Kurt isn't sure how he ended up here, on the cold floor of his bathroom, backed against the door, holding the photo. He was making his eighteenth cup of coffee of the day, after the longest time at Vogue, just as he saw the frame sitting there on the table by the sofa. Sitting there like it had always sat there, proudly showed off to all who visited. The picture showed Blaine and Kurt at this year's prom – Blaine hugging a dinosaur and Kurt pretending to look scared. They had never felt happier, never more carefree. Even Blaine's curls had rebelled that day, wanting to join in on the fun too.

Kurt thought he had packed most of the reminders away, placed photos flat down so he wouldn't have to face their happy faces mocking him in his sadness. Yet this photo stood proudly on the table, determined to remind Kurt of all he missed.

He vaguely remembers picking up the photo and walking to the bathroom to sit on the floor; a place he could think when everyone else was busying themselves around him or when Rachel got too much, but he doesn't remember getting the cardigan he had borrowed from Blaine months ago when they said goodbye in Lima. The cardigan was maroon and had been hanging in his wardrobe unused for a while, another sad reminder but Kurt had pulled it off the hanger on the way to the bathroom and put it on over his own top. It was a comfort now, as he became chilly on the bathroom floor. He hugged his arms over his chest as he looked at the photo again.

Tears that had threatened to fall for ten minutes started slowly trailing down his porcelain face, leaving tracks, blurring his vision. He had never felt so alone.

He could remember their last kiss before he had heard the words he had wished he hadn't, the words that broke his heart that night in New York. It had been such a quick kiss of greeting as they met again that Kurt hated now that it had been their last. It was so fleeting that it pained him to think he would never get to kiss him languidly in bed again or sweetly when Blaine was upset. He would never get to kiss him as if his life depended on it or kiss passionately when all he needed was to feel Blaine there, warm and solid. Their last kiss was a moment, so easily forgotten.

You see Kurt had never thought it would be their last kiss, he thought he would have many more, he thought they had forever. He had known Blaine had been lonely, had missed Kurt while his life had gone on but Kurt honestly thought their love was better than that, that Blaine could need nothing more. He was wrong.

He often thanked someone, perhaps the magic teapot in the sky, that he lived in the age of social media which allowed Kurt to see Blaine's life in pictures, see his life as if Kurt hadn't left. The pictures were rarely updated now but Blaine still posted reminders of their relationship and refused to label himself as 'single'. They were a comfort in a way.

There are so many memories now. Memories that are painful, memories that make Kurt hope for forgiveness, a new start but he can't think of that at the moment. It hurts too much, knowing that Blaine could do that to him. Perhaps Blaine just didn't love him enough.

So Kurt sits there, still thinking of Blaine and their memories, his bottom becoming numb, his tear tracks drying then tears starting again. He can't help it.

….

The memories that only Kurt and Blaine have are the most important to him now, the secret moments. Blaine had told him he loved him publicly in that coffee shop and although Kurt's heart had stopped and he had almost choked on his coffee, he had felt the moment interrupted by Sam and Mercedes. Conversations had returned to summer plans and the 'I love yous' swapped, had faded in the background.

The 'I love you' that meant the most had been a surprise and when Kurt had never felt more unlovely. Kurt had caught a stomach bug from his snotty nosed cousin Billy, months ago now. Blaine and Kurt had been doing homework when Kurt realised he was going to hurl, a bubbling sounding in his stomach as he rushed to the bathroom, just in time. The contents of his stomach were in the toilet bowl as Blaine rushed to his side to gently stroke his back.

"Are you ok, baby?"

"Noooo," wailed Kurt, "This sucks."

Blaine chuckled gently, getting a glass of water to rinse his mouth.

This had continued for several hours, Kurt sipping water that Blaine provided and stumbling back to bed, with Blaine supporting his waist. Blaine had agreed to sleep on the air bed and look after Kurt during the night but when they thought Kurt had hurled his last, they walked slowly to the big bed.

"You may as well try to sleep now," Kurt said quietly, barely having enough energy to speak.

They had crawled into bed, Kurt's eyes drooping in tiredness and water slipping out of his mouth, as he wiped aimlessly to remove it. He had never been this sick.

The clock glowed in the darkness, 1:58 as Blaine whispered, "I love you," only loud enough to be heard by Kurt.

Kurt's eyes opened slowly as he realised what had been said and he smiled. Blaine's eyes were a warm honey colour in the dim light from the street lights outside and his smile lit up the room. He had never looked happier and the thought that he could cause that made Kurt's heart swell.

"I look dreadful, you cannot possibly mean that," Kurt laughed.

"You will always be beautiful to me. I will always love you." Kurt couldn't help the tears that gathered then; he felt overwhelmed, happy and sorry for himself at the same time. He could feel his eyes drooping though and Blaine chuckled.

"Go to sleep beautiful, I'll be here when you wake."

And he had been. They had spent the next day in front of various movies and Blaine had looked after him well but now Kurt was alone on a different bathroom floor and he had never felt so cold.

….

He remembered feeling cold that rainy day in July as he got off the plane and was greeted by Blaine's warm arms. He had decided to help Rachel move her stuff in preparation for her new start at NYADA in September and although he had only been away a few days he had never missed Blaine so hard. Until now of course.

As he left the plane, the rain smelled so sweet that he almost wished it would continue as he bounded closer to Blaine. The water caused a sheen of light to appear on the runway and everything looked so clean and fresh.

Blaine had met him there and his arms enveloped him in a close hug, the muscles of his chest and arms protecting him from the rain, his warmth seeping through Kurt's coldness. In just the briefest of moments he could feel Blaine's heartbeat through his shirt and its solidity made Kurt sigh. He had never felt so loved and protected. This was where he belonged. He breathed him once, then they ran across the tarmac to the airport, to get in from the rain, clutching hands and laughing.

….

Rachel's party had been a disaster last year but her more recent parties had been much more entertaining and Kurt had learned to unwind a bit more, even if he was still the sensible designated driver.

Blaine liked the feeling of warm alcohol in his belly, making him merry and helping his inhibitions to disappear. He would dance, curly hair revealed, his step lopsided and Kurt would roll his eyes and smile, knowing that Blaine would regret drinking so much in the morning. Blaine would look over, smile too in greeting and grab Kurt's hand, pulling them closer, determined to help Kurt loosen up and enjoy himself. Kurt rarely danced, unless it was for a competition with Glee club but for Blaine he would.

….

Kurt remembers when Blaine was first introduced to Burt and how nervous he had been. Burt had warned Kurt he would be protective of anyone that dated Kurt, joking about a gun he kept hidden but Kurt knew he was only jesting. Burt couldn't really hurt a fly, he just didn't want Blaine knowing that too soon.

Kurt had never seen Blaine so nervous, gulping continuously as he approached the door of their house. He looked like he expected the Spanish Inquisition or worse – a French guillotine. Kurt reassuringly stroked his hand as they entered.

Blaine needn't have worried, his firm handshake told Burt all he needed to know. He would look after Kurt, he would love him as well as he was able. That was enough for Burt.

…...

These memories flitted through Kurt's mind – small moments of love and caring. He had never really thought about what he loved in Blaine. He knew they suited each other – the same interests, the same loves – but there was more. Kurt could list all the things that drove him wild and made him melt. He knew so much about this one person, his only, that it would be easier to list things he did not like. He had snapshots of Blaine in his mind now – approaching him walking with his hands in his pockets, smiling and laughing, his eyes lighting up when on a topic he loved. Blaine would simply kiss him when he was in the middle of saying something important and Kurt would melt, his serious topic forgotten. He remembered Blaine's eyes fluttering as he slept and his quiet breathing calming Kurt to his own peaceful sleep. These were things Kurt missed like he could never have imagined and he suddenly wished for the power of invisibility so he could silently watch Blaine, wherever he was and whatever he was doing. But perhaps that would be too painful after all and Kurt could only remove himself from the bathroom floor and hope that if he took a sleeping pill he might sleep tonight.