips, but this geek has an English paper to write for me.”
Blaine let himself be dragged as he looked behind him at the boy standing at his locker, looking shocked and…disappointed?
Before he knew it, he was outside standing behind a dumpster looking at a frustrated Santana, but Blaine was equally frustrated.
“What the hell, Santana!” Blaine shouted, yanking his arm out of her vice grip. “He was actually talking to me.”
She rolled her eyes and scolded in whisper, “Keep your voice down, shortie.”
But Blaine’s blood was boiling and he continued to shout, “He came up to me. He noticed me! You of all people know how much I fucking like him. I thought you were going to help me. I won’t ever get a chance like that ever again. I wouldn’t have to do this stupid plan and I could just—“
His rant was cut off by Santana’s hand firmly planted on his mouth and her other hand gripping the back of his head. He tried to pull away, but Santana wasn’t going anywhere. He closed his eyes and forced himself to calm down. He let himself breath slowly out his nose until his rage passed.
When Blaine opened his eyes finally, Santana released him, taking a few steps back. She tightened her ponytail and asked, “You okay now?” Blaine nodded. He could tell she was still annoyed with him as she crossed he arms. “Blaine, you need to understand that I just couldn’t let you talk to him. First of all, it would blow our plan. And secondly… remember last time you two talked? You were so—I couldn’t stand there and watch you make a fool of yourself again.” Her face softened, giving him a sympathetic smile.
Blaine hesitated a moment and returned the smile. He felt a bit relieved, finally understanding she was just trying to help him out. He knew that it was better this way. New Blaine was much better than old Blaine. New Blaine was the one that would get Kurt.
***
Two hours later, Blaine found himself taking lasagna—one of the six things he had learned to make since he started living on his own—out of the oven while Brittany and Santana battled each other in Super Smash Bros Brawl. In the last week, they had become addicted, not that either would admit it.
It became part of their routine. Blaine did his homework in his room after school, and Brittany’s Kirby and Santana’s Pichu would fight to the death. Brittany got scary competitive with game, mashing buttons and cheering herself on. He couldn’t help but laugh every time he heard Santana yell, “Stop sucking me, damn it!” Every so often Brittany would drag Blaine out to kick their butts as whatever character they picked until he went back to studying… which they never seemed to do.
Blaine served dinner and set plates down in front of the concentrating girls, who were more interested in who could get to the nearest Pokeball rather than the food.
He crosses his arms, looking meaningfully from them to the TV to the food, but they were not even aware of his existence at that point, too busy elbowing each other to mess up.
There was a glint in his eyes and Blaine sat on the couch next to Brittany with his food. He just watched them for a minute, taking a few bites. Then he leaned over and whispered in Brittany’s ear, “Hey Brit. You realize Pichu is an electric Pok�mon, right?” She nodded, still concentrated on the game. “Well, its power comes from being plugged into the wall.”
With that, Brittany shot up out of her seat and ran toward the TV with Blaine shouting “Go, Brittany! Go!” and Santana yelling, “What did you tell her? Wait, what are you doing? No, Brit!” Brittany yanked the power cord out of the wall turning the TV and game system off.
Blaine busted up laughing. Brittany looked confused for a second at the TV and then at Blaine laughing. Realization hit her. She put her hands on her hips and gave him a knowing smile. “You tricked me.”
He gave her a proud smile back and apologized, brushing the laughing tears out of his eyes and wincing as Santana punched him playfully. They all settled back on the couch and began eating.
“So, Frodo,” Santana said after a few minutes. “How many guys did you kiss at gay Hogwarts?”
Blaine could feel his face turn the same color as the tomato sauce. He said quietly, “None.” Then he took a huge bite so he couldn’t answer any more questions.
Santana looked at him in disbelief. “None? Cero? Aw hun, no wonder you can be so uptight.”
He wanted to refute the last remark, but his full mouth plan backfired on him. Instead, he just sent her a glare.
Santana set her plate on the coffee table and turned back to Blaine, becoming all business. “Well, I figured we might come to this. Honestly, I did expect at least some experience. Were you not out and proud there either?”
Blaine swallowed and simply said, “Nope, they knew I was gay. There was just a zero tolerance bullying policy. Plus there was a lack of letter jacketed gorillas armed with slushies.” Blaine stopped there. He didn’t want mention that it wasn’t just about survival at McKinley. Before Santana and Brittany, there was really no one to tell. He felt a pain in his stomach when all the loneliness during school that week hit him again.
Blaine could see the cogs whirling around in the girl’s head. Finally she asserted, “Then we are just going to have to teach you how to kiss.” Brittany lit up at this idea and set her down plate on the table too.
“So you want me to practice kissing?” He furrowed his brow and looked at the girls. “Like the whole crook of my arm thing?”
“No, no, no. With Brit.”
Now Blaine was just plain concerned about Santana, leaning and explaining like he would to a child, “Tana, when a boy likes boys, that usually means he doesn’t want to kiss girls.”
Santana sucked in a huge breath, looking like she could not pick one of the hundreds of insults running through her brain. Finally she let her breath out and gave him a truly devious smile.
“Did you know that Brittany was Kurt’s first kiss?”
Blaine just scoffed at the question. He knew Kurt was so sure about his sexuality. He would never kiss Brittany. But the look on Brittany’s face clearly said it was true.
“I was his first and only girlfriend,” the chipper blonde said proudly.
Santana explained, “He was going through a butch phase. Wanted to test the waters of his sexuality before he could admit he was the queen of the pride parade.”
He stared at them in disbelief. He just really didn’t want to believe that Kurt would kiss Brittany. Brittany was his friend but she was just—not Blaine. Blaine had expected Kurt to be just like him, not having kissed anyone like him. They were seniors in high school but so it might have been unrealistic. He just didn’t want to imagine Kurt kissing anyone else.
Then it hit him. Blaine was jealous.
However, this quickly turned to fear with the realization: Kurt had experience kissing.
Blaine bolted out of the thoughts and demanded loudly, “Teach me how to kiss.”
Brittany looked a bit confused by his change in attitude, but Santana just smirked and said, “Alright. Brit, work your lip lockin’ magic.” She picked up her plate, leaning back to enjoy the show.
Blaine took a moment to mentally prepare himself, breathing deeply. Maybe he could imagine Ryan Gosling kissing him. How could he really just kiss—
His thoughts were cut off by Brittany’s lips planted on his own. Blaine felt his whole body tense up and tried to resist the urge to push her back. Willing himself to relax, he tried kissing back. Sometimes Blaine awkwardly bumped her nose or angled the kiss wrong but he kept going until he it felt okay again. Her lips were soft, just like he imagined Kurt’s would be.
Finally they pulled back. Blaine was a bit dazed, but Brittany gave Santana a high five.
Blaine looked up at Brittany, his eyes pleading, “Was it alright? It wasn’t too bad, was it?”
Brittany pinched his cheeks. “You are such a puppy.” Blaine had not idea what that mean, but she continued, “It was a good kiss. When it got a little messy, you corrected yourself. A good sweet kiss. Plus your lips taste like lasagna.” She gave him thumbs up.
Blaine felt good about the feedback and went to go back to eating, but Santana reached over Brittany and swatted his hand. “Not so fast. You need to learn how to kiss for real. Now this time you are going to kiss her. A first kiss is like the greeting card of a relationship. It is either a generic with “best wishes” which is not gonna get you any, a fluffy kitty card which is not gonna get you any, or a hot guy with his junk in a package. Which one do you think Hummel will want bad boy Blaine to do?”
After his own mental pep talk, Blaine slowly reached for Brittany’s face, keeping his eyes locked intensely. He ran his fingers into hair and pulled her in. It was nothing like the last kiss, tentative and nervous. This time he was in control. The one thought from his pep talk egging him on: these lips kissed Kurt. Blaine’s licked Brittany’s bottom lip, hoping to taste any bit of Kurt left on the lips years ago. He aggressively sucked the bottom lip into his mouth wanting more.
They were suddenly jerked apart. Santana’s nails were digging into his shoulder. She looked furious. “That’s enough. These are not Hummel lips!”
Blaine looked up, confused by her anger. “I’m just doing what you told me to do. What’s the big deal? I was practicing.”
Brittany looked embarrassed and gave Santana a reassuring smile. Santana gave her a weak smile and turned back to Blaine. She huffed, “That was pretty hot.” Blaine beamed at her. “But you have a lot to learn, hobbit.”
His face fell. His face twisted in disgust. “Do I really have to kiss a girl again?”
Laughter filled the room as Santana grabbed two DVDs: Hitch and John Tucker Must Die. Trying to control her laughter, she responded, “No, I think you have reached your girl kissing quota.”
Comments
Must... write... more. :) There will be more to read soon.
Must...read...more...
Uh oh. Wouldn't want to upset the sliced bread industry! :) Thanks! I'm glad you like it!
This story is the best thing since sliced bread.
Technically they have interacted twice. They just did it awkwardly... and not how anyone would want them to. Hahaha! But Blaine will get to introduce the "new and improved" Blaine to Kurt next chapter.
Just found your fic and loving it...when does the klaine interaction start...any kind is better than None!
Ugh I just found this story! Can't wait to see the finished product! It will be hilarious if Kurt wants Blaine like he is normally and not badboy haha
Love this so far! I really have no criticisms :) I look froward to an update :)
I love this!! Keep it up!!
I'm totally in love with the story! it's so funny and characters are lovely :) Santana is such a bitchy sweetheart :D and can't wait to full Blaine make over! 'coz it seems like he fits the image too easily ^_~ so here I stop talking and continue waiting for next chapter :DDD