Chapter 8

Kurt picked up Blaine the next morning, Blaine clutching his satchel over his shoulder by the strap and flicking a few hairs back into place. Kurt smiled warmly at seeing Blaine but Blaine could only flush and smile shyly, feeling like an idiot. He had spoken to Kurt quite a few times now, had sung with him but still he was reduced to a blushing school-girl around him. Kurt didn't seem to notice.

"Tina and Mercedes have been texting me all night," he said eagerly, "The school council have been trying to organise a Sadie Hawkins dance for weeks and have finally succeeded!" Kurt's grin got wider. "I mean it'll be so much better than prom, no stupid king or queen…" He looked to Blaine, glancing sideways and noticed Blaine's smaller smile.

"Oh Blaine, I didn't think," Kurt was saying, "I forgot that a Sadie Hawkins dance would bring back bad memories, oh god, I'm so stupid, just forget I said anything, I'll tell glee club that we won't go, don't worry…." He continued to ramble until Blaine simply pressed his hand gently on Kurt's knee.

"Kurt, don't worry, I know you didn't mean anything by mentioning it. I probably won't go though…" Blaine looked down with such sadness in his face that tears filled Kurt's eyes. He felt so insensitive and thought it best not to say anymore as they continued to drive to school.

xXx

Dear Kurt,

I've been thinking a lot recently about experiences, how we feel alive in moments then they disappear and we chase the memory, trying to relive and feel again. I felt really alive yesterday, in a tunnel of all places and I feel like I'm constantly chasing that feeling.

Just a glance can make me aware, help me to feel again. A look my way from eyes so blue and clear, eyes that promise life and hope, eyes that I could float in. Not sink, you understand, floating suggests a carefree life, sinking suggests a tragic end. I only want life.

I sometimes feel that life is only worth living in the knowledge that it could end at any minute. It is at its most beautiful when it is known as temporary. The most beautiful things are fleeting: a drop of a petal from a rose that's wilting, a tear from a serene eye, a laugh from a child's mouth. Here for a moment, gone in a second.

I think Michael understood that before he died. It's only when I think back to that last week, when I tried to ring him, tried in vain to help, that I know that he understood life's great mystery. If you understand that life is a collection of moments, you also know that life is only in the present and once it's gone, some experiences are repeated endlessly on a loop even if you are desperate for them to stop. Some people try desperately to repeat moments of happiness; others see only repetition of hatred and anger.

I think I want to always see the beauty, always want to unpick life to find it and I'm sort of obsessed with finding poems that describe it too. I love E. E. Cummings and this poem shows how I feel when I see you.

(i do not know what it is about you that closes

and opens;only something in me understands

the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)

nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands

Love X

Kurt and Blaine had agreed what they were going to sing later on in glee club but as they passed each other in the corridor at lunchtime, Kurt tapped Blaine's elbow and asked if he was ok and if their plans were going ahead.

"Oh, I'm not sure Kurt, I mean maybe we should go with our solo again…"

"No Blaine, it's the duet or nothing," Kurt crossed his arms in mock petulance, smiling widely.

"Ok, ok," Blaine said laughing, "I need an easy life." He lifted his hands in mock surrender and Kurt chuckled. "You're learning quickly Mr Anderson."

"Oh I meant to ask you," Kurt asked suddenly, "Whereabouts is your friend in Thailand from? It's just my cousin is travelling there now and I wondered if she would be in the same area as your friend, they'd be about the same age I think."

"Oh yeah, he's my age," Blaine said eagerly, glad Kurt was interested, "I think he lives in Krabi, near Phuket."

"Oh," Kurt said, "I think she's nearer Bangkok at the moment, but is Krabi a nice place?"

"Yeah, he always described it so beautifully. It was nice having a pen pal from a different place. I feel really stupid that I lost his address."

"And it's not on any of his letters or envelopes?"

"No I never kept the envelopes, just the stamps, and his letters didn't have the address. I guess I'll never know how his life carries on," Blaine said sadly.

"What's his name?"

"Annan Montri, I started chatting to him online a few years ago but haven't been able to get in touch since. Maybe he'll resurface."

"Yeah, maybe," Kurt said, suddenly lost in thought. Broken out of his reverie by a jock walking clumsily into his shoulder, he smiled at Blaine and they agreed to meet just before glee club began.

xXx

Glee club started as usual amidst hustle and bustle and Blaine simply waited patiently for Mr Schue to remember he had asked Kurt and himself to sing something for sectionals. Rachel droned on about her favourite solo performances and Blaine was prepared for their singing to wait for another club session when Kurt piped up.

"Rachel, shut your trap," Kurt said raising his voice and hand to silence Rachel. "Mr Schue you promised Blaine and I could sing." And he stood up, grabbing Blaine's hand and leading him to the piano. Brad the piano man was instructed to start and Kurt's clear voice started singing the beginning of Perfect. Blaine leaned on the piano, simply watching as Kurt sung so beautifully, almost forgetting his cue, but he walked forward and sang soon after.

Although the glee club had heard Blaine before, his voice so complimented Kurt's that everyone smiled in agreement. It would be a perfect song for sectionals.

Blaine and Kurt sat down after the applause, Kurt holding onto Blaine's waist and squeezing before he sat down. Blaine felt the air leave his lungs as he sat, still in a daze from singing with Kurt. Something he never wanted to get used to.

Rachel sang next and then something Puck and Santana had worked on which was unusual but everyone laughed at their casual but pretend flirting. Blaine was all smiles as they sang, knowing that he and Kurt had sung their best and would surely be offered the song at sectionals. It was only as Puck twirled Santana pretending to use dance moves from a prom, that Blaine remembered Kurt's comment about the Sadie Hawkins dance they had planned. The conversation about his friend Annan in the corridor flashed before his eyes too, how had Kurt known about his pen pal? It dawned on Blaine, he realised, just as Kurt was walking slowly to the front and asking quietly if he could sing again.

Everyone was quiet as the piano tinkled and they looked at Kurt, who was still looking down at the floor as he started to sing.

A place to crash, I got you

No need to ask, I got you

Just get on the phone, I got you

Come and pick you up if I have to

What's weird about it, is we're right at the end

I'm mad about it, just figured it out in my head

I'm proud to say I got you

Kurt looked up, seeming to direct the lines to all of the glee club, but then his eyes alighted on Blaine and he continued.

Go ahead and say goodbye, I'll be alright

Go ahead and make me cry, I'll be alright

And when you need a place to run to

For better, for worse I got you, I got you

As the song continued, Blaine felt his throat constrict that Kurt would sing for him, to him and he knew he was wrong about sinking in those eyes; he could totally sink.

Cause this is love and life

And nothing we can both control

And if it don't feel right

You're not losing me by letting me know

Blaine knew that Kurt knew. Kurt understood and kept his secrets and didn't mind him writing letters. In fact he must have welcomed it. Blaine felt lighter all of a sudden and could only smile as Kurt's voice seemed to rise higher and higher.

Go ahead and say goodbye, I'll be alright

Go ahead and make me cry, I'll be alright

And when you need a place to run to

For better, for worse I got you
A place to crash, I got you

No need to ask, I got you

As the song finished Blaine found his legs walking closer to Kurt, continuing to smile as Kurt's eyes widened.

"You know?" Blaine breathed, whispered so only Kurt could hear.

Kurt simply nodded and smiled.