It had been the fireplace that had held his attention, the flicking lights casting shadows across the carpet as he sat on the couch, feet curled up under his legs to keep them warm despite the socks. He’d tuned out his father, who sat at the other end of the couch with his arm around Carole, his wife and Kurt’s new step mother. The wedding had happened a few weeks ago, and although it was strange to think about Finn -who was sitting on the floor looking up at Burt as he spoke- as his step brother now, there was something kind of normal, kind of familiar about the scene around him.

But his head wasn’t there. Kurt’s brain was nowhere, instead thinking about how lovely the break had been. The bruises that had found their way onto his shoulders from being pushed into lockers were starting to fade, and the stress that had come with school and glee club were gone. These days were snow days, spent under the covers or in fabulous coats as he finished his Christmas shopping. Despite not believing in the initial thought of the day, Kurt had always been a fan of Christmas.

His phone vibrated though, pulling him out of his reverie quickly with a jump. Reaching into his tight pants, Kurt raised an eyebrow as he looked down at the number, having only seen it once before on a night he had been trying to block from his memory. But his lip curled into a smile as he thought about the person on the other side of the line, his heart instantly warming up despite the already pleasant glow from fireplace.

“Kurt, are you seriously going to get your phone while I’m telling a story?” Burt asked, raising his eyebrows at him. But although his words seemed somewhat offended, Kurt knew that his father was much too happy to even care all that much. Not to mention that when he looked up, there was a clear smile on his father’s face.

Shrugging, he nodded and smiled a bit. “What? I’ve heard this story before, like, every Christmas. I know how it ends; you end up being the 1 millionth customer at a super market and it saves Christmas because they give you a free Turkey. I was there, Dad.”

He walked away, despite the calls of disapproval from Finn who upon having the story spoiled was behaving like a kicked puppy. But Kurt was too busy looking down at his phone to notice, his head moving from content to see the number to somewhat confused. Blaine had no reason to call him, since he knew that Kurt was going to be online whenever he could. He especially had no reason to call him on Christmas Eve, only a few minutes till midnight. His heart thumped, and he took a quick breath as he slipped his feet into the pair of boots by the door and stepped out onto the porch before grabbing his coat.

The air was cold as it met his face, but nothing he wasn’t used to. Breathing into his hands, he finally picked up, holding the phone against his ear as he whispered, simply out of habit whenever he spoke to Blaine on a phone, “Hey.”

“Hello there,” came Blaine’s voice, quiet but awake. That was strange for Kurt, who was used to Blaine being sleepy at the hour, seeing as he had made the mistake of Skype calling him when he had noticed him awake at this time. It had turned out that Blaine had gotten up to finish homework, but the Blaine he had found was not adorably sleepy Blaine like the one he had seen fall asleep on camera. That Blaine had been seriously half asleep and in all honesty completely alien to Kurt. “How’s Christmas?”

Letting out a breath, Kurt watched as it turned white against the cold air as he sat down on the chair on the porch. “It’s wonderful,” he answered, pressing his knees against his chest and resting his chin on them. A beat passed between them, as if Blaine could sense Kurt had more to say, and Kurt went on, “It’s strange to have a whole family here. It’s usually my dad and I…but it’s wonderful. Having people here, laughing over stupid old stories.”

“Sounds like it,” was all Blaine said, and the line went quiet aside from their breathing for a while. Neither one of them mentioned the thought in their head, the only real constant in both of their lives. It was wonderful, sure, Kurt could admit that, but the only thing that could make it better was Blaine. But he didn’t dare voice his thought, afraid it was too much, unknowing that thousands of miles away Blaine had had the same thought as he sat in his quiet and empty living room, Christmas lights streaming over his face.

But they’ve gotten used to wanting the other around. Kurt had gotten used to laughing at something in school and starting to say Blaine’s name before catching himself, he’d gotten used to catching himself thinking about him. He didn’t know that Blaine had the same problem too. He didn’t know because he didn’t dare to ask.

Kurt let his eyebrows furrow as he remembered what he had been thinking just before he answered the phone. “Blaine,” he asked, voice heavy with both concern and question. “Why did you call?”

His answer was a laugh, and Kurt could only roll his eyes at his friends initial reply. The night around him is silent, but from his perch on the porch, he could see into the houses across the street, Christmas trees waiting for morning. Blaine took a breath, and finally said, “It’s Christmas.”

“Blaine Anderson, captain obvious,” Kurt laughed, smiling as he heard just how ridiculously happy Blaine sounded. It was as if he could hear the smile spread over his face. It was as if he could see the twinkle in his eyes from the sheer….happiness.

The voice that answered was soft though, and still happy. It hadn’t paid any attention to Kurt’s retort, and Kurt felt a smile spreading on his face as he figured it out that nothing was going to break Blaine’s mood today. “No, Kurt. It’s Christmas Eve for you. It’s Christmas for me.”

“Which means?”

He was genuinely wondering what Blaine had meant, making circles into his jeans as he closed his eyes, trying to picture himself anywhere but so far from Blaine.

Kurt could hear his father inside, and he guessed from the sound of things, they’d opened another wine bottle for Carole and him. Or maybe they had brought over the gingerbread cookies he had made. Part of him wanted to be inside with his new family, but he had ages to spend time with them. He only had so much time to talk to Blaine. He hugged himself closer, sighing heavily and trying to not think the actual heartache he felt.

“It means,” Blaine whispered, his voice growing excited again. “It means that I get to open up my presents.”

But Kurt doesn’t see the reason to be excited. If anything, all he could feel was envy. There was nothing Kurt wanted more right now than to be opening the Alexander Wang trench coat he had bought himself as a gift from his father who had told him to just get whatever he wanted as long as it was within reason. Laughing, his tone deadpan, Kurt frowned, “That’s great for you, but what does that mean for me aside from the fact that you want to rub it in my face that you’re in the future?”

The laugh came back, and suddenly Kurt forgot the slight feeling of anger and could only laugh along, although he still had no idea what he was talking about. He smiled and breathed out, looking at the stars as his breath disappeared. He loved winter.

“It means I called so I could open your present with you.”

He could hear Blaine’s smile, and Kurt could only blink. His mouth was wide open, and his heart was thumping wildly in his chest. That thought hadn’t even crossed his mind, and in all honesty Kurt had thought that they were going to be opening their presents from each other with their families, seeing as Blaine’s had been underneath his Christmas tree for weeks, his father having had rolled his eyes when he had seen Kurt place it there.

“I’ll go get—”

“No!” Blaine’s voice was urgent, and Kurt, who had gotten up slightly from his seat, frowned as she slowly began to sit back down.

“Blaine?” he asked,his voice small.

He chuckled though, but Kurt could hear him groan before he answered, “Sorry. Sorry. I just…You can’t cheat, Kurt. It’s Christmas morning for me, but it’s still Christmas Eve for you. No cheating allowed.”

Kurt could only roll his eyes, settling back down on the chair. “Fine, Blaine. Open the present then.”

The line was quiet for a few minutes, and Kurt could hear faintly what sounded like Blaine picking at wrapping paper. In his mind, Blaine was sitting in a dark room by himself, wearing a shirt and long pajama pants with that light cardigan Kurt had seen him wear that afternoon they had spoken about John Hughes movies. His hands, callused from fencing and polo, were trying to find the opening of the wrapping before he gave up, simply tearing through Kurt’s lovely wrapping paper. Kurt sighed as he heard the sound of what sounded like whatever he was thinking had been true, but smiled as he pictured Blaine setting down the perfect green plaid paper down by his feet and holding the present in his hand.

“Kurt…”Blaine’s voice sounded distant, and Kurt bit his lip in anticipation. He had looked for a gift for weeks before stumbling upon the one he had chosen. His original idea of getting Blaine some Disney stuffed animal, but thinking back on it, it seemed too personal. Too close. Kurt had been, and still was, afraid of the implications.

He swallowed his breath and breathed out, “Do you like it?”

The question lingered in the air, and Kurt sat there, wringing his hands together as he waited. Far from here, Blaine was sitting on a couch, looking down at a CD he probably already owned. His eyes, the color of which Kurt would give anything to know, scanning over the cover in the dim light as they traced over the black letters written across the clear plastic.

“Is it real?” Came the answer, soft and quiet, a whisper that blew across Kurt’s ear as if it had been said straight into his ear.

He nodded, but remembered what the situation was. Hugging himself as a breeze came by, Kurt sighed and whispered back, “I hope it is. I fought with some fourteen year old girl for it over Ebay. She really did sign the CD.”

Kurt heard Blaine sigh, and as he shut his eyes closed, imagined Blaine pressing the Katy Perry CD close to his chest, trying his very best not to judge his friend for his poor taste in music. She was catchy, but nothing to obsess over. A smile found its way onto Kurt’s lips, and the simple ‘thank you’ both sincere and honest that reached his ear was enough to keep it there.
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Blaine knew his calling time was almost up. He knew that. But it was quiet in his house and his father was back in the States for Christmas, leaving his mother and him here because he had to work on school things and she had had no desire to fly back. Blaine had begged him to go, although his family lived in Connecticut. Anything to be closer. Anything to be able to call whenever he wanted if only for a few days. Anything to not have to live in the future.

He’d pictured himself driving to Ohio with the license he had gotten over the summer when he had visited. He’d pictured himself knocking on Kurt’s door for Christmas and smiling because getting to see Kurt was the best Christmas present of all. He knew the boy didn’t believe in God or Jesus, and quite frankly neither did Blaine, at least not completely. However, they had both agreed that the idea of the holiday was admirable. They had both agreed that in the end, it was about love, at least at the very root of the concept of ‘Christmas’. They could both admire that.

But instead of driving to Ohio, he was sitting miles away, on a couch in his dimly lit living room, the sun beginning to rise behind him. The present Kurt had gotten him was pressed against his chest, and although they had said nothing for a few minutes, Blaine felt as if he were at perfect peace with himself and the rest of the world. There were things he would change, but right then that moment was special.

“Hey Blaine,” Kurt said, and Blaine could hear the soft smile across his lips as he spoke. In reflex, Blaine lifted his head and cocked it to the side for a moment, before realizing one of the reasons he felt so comfortable was that he was falling asleep, before finally humming in response, waiting for him to continue.

“It’s snowing.”

He couldn’t help but smile at Kurt’s words, closing his eyes and trying to picture him in that instant. Blaine’s mind filled with pictures of Kurt on a porch, sitting down on a chair legs pulled against his chest, much in the same way that Blaine was sitting right then. He imagined his blue eyes looking up at the dark sky as it filled with whites dots, slowly falling down until they met what Blaine pictured as a white blanket, although he knew in his head that the ground wasn’t nearly that covered yet.

It had been two years since he had seen snow, because although it had been known to snow in Rome, it hadn’t in the two years he had been living there. The weather got cold, and especially at this time of the year, Blaine didn’t feel like he was across the world from everything he had grown up around. Blaine sighed, suddenly feeling very far away. It felt like he was in a different world from Kurt all together. Like they weren’t just across an ocean from each other; there was a clear divide between them, and no matter what they did to attempt to bridge it, the distance became more apparent to him as they grew closer together.

“I wish you could see it,” Kurt said, into the quietness.

Blaine chuckled at the thought, before shaking his head. That was a dream, and suddenly the optimist he tried so often to hold up disappeared and he found himself whispering, “It hasn’t snowed here in years. I miss it.”

He heard Kurt sigh, and suddenly wished he hadn’t brought it up. He was reminding them of the distance, reminding them of everything. It didn’t seem fair to Blaine that he had finally found a friend that really understood him, and yet he lived a world away from him.

They remained quiet for a while, until Kurt once again broke the silence. “So, am I opening your present in the morning?”

Blaine laughed softly, not wanting to wake his mother, nodding before answering, “Absolutely! I mean, you can do it with your family and just Skype me whenever you have time…I’ll be home all day. My mom isn’t big on holidays.”

He noticed the way Kurt didn’t ask about his father, and felt a wave of relief flood over him. Kurt understood without having to have it explained. He didn’t push Blaine to tell him everything, and although Blaine wanted to, it wasn’t what he did. After years of being taught that men weren’t sensitive, Blaine had outwardly tried to protect his sensitivities. Online he could be the Blaine Anderson he wanted to be; the happy boy who was a dork. But around Kurt, he felt like that layer was pealed, and they stood both in front of each other, baring everything and not judging.

“Can I at least know a hint?” Kurt said, pulling Blaine from his musing.

Biting his lip, Blaine groaned before shaking his head. “If I give you a hint you’ll know what it is though…Um, its red?”

He could practically imagine the look of shock on Kurt’s face as he said it. The look of shock mixed in with annoyance and slight amusement. He’d seen it whenever Blaine shrugged and didn’t answer a question. He’d seen it through a blurry, pixelated screen.

“Blaine, that could be anything.”

All he could do was shrug though, before resting his head against his palm as he exhaled fondly. All of a sudden, all the slight sadness he had felt about the distance disappeared and all he could think about was how Kurt’s face would look like as he opened the present Blaine had spent a full day shopping for. He tried to imagine the smile that would break out across Kurt’s face as he took the scarf into his hands and let his fingers trail across the soft, silk. He couldn’t wear it yet, Blaine knew that, but he figured one day in the summer he would get to finally wear it out.

With a smile, Blaine whispered back, “that’s all I’m saying though. You’re too…smart for hints. You gave me three and I wasn’t even close!”

Did Kurt smile as he remembered giving Blaine those clues about the CD? Did Kurt shake his as the memory of Blaine’s completely wrong guesses? All he could hear was the softness in Kurt’s voice as he replied, “You’re oblivious.”

A silence fell over them again, and Blaine once again found his eyelids starting to get heavy as he nodded off to sleep. It was pleasant, the way they could sit there and not speak and just hear the other breathing. The Kurt in his head was resting his head against his knees, hugging himself in the cold of the porch.

There was a lump in his throat, and suddenly Blaine found himself wanting to say something. But his palms her sweaty and his throat was dry. He felt nervous, the kind of nervous he only ever felt right before performing.

“Hey Kurt?” Blaine said, lifting his head up slowly and biting his lip. He heard Kurt’s soft reply and closed his eyes, unsure of what he wanted to say. Everything was so complicated, and Blaine didn’t want to think about it. Blaine didn’t want to think about the fact that they were miles apart, but it was a big deal. He didn’t want to make things unnecessarily difficult for both of them. There was a whisper of a feeling inside of him, but Blaine knew better. He could feel the warmth in his chest, but was smart enough not to say anything. It wasn’t practical.

He opened his mouth to say something, before hearing a distant, “Kurt?”

Blaine bit down on his lip more, waiting to hear what was going on. The Kurt in his mind moved his head to look at the owner of the voice, a smile creeping onto his face as Blaine heard him tell the person that it was snowing. He heard a door close after a moment, and imaginary Kurt placed his feet on the floor.

“Blaine, I have to go. What were you going to say?”

The words were soft, and he could hear the way Kurt’s voice lingered as he held the phone against his ear. His head is a jumble, and Blaine didn’t have time to decide what he wanted to say. Taking a quick breath, he smiled faintly and replied, “That’s fine. I was just going to wish you a Merry Christmas.”

He chuckled, and Blaine smiled at the sound. His head might not make any sense, and he might not want to start to understand what he felt at all, but just hearing Kurt laugh after seeing (in a loose sense of the word) the boy at his lowest is enough to make Blaine understand that if he could just keep that smile on his face, that’s all he wanted for Christmas.

“Merry Christmas, Blaine.”

The line went quiet, and Blaine hung his head, pressing his phone against his lips as he thought. Out in Rome, a fog settled over the city as the sun began to rise. It didn’t snow, but Blaine, as his mind drifted back to sleep on the couch, the hard plastic square pressed against his chest, could only dream of it.
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A blanket came down over his shoulder, and Kurt turned his head to look at Carole as she moved in closer to him. He had no protest though, despite not saying anything, instead leaning in against her as she wrapped the blanket she had brought outside as they looked at the first snow fall of the year together. Finn and Burt had gone inside to grab their coats, but Kurt welcomed the silence.

His phone rested in his hand, as he thought about Blaine. There was a feeling in the bottom of his gut that told him there was something else Blaine wanted to say, but Kurt didn’t dare assume. He knew what he felt, but he wasn’t sure what to name it.

For a while now he wasn’t sure what to name it. The way he would smile thinking about him. The way he read over his letters every once in a while. The way he would wait for him to get online and instantly feel better after an awful day by just looking at Blaine’s face. Kurt had had crushes before, he remembered with a roll of his eyes. But there was something different about what he felt towards Blaine.

Sighing, Kurt hung his head for a second, but the movement wasn’t lost on his new mother. Carole tightened her hand on his shoulder in a comforting way, before nudging Kurt. “What’s wrong, Snowflake?”

The pet name made his lips quirk up, and he knew better than to think Carole meant it with any harm. It’s all love, just like the way she called Finn pumpkin and Burt honey. Unlike the kids at school, unlike coach Sue, Carole meant no harm.

“When did you know you loved my father?”

His question was whispered, but Carole heard it. Kurt watched as she looked out at the falling snow, hearing as she began humming to herself. He knew Carole loved his father, but the time she was taking to answer the question left him uneasy about the subject. If someone who was so sure about it didn’t know how to answer the question, when was Kurt going to know what he felt.

But she smiled as she finally spoke, “I just knew. I didn’t wake up one day and suddenly realize I was in love with him. I just sort of knew that I loved him. Love is…” Kurt raised an eyebrow as she drifted back into thought, but leaned closer, hooked to what she was saying. The smile never fell from her lips, and she even let out a small laugh as she continued, “It’s a bit like a blanket. It covers you, and you feel warm in it. You feel it there and you just know it’s there. It covers you. I knew I loved your father because he sort of became my blanket. He made me feel warm even when he wasn’t around.”

Kurt blinked, before looking out at the night. It was past midnight now, and he was starting to get cold despite Carole and the blanket and his coat. He knew he was going to go back inside soon enough. He knew he was going to be fine soon enough. But as she spoke, his thoughts drifted to Blaine, the curly haired boy who was never really around.

“Why do you ask?” Carole questioned, and Kurt took his time to answer her.

There was a breeze, and Carole next to him shivered. Kurt hugged himself, instantly feeling the phone in his hand. Blaine had been whispering into his ear not too long ago as he opened his present. He had practically heard Blaine’s smile throughout the entire conversation. But the shiver was gone, and a slow warmth filled his body before he answered, barely above a whisper, smiling like he had just found out a secret, “No reason.”