Chapter 7

The next morning I awoke to find only a cold side of the bed and a small note on the other pillow.

Dear Kurt,

I have gone early to London this morning to sort out some business with the estate and won't be back until late evening.

Enjoy yourself around Manderley; I should think you would like the break from me after all.

Love Blaine

I felt my heart sink upon reading the note. Even after last night, forgiveness given freely, the connection we had shared, Blaine still believed I regretted coming here with him. I felt overwhelmed with the need to persuade him otherwise but also so tired. I wish it could have been easier.

I sadly sat in the morning room, in the window seat as the maid brought me breakfast on a tray, watching out the window for something or anything to happen. Time seemed to stand still here and I felt suffocated and trapped. A tear left my eye as the maid busied herself in the room and enquired if I needed anything else this morning. I suddenly noticed a window moving from the opposite wing and a flutter of the net.

"No thank you Hilda, I just wondered if the west wing was in use this morning?"

"No sir, it hasn't been used since Mrs Anderson died." She left the room.

My curiosity was piqued and I decided to explore the west wing – the place forbidden to me since my arrival. Blaine had been dismissive about what belonged there and Mrs Danvers seemed to revere the place. I wondered what was there to warrant such feelings, so I started walking to the stairs but I heard a noise, voices.

"Come along Mr Jack, or someone may see you," Mrs Danvers said. A man's voice replied, confident, nonchalant and dripping with mirth.

"Well Danny, old harpy, it's been good to see you again. It's been simply breathless to pick up all the news." Jasper kept barking, determined to make his presence known.

"I really don't think it's wise for you to come here Mr Jack."

"Oh nonsense, nonsense. It's just like coming home." His voice was getting steadily louder, indicating they were coming down the stairs and I tried to get Jasper to follow me into the morning room so I would be hidden.

"Quiet Mr Jack."

"Yes we must be careful not to shock Cinderella, mustn't we?"

"He's in the morning room. If you leave through the garden door he won't see you."

"I must say I feel a little like the poor relation, sneaking around through back doors. Well toodle-oo Danny."

"Goodbye Mr Jack and please be careful." The door closed and Jasper whined. I suddenly felt foolish and rather annoyed to have been described like that by someone that didn't know me, when I was startled by a voice behind me from the window.

"Looking for me?" his voice crawled with delight in my surprise, I hated him. "I didn't make you jump did I?" He laughed.

"No of course not, I didn't quite know who it was," I replied confidently, though my heart was beating madly in my chest. Jasper ran up excitedly to the man still outside the window.

"Yes, you're pleased to see me. Aren't you old boy? I'm glad there's someone in the family to welcome me back to Manderley. And how is dear old Blaine?" He said, finally addressing me, reaching to his pocket to get a cigarette from his case. He looked me up and down, determined to find out something I presumed.

"Very well, thank you," I said, standing tall.

"I hear he went up to London, left his secretary behind." He continued to smirk and look me up and down, determined to make me feel uncomfortable and I was just as determined that he wouldn't win. Mrs Danvers suddenly appeared by the door behind me and she looked between us.

"Danny," he said, "All your precautions were in vain, the secretary of the house was hiding behind the door," he smirked again, pointing at me. "Oh what about presenting me?" he asked Mrs Danvers, straightening his tie in a mocking way.

"This is Mr Favell," Mrs Danvers said, addressing me.

"How do you do?" I said simply. He hopped out of the window into the room, nearly skipping to me to shake my hand and asked how I was too.

"Won't you have some tea or something?" I asked feigning politeness.

"Well isn't that a charming invitation. I've been asked to stay to tea Danny and I've a good mind to accept." Mrs Danvers shook her head at Jack to which he took heed.

"Oh well perhaps you're right," he said, "Pity just when we were getting on so nicely. Goodbye, it's been fun meeting you." He shook my hand cordially and I almost believed he was sincere. He turned to go but suddenly remembered something.

"Oh by the way, it would be very decent of you if you didn't mention this little visit to Blaine. He doesn't exactly approve of me."

"Very well."

"That's very sporting of you. Fare thee well," he said as he jumped out the window. "Oh and I know what was wrong with that introduction, Danny didn't tell you did she? I am Rebecca's favourite cousin. Toodle-oo." And he went, clearly happy with my parting expression which must have shown surprise. I turned around to find Mrs Danvers had disappeared silently again and I felt my heart sink. Why had this man come to mock and hide? Why didn't Blaine like him? I wanted to know answers and felt foolish that I again was mistaken for a fool and a plaything. I looked towards the stairs and was reminded of my earlier idea to explore the west wing.

I went up the stairs panic settling in my stomach as I ascended, determined not to be caught, checking for servants, especially Mrs Danvers as I went. The two doors of the west wing stood looming ahead of me as I reached the landing and walking quietly across I opened it and instantly saw the nets, shadows of butterflies appeared lining the window. I parted the nets that separated the room in half and went through looking at the room in all its beauty. There was an eerie darkness there and the atmosphere was odd, as if Rebecca had merely popped out for a party and would return soon, the room remained as it should if she still resided there. I opened the curtains, pulling the string, allowing light to finally enter and it revealed the perfectly arranged flowers on most of the tables. I opened a window.

Her dressing table was lined with brushes and mirrors and a very large photograph of Blaine, austere and formal, was sitting on the table in its frame. The window suddenly slammed, breaking me out of my reverie and a voice appeared at the door.

"Do you wish anything sir?" Mrs Danvers' silhouette appeared through the net and she parted them to glide forward, closer to me.

"I didn't expect to see you Mrs Danvers," my voice faltered as she peered at me curiously and came closer. "I noticed that a window wasn't closed and I came to see if I could fasten it."

"Why did you say that?" She turned to me accusingly, "I closed it before I left the room. You opened it yourself didn't you? You've always wanted to see this room, haven't you? Why did you never ask me to show it to you? I was ready to show it to you every day." She closed the window I had opened and suddenly pulled the string of the other window; light revealing the room to its best. She suddenly looked like a powerful beast, commanding light to enter where it was needed. She looked other-worldly.

"It's a lovely room isn't it? Loveliest room you've ever seen. Everything is kept just as Mrs Anderson liked it. Nothing has been altered since that last night. Come I'll show you her dressing room." She walked around the room as if she worshipped it, as if Rebecca was still there. I followed her obediently, not saying a word.

"This is where I keep all her clothes," opening the big wardrobe, "You would like to see them wouldn't you?" She asked, her eyes wide in question, looking as if she had gone quite mad. She showed me Rebecca's furs, asked me to feel it, stroking my face with it, explaining it was a gift from Blaine.

"He was always getting her gifts, all year round." I felt my stomach lurch painfully with jealousy, I didn't know. I just followed her as she showed me Rebecca's underwear, explaining that they were made especially for her by local nuns. I felt sick.

"I would always wait up for her, whenever she went out," she continued, "She would tell me all about her day, who she had met, the fun she had had. She knew everyone that mattered, everyone loved her."

She explained her nightly rituals, her bath, her combing of her hair, what products she used. I followed dumbly, forced into positions that Rebecca had been in, at the dressing table, near the bed. I wanted to run.

"Oh you've moved the brush, haven't you?" She commented, moving it to the correct position. She moved to the bed, showing her night clothes, the thin delicate lace and silk. She looked so lovingly at the nightdress, not even noticing me next to her, so I started to move, not even aware my feet were leading me to the door. She followed soon after.

"You wouldn't think she'd been gone so long, would you?" She asked, my hand on the door knob. "Sometimes when I walk along the corridor, I fancy I see her just behind me. That quick light step. I couldn't mistake it anywhere. Not only in this room, it's in all the rooms in the house." She had reached the door, by my side, as she looked around the room, near the ceiling, as if she expected Rebecca's spirit to be watching and hovering over us.

"I can almost hear it now. Do you think the dead come back and watch the living?" She asked me suddenly; her eyes wide as if to look into my soul, search for answers.

"No I don't believe it," I answered, wringing my hands, panic mounting in my chest. "Sometimes I wonder if she doesn't come back here to Manderley," she said, coming ever closer, her face inches from mine, "And watch you and Mr Anderson together. You look tired. Why don't you stay here and rest a while? And listen to the sea." Her eyes wandered away from my face as if she was intently listening to the sea herself, as if she was drawn to it or it was calling her.

"So soothing…Listen to it, listen…" she said, walking away from me and the door, following the sound, listening intently. I took this opportunity to run through the door.

"Listen to the sea.