Chapter 15

A few weeks went by, nothing more was heard from Dave, despite Blaine making an effort to ring each week and life seemed to carry on. It was as Blaine was reading a book at his locker, obviously catching up on home reading that he should have done for class that Kurt looked over from his own locker across the other side. He watched him without realising his eyes were lingering over his compact frame and it occurred to him that they hadn't written for weeks and Kurt missed it. They saw so much of each other, Blaine normally coming round to Kurt's after school to complete his homework, that there wasn't much they didn't share. They met for coffees in the morning and shared lunch; went to glee club together and sometimes met in the library to complete projects together. There really wasn't much to relate in a letter and Kurt almost missed the time before, when love was tentatively mentioned in a letter and glances chanced in the corridors of McKinley.

It was this thought that crossed his mind as Valentine's Day approached. Kurt could think of so many things to get Blaine, so much had been shared and learned together that he was worried the magic would be taken away from the occasion. He knew Valentine's Day was an excuse to sell candy and greeting cards on a holiday but secretly he wanted to be romanced and he was looking forward to their first Valentine's Day as a couple.

Just a week before, Kurt opened his locker to a tumble of books falling out and as he bent to pick up his books and straighten his bag, he noticed a big red card that had fallen in with the books.

To Kurt,

You make my heart sing,

From your secret admirer.

He just knew it was from Blaine and he squealed a little at the knowledge that Blaine had started writing to him again. He tucked it into his bag and went to class feeling a little lighter.

xXx

Kurt wandered to lunch later on his own, Blaine having already text him to say he needed to go to the library to catch up on some homework he was behind on. Kurt hadn't mentioned the card he had discovered earlier but he happily sat at a table with the other glee club members, a big grin on his face as he showed the girls his card. As he sat eating his lunch, a gorilla gram appeared behind him, Rachel squealing in glee and Kurt turned to be handed his gram.

"'To Kurt, be my Valentine, from your secret admirer'," Kurt read and he turned to the gorilla who silently gave him his heart balloons and tiny monkey. "Will you tell me who my secret admirer is, gorilla?" The gorilla shook his head and turned to leave, Kurt bouncing in his seat.

"Blaine is so romantic," Kurt almost whispered to himself, still looking at his gram.

"Why does it say secret admirer if it's from Blaine?" Artie asked as he leaned over Kurt's shoulder to take a peek.

"So romantic," Kurt said, completely ignoring his comment and going on his way back to afternoon classes. He realised it could even have been Blaine in the costume as he had become suddenly unavailable for lunch. Curious.

Kurt didn't have any classes with Blaine during the afternoon but he had text him to arrange to meet up for a coffee after school and as Kurt made one last trip to his locker at the end of the day, another little card fell out.

To Kurt,

Be mine forever,

From your secret honey

Kurt did another little squeal as he walked to his car to meet Blaine. Two could play at this game.

xXx

Kurt felt sly as he put the little card in the usual place in the piano. Blaine probably wasn't expecting a reply to all these cards he had placed in his locker but he wanted to show him he could be romantic too, that he could surprise him and play along.

To Blaine,

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

No one is as

Wonderful as you.

Love X

Blaine of course knew it was from Kurt – he was the only one apart from Dave who knew about their secret spot and as he opened the card the next day he smiled to himself. He loved this side of Kurt and started thinking of his own Valentine's Day surprises for Kurt.

To Kurt

Meet me at Breadsticks on Valentine's Day at 7pm.

From your secret admirer

Kurt was almost desperate to mention it to Blaine, couldn't keep the excitement in but as he saw Blaine at lunch, decidedly quiet about his own plans for Valentine's Day, he determined not to ruin it. If Blaine wanted a secret rendezvous, who was he to ruin it? But he couldn't help sending a little note to Blaine to say he'd be there.

To Blaine

Of course I'll see you at Breadsticks at 7pm. Valentine's Day wouldn't be the same without you.

Love X

Kurt wanted to meet Blaine secretly, without mentioning it to his face?! Blaine felt bubbles of excitement in his stomach at the thought and he went home straight after school that day, not saying a word and determined to make this a Valentine's Day for Kurt to remember when he met him later.

xXx

Kurt arrived early at Breadsticks, a new brown suit, fitted to suit Kurt's slender frame and he felt his skin tingle with anticipation. He carried the little card from his 'secret admirer' and the place was heaving with couples celebrating V day. Kurt looked around eagerly, hoping to catch a glimpse of Blaine before he noticed his arrival, but he saw no one he knew so he waited patiently until a gorilla suddenly appeared at the door.

"Gorilla?" Kurt said laughing as he handed him another card and heart shaped chocolates. "To Kurt," he read out loud, "'Happy Valentine's Day, I think I love you.' Wait, you think you love me?" Kurt asked, suddenly worried. The gorilla removed his mask to reveal Dave. Kurt had got his hopes up so high, had seriously thought it was Blaine, he could only take a step back. He eventually found himself following Dave to a table that he had booked, clearly not listening to the mutterings Dave was saying. After a while he looked at Dave who was still in the costume with the head removed and started speaking.

"So you taunt me for months, bully me, hate kiss me and now you realise you love me?" Kurt asked incredulous.

"When I was at McKinley I hated who I was, I took that out on you because there you were," he said smiling as if Kurt already meant the world. "It's taken me a while, but for once in my life and after everything I went through to get here, I'm finally being honest about how I feel." His hand had started to get closer and Dave laid his trembling hand on Kurt's and implored him with his eyes.

"I'm flattered, I am," Kurt was saying though his hand remained with Dave's on the table, "But you don't love me, you just think you love me."

"No, you've helped me so much," Dave said.

"I'm so proud of you for coming so far, I really am and I want you to be happy but I'm with…"

"Kurt?"

There was an icy chill that swept over their table from the suddenly open door and Blaine stood there, his eyes flickering over their hands placed together on the table, the heart shaped candies, the big red card. He blinked as if once he closed his eyes it would all disappear and he walked out the door quickly.

Kurt sat frozen, still opposite Dave, not entirely sure what had happened but as he looked down at their hands, swiftly removed his own, panic filled him and he ran to follow Blaine who was struggling to open his car whilst holding the biggest bouquet of flowers that Kurt had ever seen.

"Blaine…" Kurt said, finally reaching him and clasping his elbow. Blaine shrugged it off.

"No Kurt," he said, facing him sharply, his eyes ablaze with a mixture of anger and anguish, "You can't do this. I get it now, you wanted to meet Dave, I was just some toy to you." He fumbled with the car door again, why wouldn't it open?

"I came here to meet you Blaine, I thought it was you."

"Well you looked pretty cosy to me," and he finally succeeded with the lock and opened the door hastily, closing it behind him and speeding off, leaving Kurt alone in the car park with a sad bunch of flowers trodden on the ground next to him.

xXx

Kurt had never felt so miserable. After explaining very quickly to Karofsky and leaving straight away, he frantically tried ringing and texting Blaine all night to hear only his voicemail. He considered going to Blaine's house but he wasn't sure how welcome he would be and he didn't want to upset Blaine further by bothering his parents. He would have to wait until school.

Hours had never gone by so slowly. He finally figured all the confusion, knew that Dave had sent all the cards and had been the gorilla gram all along. Kurt felt childish and silly and couldn't wait to explain it properly to Blaine. If he let him.

The following day Kurt ran up to him as soon as he saw him by his locker, desperate to explain, to be heard and understood but Blaine coldly ignored him and Kurt felt like he'd been burnt.

Dear Blaine,

I really hope you read this, please read it all, please understand.

Dave means nothing to me. You see he wrote me all these cards, claiming to be my secret admirer and I thought it was you. You were so elusive and secretive about Valentine's Day I assumed you were surprising me and pretending to be my secret admirer whilst showing your romantic flare. I know what it must have looked like, I know Dave was holding my hand when you entered but honestly he was just telling me how he felt. I don't reciprocate his feelings at all and I only ever wanted to be nice. I think he has a crush on me because I'm one of the only people he knows who is gay and proud. I'm not worried about what people think when he has been badly hurt by it all. Please understand, I could never return his feelings.

I love you Blaine, please reply or speak to me. Please.

Love Kurt x

As soon as Blaine read the letter he of course melted and felt foolish. He had assumed the worst but as he thought back to the vulnerable place Karofsky found himself and the kindness that Kurt always showed to other people, he knew he had been very very stupid. He had arrived to glee club early in case Kurt had left a letter and now as he sat there, on his own in the choir room he quickly planned ways he could make it better. He was thinking things through as Kurt walked in.

Kurt saw Blaine with his letter but he looked wary, like he still wasn't sure how Blaine felt or whether he had been forgiven. Blaine couldn't bear it.

"I'm sorry Kurt," he whispered, looking down at his hands.

Kurt walked slowly, looking straight at him and finally sitting near him a few seats away. He paused for the longest time, so Blaine felt he might die from anticipation and worry and finally Kurt spoke.

"It's ok, I guess it did look strange but you need to trust me Blaine. I'm not going anywhere, anytime soon."

"I know Kurt," Blaine said determined to make him see, "I do know that, I guess I just felt a bit insecure, I mean you're so amazing and I…"

"No Blaine, you need to believe in yourself, you're amazing," he smiled at him warmly, hoping to melt the worry, hoping to settle everything between them. He couldn't carry on like this, just one day had been torture.

"I think Dave just needs a friend," Kurt carried on.

"Yeah, maybe you should give him some space though, if he has feelings for you," Blaine said, wide-eyed with concern.

Kurt only nodded before Rachel came bounding in with ideas for regionals pouring from her mouth, followed by a quiet Finn and the others soon followed.

Glee club was spent preparing tracks for rehearsal that went with the theme of inspiration and love for regionals. The Fly mash up with the R. Kelly classic made everyone nod with enthusiasm and Blaine quickly suggested he should duet with Kurt, who smiled at the knowledge that he was back where he belonged and everything was right again.

xXx

Regionals soon approached and Blaine and Kurt practiced religiously in the lead up, only at Kurt's house. Blaine was often invited to stay for dinner afterwards and he always felt welcomed. Kurt never asked if he would get the chance to meet Blaine's parents, already knowing it was a sore subject and he wished Blaine would confide in him a little more. Blaine never referred to his parents unless he could help it, never once mentioning that they would be quite hostile to the idea of Blaine having a real boyfriend. His mum of course, suggesting he write to someone in the first place, did show she cared. She did love Blaine, in her own way but his father being absent, completely seemed to miss the important things in Blaine's life and making partner had become his life's goal. It probably hadn't even occurred to him that Blaine had friends, let alone a boyfriend and his mum was constantly in fear that he would find out.

It was only as Burt and Carole turned up for regionals to support Finn and Kurt, that Blaine realised it hadn't even occurred to him to invite his own parents. He knew they wouldn't be interested and it didn't really hurt – he had learnt to accept it long ago. Everything he achieved he did for himself. He stood behind the curtain, ready to go on stage for his performance, Rachel practising her scales for her solo performance and Kurt stood by his side, peering to see his dad in the audience and he smiled. Blaine almost wanted to cry at the picture of Kurt before him. He was so beautiful, his blue eyes wide with nerves and appreciation for his loving dad. His dimples showed as he smiled then gulped and Blaine thought back to the first time he had seen Kurt; the first time he had mistaken him for an angel. They had come so far since then and Blaine knew then that they would go so far together in the future too. Soon it was their time and they walked on stage as applause for the previous glee club started to wane. Blaine looked at Kurt as he started to sing from the corner of the stage and he smiled, Kurt returning it, trying to completely forget the audience in front of him as he stood centre stage.

Heartbeats fast
Colours and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer

Blaine came closer to Kurt, looking directly at him as he continued to sing and Kurt felt butterflies.

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more

Kurt prepared to sing as Blaine circled him, still staring, still imploring him to believe every word he sang. It's all for him.

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this
One step closer

Kurt comes closer, so close he can see the browns swirl in Blaine's eyes and they sing together, their voices melding together beautifully, like honey in cream.

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more
And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more

They move in and out of each other, weaving around the stage, only eyes are still locked but everyone is watching.

One step closer
One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more
And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more

Kurt knew they had been daring in Lima, Ohio; knew they were risking republican hatred but he didn't care, didn't even notice. Their hands grazed as they left centre stage after their applause and they found their places for the group number, shyly smiling at each other.

xXx

Dear Kurt,

I know. Watching you sing to me there, so close I could discern the different colours in your eyes, could feel your blush fan along your cheeks. So beautiful, I could watch you forever. I know.

I know that you're it, you're everything. I think back to what I was before and I don't remember. I think back to what I did before I saw you, before you helped me wipe slushy off my face and I don't think I was really there – I was only a shaded version, a wisp of something, never known. I think I lacked courage before, you taught me what the word really meant.

I saw Burt and Carole there today and I wished. I wished one day that I would have someone in the crowd there for me and I never really wanted that before, never knew I missed that. I know now that I do have someone in the crowd for me, always there for me, always by my side, always rooting for me.

You light up the skies above me Kurt, you've saved my soul. I want to always be by your side, always there for you, always your friend. I think I have loved you for a thousand years and I hope to love you for a thousand more, if you'll let me.

Love Blaine x