Kurt continued going to Blaine's last chemo sessions for his second cycle, knowing that he would have to go through another three weeks of it all afterwards. He nursed Blaine without a word of complaint and helped him in many ways without a thought to his own internal pain. Blaine would often try to initiate conversation about Kurt's proposal but Kurt would tirelessly avoid it or start a completely different topic, causing Blaine to stop mentioning it altogether. He would look sadly at Kurt, who continued to share gossip about Angelina Jolie's new film or a new fashion spread in Vogue so quickly that he would need to take a deep breath every so often and he never seemed to notice Blaine's silence.

Kurt went home on his own for Friday night dinner, when it appeared that Blaine was really too ill to venture outside. Burt and Carole asked after Blaine, enquired how the treatment was going and Kurt filled them in, giving them painstakingly minute detail. They barely spoke, allowing Kurt to take over and exchanging concerned glances every so often. They knew the signs but would never broach the subject. This was his way of dealing with it, they knew, and they would just be there to help and support him when he needed it.

"It's good to see you properly though kiddo," Burt said smiling during a pause in Kurt's explanation, "We've missed you."

"Sorry, I've been busy," Kurt said, his eyes not meeting theirs, his mind already racing about what Blaine might need before going to bed. He was just considering calling Clarissa when Carole spoke.

"It must be hard for you, to see Blaine this way," she said kindly.

"Of course," he said, "But I'm not important at the moment."

"What do you do for yourself though Kurt?" Burt asked, "You know when he's sleeping or when you can't help him."

"I cook him meals, order his medicines so I know which ones to give and at which times. I clean a lot because the doctor said that he can't afford to catch any infection, that his immune system will be so low, even with the injections to help."

"That doesn't sound like you do anything for yourself," Burt said, "What do you do for enjoyment Kurt?"

"We watch movies when Blaine's awake and in bed or I read to him. He sometimes likes me to sing." Kurt looked confused. What were they getting at?
"Ok," Burt said, "I just want you to make sure that you get some time too, this is a lot to take on."

"It really isn't," Kurt said, closing his eyes. He'd heard this too many times. "Blaine has another three weeks of this treatment, I can't rest."

"Then you make sure you rest when it's over," Carole said kindly, "Romantic meals, maybe even a holiday."

Kurt's eyes sparkled slightly but at the thought of the appointment after the treatment, his failed proposal and what it all meant, his eyes lost their sparkle.

"You're not looking forward to that?" Burt asked. "I'd have thought you'd like something like that to plan?"
"Oh I do," Kurt said trying to lighten his expression, realising his mistake.

"But?"

"I don't know if Blaine would want that."

"Why not? I'm sure he'd like a holiday too sweetie," Carole said.

"Maybe I'll plan it after a while," Kurt said, noncommittally.

"Kurt?" Burt said. Kurt looked up, feeling like a child again when he had been caught eating cookies. "What's happened?"

Kurt felt tears prickle in his eyes and he swallowed.

"I made a stupid mistake," he breathed, blinking the tears away. "I asked Blaine to marry me."

Burt opened his mouth then seeing the anguish on his son's face, he closed it again. Carole seemed to be struggling with deciding her emotion too.

"He said no, if you were wondering," Kurt said sadly, not meeting their gaze.

"I'm not surprised," Burt said, "You're too young."

"We're not too young," Kurt said emphatically. "You've said before that this is a lot to go through for someone at our age. If we can get through this then we can get through anything."

"I know that," Burt said, "I hope you never have to go through something like this again, not for fifty years at least but that doesn't mean you have to rush through the rest of your life together. You'll have college, moving in together, making careers for yourselves."

"But what if Blaine doesn't have that?" Kurt said. As soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted it. His mouth closed abruptly but it was too late. He closed his eyes and sighed.

The silence was deafening to Kurt and he eventually opened his eyes to see concern and pity.

"I'm sure he will have all of that Kurt," Carole said.

Kurt could only nod; he looked so defeated.

"You can't guarantee it though," he said getting up. "Life is short and you should both know that more than anyone else. I know exactly what you would say if I asked about your own first loves. You wouldn't hesitate either." He walked closer to the door, his expression one of disappointment.

"I love Blaine and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, however long we might have. I don't want to waste a single day." Kurt walked closer to the door and finally opened it as Burt's words rang out:

"Then don't ever let him go."

---

"How did Friday night dinner go?" Blaine asked as the nurses were preparing all his treatments. The third cycle was about to start and they were finding it increasingly more difficult to find a vein in Blaine's arm. They kept his hand in warm water, tightened the pressure on the elastic but the veins seemed to be giving up. It took two failed attempts from other nurses before Margaret came along and took over.

"I told you before, I'm the best," Margaret joked as soon as she was successful. "I've had to find veins in worse circumstances than this when I worked with drug users." She was so matter-of-fact that Kurt was stunned.

"So how have you been getting on?" she asked Blaine. Blaine filled her in on some of his side effects and she nodded.

"Yeah that's to be expected," she said, "Not long now."

"How long have some of these people been here?" Blaine asked, looking around at some of the familiar patients on the chemo ward.

"Oh similar time to you, most have been here longer but their treatment is less intense, perhaps only one or two sessions a week."

Blaine nodded but had new respect for those who had been here longer. The only thought that was keeping him going was that he only had three more weeks of his intense treatment left.

After a while Blaine started to read a magazine while Kurt did the same though he noticed an older couple sitting next to him. The woman in the plastic chair next to his was looking around but her husband, in the comfy chair attached to his cannula, was reading a book. The woman looked at Kurt's magazine but he didn't get the impression she wanted to read over his shoulder.

"We've had our days changed," she said, "It's messed up our schedule a little. He used to have chemo on a Monday every week so he would have the whole week to recover from the side effects. Our grandkids come to visit at the weekend but now he'll be too ill to see them properly." She had a European accent but Kurt couldn't place it.

"Maybe they'll swap the days over if you ask?" Kurt suggested.

"I hope so. Do you live near here? They were saying on the news about a chance of snow in the next week."

"Not too far, I drive and it takes about half an hour."

"That's good, hopefully you'll still manage to get in. We live just behind the hospital," and she pointed in the general direction of her house. "We still drive here but we're very close."

They exchanged pleasantries about the parking situation for patients and discussed what might happen to the roads if it snowed. She revealed her name was Mary, her husband Bill. Kurt introduced both himself and Blaine.

"What type of cancer does your friend have?" she asked.

"My boyfriend has testicular cancer," Kurt said. She looked surprised at the mention of their relationship but said nothing.

"My husband has so much cancer," she said quietly, "That they don't know which was the primary cancer."

Kurt was horrified and had no idea what to say.

"They think it's pancreatic cancer as they found so much in that area, but it's spread quite widely." She looked sad to be mentioning it but Kurt could tell she had discussed this before with other patients.

"Blaine's has spread to his lungs and lymph nodes," Kurt explained, "They think he might need surgery on his lymph node afterwards. It might be too big for chemo. They've been quite aggressive with his chemo in the hope that surgery won't be needed."

"Bill's been going to chemo for a year now and it hasn't reduced the size. The markers in his blood are stable but he won't be cured. They're just prolonging his life."

Kurt had no words of comfort – what could he say? – but she did not appear in need of sympathy. She knew what was to happen, she had time to get used to the idea but Kurt would never forget the words she would say afterwards and the look of utter jealousy on her face.

"At least you know Blaine will be cured, he will survive afterwards. At least you have that."

---

The three long day sessions were over and Blaine breathed a sigh of relief. The worst was completed and although he had two weeks of smaller treatments he could see the end.

His body was wrecked. Not a hair on his head or face had grown back and he had lost all of his chest hair and some patches on his legs, his stomach had seized up with the stronger anti-sickness and he would often double up in pain until it passed. He had to take more medicine to counteract the new side effects and sometimes the only thing that made it better was a warm bath.

Kurt poured him a bubble bath that evening and then sat in the bedroom before they watched another movie. Kurt was almost drifting off to sleep before he could hear Blaine singing from the bathroom down the hallway.

Kurt opened his eyes wide but didn't move from his sideways position as he lay on the bed. He couldn't remember when he had last heard Blaine sing and although it was faint at first, as if Blaine was gaining confidence and testing his voice, it got louder.

Feeling my way through the darkness

Guided by a beating heart

I can't tell where the journey will end

But I know where to start

So wake me up when it's all over

When I'm wiser and I'm older

All this time I was finding myself

And I didn't know I was lost

Kurt starting walking quietly to the bathroom where the door was slightly open. He padded along and opened the door a little further to see Blaine closing his eyes amongst the bubbles and singing.

I tried carrying the weight of the world

But I only have two hands

Hope I get the chance to travel the world

But I don't have any plans

Blaine opened his eyes to find Kurt near the doorway and although a little startled he soon smiled and continued singing.

Wish that I could stay forever this young

Not afraid to close my eyes

Life's a game made for everyone

And love is the prize

Blaine's smile got wider and he beckoned Kurt to come into the water and join him.

Kurt was a little surprised. They had seen each other naked countless times, even since the surgery and chemo had started, had rarely slept apart but this seemed more now and Kurt was nervous. He stripped quietly as Blaine hummed the chorus.

Kurt missed Blaine's wide darkened eyes as he took off all his clothes. He slipped into the water so he was facing Blaine and his feet were under Blaine's shoulders. They sang together.

So wake me up when it's all over

When I'm wiser and I'm older

All this time I was finding myself

And I didn't know I was lost

"Will you wash me?" Blaine asked quietly, "My stomach still hurts."

Kurt nodded and took the washcloth. On his knees he lovingly circled areas of Blaine's chest and stomach, slowly and carefully but with enough pressure to be soothing. Blaine's eyes closed and he hummed in pleasure. Kurt kept going, ignoring his obvious arousal under the water until Blaine's became a little too hard to ignore and it bobbed above the surface. Blaine opened his eyes in embarrassment.

"Sorry," he mumbled, "I guess my stomach was so sore that it became too pleasurable."
"Why are you sorry?" Kurt asked smiling, "Have you heard the noises you've been making? It has been two months."

Blaine opened his arm so Kurt could lie next to him after a bit of shuffling and continue to stroke along the skin of his chest and stomach. After a while, Blaine's eyes closed again and his breathing became more laboured.

"Kurt, please…" he begged.

Kurt's hand lowered to where Blaine was bobbing above the water, pubic hair all gone after his chemo. He stroked him slowly, teasingly until Blaine became more desperate for the wet friction and he bucked into Kurt's touch.

"Oh Kurt," he moaned. Kurt's hand quickened and Blaine's hips bucked again causing the water to wobble and threaten to spill over the side.

Kurt's little finger slipped a little further back under the surface of the water, brushing along Blaine's tight hole and it was enough to send Blaine over the edge with a loud gasp. When he opened his eyes again, it was to find Kurt cleaning his stomach lovingly and he smiled, completely sated and comfy.

"Thank you," Blaine said, "I've never felt more loose and calm. Shall I return the favour?"

"Can we wait 'til bedtime? I'm getting wrinkly."

Blaine's face fell slightly but he said, "Sure" and prepared to leave the bath with Kurt's help.

"Are you ok?" Blaine asked.

Kurt dried off himself quickly then covered Blaine with a towel.

"Yeah," Kurt said, tears prickly at his eyes again, "It was just something that lady said to me the other day. She was right."

"What did she say?" Blaine asked, concerned at the sudden sad tone to Kurt's voice as he lovingly dried him with a towel. Blaine stood quietly, his arms by his side so Kurt could dry him slowly.

"She just reminded me that I'm really lucky," Kurt said, tears now filling his eyes and threatening to fall. "She really believes you'll be fine, that'll you survive and I thought maybe…" He couldn't say but Blaine knew and despite wanting to wipe the tears away he let Kurt continue.

"I just need this to be over and for us to start our lives again," Kurt said, taking a deep breath and avoiding Blaine's gaze as he continued to dry Blaine's body.

"Not long now," Blaine said, "Then we can get married and have babies and live all the dreams that have been on hold this year."

Kurt looked up at Blaine as those words left his mouth and he smiled as he realised.

"We can get married?"

"Of course," Blaine said beaming, "It was always a yes but this time I get to propose and on our own terms not because of a stupid illness. I'm not going anywhere Kurt."

It was as if Kurt needed to hear those words more than anything else to finally believe and he let out a sob in relief. Now completely dry, Blaine hugged him close.

"I'm not going anywhere," he whispered near Kurt's ear, "I'm not going anywhere."