June 17, 2013, 12:50 p.m.
Wonderful Life
Wonderful Life: Chapter 5
E - Words: 3,397 - Last Updated: Jun 17, 2013 Story: Complete - Chapters: 17/17 - Created: Apr 01, 2013 - Updated: Jun 17, 2013 157 0 0 0 0
You have reached the voicemail of Blaine Anderson. Please leave a message after the beep.
Kurt tried again and again and let out a howl of frustration at the repeated message. It wasn't even Blaine's voice, just an automated message, nothing personal, nothing of Blaine except the repetition of his name, said in monotone. The first time Kurt had heard a few rings then the message, the subsequent times the message could be heard straight away so Kurt knew he had turned off his phone deliberately not wanting any contact from Kurt. He pushed his coat on quickly, grabbed a scarf and left his apartment, with only a worried expression from Rachel.
The weather was chilly, rain hovering low in the sky and no rainfall as yet but Kurt didn't care. He practically ran to Gates Avenue subway station, the cold air hitting his face and causing him to breathe even deeper. There were only a few people on the train but many were looking Kurt's way as he impatiently tapped his fingers holding on to the pole. He knew Blaine must have gone to the bridge and just hoped he wasn't too late.
Blaine stood by the bridge, just watching it. It seemed all journeys led to the bridge. Nothing could be heard, almost like it carried on without Blaine, the rush, the traffic, the people. It all carried on and Blaine just stood as one or two drops of water hit his head.
He didn't want to go on to the actual bridge, instead he just watched its stillness – so solid and unchanging; in a way it was a comfort to know that it would always be there, no matter how Blaine felt.
He could hear nothing, noticed nothing, including the rain that had started to patter over him so he didn't see Kurt approach coming along Kent Avenue.
As soon as Kurt spotted a man about Blaine's age just standing watching the bridge, he knew it was Blaine. He was standing so still, almost mesmerised by the bridge that Kurt knew to walk slowly, to wait. He watched him carefully as he got closer, realised this was the first time he had fully seen Blaine. Blaine was wrapped against the cold, his red scarf covering his neck, his hands tucked into his coat pockets but he seemed oblivious to the rain hitting his face and the cold air on his cheeks. He stood still, just watching and Kurt could see his profile clearly – his jaw set and strong, his lips rosy in the cold and his eyes dark with long eyelashes. Kurt was right – he was beautiful.
He came slightly closer, knew he would have to speak but didn't want to frighten him. In a strange way he looked at peace standing there, almost like he was facing his biggest fear, waiting to see if it would conquer him after all.
"Blaine," Kurt whispered in the night air, the words swallowed up by the wind and the rain and Blaine remained still. He walked closer so only metres were between them.
"Blaine," a little louder and this time Blaine turned slowly and fixed his eyes on Kurt. He didn't smile, didn't seem to recognise him at first but as they stood staring at each other, Kurt unmoving, Blaine shifted his body. His eyes widened as Kurt remained still and Kurt could see his eyes glow in the lights of the bridge, a swirl of green and amber, so tortured and hurt. Blaine's face softened, seeming to recognise Kurt for who and what he was.
"Help," Blaine said, a mere whisper of a word, nearly lost in the air but Kurt heard and came even closer. He hesitated and then Blaine seemed to physically crumble and Kurt closed the gap, enveloping him in the closest hug Blaine had ever received. Blaine seemed startled at the contact, then relaxed and Kurt felt his head rest slightly under his shoulder. Kurt rubbed his back as Blaine's chest rose and fell in what appeared to be sobs but no sound was omitted. Blaine had forgotten how protected and safe you could feel with one hug. Kurt wrapped his arms around him tightly, not threatening to disappear, just warm and safe. Time seemed to stop and Kurt stayed as long as he was needed. It was Blaine that parted first, his eyes full of unshed tears as he looked at Kurt.
"Kurt?"
Kurt smiled and nodded.
"I was so worried," Kurt said, "Don't ever do that again Blaine. I couldn't..." Kurt's voice trailed away at the thought of what could have happened, how Kurt would have reacted. He felt a lump in his throat but he swallowed and stroked Blaine's arm gently.
"Let's get out of here," Kurt said with sudden confidence and Blaine looked up at the sky that had been pouring steadily while they had been there together, as if he had only just resurfaced. Blaine eye's found Kurt's kind face, realised he had imagined someone totally different when he heard Kurt on the phone. Kurt's blue eyes twinkled in the lights of the bridge and his lips were pursed together in a smile, making him look so beautiful that Blaine couldn't believe he was here. Kurt simply took his hand.
"Let's go," Kurt said and he led Blaine away from the pain and the darkness, taking him somewhere better, full only of light.
They walked hand in hand to the coffee shop Blaine had visited before, Kurt feeling Blaine's tight grip in his. Kurt was almost amazed that he would tolerate such contact from someone he hardly knew but as he looked to Blaine as they walked, Blaine looked comforted at the thought that he was being led somewhere safe.
They entered the little shop, now making slight puddles on the floor as they ordered their drinks – medium drip and non-fat mocha - and found a corner table.
"I sat here before," Blaine said, his first phrase since the moment by the bridge, "When you rang me. You keep saving me."
Kurt looked to Blaine, not sure of his meaning, not sure if he wanted to be saved and maybe Kurt was a nuisance. Blaine smiled and Kurt's worry disappeared.
"Thank you for coming Kurt, I didn't expect it," he whispered.
"I meant it by the bridge Blaine, I want you to promise me that you'll never refuse my call, never hang up on me or give a pathetic excuse so you can go to the bridge. Please." Kurt's eyes were worried and wide and Blaine couldn't help but think he looked like an angel, sitting there in his light coloured jacket. The rain had caused patches to form on the shoulders and arms but the cold air only seemed to emphasise his cherubic qualities. Kurt blushed a little under his scrutiny.
"Why do you look at me like that?" Kurt whispered, grabbing his drink to distract himself and give his twitchy fingers something to hold.
"You're just not what I imagined, I'm sorry," Blaine said, his eyes finally parting from Kurt's so he could grab his own drink.
"I mean what I said Blaine, you have to promise."
"Why does it mean so much to you?" Blaine asked, truly confused, "You don't really know me, you don't have to care." It wasn't accusatory, Blaine really didn't understand.
"Are you serious?" Kurt said, almost annoyed, his eyes wide, his cheeks fully flush now under the sudden heat from the coffee. "You expect me to be indifferent? You ring me up one night threatening to jump from a bridge," he continued in a whisper, "We exchange conversation every night, I tell you about my mum, the bullying and you tell me about school, your glee club, you start to tell me about your family. This doesn't sound like a friendship between two indifferent people Blaine. You made me care, you shouldn't be so surprised when I do." Kurt sat back slightly after he realised he'd been getting closer to invading his personal space in an effort to keep his voice down. Blaine was taken aback.
"It's just no one's really cared before Kurt," he whispered, looking at the top of his coffee, "I didn't mean to dump this on you, I'm sorry." Blaine looked so small; Kurt wanted only to hug him close again. He placed his hand gently on Blaine's as it held his mug and Blaine's brown eyes searched his face.
"I don't regret anything Blaine," he said, "I am so very glad I picked up that phone, so proud that you rang, I just don't ever want you to be hurt, I care way too much, but there it is. You're stuck with me." He attempted a grin but Blaine only looked dumbstruck, his eyes wide, his mouth agape.
"Stuck with you?" Blaine whispered, "You really still want to be my friend?"
"Of course Blaine, there's nothing you could say to stop me."
"You don't know..." Blaine started, shaking his head.
"I don't need to know," Kurt said, squeezing his hand again, "I know you enough Blaine to realise that you wouldn't hurt a fly and that you've loved and lost. I know you have an amazing voice without hearing you sing, I know that you are so talented and full of dreams that as soon as the weight is lifted, you'll be free to realise every single one of them." He smiled to finalise his statements and Blaine blinked back tears. No one had said such amazing things, no one had believed in him so simply and sincerely.
"Now if you want to tell me about your family then you can but I won't pressure you. You do have to promise me that you won't shut me out again, that you'll let me help you."
Blaine looked at the greatest friend he had ever had and smiled, his tears threatening to overflow.
"I promise," he said and smiled.
Blaine gulped. He didn't really want to be here but as he looked at Robyn's happy and eager grin as she stood next to him, he knew this was really important to her. They were about to go into the room where all the elderly people gathered for tea and chat. Anyone that could move freely had seemed to choose to go elsewhere but the ones that remained had been sitting in the same spot for a few hours. Tea was brought to them, painkillers every few hours and muttered conversations were had in corners. Blaine knew this would be his toughest crowd to please.
Robyn had asked him constantly for a few days until Blaine had agreed only if they could choose the music carefully together. Blaine took Kurt's advice, deliberately choosing old classics by Frank Sinatra and Nat King Cole but also popular songs from older musicals and they had rehearsed over two days. As they made their way into the room, Robyn grabbed Blaine's hand and squeezed, beaming up at him from her short height. If he could make at least Robyn happy, Blaine would be glad.
They started off quietly, the older people not giving them any indication they were listening let alone enjoying the music or the song choices. They carried on and then out of the corner of his eye Blaine could see one old gent tapping his foot to the beat and Blaine smiled, nodding to Robyn, who grinned. They sang for over half an hour and were rewarded with tea and biscuits, Robyn dragging Blaine to sit with the old gent who had been tapping his foot along with the music. The man was dressed in his best tweeds, his elbows covered in leather patches and his skin in liver spots. His frail old hands showed his raised veins and tendons as he placed them on the arms of his chair but his smile lit up the room. All his teeth were showing and his eyes twinkling as he seemed to recognise Robyn.
"Hello grandpa," she said happily, kissing him on the forehead as she sat down next to him. Blaine shook his hand politely, looking from Robyn to the man in confusion.
"Grandpa, this is Blaine," Robyn continued, "Blaine, this is Grandpa."
"Nice to meet you sir," Blaine said as he took a seat near them.
"I like this chap already," he said grinning and nodding at Robyn. "So what you kids been up to? How's school?"
"School's actually pretty good," Robyn said, "Homework isn't so good," she said pulling a face.
"Oh boo," he said, "But you don't want people to say..." He touched her head playfully and they both said the following phrase together:
"What a beautiful head! Yet it is of no value, as it entirely lacks brains!" They seemed to get great enjoyment out of the phrase that was clearly instilled from childhood that their laughter had Blaine feeling like he was sucked into their happiness too.
"So Blaine," he continued after a while, "What do you plan to do with your life? What's your dream?"
Blaine was taken aback, it seemed everyone expected him to amount to something recently, but it was definitely nice to be asked.
"I want to sing," he said simply. Robyn nodded eagerly.
"He's great, isn't he Grandpa? I mean when he first sang The Smiths' 'Asleep' for glee club I thought I had died and gone to heaven or I thought that was where he was from." She giggled at herself. Blaine had never heard such simple praise from someone as unburdened and carefree as Robyn and he was suddenly very pleased that he had both Kurt and Robyn in his life.
"You're good kid," he said, looking directly at Blaine with his cold blue eyes, all the more honest amidst the lines and creases.
"Thanks sir."
"I don't really think he believes it Grandpa," Robyn was saying as if Blaine wasn't there. "He doesn't know but I know. Whenever I see him, whenever I hear him sing, I know. He's special and I want him to realise. No one really listened to me before Blaine." She suddenly turned to Blaine as if she had only just realised he was there. "You hear me and listen Blaine. Really you're my Batman," she said and at the realisation of what she had just said, she linked arms with Blaine, who hugged her close.
He had never really believed just simply listening could be so appreciated. He had drunk coffee with Robyn loads of times, often ate lunch with her and he would listen to everything she had to say, drinking it in, responding when needed. She never bored him, instead he loved her zest for life and her eagerness to enjoy it all. They had coffee together after saying goodbye to Robyn's grandpa who Blaine discovered was called Reg and Robyn rambled on again as Blaine listened. She explained that her parents had died when she was little in an accident so she had been raised by her grandparents. She still lived with her grandma but her grandpa was now too frail to walk and Robyn's grandma too old to care for him herself. Robyn visited nearly every day when glee wasn't on and Blaine said he'd like to visit often too.
"You really are my Batman aren't you?" Robyn asked as if she was suddenly worried Blaine would deny it all.
"Yes Robyn," he said beaming, "I will always be your Batman."
Blaine rang Kurt that night at the usual time, their relationship slightly different now they had met in person. They hadn't met again but Blaine or Kurt continued to ring at 9 o'clock and their conversations remained the same but they seemed to get even closer. The fact that Kurt stuck around, even after Blaine's worse had him thinking that maybe he could tell him a lot more about his life then he had before. Maybe, just maybe Kurt would understand.
"So how did it go?" Kurt asked.
"Actually really well," Blaine said and he continued to explain about Robyn's family situation and meeting Reg.
"Aww he sounds fabulous," Kurt said smiling, "It's sad about Robyn though. I know it's hard to lose one parent, let alone two. My dad nearly died of a heart attack a few years ago and I was devastated at just the possibility of him dying."
"Oh my gosh Kurt, is he ok now?"
"Not really, he told me over Christmas that he has prostate cancer, though it's in the early stages and he should recover. I just can't imagine losing him too," Kurt's voice had got steadily quieter and Blaine didn't know what to say, no words of comfort coming to mind. Blaine imagined what it would be like to lose his dad, to not have sorted things out with him beforehand and then it occurred to him that maybe his dad would be just as lost without him and he felt selfish.
"Blaine?"
"Yeah sorry, just thinking about my own dad. I really hope he gets better soon Kurt."
"Thanks," Kurt said and then after a while he added: "Whenever you talk about your dad Blaine he seems really nice and supportive. I mean how he handled your coming out, maybe you could talk to him some more, let him know that you struggle? Please don't take this the wrong way but my dad was so amazing when he found out about the bullying, I just thought maybe your dad would be understanding too?"
"Yeah he would Kurt, utterly and completely but I just can't," Blaine said quietly, already feeling ashamed that he couldn't do what Kurt seemed to find so easy. "I go to talk to him and I just imagine what he thinks, what he really wants and I know it isn't me. I know if the past could be changed that he would rather have my mum."
"What happened to your mum Blaine?" Kurt whispered gently, so aware that it was a difficult question.
"She died two years ago," Blaine said just as quietly, "In a car accident, along with my brother Cooper."
He had said it. Blaine had never told anyone, never let that sentence come out of his mouth, never let anyone that close. Kurt knew that had been the hardest thing Blaine had ever said and he felt sick to his stomach to know that Blaine had suffered this all on his own.
"I'm so sorry Blaine," Kurt whispered, tears starting in his eyes.
"It shouldn't be so hard," Blaine continued quietly, "The same thing happened to Robyn's parents as they returned from a party when she was five but she deals with it totally differently to me and I just don't understand why it's so hard." Kurt could hear a choked sob escape Blaine's lips and Kurt let his own tears fall in the comfort of his bedroom.
"Everyone goes through it differently Blaine, you're too hard on yourself."
"I guess, there's more but I can't say it yet," Blaine said, trying to get his voice under control but struggling with his breathing. "I can't bear the thought that you'll think differently when I tell you, that you'll hate me like I hate me."
"Blaine," Kurt said, "I could never hate you no matter what you did, I just couldn't. I know I've only known you a few weeks but truly you're one of my closest friends, really important to me. Never worry."
Blaine took it in, started to imagine telling Kurt all of it and seeing Kurt's face fall but he had felt slight relief at finally telling someone about his mum. Maybe Kurt could see past it all, maybe he was special enough to really understand and help him.
"Do you know the Calvary Cemetery on Laurel Hill Boulevard?"
"No but I can find it," Kurt said.
"Can you meet me there tomorrow?"