Chapter 10

The Glee club had known something had happened but true to his word Kurt never breathed a word to anyone that Blaine was X or had been secretly writing him letters. The following day, nothing appeared any different but Kurt suddenly made sure that Blaine was sitting next to him at lunch and as it was voting day for senior class president, Blaine was there beside Kurt, making sure all his friends and the seniors he didn't know would vote for Kurt. Kurt was nervous, harassed by Jacob Ben Israel to give another interview, assuming he had lost and Blaine could see the panic rise in Kurt's face. As nice as it was to receive letters, Blaine knew he had to give Kurt all his support face-to-face so he stood by his side as Jacob got a bit too close with his camera and hugged him by the shoulders confidently squeezing and smiling warmly. Kurt returned the smile and could feel the worry dissipate as people went into the booths to vote. At least he had Blaine.

It took a few hours for the votes to be counted and classes continued and Kurt could feel his nerves rise as he waited. Rachel had kindly decided to step-down and she urged people to vote for Kurt who stood for so much more. Brittany promised things she couldn't deliver but Kurt hoped that his friends and seniors in their right-minds would vote for him, understanding how important it was for him to get this. His dream of getting into NYADA was just there, in his reach and he needed this.

Kurt was in English when he heard the announcement over the tannoy that he had won and he almost jumped up in excitement as his friends from glee club, Mercedes and Artie who were in the same class, hugged him and tapped him on the back excitedly. After class ended there was only one person he wanted to tell, apart from his dad and he found himself rushing from class, down the hallway as Blaine was running towards him with the biggest grin on his face.

"You won Kurt!" Blaine exclaimed as they came together, stopping just short of each other. Kurt decided the time to be coy was over and he hugged Blaine close as he smiled in excitement that he had won. Blaine was shocked at first at the contact but soon found his arms tightening around Kurt, feeling the strong slim muscles of Kurt's back under his fingers. He could smell the shampoo he used and he breathed him until Kurt pulled back and grinned.

"I can't believe it Blaine! I won!" Kurt almost jumped on the spot.

"I can believe it Kurt, you're amazing, everyone knows it," Blaine smiled shyly, still embarrassed at the close contact but revelling in it. "You'll do an amazing job, I just know it."

"Thanks for believing in me Blaine," Kurt said, "I better go, my dad is already planning a celebratory dinner." And he turned but suddenly thought of something and turned back to face Blaine.

"Hey, why don't you come too? I'm sure Carole wouldn't mind, we might even go out to Breadsticks," Kurt said smiling.

"Oh I don't know Kurt, I mean I don't want to intrude," Blaine looked at his feet.

"Don't be silly Blaine," Kurt said as he walked closer and forced Blaine to look at him, "I want you to be there." Blaine smiled at his admission and agreed, just explaining that he would let his mum know he wouldn't be home for dinner.

Dear Kurt,

I'm so glad you won! I knew you were the best candidate but I thought Brittany's stupid promises might sway people in her favour. I'm so glad they came out to vote for you and I know you'll do the best job. I believe in what you say and know you'll make a difference. If you ever need any help as senior class president, I know I'm not a senior but I'll do anything. It'll be fun and being part of something special always makes you special, right?

I loved meeting your dad and Carole tonight. I never really knew family dinners could be like that. I know it sounds really sad but dinner is just perfunctory at my house. We eat, discuss our days including little detail and then go our separate ways. My dad is always busy, the only reason he eats with us is to avoid the fuss my mum would make if he missed dinner with us. She wants our dinners to be sacred but really they are habits, forced conversation and avoidance of real issues. I mean they both know I'm gay but they don't refer to it. Ever since Michael, my mum has been afraid to and my dad never referred to it once I told him. It's like my coming out never happened and as I've never had a boyfriend, he doesn't have to deal with the situation yet. We re-built a 1959 Chevy a few summers ago in our driveway and I enjoyed it but it wasn't what I hoped. I thought it might make it easier if we could chat about something, had something in common so I made an effort but as soon as the job was done, things reverted to normal. He would refer to it every so often as a great thing we had done together but it never seemed to bring him any joy at the time. He wanted things to be different.

I'm not moaning, I know people have it a lot worse but tonight I felt welcomed into your family like I'd known them for years and I felt a bit over-whelmed there as they asked me about my school life, what I liked to do, what I was good at. They seemed to accept me unconditionally and I've never known that. You're really lucky Kurt.

Thank you for inviting me to dinner, I really enjoyed it. See you soon.

Blaine x

Dear Blaine,

I'm glad you came, I wanted you to. I really liked having you there when I was waiting for people to vote and you were definitely the first person I wanted to tell when I found out over the tannoy. I'd definitely appreciate any help when I become senior class president officially. Maybe next year you can run and make a difference too?

I know I'm really lucky, my dad is great and I couldn't imagine having to come out to anyone else. He already knew I think, when I told him I was gay but I know how hard it is to try to be close to your family. I pretended to be straight when I noticed my dad spending more time with Finn, kissed Brittany and pretended to like the same music and clothes just so I could be closer to him. It didn't work; it never does. You need to be true to yourself, never try to change for someone else Blaine. People love you for who you are and they know how special you are. Why would you ever want to change that?

My dad was impressed with you – thought you were a 'good kid' and he asked if he'd be seeing you more around the house, doing homework and glee assignments with me, I assume and I said I hope so. You're definitely welcome anytime for Friday night dinners – my dad said so!

Kurt x

It was a few days later that Kurt decided to scrap the idea of writing a letter about what was worrying him and ask Blaine if he could meet him for coffee after school. Blaine was surprised, only because they hadn't had coffee since Kurt had found out and although they spoke much more often, in glee club and in between lessons, Kurt and Blaine had only really shared worries in letters. Kurt looked nervous as he approached Blaine and asked him if they could meet and this made Blaine anxious. What had happened to cause Kurt to worry?

They met at the Starbucks again, away from McKinley students and prying eyes and Kurt was already there, with both coffees ordered and a cookie to share. He was the very epitome of unease as he sat, fiddling with a napkin and looking anxiously at the door. When Blaine arrived he sighed in relief but still looked at the door every so often as if he was dreading the presence of someone else.

"What's wrong Kurt?" Blaine said as he sat in the seat opposite and took his coffee eagerly to warm his cold fingers.

"Karofsky," Kurt said simply and continuing to eye the door.

"What do you mean?" Blaine almost jumped in his seat as if he expected Karofsky to be behind him.

"He's coming back to school tomorrow," Kurt said, "The school board couldn't prove what he had done and as it's my word against his…"

"What? They can't do that!" Blaine said indignantly, "They have to believe you; everyone knows he's a bully."

"And gay," Kurt said. Blaine only nodded.

"We have to do something," Blaine said, looking desperate.

"I don't think there's much we can do Blaine. I mean everyone knows what he did and maybe he didn't mean what he said about killing me…."

"What?! When did he say that Kurt?"

"Oh just after, I thought I'd told you, he didn't want me to tell anyone and threatened he would kill me if I did. Then you sent that anonymous letter and it was dealt with but I haven't spoken to him since and I worry that he'll be angry."

"Kurt, you have to tell someone about that, you can't let him threaten you again."

"I'm meeting with Figgins and my dad tomorrow and Karofsky will be there with his dad so I guess I can mention it then."

"Yes, you need to do that Kurt, promise me?"

"I promise," Kurt said nodding and smiling, "Thank you for meeting me Blaine, I don't know how you do it but you always manage to make me feel better."

Blaine only smiled widely and continued to sip his coffee. Tomorrow they would fight together.

xXx

The meeting went much better than Kurt expected and he left the office knowing that Karofsky had been all bark and no bite. Blaine was there, waiting by the office door when Kurt said goodbye to his dad and they walked to class together, Kurt quickly filling him on all that had happened. Karofsky had apologised and had promised he would leave Kurt alone now and the bullying would stop. He silently begged with his eyes for Kurt to remain silent about what had happened and Kurt nodded quickly. Blaine knew all and he vowed to himself that he would protect Kurt if need be and always be there for him.

It got him to thinking about what Karofsky was going through, how he must be doubting his own sexuality right now, not having a clue what was happening or how to deal with the feelings he now had. He wondered how he appeared to Kurt – nervous and shy about his sexuality when really he should be proud and out there, showing people who he really was. He felt pathetic and although he would never react the way Karofsky had, he was no better as he was hiding too. He did what came naturally to him when he was nervous and his head was filled with too many things – he wrote.

Dear Kurt,

I'm really glad Karofsky could be reasoned with and I hope he keeps his promise of leaving you alone. I'll always be there for you Kurt if you need me – just let me know.

I've been thinking about my own sexuality since Karofsky has decided not to come out or admit he's questioning. I've questioned my sexuality a few times, thought that it might just be a phase that I'll grow out of, I know my dad hoped it was that but I know I'm gay now. I've never kissed anyone Kurt but I know I don't want to kiss a girl. I don't want you to think badly of me Kurt for not telling anyone at school but you about my sexuality. You must think I'm ashamed and not 'out and proud' like I should be but I don't know how to tell people now I've left it so long. It's like admitting you've been lying all along and I know people will be disappointed in me. I am disappointed in me.

I don't know what stopped me in the first place really, it's like when someone calls you by the wrong name and you let it slide to avoid the awkwardness but then it continues and you become that name forever to that person. I don't know how to change it.

I wish I could be like you, proud of who I am and free to share with others how I feel. I admire you so much Kurt – confident, fearless, determined. I want that.

I hope you don't think badly of me Kurt, because I really value your opinion and want to be better.

Blaine x

Dear Blaine,

Don't ever be afraid of who you are, you're so amazing that I can only be proud to be your friend.

If you want to come out you maybe need to drop it into conversation at Glee club or with a friend. Once one or two people know then it'll probably spread around quite quickly and it'll be like everyone's known for a while. The people that matter won't care that you're gay, Blaine.

If you're worried about the bullying here, well I won't lie and tell you it won't be hard but I think we've done a pretty good job of defeating it here so far and you won't be alone. I think you need to decide whether you'd rather be completely safe but a watered down version of yourself or be completely 'you' and 'out and proud'.

Whatever you decide, I'll be completely here for you Blaine, never worry.

Kurt x

Blaine did make a decision and it came much more easily to him than he had thought. He saw Kurt walking in the cafeteria towards the lunch queue as Blaine was eating his lunch with Tina and just stared. Kurt was wearing the tightest trousers he had ever seen and Blaine couldn't help but stare at his awesome legs and such. Kurt laughed with Mercedes as they were getting their tots and salad, and he looked so carefree and happy, Blaine's stomach did a weird swirly thing and he sighed audibly. Tina turned to look at Blaine then followed his eye line and smiled.

"Man, you have it bad!" Tina said, "I didn't know you were gay Blaine."

Blaine looked surprised at Tina, his cheek colour rising as if he had been caught eating cookies out of the jar but Tina's eyes looked so kindly at him, he just smiled.

"Yeah, I just wasn't sure how to tell everyone now I've been here a while," he said, shrugging in embarrassment.

"Well we'll soon sort that," Tina said as she walked over to Mercedes and whispered in her ear. Kurt turned to look at Blaine, guessing what was going on and as the colour continued to rise in Blaine's cheeks, Kurt smiled the widest smile to put him at ease and put his thumbs up.