Chapter 8

Kurt returned to his cat Oscar approaching him by the door, swirling his body and tail around his leg affectionately and once Kurt had dumped his bags he picked him up for a cuddle on the sofa. Calling out to see if Rachel was home and finding no answer he settled amongst the cushions, realising he had missed this place, missed New York and his routine and he was glad something had missed him too. He text Rachel to let her know he was home and she soon replied that she would be back soon from a rehearsal.

He still felt guilty that he had really relied on Rachel after he left James and moved out of their shared apartment into her small place but now that Finn often came to stay, Kurt felt awkward. He didn't want to intrude and he fought the loneliness by going out as much as possible and trying to make friends but sometimes he just needed a night in with his cat. Finn would visit more regularly now or as much as he could afford and it was only a matter of months before he would be living here permanently, Kurt predicted and he would need to find a new place, alone with his cat.

"Kurt!" Rachel exclaimed as she entered the apartment loudly, practically running towards him her arms spread wide. "I've missed you," she hugged him tight as she dropped her bag by his feet.

"I've missed you too," Kurt said, his face muffled by her hair, "How was rehearsal?"

"Don't worry about that," she said waving her hand, "Tell me about Egypt and more importantly all about this guy Blaine." She had been so desperate for Kurt to move on after James, she would pounce on any possible gay guy in Kurt's vicinity.

"Oh where do I start?" Kurt said, sighing with Oscar still in his lap purring. "You might need to make tea," he smiled ruefully.

After Rachel changed into a massive jumper and leggings, handing Kurt his tea as she took hers, she raised an eyebrow, inviting Kurt to continue. He filled in the details, explained how they had met, what had happened on Blaine's supposed wedding day, to Rachel's gasps and nodded apologies. He described what he had seen in Egypt leaving their more intimate moments and waited for the inevitable.

"So?" Rachel said when the lull in conversation had led her to believe Kurt thought he had finished. "Where is he now?"

"At home I presume. I left him at his parent's house."

"And what's going to happen now?"

"Nothing Rachel, he's just broken up with his fiancé and not by choice. I think he needs his time."

"Well yeah, there is that, but there was something, right? He could be it?" Rachel looked so hopeful, Kurt really didn't want to disappoint but as he described Blaine's situation it became more and more obvious. Blaine would need time.

"I don't know Rachel, we'll see. He'll contact if he wants," Kurt shrugged, took a sip of tea, looking down.

"You're withholding information;" Rachel said accusingly, "There's more to tell." She poked Kurt in the ribs, a well known tickle spot that made Kurt squirm.

"Rachel…." Kurt whined.

"Tell me, or there'll be more," she warned.

"Ok, ok, there is more."

"Well?"

"We slept together a few times."

"What?!" Rachel sat up excited, almost jumping in her seat.

"Calm down, calm down, it was just what was needed I guess, he wanted to forget, I needed something, we just needed each other at that moment. I'm not exactly proud of it to be honest. I thought I was no longer a horny teenager." Kurt blushed.

"Well it has been a while…" Rachel shrugged her shoulders in understanding.

"Urgh, Rachel we are not discussing my sex life," Kurt pulled a face.

"Ok ok, but don't beat yourself up about it Kurt, obviously you both needed it. So how did you leave it between you?"

"Just that he would contact me when he was ready, to grab a coffee or something. I kept it light."

"Ok, ok," Rachel nodded, working out plans in her head, "That sounds promising, so give him a week or so and text him."

"Oh actually I don't have his number," Kurt said suddenly worried, "I mean I never needed it."

"But he knows where you work right? That's where you met isn't it?"

"Yeah," Kurt said, "I guess the ball really is in his court."

xXx

It was over dinner that Rachel seemed to remember what had happened over the last week and decided to fill Kurt in on all the details.

"Oh I meant to say," she said, "James has been ringing."

"What do you mean?" Kurt asked, "I haven't heard from him in months. I actually asked him not to ring again, why now and what does he want?"

"I know, I know, but he sounded like he could use a friend, something about someone dying suddenly and needing to speak to you. He wouldn't go into details, just kept asking when you would be returning. I said I'd let you know he'd rung."

"Did you tell him I was coming home today?"

"Only when he kept ringing," Rachel said, trying to calm down Kurt's annoyance, "I mean I got the impression that he would have kept ringing otherwise." Kurt had deliberately changed mobile numbers since the break-up but James had always known Rachel's apartment phone number.

And as if on cue, the phone rang. Kurt got up and huffed in annoyance as Rachel decided to make another mug of tea, anything to appease the situation.

"Hello," Kurt said into the phone, "James… I thought we agreed not to ring again."

"I know Kurt, I know I just thought you'd like to know my mum died," and a sob could be heard on the other end of the line and a desperate hitch of breath. Kurt felt instantly dreadful.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry James. How did she die?"

"It seems she had advanced cancer, it was diagnosed nearly six months ago. Do you remember she kept getting that terrible pain; no one would do anything about it. It was just too late…" Another sob.

"I'm so sorry, James, I don't know what to say, your mum was so good," Kurt said.

"Will you come? To her funeral I mean. Its tomorrow," James said, breath uneven but hope in his voice as he asked.

"Oh, well I guess," Kurt said, clearly uncomfortable. He wasn't with James anymore, surely his family knew that and what would his presence signify? What would they all think? But as Kurt thought about the situation he knew he would go, even if it was just for James' wonderful mum, Sara. He had really loved her, always been able to talk to her about anything. That was the thing about awkward endings to relationships, you lost the family you had grown to love and understand too. She had rung Kurt after the break-up, apologised profusely for James' behaviour, was clearly going to reprimand him like a child and had told Kurt to find himself someone that would treat him well and love him like he deserved. She had been so disappointed that Kurt wouldn't be round as much and Kurt felt guilty that he hadn't kept in touch. He had missed her warmth and Sunday dinners. He knew he would go now, even if it would be awkward.

"Thank you Kurt," James was saying, sounding so relieved and hopeful, "I knew you'd come, she loved you so much. I think she hated me a little for how I treated you." He sounded small behind the telephone and Kurt felt tears approaching, not at the thought of James' remorse but only for the petite blonde woman that James called mum.

"I am sorry Kurt," James said, as if it needed to be said again after six months, "I was really stupid, I do know that."

"Well at least you learnt something," Kurt said, biting back more anger and resentment.

James clearly didn't know what to say so he finished the conversation by explaining the details of the funeral the next day and where it would take place. Kurt agreed to meet him at the church and he hung up, Rachel instantly handing him a cup of tea in sympathy.

"I didn't mean to listen but I heard bits anyway," she said looking sheepish, "His mum?"

"Yeah she had cancer and died last week."

"Oh that's terrible Kurt."

"Yeah she really was great," and Kurt let the tears fall freely now as Rachel hugged him and curled her legs around his, enveloping him in her warmth.

xXx

It was awkward. Kurt arrived to a full church, heaving with family and friends of Sara and as people turned to see who had entered, many who recognised Kurt were shocked by his presence. Kurt had disappeared from their lives six months ago, no longer referred to and they clearly had no idea why, so Kurt heard whispers and saw the interested looks as James approached.

"Kurt," he said and hugged him warmly, "I'm really glad you came, will you sit with me?" Kurt looked unsure but not wanting to upset him on the day of his mum's funeral, he sat with James and listened to the eulogy and sang the hymns to a God he didn't believe in. It was a lovely service, family and her closest friends telling of her love for others and her kindness. It saddened Kurt to hear such lovely things about a woman he had grown to love like a mother and he wiped tears away many times as the service continued.

The wake was at a nearby hotel, fully catered and although Kurt had wanted to leave straight after the burial, he found himself in a corner of the room, nibbling on buffet food. James had been talking to family members but he soon came over once he noticed Kurt on his own.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to leave you on your own," he was saying as Kurt continued to look around the room. "How have you been Kurt? I didn't manage to get your news when I rang yesterday."

"Oh I've been ok thanks, just working and the usual."

"Where were you last week? Rachel clearly didn't want to tell me, just said you were away for the week."

"Yeah I went on holiday to Egypt."

"Oh wow, you always wanted to go there," James said, smiling that Kurt had achieved something on his bucket list, "Did you go alone?"

"No, with a friend," Kurt said nonchalantly and James was surprised, clearly under the impression that Kurt didn't have any of those since their break-up.

"Oh? Do I know them?" James tried to keep the curiosity out of his voice but he forgot he had lived with Kurt, and that he knew all there was to know.

"No, I styled his hair and it's a really long and complicated story James, we don't need to get into it," Kurt said, avoiding his gaze and feeling annoyed.

"Sorry Kurt, I don't have any rights anymore I get that, but it would be nice if we could still talk occasionally, maybe keep in touch. I know things have been awkward…"

"Not just awkward James, you cheated," Kurt's voice rising, causing a few to stare, "You lost all rights to friendship and conversation when you did that."

"Ok, ok," James said, holding up his hands in surrender, "I get that, I do, I know I fucked up but it would be nice to see each other again for coffee or something wouldn't it? I mean catch up, or I could come round." James managed to make everything sound dirty and as he looked at Kurt and winked, Kurt felt sick. He knew that James had always managed to think with his penis but he had been blind, had assumed that he had kept him sated and satisfied while they had been together. Looking at him now, winking lasciviously, clearly just as horny as ever, he knew that he could never be satisfied with that. He thought back to Blaine, his warmth and love despite his heartache. Kurt hadn't meant to fall for the guy but he had and even though he knew he would need time, Kurt couldn't help but think Blaine had more compassion and love in his little finger than James had in his whole being. Blaine might be bruised but James was just cheap.

"I don't think so James," he said as he turned away to leave the room.

"Hey Kurt, wait…" James said tugging his arm.

"No James, this is over. I came for your mum, a great wonderful woman who had all the love in the world. I just wished it could have rubbed off on you, because she had compassion for people, she knew what it meant to love others. You do not." Kurt walked out and James felt his jaw slacken as he watched him leave.

xXx

It was raining as he left and Kurt pulled his perfectly styled coat inwards as he cursed that he hadn't brought an umbrella. Kurt felt foolish as he left and decided to walk home despite the rain. He had let himself believe in love despite the burning he had received at the hands of James; he had thought he had rid himself of any naivety, his innocence gone in the blink of an eye as he had watched James fuck someone else against their chest of drawers. He had known James hadn't changed but just as he felt vulnerable, more aware than ever that he was finding it difficult to find someone he could truly love, James had provided a reason to care. He thought, for a slip of a second, that James might mean what he had said about being sorry, about wanting more than a phone call after six months. What he had done still hurt him but he wanted to believe that he could be really sorry and that the person he had thought he would spend the rest of his life with would show him again how love did exist. He could feel hot angry tears roll down his face mingling with the rain as he walked quickly and for some reason he found himself walking past the salon he worked at.

The shop had been shut for the day but the blind-less windows revealed the leather seats, sinks and mirrors, lined in rows, awaiting the customers Kurt would find tomorrow morning on his return to work. He looked through the window, actually looking forward to going back tomorrow, to see the friends he worked with, who he knew would want to know all about his trip. He smiled at the thought that he was loved after all, he just needed to be reminded of it sometimes.

As he turned to continue his walk home, he was surprised when he heard someone call his name in question and before he looked he vaguely realised he recognised the voice. He turned to face Blaine, dripping in the rain and his curls plastered to his head.

"Blaine!" Kurt exclaimed, completely surprised, "What are you doing here?"

"I was walking and I…" he said, looking desperately around for some kind of inspiration, a reason he might be walking there this late at night and in the rain but found none.

"Blaine?"

"I was just walking around places I knew I guess, places that reminded me. It's silly don't worry…" He looked down at his boots, completely sodden and shuffled nervously.

"Where have you been?" Blaine said, looking Kurt up and down, noticing his outfit, "You look posh."

"Oh yeah, I've been to a funeral," Kurt said, suddenly finding tears spring to his eyes again.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry, do you want to go somewhere for a drink?" Blaine looked up at the unforgiving sky, "Its freezing and raining…"

"Yeah, sounds good," Kurt smiled, suddenly walking briskly to the bar across the road that looked quiet. They dripped all over the floor as they entered and Blaine ordered drinks as they sat in a corner by a fire place.

"Wow there's a proper fire place here," Kurt said, in awe. Blaine smiled as he handed him a drink.

"Do you mind if I ask whose funeral?" Blaine said, clearly sad to be mentioning it again when Kurt was obviously upset by it all.

"Sara, James' mother."

"James? Oh James," he said, as realisation kicked in.

"Yeah he rang me yesterday to tell me and I came along, I mean she was a great woman, just like a mother to me and I just had to go," Kurt sniffed again, embarrassed to be crying.

Blaine only came closer and hugged him warmly. Kurt could feel worries and sadness melting away as he hugged Blaine who appeared much warmer than Kurt despite the rain. They hugged for a little too long then parted and as Kurt came away, Blaine wiped his eyes, stroking along his cheek slowly.

"Was it awkward?" Blaine asked quietly and Kurt found himself telling Blaine all that happened, how he had hoped James might be more remorseful or have changed in some way, how he had been disappointed in him again. Kurt explained how he felt and Blaine listened and his heart sunk just a little that Kurt was much more fragile than he had appeared in sunny Egypt where life had seemed right.

They spoke for ages, Blaine explaining how lonely his apartment had been despite spending time rearranging the place to suit a single life. He had shopped for things he wanted to brighten up the place but it no longer felt like a home he had shared, just a place to crash every evening. Kurt smiled sympathetically; understanding how it felt to break up with someone who you thought was it, someone who had been everything. After a lull in conversation Kurt asked Blaine timidly how he had ended up near the hairdressers.

Blaine looked carefully at Kurt clearly deciding whether to lie out of embarrassment or reveal the truth, but when he saw Kurt's blue grey eyes of innocence he couldn't help but be honest.

"I was searching for something I guess," Blaine looked down at his drink now as he spoke, "I remembered where you worked from my wedding day and even though I knew you wouldn't be there, I knew the place would be closed, I just thought I might find something there, something of you." Blaine felt embarrassed but Kurt wanted him to continue, he needed to hear him say it, not caring what it meant.

"I better get back Kurt," Blaine said, scared he had revealed too much and feeling silly. He looked over at Kurt, slowly drying by the fireplace and stood abruptly. Kurt nodded and got up too.

They parted outside the bar and Kurt prepared to walk briskly home, not too far to go now. As he continued to walk away, he suddenly felt a gentle tap on his shoulder and he spun around to find Blaine looking drenched again, the warmth of a few minutes ago forgotten now in the pouring rain.

"I forgot to tell you," Blaine said, a sheepish grin on his face as drops continued to cascade down his cheeks, "It was you, you that I was searching for." And he leaned in slowly, gently wiping the droplets of water from Kurt's face, hoping to impart warmth there. Kurt felt himself sigh into the kiss and close his eyes against the rain and the worry and the thoughts of James.

"I need to get your number," Blaine said smiling widely as they parted.