If Kurt had felt ecstatic joy at hearing the news his father didn't have cancer after all, he was brought terribly low after hearing Blaine had it instead. He couldn't believe it, said nothing and looked deliberately down at his hands.

"I don't understand Blaine," he finally whispered, still desperately looking at his hands. "You're so young."

"This type of cancer is quite common in men our age Kurt, it affects men under forty mainly," Blaine said clearly. He had always felt that knowledge made you stronger and since finding out, he had researched and read all the leaflets he could find in the hospital. He had read things on the internet but had quickly decided that online chat forums were perhaps not the best to go to for advice just yet.

"I still don't understand, where is the cancer?" Kurt said, blinking so the tears that were pooling in his eyes would quickly disappear. He didn't want Blaine to see him cry over this, he would need him to be strong.

"The lump is in an embarrassing place Kurt," Blaine said, looking down, refusing to meet Kurt's gaze. "Please don't make me say it."

"Down there," Kurt said, pointing to Blaine's crotch and Blaine nodded, going bright red. Kurt's mouth did a silent O and he said no more about it.

"You need to tell me what the treatment is and what they've said Blaine," Kurt said, sitting up and giving his best straight-backed pose. Blaine thought briefly that he looked really powerful in that position and he nodded, seeing the control going to Kurt and a feeling of relief flooded his chest.

"I need to go to surgery for it to be removed," Blaine said.

"And then?"

"I've had scans and blood tests so they'll be able to tell me whether it's spread."

"Spread? Where?"

"With that kind of cancer it could go to the lungs and lymph nodes but worst case it could be the brain and liver."

Kurt sat back on the sofa.

"Fuck Blaine," he whispered and Blaine would have been shocked at hearing the swear come out of Kurt's normally polite mouth but he knew the situation warranted it. "This is too much."

"I know, I'm sorry," Blaine said, sitting up and coming closer to Kurt. "I don't expect you to worry about it Kurt." Kurt's eyes widened. "I mean I hope you might worry but I don't want you to think that I expect anything from you. I mean we're not together and I know what I did messed us up and…." Blaine's words ceased when he felt the gentle fingers on his hand.

"Blaine," Kurt said quietly but with a hint of steely determination behind his words. "I never want you to say that again." Blaine looked at him in surprise. "Never ask me to be there, never assume I won't be there, just know that I will be."

"You will?" Blaine asked quietly. He looked so small and alone that Kurt could only hug him close and never let go.

"I'll always be there Blaine," he said muffled into his hair, "Never doubt that." Kurt breathed him in and Blaine clung closer as if his life depended on it. He knew it would be tough and though his parents had surprised him with their practical care and love, he knew he would need Kurt to help him get through this. He smiled the first smile since he had told Kurt the truth.

"Let's go to bed," Kurt said getting up and stretching his hand out for Blaine to take. Blaine accepted it and let himself be led to Rachel's bed where he was to spend the night. He stood by the bed that had been lovingly made by Rachel who had no idea what he was going through. He stared at it like he couldn't bring himself to get ready for bed alone and without a word, Kurt started to unbutton Blaine's cardigan and he eased it off his tired shoulders.

"Thank you," Blaine whispered, the fear that his voice would break and he would start to cry at Kurt's kind gesture, was evident in his face as he struggled for control. Kurt continued to undress Blaine slowly until he was only in his underwear and he handed Blaine his pyjamas from the overnight carrier he had brought with him. Once changed, Kurt led him to bed and Blaine got in and let himself be tucked under the covers. Kurt dipped his head lower so his lips barely brushed Blaine's forehead then he turned to leave Blaine in peace. Blaine took his wrist.

"Kurt," Blaine whispered. Kurt looked back, Blaine's tired face awash with gratitude.

"Thank you," Blaine said, "I know I'll need you so much in the next few weeks and I…."

"Stop Blaine," Kurt said kindly, "Don't keep thanking me, I'm just doing my job and you have no idea how much I hate that you have to go through this at all." Blaine nodded in understanding.

"Do you think you could stay here tonight?" Blaine asked, barely spoken.

"In Rachel's bed?" Kurt asked, a little disgusted at the thought. He knew what went on in that bed. Blaine nodded. Kurt quickly changed and slunk in under the covers, Blaine making loads of room for him.

"I may have eaten quite a bit for Christmas dinner Blaine, but I don't need that much room," Kurt chided, "Come here, silly." He opened his arms wide and Blaine cuddled close, tucking his head in between Kurt's neck and shoulder. Kurt loved his hugs normally, public displays of affection not really his kind of thing but cuddling in bed or in private was his one weakness. Blaine loved to envelop Kurt in his arms and keep him close but since they had broken up they had rarely hugged. The significance of the reversal of position, where Kurt was hugging Blaine close was not lost on either Kurt or Blaine and it only caused Blaine to come closer, his mouth grazing along Kurt's exposed collarbone.

"I'm scared Kurt," he whispered, his voice muffled.

"I know my love," Kurt said, clutching him closer and kissing the top of his head, tears instantly filling his eyes that his strong and courageous Blaine was reduced to worry and fear.

"But I'm here."

---

Blaine was so exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster during the day that he was nearly asleep straight away in Kurt's arms but Kurt took several hours to drift towards sleep. Worry, fear for the future and thoughts of possible treatment were constantly going through Kurt's head and the unknown was slowly driving him a little mad. He finally went to sleep in the early hours of the morning with Blaine fiercely hugged close to his chest.

Blaine woke first in the morning and carefully extricated his body from Kurt's embrace. As he left, Kurt seemed to sense that Blaine had disappeared and looked like he was about to wake up to question his departure but he rolled slightly and took the pillow closer to him; believing it was Blaine he went back to sleep.

"Good morning," Burt said as soon as he saw Blaine pad over to the kitchen area. "Sleep ok?"

Burt was nursing a coffee as Blaine entered but upon seeing the younger man, he got up and made him a similar drink.

"Not too bad, after a while," he stared into the proffered coffee cup breathing in its warmth and smell, hoping it would impart strength. He sighed. "I told Kurt the truth."

"So he knows you have cancer and that I'm ok?"

Blaine nodded.

"You slept in the same bed as Kurt?" Burt asked, taking in Blaine's messed curly hair and Blaine nodded slowly, worry evident on his face. He knew he had still hurt Kurt and didn't want Burt to think he was expecting his relationship to return to normal.

"Blaine, I think you're forgetting that bet we made yesterday," he said smiling sadly. "I thought I'd proved that I knew my son better than you. I knew he'd look after you once you told him. I know he will be there through all of this with you. I just wish he didn't have to."

"So do I," Blaine said sadly, looking at his coffee hoping it had all the answers.

"Hey, I wish neither of you had to go through this. It'll be tough on you but I know you'll get through it." Burt said, touching Blaine's hand gently, "If there's one person that will show you the love and compassion you need to get through this, than it's Kurt. Trust me, he takes after his mother, I should know."

"Thank you for lying yesterday," Blaine said after a while, "I shouldn't have let the lie continue for so long though."

"Well I hope Kurt understands," Burt said, "It was quite an emotional rollercoaster for him yesterday wasn't it?"

"He was so happy when I told him you were ok, you should have seen the pure joy on his face. Then I had to let him down, I had to tell him the truth about me."

"Blaine everyone needs someone to go through this with them, no one should go it alone," Burt said. "You shouldn't feel guilty for this."

Blaine nodded.

"I just don't understand how I can feel ok and have this disease, these rogue cells working their way through my body. It just doesn't make sense," Blaine said.

"Well that's bound to mean it hasn't spread," Burt said, smiling hopefully. Blaine didn't feel that optimistic but for Burt he could try to match his smile and let hope creep in too.

---

Kurt woke an hour later, the ruse of the pillow no longer convincing when it began to sink smaller in Kurt's tight embrace.

"You should have woken me," Kurt grumbled when he slowly padded into the living room to find Blaine and Burt struggling to make pancakes.

"I thought you might want your sleep," Blaine said and he took a seat, allowing Kurt his rightful place in the kitchen and enjoying watching Kurt take over.

"I will never understand how a grown man can get pancakes wrong," Kurt said chiding his dad, "Here, you do this." He gave him the maple syrup and Burt was relegated to setting the table. Blaine and Burt allowed Kurt to take control in silence. Blaine watched as Kurt started to flip the pancakes, his back straight and his jaw tensed and nothing was said until they all sat round the table about to eat the pancakes doused in syrup. No one really had any appetite but it seemed that Kurt expected them to eat, so both Blaine and Burt tried their best.

"Kurt? You ok?" Burt finally said when the tension grew to be too much.

Kurt looked sternly at his dad and Blaine almost flinched in expectation of what was to come.

"I can't believe you did that Dad," he said, "You said you had cancer, you lied?"

The disappointment was so evident on Kurt's face that Blaine instantly felt sorry for Burt and how he must be feeling.

"I'm sorry Kurt, I have no defence. I shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry for the worry I caused."

"Really Dad? That's it?" Kurt shook his head and pushed another bit of pancake to the other side of his plate.

"Kurt, wait…" Blaine started, "It wasn't his fault. When he rang me before we travelled here, I asked him not to tell you and when you overheard us, Burt was just giving me some time. I shouldn't have let the lie carry on once he said. He was just trying to let me off the hook."

"But I thought you had cancer Dad!" he shouted, finally giving up the pretence that he was eating his pancakes. "After all the health scares we've had over the years, you thought it would be ok to lie about this?"

Kurt moved to the living room area to show he couldn't even look at his Dad just yet.

Burt continued to say nothing.

"Please Kurt," Blaine continued, coming closer but though he wanted to reach out to Kurt, to make it better, he couldn't touch him. "If you want to blame someone, blame me, don't blame your Dad. I know what he did was sucky but I couldn't have been more grateful when he did it. He gave me time to think about how I was going to talk to you about it. I know it was a dumb idea but I couldn't face it. I didn't want to spoil Christmas."

Kurt looked at his father, still at the kitchen table staring at his half eaten pancakes, then back to Blaine whose face was full of need and worry. Kurt sighed, the energy used to argue seemed to dissipate around his shoulders and he sunk to the sofa.

"Finding out either one of you had cancer would always have ruined Christmas," he said quietly, "It doesn't matter who has it, the worry is the same, the horror, the sadness – all the same." A lone tear worked its way down Kurt's pale face.

"I really am sorry Kurt," Burt said, finally coming to sit next to Kurt on the sofa. Kurt nodded in acceptance.

"Let's just forget it Dad," Kurt said with quiet resignation. In the grand scheme of things where cancer existed and life was short, it didn't matter.

"Why don't we catch a show before both Blaine and I have to go back to Lima?" Burt said, trying to lighten the mood. Kurt tried to smile but his eyes still glistened.

"Let's not think about it anymore," Burt said, getting up and taking Kurt up with him, bringing him into a fierce hug. Kurt hadn't ever clung to someone so tightly before, the need for the protective arms of his father so overwhelming, more tears were squeezed out of his eyes and Blaine couldn't watch. He turned to return to Kurt's bedroom to change until he was stopped.

"Where do you think you're going?" Burt called over Kurt's shoulder and Kurt moved backwards to allow him to open his arms to include Blaine.

The sight of Burt standing there with open arms, one circling Kurt and keeping him close, the other so inviting and warm, made a lump appear in Blaine's throat. He could never understand how affection could be so easily given, how even after Blaine had hurt Kurt he was still allowed in, still welcome. It seemed Burt's love was never to be broken and it included all. Blaine came forward and allowed Burt's arm to come round him, reeling him, clutching him closer and Blaine took all the strength he could possibly glean from them both and thought he just might be able to make it through after all.