It was starting again though this time Blaine was prepared. He had been given an Aprepitant an hour before chemo as well as Ondansetron to take at home. Kurt had prepared snacks and exquisite lunches, which he knew Blaine would be able to eat. He'd researched and discovered that a liquid diet was best, prepared soups and smoothies for Blaine to take though he could barely taste the difference. He was constantly tired, always pale, though he managed a smile for Kurt or one of the nurses when he was worried they looked concerned. Kurt could see behind the false perseverance and optimism but could offer nothing in return so he smiled too and never gave up hope. He offered what little optimism he could and stayed by his side.

The chemo ward was a strange place to Kurt and in many ways different to Blaine's experience. Though he was much better during the second cycle, Blaine was always battling nausea and could rarely rest. He had been given loads of books and DVDs from friends and family during his many hours attached to a cannula but he was often too tired to concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes. The biggest help was music and he would listen to hours and hours of it in order to while away the time. He would watch movies after chemo when he was tucked away in bed, snuggled up next to Kurt who was often wide awake when Blaine would doze, nothing to occupy Kurt's thoughts other than images of the future.

"He looked exactly the same when he was little, sick and off school," Clarissa said in the doorway to Blaine's room one evening after a full day of chemo. Blaine had been asleep for a few minutes and Kurt hadn't wanted to move in case he woke him accidentally. He smiled at Clarissa's memory. He could well imagine how cute Blaine was as a child and how adorable when ill. Clarissa noticed the sadness in Kurt's smile and sat down at the end of the bed, careful not to disturb a still sleeping Blaine.

"How are you?"

"I'm ok," Kurt whispered. He had long ago stopped being annoyed when others asked how he was and just accepted their caring concern. Clarissa had been such a rock in the house that Kurt almost felt like she was a mother-figure in his own life. Such a horrible experience brought people together. They only wanted the best for Blaine and a shared love created an unbreakable bond.

He looked down at Blaine as he slept peacefully on Kurt's chest and kissed the top of his head.

"He looks peaceful," she said, "I won't go with you tomorrow to the oncologist but will you tell me what he says? Tell me everything." She gave Kurt a pointed stare and Kurt nodded, understanding that she didn't want him to conceal anything.

"Have you seen Burt and Carole recently?" she asked, changing the subject.

"No but we're going for Friday night dinner this week if Blaine is well enough."

"You should go even if Blaine isn't well enough, we can look after him."

"No," he said shaking his head, "I couldn't do that."

She opened her mouth to say something and changed her mind, closing it, though Kurt noticed and continued to look at her until she spoke again.

"Kurt," she began slowly, knowing it was a delicate subject and she wasn't sure how to proceed. "Do you think you've been here too long, spending too much time with Blaine?" His eyes widened and he started to sit up before he realized Blaine was hugged too close. He sat back down though his face displayed his annoyance.

"I don't mean that we don't want you here or that your presence hasn't helped Blaine a lot, we realize that, we really do," she said coming closer so she could make sure Kurt understood her meaning. "But we worry about you." Kurt briefly wondered if she meant her and Richard or whether Burt had spoken to her too. "We don't want you doing too much and putting this all on yourself. You're very young Kurt, it's a lot to take in."

"I know that," he said in annoyance, "But I'm not a child. It would be a lot to take in for anyone and Blaine is young to be suffering in this way. No one wants this, no one would cope well." Kurt was hurt at the implication that he was struggling with this and hoped that Blaine didn't think he couldn't cope either.

"You are coping well Kurt," she said emphatically, her hand coming out to make her point. "You are. We just know that it is a lot to put on one person and we don't want you to crumble in the process. You have a habit of bottling it all up and it's ok, you don't have to be brave in front of us. We know. We understand."

Her voice had gotten quieter, her eyes kind and so expressive that Kurt found himself melting. He knew now where Blaine had gotten that power.

He nodded before he realized his eyes had filled and he pursed his lips together in an effort to keep it together. He failed.

"Oh Kurt." She leaned forward taking his hand as it rested on the duvet and gave it a squeeze.

"I'm not brave," he managed to say; shaking his head as more tears fell down his face. "I'm scared all the time."

"I know sweetie," she said with a sad smile, "So am I."

She looked at her son sleeping on the chest of the man he loved, not realizing the tears that were shed or the heartfelt discussions happening on his bed. He often looked tired and in pain, especially in the chemo ward, but here, in the arms of his beloved, he looked like he was finally at peace, cancer forgotten.

Kurt met her gaze as his eyes lifted from where his fingers were stroking along Blaine's arm.

"You make it just that little bit better for him," she said, her smile causing her eyes to shine, "And for that I love you. Whatever happens," she said, the unsaid thought whizzing through their minds, "Whether your path is different from Blaine's in the future or you're together forever, I will never be able to repay you for that."

She got up gingerly from the bed, determined her son would get all the rest he needed. She took one last look at them both on the bed.

"If you ever need anything Kurt," she said, "And I mean anything, please ask. You're family and you need to look after yourself too."

She said a final farewell, hoping that they would both sleep well. Kurt thanked her and turned out the light. No one saw how he clutched Blaine a little tighter and rocked him closer until there were no more tears and his heart ached a little less.

---

The meeting with Dr Clarke went well the following day. Blaine quietly explained all the more embarrassing side effects and Kurt held his hand. Dr Clarke said they were normal but as Blaine had mentioned he had flu-like symptoms that day, he prescribed antibiotics in case of infection. Nothing was mentioned about the blood tests that had been taken a few days before and Blaine said nothing until Kurt poked him gently to remind him to ask.

"They show nothing conclusive I'm afraid," Dr Clarke said addressing Blaine directly. "You must remember it is early days and you have only completed one cycle. We will only find out if it has worked after it is all over."

Blaine nodded in acceptance but it wasn't enough for Kurt who sat up straighter.

"But you must know if it is going the way you expect? Surely the markers are lower?"

"Well slightly but not enough to get your hopes up I'm afraid," Dr Clarke said, finally looking at Kurt. "You must understand that the cancer will only respond if we attack it with several cycles. Blaine may need surgery after all."

"So really you know nothing?" Kurt said, standing up in annoyance. Dr Clarke looked like he was going to refute the statement but decided against it.

"Kurt," Blaine said quietly, touching his hand as it rested by his side.

"No Blaine," Kurt said angrily, not wanting to be placated, "If there's nothing else, can we go?" He asked Dr Clarke who nodded.

"I'll see you after this cycle finishes Blaine," he said, "Take it easy."

Blaine nodded and shook the doctor's hand. Kurt had already started to exit, thinking briefly that Blaine was a gentleman even when faced with chemo and cancer.

They were silent in the car as Kurt drove them home. Blaine would occasionally glance in Kurt's direction but Kurt stared resolutely ahead, his expression stern and angry. Blaine brushed his hand along Kurt's thigh, the only thing he knew to help calm him down. When they arrived home, Kurt immediately went to Blaine's room and lay on the bed.

"Blaine?" Clarissa said as soon as she heard the door, "How did it go?"

"As expected really," he said walking back to the kitchen where he could smell pancake batter. "Are you making pancakes?"

"Yeah I thought you might be tempted to eat some if I tried Kurt's special recipe."

"Smells yummy," he said, smiling at her effort to please him despite the fact he felt sick.

"Where's Kurt?"

"Upstairs," Blaine said, avoiding her inquisitive gaze. "I think he feels a little angry."

She nodded as if she expected it and Blaine looked at her in surprise.

"You don't think that's strange?" he asked.

"Well it's understandable," she said preparing a frying pan with the batter and cooking it gently, "What did the doctor actually say?"

"He couldn't say anything really. The treatment is going as expected and he won't be able to tell us if it has worked until the end."

"I see," she said nodding.

"So why is Kurt blaming Dr Clarke?" Blaine asked a little annoyed, "It's not his fault. He's just doing his job."

Clarissa started to flip the pancake then turned around.

"Blaine, when things don't go our way we tend to blame the person that relays the information. Kurt is just blaming Dr Clarke because he has no one else to blame."

"But that doesn't make sense," he said, looking confused.

"It does," she said, smiling kindly, "It's not right but I'm sure Dr Clarke understands that it is nothing personal. Kurt is angry at the situation."

Blaine thought it over and sighed, his shoulders sagging under the weight of it all.

"I hate it all too," he finally said, "But I can't blame anyone. I don't know why this has happened to me, I don't know why cancer chose me but I don't think I did anything to deserve it."

"Of course not," Clarissa exclaimed.

"There is no one to blame," Blaine continued, "I just have to get on with it."

"I know," Kurt suddenly said as he stood by the door to the kitchen. He came closer as Blaine looked up to see Kurt's tear-stained face. "I'm so sorry Blaine, I shouldn't have been so angry in that office, I shouldn't have taken it out on Dr Clarke. I just hate it all, I hate it."

Kurt looked finally defeated but he came closer to hug Blaine close to him in an effort to apologize.

"I know, me too," Blaine said smiling ruefully. "I will get better though." He looked so confident that Kurt just had to ask.

"How do you know?"

"Because God made sure I had you," Blaine said with a little laugh, "He knows that you won't give up fighting even if I sometimes want to."

Clarissa turned around to continue making pancakes so Blaine didn't notice her sudden tears.

"I don't know if I believe in a God that gave you this Blaine," Kurt whispered, coming closer to place his hands around Blaine's face.

"God didn't give me this but we can have that discussion another day," Blaine said smiling that he had his Kurt back. "Now is the time for pancakes."

He managed another smile as his mom turned around with the plate with the first batch. Kurt smiled too. Pancakes might not change the world but they made things a little easier just at that moment. Kurt clutched Blaine's hand as he poured syrup liberally on his plate, not caring about the calorie content for once.

---

Movie night was now every night but Moulin Rouge was a film they had always watched and sang along to. The credits were rolling and Kurt was just about to lower them both to lay on their backs in the bed, convinced that Blaine was now sleeping, when Blaine started to speak.

"Do you hate God Kurt?"

Kurt was startled. The question seemed to come out of the blue, his mind ready for sleep too and he sat back up quickly, his back now resting on the headboard.

"Why do you ask that?"

"Because you seemed really angry earlier and I don't think you can really blame Dr Clarke. You must be angry at someone."

Kurt sighed, not knowing where to begin. They'd had brief discussions about beliefs but it had never really bothered either of them before. Kurt had explained his father's heart attack, his friends' desire for him to believe in something if it wasn't God. Kurt hadn't really made up his mind.

"I can't be angry at anyone," Kurt said, "I don't really think God exists."

"Then what has happened to me is random?" Blaine asked.

"Of course," Kurt said slowly, "You don't deserve this, no one does."

"Don't you want to blame someone, take your anger out on someone?"

"I suppose," Kurt said, his eyes darting around the room, trying to fathom what he really thought. "I took it out on Dr Clarke but I know it's not his fault, I know he's part of the cure."

"Exactly," Blaine said, feeling like he'd won a little. "I guess I was never sure what I believed before, now I think I should work it out."

"Why?"

Blaine decided he wouldn't give his reason.

"I do believe though that good comes out of everything," Blaine said instead, "I do believe that God or whoever is up there sent me you. They knew I would need you. I'm not on my own."

Kurt didn't know what to say. He didn't believe in angels, didn't really believe that God sent anyone but if Blaine thought he was a gift then that meant everything.

"If we get through this, then we can get through anything," Blaine said smiling with his eyes, "I just need you."

Kurt could only nod.

"If you can love me with no hair, when I'm being sick, when we can't have fun, well then that shows me someone is looking out for me. Someone knows how much I need you and brought you back to me."

Kurt didn't hold it back anymore; he let the tears fall and enveloped Blaine in a hug so tight that Blaine fell back on the bed.

"Of course I love you, of course I came back," Kurt exclaimed, his voice muffled in Blaine's shoulder.

"Then I really want a happy ending Kurt," Blaine said, moving slightly back. "I don't want a Moulin Rouge ending, I want a happy ending."

Kurt nodded.

"We will have that Blaine, I promise," he said.

"You can't promise that Kurt," Blaine said.

"Yes I can," Kurt said, sitting up straight.

"Dr Clarke said…"

"Who cares what Dr Clarke said," Kurt said, "You will get better."

Blaine was suddenly grateful that Kurt was optimistic when he felt so small and lost and he gave a sad smile.

"Let's get ready for bed," Kurt said, getting up from the bed and walking to Blaine's en suite bathroom. The conversation was at an end in his mind, no need for any more discussion. Blaine was going to get better; he had to.

Kurt reached the bathroom, realized the silence behind him had carried on, and he turned to see Blaine looking at him with such love that it made his eyes sting again. Kurt's quiet voice sang out:

Seasons may change, winter to spring

But I love you, until the end of time

Blaine smiled and Kurt thought if he saw nothing else but that for the rest of his life, he would be happy. Blaine joined in:

Come what may, Come what may

I will love you, until my dying day

Kurt came closer, kneeled in front of Blaine on the bed and looked him in the eye as they sang together; a version of a promise.

And there's no mountain too high, no river too wide

Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side

Storm clouds may gather,

And stars may collide

But I love you,

I love you

Til the end of time,

Until the end of time

Blaine smiled as their voices died away and there was a simple beat of silence until Kurt seemed to realize and his words came out in a breathless rush.

"Marry me."

Blaine's eyes widened. "What?" he spluttered.

"Marry me," Kurt said emphatically, "I mean it Blaine, marry me."

"Now? When I look like this?" Blaine said laughing.

"I don't care when Blaine," Kurt said coming closer and clutching his hands as they rested in front of him. "I just know I need to hear you say yes. Please say you'll marry me."

Blaine sat back, resting his back on the headboard, his eyes darting, his mind racing. Kurt started to look panicked.

"You don't want to marry me?"

"Of course I do," Blaine said realizing his mistake, "But not now Kurt, not when I'm so ill."

"I don't mind when Blaine," Kurt said, "I just need to know it will happen, I need to know you'll be there afterwards."

Blaine's eyes softened.

"Kurt I can't promise that," he said quietly and Kurt's face fell.

"Ok," Kurt said, just a whisper. He got up from the bed and padded lightly to the bathroom.

"Kurt…" Blaine said, the pain evident in his voice. Kurt didn't turn around.

"It's ok Blaine," he said, his voice thick, "We can do all of that afterwards. You will get better." And he closed the bathroom door behind him before he let the tears fall.