He made his way slowly up into his house, trying to be as quiet as possible. The less noise he made, the less likely he was going to be spotted. His mind went over the places in the house he could be, and Blaine decided that like always, his father had moved into his office.

Tip toeing into the kitchen, Blaine opened the fridge and reached for a water bottle. He uncapped it, and took a long drink, before he heard his father’s slow, serious voice.

“Blaine.”

His heart sank, and he took a deep breath before capping the bottle and turning around to meet his father. Blaine’s mouth pulled into a tight smile as he nodded, “Yes sir?”

He stood there in his polished suit, and Blaine tried not to roll his eyes. His father made himself seem like he was so much better than he actually was, but Blaine knew the company was actually doing horribly. The move out here to Italy was one of the last chances they had had, and for a while it had worked out. Now though, with Italy’s economy, Blaine knew that the company wasn’t doing its best. Which was why seeing him dressed up in expensive clothing made him laugh, but Blaine kept these thoughts to himself as he waited for him to say something.

“Why are you coming home so late?” he asked, his voice calm, but the look on his face stern.

Turning around to look out the window, Blaine frowned in confusion. The sun was almost setting, but this wasn’t any later than he was supposed to be coming home. With a slight cough, Blaine answered him, “I had practice.”

His father cocked his head, his hands in his pockets as he leaned forward and said, his tone hushed, “Fencing doesn’t have practice today.”

It took all that Blaine had not to yell at his father. He told himself to remember the breathing exercises he had learned in fencing, to unclench his fists and relax. The last thing he needed was too get angry right now. Maybe around his old bullies at school it had bought him a few minutes before he was hurt, but around his father it just made him look weak. After all, Blaine supposedly had controlled his little anger issues.

Smiling though, he nodded as he stepped out from behind the island and moved past his father. Blaine was already halfway up the stairs before he spoke, too scared to face his father as he said, “I didn’t mean fencing and you know that.”

However, anything his father had to say to him was los as Blaine made his way quickly to his room. His spirit was shattered, and Blaine needed a moment to compose himself once inside. One comment to remind him he wasn’t accepted threw Blaine off completely and it took him a while to convince himself that this wasn’t going to ruin his night. In a few hours, Kurt would be online, and one simple smile from his best friend would be enough to set everything right. Even though he hadn’t explained the situation with his father to Kurt, Blaine knew hewould make things better. It was what he did.

But after Blaine had finished his homework, blogged, and eaten, he noticed that Kurt’s name stayed offline. The sun had long since set, and Blaine looked at his wrist watch (always set to Kurt’s time) and knew that there was no reason why Kurt wasn’t home yet. He sighed though, as midnight struck, and told himself to not worry. There were reasons why he wasn’t online. Writing it off to the possibility that maybe Kurt had a project to do, Blaine shook away the itching feeling that something was wrong as he pressed his head into the pillow, way past one in the morning.

——————————————————————————————————

Blaine smiled as they pat his back, smiling as he stepped off the stage at the end of the concert. It was the annual board of trustee’s dinner, and as always the Warblers ended up performing for an hour. Unlike those times when he had been little and his mother had let him perform in front of some of their dinner guests, Blaine actually enjoyed this. He wasn’t alone, he was part of a team, and together they entertained. It was the way Blaine always wanted to perform.

Because on that stage, everything made sense. The scared, hesitant Blaine that he tried to hide with his collected exterior died on stage, and Blaine became the person he wanted to be. He wasn’t afraid to be himself, and he wasn’t afraid to be silly. He was performing; he was having the time of his life, and up on the stage Blaine forgot about all the shit that was going on in his head. He even forgot the hint of worry about Kurt that had been following him everywhere he went.

But as they all started to go home, Blaine said goodbye to the dean of their school and got up. He picked up his things in the senior commons, and began his commute home. The city whizzed by him, and Blaine hummed in his post-concert bliss. His blood was on fire, his body felt light now as the pre-show jitters were long gone. He was floating, and Blain couldn’t remember a time when he felt so happy without the help of someone else. That someone else being Kurt.

As the bus made the turn to head towards Blaine’s stop, his heart leaped at the thought of Kurt being “near”. He missed him, even after one day of not talking to him. He missed his best friend, and although yesterday he could have used someone to make him forget about how awful his father had been, today he just needed someone to share this feeling with. He needed Kurt’s smile to make him feel lighter. He needed his laugh as Blaine told him about each song to make him feel like he was up on that stage again. Kurt always managed to make Blaine light headed, and in many ways Blaine had grown addicted to him. He needed him, and as he got off the bus and started walking towards his house, Blaine bit down on his lip to suppress a smile.

He had been worrying about Kurt since last night, but Blaine wasn’t worrying now. He had been busy, he knew it, and tonight when he signed into Skype, Kurt’s name would read as online and Blaine’s heart would leap in that funny way it always did. Blaine had been thinking about all the awful things that could have kept Kurt from getting online, but he had brushed those thoughts away. He didn’t want anything bad to happen to Kurt, and in his perfect world Blaine tried to ignore these thoughts. In no way did he even want to think about something like what had happened to him happening to Kurt. He had been busy, that was all.

As he opened the door and entered his house, Blaine smiled at his mother who sat in the living room watching TV. The lights were off, and Blaine knew his father was already asleep upstairs because he had a flight in the morning. Stepping into the living room, he looked down at her and noticed she had fallen asleep watching a soap opera. Sighing, Blaine kissed her head before he took the throw at the end of the couch and draped it over her body, turning off the TV as he went back up to his room.

He’d never felt any resentment towards his mother, aside from the few times when she had simply let her husband yell at him. Sometimes Blaine didn’t know what to think about her, and now that she was simply a ghost of a woman, he knew even less.

Climbing up the stairs, Blaine stripped out of his blazer and undid his tie as he turned on his laptop. His heart began beating loudly, and he took a breath to keep himself from getting too excited. He felt like a little kid again, wanting to tell his best friend all about his adventures. He wanted to tell Kurt everything.

But as it loaded and signed him into Skype automatically, Blaine pouted as he saw Kurt’s status still read offline. His heart sunk, and Blaine felt a lump form in his throat. Clicking on his name, he sighed as he saw Kurt’s smiling face in his icon and began typing a message.

Blaine Anderson: Kurt! Hey, are you appearing offline?

Blaine Anderson: Are you hiding from me? ;)

Blaine Anderson: Okay, I’m just playing around, but I guess you aren’t here…

Blaine Anderson: Talk to you later then.

He contemplated telling him he missed him, but didn’t. Blained sighed again, sounding like a broken record, before he opened up a browser window. His homepage, which was his dashboard popped up, and Blaine entered Kurt’s tumblr’s URL in the address line. Maybe he had posted something there and Blaine hadn’t noticed. Maybe he had left Blaine a message saying he had gone out and it would be really late for Blaine when he came back, so he should just go to sleep. His heart fluttered at the thought of Kurt leaving him a message, but as the page finished loading, Blaine saw that the latest post had been made two days ago and had just been a reblog of some Alexander McQueen jacket.

That feeling of dread once again filled his head as he sunk back into his computer chair, trying to figure out what was going on thousands of miles away from him that he had no idea about.
——————————————————————————————————
Their heads were leaned against each other, their breath the same pace as their shoulders moved up and down. Around them, the people walked by as they looked out at the city. No one else existed in the world, or at least Blaine liked to think that. No one else mattered except for them in this moment, lost in each other and the beauty of the city. They turned to each other and smiled silently, before their lips met in a light kiss. It was tender and sweet, and the smiles that stayed on their lips as they parted were beautifully romantic.

It was strange, the way looking at them made Blaine think of Kurt. Sitting out on the Spanish Steps, trying not to mind the crowd, he watched the tourist couple with awe. They hardly said a word to each other, at least from what Blaine could hear. He felt like he was intruding on them, but he couldn’t look away. There was something about the way he looked at her that reminding Blaine of the looks Kurt would give him.

But then again, everything reminded him of Kurt recently. The less time he spent with him, the more times he would find him in everything. The color of the sky made him think about his eyes, the sound of bells reminded him of his laughter, a smile from a tourist of his lips. Blaine was going insane, but after two days of no word, his mind was starting to worry. He was past creating excuses.

There was no point in being home so early though, which was why he was here in the city. The crowd around him annoyed him to a point, but Blaine didn’t want to be home. His friends would have laughed at him if they knew he was in such a tourist area, but right now he didn’t care. He needed to kill time, and watching people was always something Blaine could do. But it was either this or sitting alone in an empty room with a laptop taunting him.

“Excuse me,” a voice said, pulling Blaine out of his reverie where his gaze had moved beyond the couple, who he then noticed had moved. Squinting a bit, Blaine blinked before he looked up at the source of the voice, making him chuckle as he saw it was the young woman he had been looking at.

He smiled, before answering, “Yes?”

She sighed, and with a giggle she spoke, placing her hand on her partners shoulder, “Oh, great! You speak English. I really didn’t feel like practicing my college Italian.”

The man at her side nodded, laughing before he kissed her cheek, “You should have seen the mess it was yesterday at the reception desk at our hotel. She insisted on speaking in Italian and no one understood her…”

“Anyway!” She interrupted, with slight annoyance in her voice that made Blaine smile. “You wouldn’t mind telling us someplace to eat dinner, would you?”

He was a bit in awe about them all over again, watching them so close. The way they leaned into each other and how comfortable they felt touching. The way he would look at her as she spoke, or the way she would smile hearing him. They were crazy for each other. He wanted what they had or more so he longed to be that close to someone. Blaine could live without love, but this closeness was something he envied them for.

Blaine nodded though, and pointed down the Spanish Steps as he explained, “Actually, if you keep going down and to the left, you’ll find this French Bakery that doesn’t close for another hour? I recommend it, if you want someplace small.”

She smiled wide and looked up at the man she was with, “That’s sounds great, doesn’t it?”

Their eyes met, and for the first time since he had started watching them, Blaine felt strange. The look that passed between them was too intimate, and he knew he shouldn’t have been paying so much attention.

But the man smiled down at her, before nodding, “That sounds perfect.”

It took them a moment to snap out of it, and Blaine wondered if he should sit back down and let them go on their way. But the woman snapped her head back down and looked at Blaine, her smile still there. “We’re here from Ohio on our honeymoon. I came to Italy once when I was younger and fell in love, so we came back.”

Although Blaine’s heart warmed at the knowledge that they were newlyweds, his head perked up for another reason. Standing straighter, Blaine’s smile grew as he said, “My best friend lives in Ohio!” He coughed though, before smiling again but softer, “I mean, that’s wonderful. Congratulations! I really hope you guys enjoy Rome, it’s a beautiful city.”

“It really is!”

He watched as they walked, and his heart sunk. Why had he dragged Kurt into this? It didn’t help that he was all he thought about, but also that he was worried sick of him. It didn’t help that the entire time he had been staring at a newlywed couple, he had been thinking about his best friend and himself. He had thought of them looking at each other that way, and being close to Kurt that way. When before he had simply wanted to talk to him, Blaine now wanted more. And although he had come to terms with his feelings for Kurt, he didn’t want to slip any deeper than he already had. In the end it would mean heartache for the both of them, and Blaine didn’t want to cause any more trouble for Kurt.

But a greater problem presented itself in the simple fact that he hadn’t heard a word from him in days, and his mind was running frantically. He needed to hear from Kurt, because it felt like a part of him was missing. Pictures of Kurt’s head smashed into a locker appeared in his mind, and he shook his head at the thought of something like that happening to him. Blaine wouldn’t wish what had happened to him on anyone, let alone Kurt, but he knew what it was like to be unreachable for days, and it was what his thoughts jumped to.

Blaine’s mind was a jumble, and as he too walked down the steps and started to head home, he prayed to anything that would listen to let Kurt be online. But as he opened his laptop and looked at the Skype list; Kurt’s name remained dark and offline.
---------------------------------------------------------
“Kurt?”

His father’s voice was soft, rousing him out of his sleep slowly. It was still sunny outside, and it took Kurt a moment to open his eyes and face the day. His time was better spent sleeping, especially as he sat up in his bed, the bruises on his torso making him cringe slightly. The old one from the bathroom from a week ago had disappeared slightly, but there were new ones to take its place. Kurt took a breath as he sat up and leaned back against his pillows as he took a breath. “Yeah?”

He watched as his father stepped into his room with a cup in his hands, walking delicately for someone as manly as Burt Hummel. It brought a smile to his face, although it faded, as his father spoke, “I brought you some of that tea stuff you’re always trying to make me drink. It says it helps with muscle pains.”

Kurt nodded as he took the cup out of his hands and cradled it in his own. The warmth of the liquid it held traveled through his tired body, and Kurt shivered slightly at the change in temperatures. It was easy to pass off exhaustion and anxiety for a fever, and his father had believed him in a second. It had been easy to call off all the cringes as his muscles in pain from the fever. He knew it was lying, but Kurt didn’t want to explain anything. He was in his bed sleeping for a reason.

“Thank you,” he whispered, his voice hoarse from lack of use as he took a sip. Letting the liquid travel down his throat, Kurt wished it would actually help him. He wished there was a magical liquid that could whisk everything away. But he had learned that there was no fairy godmother’s as a child, and now he had learned that even best friends who liked you couldn’t help. Especially when they were thousands of miles away. The only thing the tea would do was calm him down, and the only thing sleeping and friends could do was dull the actuality.

Looking up at his father, Kurt cleared his throat before giving him a pained smile, “I’ll be fine. Go back to work. I’ll call you if something happens.”

His father’s face looked concerned, and Kurt knew telling the truth about why he was in bed was going to be too much for him. If a cold made him look so hurt, knowing his son was being bullied to the point where he was too frightened and broken hearted to leave his room would only make him both angry and anxiou. It was better to keep it to himself, even if he had no idea when he was going to be alright enough to leave his room.

Burt placed his hand on Kurt’s shoulder, giving it a soft squeeze, before he quietly slipped out of his room. Kurt continued to sip on his tea, blowing on it to make it colder as he waited to hear the garage door close before he put the cup down on his bed side table.

Taking a breath, his fingers began to slowly work on the buttons of his pajama shirt. One by one, the dark blue buttons gave way to pale flesh marked with dark blue and purple bruises. Some were scrapes made from where he had been pushed into the edge of a table during lunch, which they had made look like an accident. Others were from times he had been caught alone in the hallway and thrown against lockers or water fountains.

His fingers touched his raw skin before Kurt shook his head and moved his hand away. He’d been here for two days. Kurt had lasted the whole week at school after talking on the phone with Blaine, pushing aside the incident as much as he could. He even pushed away the way they pushed him. His bruises had stayed over the weekend, but Kurt had figured they would get tired of it soon, or someone would notice. People asked, but no one did anything. He’d come to school on Monday telling himself that he would have to deal with a few pushes.

But as the memory of Monday crawled into his mind, Kurt kept in a sob as he began to button his shirt again. It was too much for him, to think about the way he’d been told it was better if he had never existed. That it would be better without his “kind.” They had held him up from his collar as they spoke, but dropped Kurt before they did anything. It had been to scare him, he knew that. Everything they did was to scare him. But at that moment, their empty threats didn’t seem so empty anymore and Kurt had run.

And run straight into his bed where he had stayed for two days. Because their threats weren’t empty anymore. Kurt wore what they were capable of under his shirt like he was branded. He wore their hatred on his skin and it made him sick.

He closed his eyes and lay down, forcing his eyes shut as he tried to will sleep back to him. He had done nothing but sleep for two days. Sleep and eat when he felt like it. But Kurt had fallen somewhere where even things he had previously enjoyed seemed useless. Kurt hadn’t forgotten them, the things and people (or person as it should be), and as he had lain there his eyes had stared at his laptop. But unlike weeks prior where he would have opened it and spoken to Blaine at every chance, Kurt had simply gone back to sleep.

Kurt needed more than just a dulling of the pain. He needed it to be erased, and sleep brought that. Talking to Blaine just reminded him of another heart ache he didn’t want to add to his plate. It was better to let Blaine go, he had thought as he lay there. Or talk to him when he had the strength to.

Closing his eyes tighter, he pushed Blaine out of his mind. Thinking about anything hurt, and sleep was what he actually wanted to be doing. Kurt willed his mind into the world he could escape to without bringing in anyone else. He began to drift, until he heard the low buzzing of his cellphone.

“Dad…”he sighed, as he leaned over towards his bedside table, reaching out for his new iPhone. Without even looking, Kurt picked up the call and groaned into the phone, “Dad, I said I was okay, what is it?”

“Kurt?”

The voice on the other line was young, and wasn’t his fathers in anyway. Kurt’s eyes widened as he heard it, and he literally had to clasp his hand over his mouth to keep himself from doing something stupid. He wanted to hang up. He wanted to crawl back under the covers and never come out as soon as he heard Blaine’s voice coming all the way from Italy. That same voice he had fallen in love with, and the voice he had been avoiding so vigorously for the past two days due to some stupid reason he couldn’t understand himself. It didn’t need explanation.

Kurt took a breath before he uncovered his mouth and whispered, “Hi, Blaine.”

He hated how Blaine’s voice made him feel better than two days of sleeping had. He hated how one word from the Blaine could lift his spirits like nothing else. When once upon a time it had been something he had turned to when he felt like this, something had changed inside of Kurt as he had laid there in his bed those past couple days. Kurt knew he had been hiding from everything by staying inside, but somehow the world he had created around Blaine seemed ridiculous.

He had realized it as he fell in and out of sleep, how he had built a world around Blaine. It was a perfect world, but it was a place of make believe. It was a place where Kurt could go to avoid everything that was wrong, and it had dulled all the pain. However, it had dulled him to the point where he occasionally forgot, and hearing Blaine now after two days of just staying away from the real world hurt because he longed to go back to that wonderful place he had created.

“Hey,” his beautiful voice said, reaching Kurt’s ear. “Are you okay? You sound a little weird and it’s been…”

“Two days, I know,” Kurt said, cutting him off as he slumped down into his covers. He prepared himself to lie again, sniffling to give it added affect and feeling awful for doing it, “I’ve been really sick.”

He was lying to everyone, but he had to. If he told the truth, there would be questions and Kurt would have to explain. But there was no way to take someone and make them understand what he was going through. He didn’t want to drag Blaine further into this than he already had. It wasn’t fair.

Blaine’s voice was soft as he asked, “Are you feeling better now?”

It hurt to keep lying, but Kurt closed his eyes and nodded. “Yeah, a bit. I’m sorry if I worried you.”

They sai nothing, and it’s strange. In the whole time they had known each other, all of their pleasant silences hadn’t been like this. They had smiled at each other over cam and not said a word, or did homework while the other blogged. They had lain in their beds on the opposite ends of the world staring up at their ceiling and it hadn’t seemed strange at all. However, now there was something heavy in the air, and Kurt knew it wasn’t just his lying or his absence. It was Kurt’s confession of loving him, it was Blaine’s rejection but returning of his feelings. It was the distance hanging in the air along with the hurt and pain inside of them that Kurt couldn’t even fathom yet but could only guess from his part.

He rolled over and tried to fall asleep. If he fell asleep, maybe Blaine would hang up and he could deal with him when things weren’t so difficult, if that would ever come. He closed his eyes and listened to Blaine’s quiet breathing, before hearing his voice again.

“Kurt, what’s really going on?”

The words hurt, and he wanted to know how Blaine always knew the truth. Or how, when it came to these things, Blaine understood in a way Kurt hadn’t expected anyone else to. He got it in the way he had been trying to convince himself no one else could. But maybe Blaine didn’t understand Kurt and was just good at telling if he was lying.

Biting his lip, Kurt answered, “I’m fine. I told you, I’ve been sick and in bed. I’m sorry I didn’t get online and tell you, okay?”

There was a pause, but Blaine’s voice was clear as he spoke. “I don’t believe you.”

Blaine’s words were strong, and Kurt felt a rush of anger inside of him like he hadn’t felt in a while. Two days without feeling anything but exhaustion had left him raw, and inside of him he could feel the rage of his attacks rising up.

And Kurt, who was usually so good at keeping his cool, lost it on the one person he had never wanted to be angry at. “You think you get it, don’t you? You think that just because you’re my same age and because you’re gay too that you understand me, right Blaine? Why should I tell you what’s wrong you won’t tell me about yourself? I ask about your father, and you change the subject. You’re vague about almost everything and I have to piece all these little parts together to create what I know of you while from day one I have poured myself out to you! Give me a reason why I should tell you what’s wrong, Blaine, because I’m tired of being vulnerable.”

He wanted to apologize for his words, and halfway through what he was saying, Kurt had begun to cry. The tears ran down his cheeks slowly, and he brushed them away as he bit down on his lip again to keep himself from saying anything else. He wanted to take them back, even if he meant them. It was all too complicated now.

Kurt wished he could see the expression on Blaine’s face. He wished he could read his mind; see all the things that were rushing through it. But how could Kurt continue to confide in someone who only gave him half of the story? They were far away from each other, and only now was Kurt realizing that that meant complete honesty from both of them.

There was a moment when he didn’t expect Blaine to say anything back and hang up, but he heard him sigh. And a moment later, Blaine was speaking, his voice only slightly above a whisper, “I try not to talk to you when my dad’s home, or awake. He doesn’t like that I’m gay and seeing me talk to you makes him angry. Talking about him makes me sad because I know how you are with your father and it hurts, Kurt. He’s the reason I started fencing, but not the reason I continued. I came out my freshman year of high school. I know what it’s like to be in a high school in America, Kurt. I understand what it’s like.”

He kept himself from saying the first thing that came into his mind, and instead took in what Blaine had told him. It was a lot, and Kurt didn’t understand why Blaine had actually gone ahead and told him that. He had been ranting, but Blaine had been honest. Maybe people did care.

Clearing his throat after a moment, Kurt shook his head as he said, “It’s not just that. You don’t know the people I have to deal with, Blaine. You’re too far away to get it.”

Tears fell down Kurt’s face, and his voice shook. He was so angry, and every bit of it he was taking out on Blaine. Maybe it was easier that way, even if Kurt didn’t want to do it.

For the first time ever, Kurt heard anger in Blaine’s voice when he spoke, “Don’t make it sound like it’s my fault that I’m here, Kurt. Even if I lived back home, I’d still be more than a few hours away from you. It’s no one’s fault that we’re far away…”

“Yes it is!” Kurt screamed, hurting his torso as he folded himself into a ball. “If you were here, none of this would have happened. You’d stick up to them for me; you’d be here for me.”

“Kurt,” Blaine’s voice was desperate now, and Kurt could hardly hear it over his tears. “I am here.”

But that was the problem. Blaine thought he was there for him, and Kurt knew he was, but he wasn’t here. He couldn’t touch him or hold him or go crying into his arms whenever he wanted to. Kurt couldn’t go to Blaine like he could go to his father, and he had let himself believe that he could. It had hurt when he realized that almost everything he had pictured with Blaine had been a lie in his head. He’d let himself live in a fantasy that Blaine would magically appear and save him, but the distance had finally dawned on him.

Kurt whispered now, his sobs controlled, “No, you’re not. You’re there, Blaine. You’re in Italy and I’m in Ohio and it sucks. And I just need a friend to help me but no one understands what it’s like to be around those Neanderthals…”

He breathed out, and stopped speaking. Kurt let the line go quiet for a moment, brushing away his tears. The silence was heavy, but it was lighter despite the tension. Kurt’s chest felt lighter, even if he felt awful for screaming at him.

“I was bullied too, in high school,” Blaine whispered finally, and Kurt nodded because he had gathered that much from their conversations. Months of knowing each other and he only knows that much. “It was mostly just taunts for a while, but as long as I stayed down they stayed away. I started blending in.” Blaine took a breath, and Kurt held his as he listened, the words he had said to Blaine now coming back to bite him.

He continued, “But then there was the Sadie Hawkins dance, and I asked a sophomore who was my friend. He was gay too, and we had a great time that night. We were waiting for his dad when these guys came and beat the living crap out of us. I had three cracked ribs and I broke my nose. When I came home from the hospital, I didn’t go back to school. And my dad’s job offer came next, and Italy was like a dream come true. “

His heart was heavy, and he wanted to start crying again. Kurt’s own words stung, and he couldn’t think of anything to say. With a helpless whimper, Kurt whispered, “I’m so sorry…”

But he could almost see Blaine shaking his head from the other line. “You were right,” he said, and Kurt composed himself to listen to Blaine. “You were right about me not telling you the truth. I want to tell you everything, but it’ll take time. I need you Kurt, and I want you to know I’m here for you. Because I don’t want you to make the same mistakes that I did.”

Blaine’s confession was soft, and Kurt let his words fill him as he tried to understand Blaine. “I’m just tired of it,” Kurt whispered, hugging himself. He thought about Blaine, but didn’t picture him with him. Kurt needed to become independent again, and his first step was with Blaine. He was just a bit too broken right now to start.

With a sigh, Blaine replied, “I know you are. But you can’t run. That’s what I did, and I literally hate myself for that, Kurt. I fence now to tell myself I’m not a coward. You just need to…stand up to them.”

Kurt chuckled there, shaking his head as he rolled his eyes. “As if it’s that simple.”

Blaine doesn’t argue back, and they sat there in silence for a while. He feels closer to him, somehow, despite the distance and the resentment. Kurt feels closer than he’s ever felt to Blaine, beating even those silly dreams of being wrapped in Blaine’s arms. It was different now, and Kurt was too tired to explain it, but as he closed his eyes he felt mentally closer to Blaine than he ever had.

“Things get better,” Blaine whispered, and Kurt wished he weren’t lying. “And I’m right here.”

He kept his comment to himself, and didn’t say that he knew Blaine both was and wasn’t. He wanted him to help him, but at the same time wanted to do it himself. He just wanted this over with. Kurt fell asleep with the phone against his ear, knowing that despite the fact that Blaine’s breath made it into his ear, it didn’t mean he was here. He fell asleep knowing that despite the fact that Blaine was trying to help, that he couldn’t. But most importantly, he fell asleep knowing that he didn’t have to wait for Blaine’s help, or anyone else’s. No running away like in every other time.

It seemed like a dream, but Kurt could have sworn he heard Blaine whisper the word courage to him in his sleep.
----------------------------------------------------------

He had held his breath as he closed his locker after Glee club. Everyone had asked Kurt where he had been, and he had told them the same thing; he had been sick. The whole day though, he had been fine. Despite the fact that he had it resolved in his head, Blaine’s words resonating through him, nothing had happened all day. He had kept his head down and went to class, and no one had said or done anything.

But as he closed the metal locker door slowly, he tried to tell himself to not be lured into a false sense of security. It had happened before, and had been happening for months. How had he thought that he was safe simply because when he went home, there was a boy on a computer screen there for him? Blaine was a friend, not a safety net. Kurt had to take care of his problems himself.

Like the rest of the day, his senses were heightened. Every pencil drop, every locker slam, every footstep sounded like a bomb, and Kurt was preparing for anything. So when he heard heavy footsteps in the corner, he took another breath and hoped it wasn’t what his fears were creating in his head. Clutching his book to his chest, Kurt turned to look at who was making their way what he could only perceive was down the hallway.

His glasz eyes looked up and met their dark ones. He watched as the boys in their red letterman kept walking to him, and wondered if they were going to do anything to him. Kurt knew he was taking precautions, but he didn’t want to assume too much. These particular two he hadn’t seen do anything to him yet, and Kurt wasn’t going to be a bully himself and start something.

With his head held high, he began walking down the hallway. He passed them, and released a breath he had been holding the whole time. For a moment, Kurt allowed himself to hope just a bit. He allowed his head, which had been in a dark, scary place just yesterday as he yelled at Blaine, to lift up a bit as he continued to walk.

But he was hardly down the hallway as he heard another pair of footsteps. Kurt didn’t turn to see them, but he kept going. He was almost out of the school with just one turn, and once he was out he would be safe. At least relatively. The footsteps were loud and unmistakable as they got closer, and Kurt could already tell they were following him, whoever it was.

As he prepared himself to glance over his shoulder and meet his stalker, Kurt had no time to see who it was. Within seconds, he was pushed against the lockers and his head rattled as his back met the cold metal. Trying to move, he found himself held there, powerful arms holding him in place as he looked up and met Azimio’s face.

“We missed you the other day, Hummel,” another voice said, and he turned to look at Karofsky standing there behind Azimio. Kurt blinked, and looked around him to find himself corned and outnumbered one to four, the two boys who had walked by him now joining their friends. “Were you hiding from us?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Trying to shake Azimio off, Kurt kept struggling as he glared back at him. “You wish. Let go of me!”

“Or what?” Azimio threatened, as the two boys got closer in, Karofsky keeping his place. “What’re you going to do to us? We’re not scared of you, Hummel.”

It was just like the other day, and Kurt tried to keep his head together. He remembered Blaine’s whisper, he remembered Blaine telling him to stand up for himself and not run away. He had always run, and right now the only way he saw this ending was by telling them to back off. If he showed them he wasn’t scared, they would stop; he was sure.

“Of course you’re not,” Kurt spat out, growling lowly. “It’s not what I’m going to do. Do you guys even know why you’re doing this? Give me one good reason as to why you pick me of all the kids to do this to.”

They seemed taken back, and Kurt’s chest swelled with pride. He was going to show them, and he was going to do this for both himself and for Blaine, who had never gotten a chance to stand up for himself. He was going to get things right; for both of them.

Azimio laughed, and Kurt looked at the rest of them who had joined in. Karofsky stayed silent, and his silence scared Kurt more than the laughter. There had always been something different about the way Karofsky treated him, and yet it was strange that his hands were stuffed into his pockets and he hadn’t made any inclination to move forward.

“You’re disgusting. I crush ants and set out rat traps because bugs and rats are ugly, like you.” Azimio answered, frowning.

Kurt stood up straighter from where he was being held, but knew he only had one option. Bracing himself for how disgusting it would be, he spit in Azimio’s face and growled as Azimio let go of him, “Look in the mirror!”

He stood his ground even though he was free. It wasn’t about running anymore, even if he saw that he was outnumbered and angered them. His heart was pumping with adrenaline, and Kurt knew he was being stupid, but he kept telling himself that he could keep talking and get them to see the truth.

“Don’t you guys see it?” he started. “Don’t you guys see that there’s no reason to hurt me? I’m going to keep being myself no matter how many times you push me, and there’s nothing you guys can do to stop me. I’ve done nothing to you. Being gay isn’t bad…”

“Shut up, Hummel,” Karofsky hissed, but he kept his ground much to Kurt’s surprised. He was too busy looking at the rest of them to see the pained expression on Karofsky’s face.

It was Azimio, who had wiped his face, who stepped forward closer to Kurt. Kurt stepped back to earn himself some time as he continued, “You hate me for doing nothing. Can’t you just realize this isn’t a game and get over yourselves?”

But he knew he had made a mistake by provoking Azimio. His words weren’t fazing anyone, and Kurt felt his side bruise as he was pushed hard against the lockers before his vision blurred.

His head was rattled and his side hurt, but he heard a woman’s voice yelling in the distance before he felt strong, gentle arms help him up.

——————————————————————————————————

“You didn’t have to do that,” Kurt whispered as he looked up at his house. The sun was long since set, and he knew from the fact that he had several messages he hadn’t wanted to answer on his phone that his father was worried. “You didn’t have to stop them. I was fine. Or drive me home either.”

Bieste looked at him as she parked her car, before shaking her head. “Sorry, Kurt, but they’re my boys and they’re going to be on probation from now on. But we need to talk to someone about what’s going on. Why you didn’t try to come to one of us for help.”

He didn’t reply, but helped her walk him to the door. He didn’t explode on her like he had on Blaine, and he tried not to keep from crying. He had gone and stood up for himself and it had backfired on him. He couldn’t tell her that he had tried to talk to people a few times, but they refused to notice. He couldn’t tell her that he had given up hoping that someone would help. She wouldn’t have understood what it felt to be alone without any help; the only person who could (he knew now), was thousands of miles away.

His heart tightened as he realized he had failed both of them.

Kurt didn’t want his father to open the door, and he counted down the seconds it would take for his father to get off the couch and open the door. He wondered how long it would take for him to notice how rattled Kurt was, to see the way he was clutching at his side.

But he stared at his father’s face as he opened the door, wondering most what would happen now.