June 17, 2013, 12:50 p.m.
Wonderful Life
Wonderful Life: Chapter 4
E - Words: 4,257 - Last Updated: Jun 17, 2013 Story: Complete - Chapters: 17/17 - Created: Apr 01, 2013 - Updated: Jun 17, 2013 128 0 0 0 0
Blaine was accosted as soon as he arrived at his locker the following morning. All he could see was purple shoes and frayed jeans from underneath the door to his locker.
"Blaine!" Robyn said excitedly, "I have the most brilliant idea."
He looked at her, her big brown eyes like a puppy, so expressive and happy, he couldn't help but smile.
"We need to go carolling!" He took a quick look outside through the wide glass doors at the entrance to the school and noticed the cold weather but looked back at her eager face.
"It was Christmas over a month ago," he said, looking confused.
"I know that silly," she said hitting his arm playfully, "But we can still go singing. I was thinking the old people's home in town and we could just sing winter songs. I've asked a few members of glee and no one seems that interested, but I thought you'd love it."
Blaine looked at her carefully. What about him screamed singing in front of loads of people? But he humoured her and smiled.
"I don't know Robyn; maybe people will be annoyed with us. Old people just want to sleep, not hear some teenagers singing. They'll throw things at us."
"Don't be silly;" she said again, "They've already said we can as long as we don't ask for money."
"You've asked them?"
"Yeah, they said they get people wanting to perform there all the time."
Blaine looked at her dubiously but just nodded.
"I'll think about it," he said but by the size of the grin on her face, Blaine knew she had already assumed he would say yes.
He ran the idea past Kurt that night when he rang at his usual time. Blaine was in his room, just finishing his homework.
"That sounds a great idea Blaine," Kurt said eagerly. "I've sung at an old people's home before."
"You have?"
"Yeah with friends. We used it as an opportunity to practice songs and hone our craft. Most of the time they really appreciate it, though I did have a cat thrown at me at a nursing home once."
"And this is supposed to make me feel better?" Blaine laughed.
"Well the nurses definitely appreciate it and it taught me a very valuable lesson."
"Which was?" Blaine asked after a long pause.
"Only sing songs they would have heard of, none of this 'modern rubbish' which was our main complaint." Kurt grimaced at the memory.
"Yeah good idea," Blaine said.
"This Robyn sounds interesting," Kurt said, "What's she like?"
"Excitable, intelligent and very enthusiastic," he said.
"A good friend then?" Kurt asked.
"Oh definitely, she doesn't know anything about me really, doesn't know I go to the bridge or struggle with stuff but she doesn't seem to care what others think about her. She lives as if today was her last day and I admire that."
"That's really good Blaine. I'm glad you're making friends and I knew you would."
"I know, just moving around all the time I never really wanted to form friendships, I guess. She sort of found me though and won't leave. I think she's determined for me to enjoy life and I want to try to please her."
"That's a good idea," Kurt said thoughtfully. He seemed to be thinking so Blaine allowed the silence to continue. "Do you think maybe I could try something Blaine?"
"Ok..." Blaine said hesitatingly.
"Do you remember what I said to you that first night to persuade you not to fall?"
"Yes – you said that I shouldn't let go or give up and that it's a wonderful life." Blaine sounded confused, not sure where he was going with the conversation.
"It is but I guess you don't think it is most of the time?"
Blaine didn't know how to answer. He looked around his well decorated room, the dark wooden panels reflecting his mood most of the time. He knew his father loved him, knew that his future was a blank canvas and all avenues and dreams were open to him. He knew he had every reason to think life was wonderful but as he looked at his blank corkboard with only one picture attached to it with a pin he realised he hadn't been living his life. He seemed to live as if he was going to die at any moment, which instead of causing him to live life to the full, to experience everything he could like Robyn, he had given up.
"Blaine?"
"Yeah sorry, I guess you're right."
"Can I show you?"
"What do you mean?"
"Can I show you how wonderful life can be?"
"How would you do that?"
"You'll see," Kurt said a little mischievously, "Do you trust me?"
Blaine thought for a second. He knew that he only had two friends and Kurt had quickly become his closest, despite never meeting face-to-face. He often wondered if Kurt would ring if he didn't feel obligated but he hoped under different circumstances that Kurt would have been his friend in real life. He knew he would have to take another leap but imagining what Robyn would do, he decided.
"Yes, I do trust you," Blaine whispered and Kurt smiled.
"Good, then tomorrow the challenge begins. Can I text you the details later?"
"Ok," Blaine said, slightly worried, "Do you ring me from work every night Kurt?"
"No, I'm actually at home now, is that a problem?"
Blaine had thought it was very honourable for Kurt to work so many evenings at the Trevor Project, now he felt silly.
"No it's not a problem, I just didn't think."
"Would you mind if I text you later?" Kurt sounded nervous, like he thought he'd overstepped.
"Are we friends Kurt?" Blaine asked quietly.
"I know it's not conventional but I've told you more about my life than I've told some of my friends that I see face to face. I enjoy ringing you Blaine, I really do. I think we're the best of friends," Kurt said after a long pause and Blaine smiled at the thought.
"Ok text me later."
Kurt did text him but it wasn't what Blaine expected at nearly 10 o'clock that same evening.
To: Blaine [9.56pm]
Hi Blaine it's Kurt. If you're free tomorrow night go to 113 St Marks Place, which is between First Avenue & Avenue A. Go inside a hot dog joint called Crif Dogs. You'll notice people lingering outside an old wooden phonebooth near the front. Slip inside, pick up the receiver and await your instructions.
To: Blaine [9.57pm]
Remember to have fun! Kurt :)
Blaine was perplexed at the cryptic instructions but for once he was actually looking forward to tomorrow and he went to bed with a smile on his face.
The next day Blaine did as he was instructed and found the street easily enough. It was nearly 8 o'clock when he arrived and in the darkness he made out a dingy looking hot dog joint. It had a black covering overhead with the header Crif Dogs, a white star separating the words. It looked a tiny place and Blaine saw a few people going in and decided after a while to take a risk. He did say he trusted Kurt after all.
As soon as he went in he saw what Kurt meant by the old wooden phonebooth and as it was empty Blaine decided to go in. He saw the old phone with its welcome sign above it:
Welcome, this phone is our doorbell. Please dial 1 and we will be right with you. Thanks.
The writing was curvy and modern in capital letters making Blaine wonder what he'd let himself in for. He did as was instructed on the sign though and a woman answered.
"Hello?" Blaine said.
"Hello, have you made a reservation?" The woman asked.
"No I haven't," Blaine said sounding confused. He had no idea what he had to reserve a table for.
"Are you Blaine?" she suddenly asked excitedly.
"Yes, how did you know?"
"You're following instructions given by Kurt?"
"Yes."
"Great I'm Brittany. I used to go to high school with Kurt, in fact I was his first kiss," she giggled.
Blaine was even more confused. He had assumed Kurt was gay given that he worked for the Trevor Project hotline.
"Oh don't worry," she continued, understanding his silence, "He's capital G gay. Come on in through the other side." She hung up and Blaine was left to gingerly press his hand against the other side of the phonebooth. It gave way as an entrance and Blaine suddenly found himself in a bar. The bar was lit up and surrounded by comfy stools with brown leather covers. There were tables around the room but the girl who was clearly Brittany, her blonde hair in soft waves around her face, waved excitedly from the corner of the room. She pointed to the bar where Blaine walked towards and she sat him down next to him in one of the leather stools.
"I was so pleased when Kurt rang me," she said smiling widely. "I haven't spoken to him in a while and he said he needed this favour. I've only been working here for a month though and we can only have virgin drinks but that doesn't matter."
She promptly went behind the bar and poured herself and Blaine two virgin cocktails. She remained that side of the bar as she gave Blaine his drink. He remained confused and hadn't said a word so Brittany looked at him carefully.
"Do you know why Kurt sent you here?"
"No," Blaine said shaking his head.
"Look around," she said, indicating the different room and the phonebooth that he had come out of. "Have you ever been to a hot dog joint that is a secret passage way to another world?"
Blaine looked around and smiled.
"No I haven't."
"Exactly. Kurt didn't say how he knew you, didn't say why you needed to visit but I know that life is short and silly places like this remind you that life can be extremely fun. He asked me to give you this little note when you got here." She handed him a little slip of paper that had been folded once. Blaine gingerly opened it and read:
Dear Blaine,
I hope you enjoy drinking with Brittany – just ignore everything she says, especially if she asks if you're a dolphin but enjoy yourself. This is a great bar and very fun. I have one more surprise which should start after you finish reading the note. Enjoy!
I'll ring you at 9 o'clock as usual.
Kurt
Blaine looked around and smiled. It was the strangest bar he had ever been to and he was just about to face Brittany, ask her what the final surprise was, when music suddenly blasted from the speakers in each corner of the room. A girl appeared from a door at the back and started to sing along to the beat of the music. Blaine instantly smiled, listening hard to the lyrics.
Don't wait for an invitation
No need for a reservation
This life is an exploration
And you gotta see what I see in you
I can't wait one minute more
The sun will shine
The sun will shine
We can't wait one minute more
The sun will shine
The sun will shine
A guy came out from the opposite door at the back and sang the second verse. They started to bounce along with the music as the guy and gal joined together on the makeshift stage and although their attention was drawn to Blaine, he wasn't nervous, determined to enjoy the song and Kurt's surprise.
Just think of the destination
I'll be your transportation
We'll find there's a kind of place
That can only be seen with a naked mind
The thought that Kurt had planned this made Blaine beam. He would normally hate attention especially as he wondered what Kurt's friends knew about him but as he sat and watched and listened, he knew that he needed reminding of how precious life really was.
There's a key that opens a door
Will you find it and turn it?
Take your time, don't take too long
There's a map that's washed ashore
Will you find it and burn it?
Unleash your imagination
Two stars, one constellation
Bright lights just to guide the way
Can you see what I see in you?
He applauded the two that had sung with the people who watched from the bar and they retreated, their job seemingly complete. As the song finished he made a little promise to himself that he would try to enjoy life for what it was, see the blessings that were all around him and open the door. After sitting silently for a while, he turned to Brittany and smiled.
"Thanks," he said sincerely, "I better go, I'm expecting a call."
"Ok," Brittany said, seeming to understand or not need further explanation, "See you soon?"
Blaine just nodded and grinned.
He walked along the side of the Hudson River where he had spoken to Kurt before, this time avoiding the bridge and its possibilities. He sat on the bench and thought about what had just happened. He knew Kurt didn't know the whole story, knew he was just trying to help but he couldn't know what life was like for Blaine. He didn't want Kurt to think it would be ok now, that his worries could be solved by a few songs and new experiences. But the fact remained that it had made his day, he had smiled, he had forgotten. Kurt had helped.
His phone rang at exactly 9.00 and Blaine answered after two rings.
"Blaine?" Kurt said when he could only hear silence.
"Hi Kurt," Blaine said.
"Did you like it?" Kurt's voice sounded worried, like perhaps Blaine hadn't gone, hadn't understood.
"Yeah it was great," Blaine said his grin evident in his voice, "Thank you. It was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me."
"Are you sure you liked it?"
"Definitely Kurt," Blaine said, "I didn't know what to make of it at first, wasn't sure if I would enjoy all the attention but they didn't know me so I could just sit back and listen. You chose the song?"
"Yeah, did you like it? That was my friend Rachel and her boyfriend Brody singing and Brittany I knew from high school. She was my first kiss actually," and Blaine could practically hear the blush on Kurt's face. "That is a long story," he said chuckling.
"I'd like to hear it," Blaine said kindly.
"Well," Kurt began, "My dad remarried when I was a sophomore at high school and I ended up with a new step-mum and step-brother. I watched as my dad got on really well with my step-brother Finn and I got a little jealous I guess. I thought my dad wanted a straight son like Finn. They watched sport together and always laughed and I wanted that with my dad so I pretended to like the same music as him and dressed up as him. I kissed Brittany just to see what it was like but I really am gay."
"That's good," Blaine said without realising how it sounded and immediately wanted to take it back. "Oh god Kurt, I meant – I mean I didn't mean..."
"Its fine Blaine," Kurt said laughing, "I know what you mean. It's nice to know other people go through similar experiences isn't? I wish I knew someone that was gay while I was at high school. It can be pretty lonely being the only out gay kid at school."
"Yeah exactly," Blaine said quietly.
"Is there no one out at your school?"
"No but I don't know. I haven't been there long and I'm not really out myself, though everyone seems to know. I've never told anyone I'm gay."
"What about your dad? Does he know?"
"No I haven't told him, he doesn't know. What was it like coming out to your dad?"
"I was really worried about it actually but I shouldn't have been. He was really supportive despite our differences. He always stood up for me, protected me from bullies and loved me just the way I am. I couldn't ask for a better dad. Do you worry about telling your dad?"
"No, I mean yes... I mean not really. I guess he loves me, I think he'd be supportive, I don't know why I don't tell him actually."
"It can be a really hard thing to do but I'm always here at the end of the phone if you need to ring me afterwards?"
"Actually that would be really good Kurt. Would you mind?"
"No that's fine, go home now and tell him and I'll pick up when you ring later. I don't have classes until midday tomorrow so whatever the time you can ring. Just text me if you don't want to ring, I get that it can be hard."
"Gosh Kurt I really don't deserve your friendship. I can't believe you would do all that for me, all of tonight, you don't have to do it all. I'm nothing and nobody." Kurt couldn't believe what he was hearing and his heart broke a little at the statement. He knew that Blaine really believed that about himself, wasn't trying to get attention and he wanted, above all else, to help Blaine realise how great he was.
"Blaine, you're not nothing. Gosh you're so amazing and I know I don't know what you've been through, but to come out the other side is really brave. I really wanted to show you tonight that there's more to life than worry and fear. You need to take chances in life otherwise it can be really lonely and scary. You are not nobody Blaine, you're something beautiful I promise."
"How do you know? You've never met me."
"There's more to a person than the outside. Beauty is the whole person and I've already seen your beauty. Don't you watch Disney films?" Kurt laughed. He couldn't possibly know what he had said but Blaine's breath suddenly hitched and Kurt felt the panic rise in his chest again.
"Blaine?"
"It's nothing," Blaine said, trying to calm his raging heartbeat, "I used to watch Disney films with my mum," he whispered.
"Used to?" Kurt asked tentatively.
"I can't Kurt, I'm sorry," his voice was just a quiet wisp of words.
"I'm sorry Blaine, I promise I don't expect you to tell me anything." There was a long pause as Kurt allowed Blaine to recover.
"I'm gonna speak to my dad now, can I still ring you later?" Blaine asked.
"Sure Blaine, anytime. I'm sure it'll go really well."
"Thanks Kurt, for everything."
"No problem, speak soon, bye."
"Bye."
He practiced what he was to say on his return home alongside the river as it made its way. He guessed his dad would be fine with it, knew he was loved but he was worried that he would be a disappointment. The mention of Disney earlier had reminded Blaine of all the wonderful Sunday afternoons he had spent with his mum watching the classics. As a child he had curled up with her to watch the Disney characters find love and solve problems, her fingers would stroke and curl his hair and he would sigh. They had been perfect moments and as he was walking past the river, tears falling silently down his face, he knew those moments could erase all the heartache, if only he could hold on to them.
As he entered his apartment, he noticed his dad watching TV from the sofa, a pile of marked essays on the coffee table and he looked up at Blaine and smiled.
"How are you son?"
"Good thanks Dad," he said, hastily wiping his face as he hung his coat on the hook. "Can I speak to you a moment?" Will looked up at his son, a serious expression adorning his face and he switched off the television.
"Anything wrong?"
Blaine sat down next to him on the sofa but remained looking at his hands, his dad waiting patiently for him to begin.
"Dad, I have something I need to say, I guess," he said, still avoiding his eyes.
"You can tell me anything Blaine," Will said, "Anything."
"I'm gay, dad." He whispered.
There was a long pause, Blaine not daring to look up. In that moment Will thought he had guessed why Blaine was sad here, not willing to talk and as he touched Blaine's chin, showing him his loving expression, Blaine felt tears spring to his eyes.
"It's ok Blaine," he said kindly, "It's ok." Blaine felt so relieved he let his tears fall and his dad smiled and brought him closer in a hug. They hadn't hugged in years, Blaine only a child, and Blaine tensed at the contact then seemed to melt against him, the feeling of being taken care of overwhelming. Ages seemed to pass but after a while Will looked at his son, tears still working their way down his face, he smiled at him again.
"I still love you Blaine, nothing will change that."
"Thanks dad," Blaine said quietly, a little dazed by it all.
"Is there anything else that's been bothering you?"
Blaine looked at his dad, his kind face so open to discussion that he wanted to tell him everything but he knew he would disappoint again and he couldn't do it. He wanted to be able to cope with this on his own and come to his dad all well again. His dad waited patiently but Blaine only shook his head and said he was going upstairs to ring a friend. It was only by the door that Will spoke again, causing Blaine to pause, his back still turned against his father.
"I miss her too you know," Will whispered, "So much." Blaine could hear the tears in his voice, didn't want to turn around to see his dad cry. "You can always talk to me about her, anytime Blaine." Blaine so wanted to talk, so wanted to describe his memories but he knew he couldn't without the guilt - overwhelming and painful. He only revealed something small but so important. Without turning around he spoke.
"I was thinking today about how I used to watch Disney films with her, I loved that," Blaine whispered, his voice stuttering on the words.
"She really was beautiful wasn't she?" Will said to Blaine's back. Blaine turned slowly, his eyes shining.
"Yes she was," he whispered and he left to go to his room, feeling a little lighter.
It may only have been small but he couldn't wait to tell Kurt about his conversation with his dad, knowing he would understand. He relayed it carefully, avoiding mentioning where his mother was but Kurt had never been happier. Hearing Blaine explain how he had come out to his dad, how a simple Disney related memory had made all the difference, Kurt felt tears spring to his eyes that Blaine was slowly dealing with whatever caused him to want to jump. As the conversation ended he asked the question he had been thinking about for a few nights now.
"Blaine, I wondered if you wanted to meet up in person?" he said hesitatingly, "I mean only if you wanted to..." Kurt started to ramble.
The thought that Kurt wanted to meet him was totally alien to Blaine, the idea that he was sought after almost ridiculous but he had said he wanted to be real friends with Kurt. It felt strange that he had become such close friends with a complete stranger but already Kurt was someone special. The thought of meeting him, of Kurt being disappointed, made Blaine hesitate and he couldn't do it.
"I'm sorry Kurt," Blaine started, "I want to meet but I can't. Maybe you should know everything before you meet me."
"Everything?" Kurt said. Blaine knew that it would mean the end, wanted to prolong their friendship without Kurt knowing what he had done. The thought of telling someone, explaining his guilt was almost overwhelming and Blaine suddenly thought of the water again.
"I've gotta go Kurt," Blaine said suddenly, "My dad's calling me. Speak soon." He hung up and Kurt felt the panic rise in his stomach again and desperately tried to ring Blaine again after a few moments.
You have reached the voicemail of Blaine Anderson. Please leave a message after the beep.