Chapter 6

We carried on as if nothing had happened and it wasn't referred to again as Blaine crept under my covers at the dead of night and rose too early for the servants to notice. We ate our breakfast quietly the following morning and I soon found myself at a loss for what to do with my time as Blaine busied himself around the estate.

I found myself in the morning room writing letters on paper that clearly belonged to Rebecca, her initials heading everything, ever present. Upon getting up awkwardly I knocked a china ornament off the desk and it smashed, only leaving tiny pieces. I hastily looked up, hoping no one had seen and stashed it at the back of a drawer. It symbolised more I think, looking back. I always felt like a stranger there, someone living on borrowed time and the china ornament broke all illusions that I could be an equal here.

Mrs Danvers always had more power over me than Blaine knew, always created a fear in me that was unnecessary but made my chest clench miserably whenever she was near. She would look at me with unmasked disgust and hatred, obviously wondering the power I had over Blaine and wishing I would vanish. It took every ounce of courage I possessed to refrain from running away and letting her win.

I knew Blaine loved me but the mystery of Rebecca haunted him and I couldn't help but wish for explanations and answers to my many questions. I was watching the world go by at the window of the morning room when I had a sudden desire to be useful to Frank and I thought he might be able to answer some of my questions. I thought perhaps he would be able to quell my fear.

I found him in the study, amidst papers and he stood up upon me entering.

"Oh don't get up on my account," I said, as he visibly relaxed.

"I'm just sorting out rent for the tenants. Blaine has declared a week free rent for all the tenants and a week extra pay for all the servants."

"Oh," I said surprised, "Why?"

"Because of you of course," Frank said, smiling.

I started helping Frank with the letters, sticking on stamps and signing and we sat in peaceful silence for a while, until I plucked up the courage to speak to Frank, to confide in him.

"I was walking with Blaine yesterday, by the sea and noticed a little cottage on the sea front. There was a strange man there, I wondered who he was?"

Frank looked up at me, at my question and paused before speaking. He clearly didn't want to say too much and was worried about how much I wanted to know. I still took the opportunity.

"Oh that must have been Ben, he's harmless really," Frank said.

"The place is in quite a bit of disrepair, maybe something should be done about it."

"Oh I think Blaine would have said something to me if he wanted anything done," Frank said, defensively.

"Are all of Rebecca's belongings there?"

"Yes, Blaine asked for that to happen. It was mainly a place for her boat and sailing equipment, she liked to sail."

"Wasn't she afraid?" I asked.

"She wasn't afraid of anything. That was the beauty of her really. She was fearless."

"I think Blaine must be sorely disappointed in me, I seem to be the complete opposite of Rebecca," I looked down, whispered.

"No don't think like that," Frank said, nudging my chin with his finger to lock my gaze with his. "I think Blaine likes you for that exact reason." I was surprised another man, in such a clear position of power here, would touch me like that and I remembered what Blaine had said: that Frank would keep our confidence.

"What was she like? Rebecca I mean?" I whispered.

Frank paused, looking at the envelope he was in the middle of stamping, reflecting on his answer and perhaps imagining her face and her form.

"She was the most beautiful creature I ever saw," he said finally.

xXx

Blaine had said the day before that I should order a few more outfits, more in keeping with my position here and so I spent the rest of the day ordering clothes, which I could definitely get used to. It was later that evening, when we were tucked together under the covers, that I could talk to Blaine again and bask in his warmth. I simply sighed, knowing this was where I belonged.

"Have you had a good day, Kurt?" he asked, tucking my head between his neck and shoulder and kissing the top of my head affectionately.

"Yes thank you. I helped Frank and I ordered clothes."

Blaine chuckled. "Well that is a good day. I seem to have been rushing around, meeting with important people and working."
"I can help you Blaine," I said, sitting up on my elbow to look at his worn out expression.

"No don't worry your little head about me," he said, stroking my hair fondly.

I couldn't help but huff as I lay back, staring at the ceiling.

"Please don't do that Blaine, I wish to be useful and I'm not a girl, I'm not your wife."

It was his turn to rest on his elbow as he stared at me from above.

"I don't think that Kurt, I know you're not a girl. I wouldn't be with you if you were."

"I don't like being treated as a pathetic creature that couldn't possibly understand business and I want to help you."

"Then you shall," he said, stroking my cheek slowly, "But I love that I can come here and get away from it all with you, lying here." He lay back, both of us staring at the ceiling.

We lay there for a while, both lost in our own thoughts until Blaine turned to face me on his side.

"You are happy here, aren't you Kurt? You don't regret coming here?"

"No of course not Blaine. I would follow you anywhere."

Blaine's eyes filled with tears and his expression looked so pained, I could only gape at him, barely blinking.

"Even to the depths of hell?" he whispered.

I could only hug him to me and cling there, rocking him gently.

"Even there," I whispered.

xXx

One of my new outfits arrived a few days after and I took the opportunity of wearing it when Blaine said he had a surprise before dinner for me in the main living room. As I entered in my suit that fitted slightly too well, Blaine turned and gaped, taking the opportunity to openly stare at my figure and devour me with his eyes. I felt pride swell in my chest that I could cause that reaction in someone as great as Blaine.

"Wow, I don't know quite what to say…" Blaine whispered. I could only smile as I walked to his side.

"I was hoping for that reaction," I said as Blaine almost grabbed me by the waist, pulling me closer to himself and he cheekily stroked my lower back, his hand then reaching lower and lower. I almost yelped but as Blaine buried his face in the nook between my neck and shoulder, I couldn't help but melt. He chuckled against me and I sighed.

"You look simply beautiful," he whispered, "You can't wear this outfit and not expect me to react this way." He looked at me, his lust-blown eyes smouldering and a wide smile playing on his face.

"I thought you had a surprise for me," I smiled cheekily, knowing he had forgotten.

"Oh, well yes but maybe it can wait."

"No, no, Blaine I want my surprise," I whined jokily, pleading against his arms.

"Ok, ok, but just sit over there so I won't be tempted to keep touching you." Blaine took one more look lasciviously over my body before he fiddled with some kind of photo contraption and a projector and I had never felt more wanted.

Finally getting the thing to work, he proudly stood before the projector and announced he had managed to find a way to show the photos we had taken on our sort of holiday before we arrived back to Manderley. We had travelled all over France after leaving Monte Carlo and taken many photos so it was lovely to see them again and see how happy we had been. Blaine had even managed to make a simple video of a picnic we had taken in the south of France, both of us leaning against the car in the nice weather.

"You look so happy here," Blaine said almost wistfully, looking at the video but suddenly it jarred and whirred and stopped. The lights were switched on and Blaine tried to correct it when Frith entered.

"Sorry to disturb you sir but there is a problem between Mrs Danvers and young Robert and he is in quite a tizzy."

"Well what is it Frith," Blaine said, clearly annoyed at such a disturbance.

"Mrs Danvers has noticed a missing ornament from the morning room, a china cherub and she has accused Robert of stealing the item. Robert denies this and is now extremely upset."

"Well ask Robert to dry his tears and Mrs Danvers to start a search for the item. Innocent until proven guilty, I say."

"Very good, sir." And Frith left.

I suddenly felt very foolish and as Blaine started the video again and our image came up on the screen I decided to confess.

"I'm sorry Blaine, but I broke the china cherub and forgot to mention it to anyone. I feel rather foolish now."

"Well why didn't you say anything when Frith was in the room?" Blaine sounded exasperated and I felt like a silly twelve year old child.

"I was worried what they would think of me, Mrs Danvers scares me slightly."

Blaine laughed. "Don't be silly Kurt; you're in a much better position than Mrs Danvers." Mrs Danvers then entered followed by Frith, seeming to glide or float without the use of her feet.

"Don't worry Mrs Danvers, all can be explained. Kurt has just admitted to breaking the cherub."

"Oh," Mrs Danvers looked at me with a raised eyebrow, "Is it completely broken? Can it be mended?"

"No I'm afraid not," I answered.

"Where is the item? Maybe Mrs Danvers can check," Blaine said.

"I don't think it can, I put it in the back of a drawer in the desk in the morning room."

Blaine laughed again. "It looks like Kurt was scared you would find it Mrs Danvers! Find it and see if it can be fixed."

"In future Mr Anderson, it might be an idea if Kurt would tell me if something like this happens again." She spoke directly to Blaine, as if I couldn't be trusted with even this small bit of information. Blaine was already at the video, bored of the conversation.

"Yes, yes Mrs Danvers. Thank you, you may go."

The video resumed and lights were turned off. We could see our smiling faces on the screen and the darkness around me hid my embarrassment from Blaine.

"I am sorry Blaine. I feel really stupid now."

"Don't be silly," Blaine said, walking to me where I sat resting on the arm of a chair. "You shouldn't be afraid of Mrs Danvers, she is no one compared to you." He started to stroke my cheek and wind his fingers in my hair. I sighed.

"I know," I whispered in pleasure, unable to raise my voice, "I just worry that she liked Rebecca far more than me and I am a disappointment to her."

"No, it is precisely because you are nothing like Rebecca that you are here." Blaine continued to stroke my hair as his lips found my cheek and started to plant soft kisses along my jaw line.

"I suppose that will keep people looking at me as if I were a prize cow," I chuckled softly. Blaine stopped to look at me carefully.

"So what if they do, you must remember Manderley, and who resides here, are of great interest to the poorer people but it doesn't matter what they see or think they see."

"I know Blaine. I suppose that's why you brought me here because I'm so much duller than Rebecca and you knew that there would never be any gossip about me."

"Gossip?" Blaine asked sharply, all humour erased from his face.

"Yes, I mean, oh I don't know what I mean, just ignore me Blaine, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said it."

"Yes it was a rather silly thing to say," Blaine said as he turned to face away from me. I could already feel the coldness and I craved the warmth from earlier.

"I'm sorry Blaine, please look at me. I didn't mean anything by it." I touched his arm gently, as he continued to watch the video of our holiday together before things became more complicated.

"You look so happy here, I wish we'd stayed, never come here. You must think me a rather dull old man compared to what you could have." He still avoided my eyes as he looked at the video.

"No Blaine, I don't think that. The age difference is only a few years and I couldn't bear the thought of being apart from you now."

He looked at me finally as my voice faltered and his face softened.

"Do you really mean that? Do you really?" He looked like such a lost puppy that I went to him, stroked his arm, hoped I would be back in the nook soon.

"Yes Blaine, I'm sorry I upset you."

"You didn't Kurt, not really. I suppose Rebecca is still an issue here at Manderley and I wish it didn't affect us still."

"We won't let it," I said.

xXx

We ate dinner soon after and finding nothing else to occupy our time we soon excused ourselves and went to bed, seemingly to our separate bedrooms.

Soon after we departed I heard a tentative knock on my door and Blaine walked in, in his pyjamas, with a shy expression, as if I would turn him away.

"Come in," I said, as I walked towards him by the door.

"Kurt, I feel sad about earlier. I still need to know that we're ok…" He looked down at his feet, a blush creeping on his face. I had not seen this side of Blaine before and I could not keep still anymore. I tilted his chin to look at me carefully and I spoke only in whispers.

"Blaine, I love you, let me love you."

I stroked his cheek as he smiled and my hands travelled lower to tickle his collarbone and neck. I undid the buttons on his monogrammed pyjama top, slowly, teasingly and his breath hitched. I smiled as I took the top off his broad shoulders, revelling in the sudden expanse of olive skin and chest hair that was before my eyes. He did the same to me, lovingly taking my clothes off and removing his own trousers. He walked towards my bed and turned to take my hand slowly, leading me to follow him, like I promised.

We lay on the bed and I could only drink him in as he stroked my shoulders and collarbone, feeling along my chest and hip bones. I sighed in pleasure as he touched. He looked like he had never known such pleasure and I wished then that he would always look like this.

"You are so beautiful," he whispered, as he started to kiss along my cheek, then neck, then collarbone.

"I want to drink you in so much Kurt; I can't believe that you're mine. All mine…" he breathed against my skin, as he touched, kissed and licked. I crept closer, craving his touch and making noises that I didn't know I was capable of. I was addicted to him, I couldn't get enough. He was everything and all things and I was worried it would end.

"The sounds you make Kurt, the taste of you… I, you're so… oh god…" He started to mumble and I couldn't just lie there any longer, I had to taste and touch and lick and nibble for myself. I manoeuvred Blaine underneath me, as I straddled his legs and lowered my body over his. As Blaine felt my hardness on his thigh, he moaned in new pleasure and I rutted against him, seeking friction and something more. I needed closeness.

"Oh Kurt, oh god…" Blaine's hips twitched beneath me and I licked tentatively at his ear, eliciting a groan of desperation.

"Let me… oh… can I?"

"Yes, anything, yes…" was all I could say, as he placed his fingers near my mouth and I licked confidently, not sure where I found this courage. Blaine's eyes were dark and needy in the low light and seeing me suck his fingers caused his face to crumble with want. His hand went from my lower back to tentatively stroke my cheeks apart. Finding what he wanted, he stroked me intimately until I couldn't support my weight on my arms any longer.

I rolled under Blaine, breaking contact, until he continued in a new position and kissed my neck, sucking gently; biting only in places that wouldn't be visible. He continued to insert fingers inside of me until I could wait no longer and I begged to be taken, for him to consume me. I wanted all of him.

He soon obliged and I had never felt so full, so complete. I knew then that I belonged here with Blaine, even if it was here in Manderley.

"So tight Kurt, so beautiful…" Blaine moaned above me and I could hold it in no longer.

"Please kiss me Blaine, kiss me…" And he did, licking my bottom lip and weaving his tongue in with my own. He started to stroke me and it didn't take long for me to come between us, moaning in pleasure, Blaine's name on my lips as he came inside me.

Blaine left my side after a few moments, cleaning me and then himself with a wet cloth and sighing he lay beside me. He soon opened his arms and I found myself being tucked under his neck, near his shoulder where I belonged.

"You are so beautiful Kurt, I don't deserve you… I just, I feel so complete with you here. I never really knew it could be like this…" his voice trailing away, betraying his emotion.

"I belong with you Blaine," I whispered in his ear, "I love you."

"I love you too Kurt, so much…"