The meeting with the recording executive goes ahead as planned and Blaine is quickly ushered into what appears to be a board room, with a seemingly endless table and a projector. Blaine stands when Robert enters, the same man who heard him play in the bar weeks ago now and he shakes his hand firmly, Blaine determined to appear confident. He indicates a chair for Blaine to sit down and he smiles.

"Well I said before how we were interested in hearing more from you and I loved the demo you sent me. I want to hear more of your intended music before we sign any official documents but we love your sound."

Blaine wasn't sure who he was referring to when he said 'we' but he nodded, preparing to agree with anything the man said.

"Do you have anything you can play to us now?" He stood abruptly and opened the door so Blaine could only nod quickly before he was taken to another room with a piano. He wasn't prepared, didn't know what to play but as he sat at the piano, Robert looking at him expectantly he decided to play a song he hadn't played in years. He knew the song so well, writing it just after Kurt had married Adam. It had kept him up most nights until it was finished and it was a song close to his heart, almost like his baby.

Same bed, but it feels just a little bit bigger now
Our song on the radio, but it don't sound the same
When our friends talk about you all that it does is just tear me down
Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name
And it all just sounds like uh, uh, uh

Hmmm too young, too dumb to realize
That I should have bought you flowers and held your hand
Should have gave you all my hours when I had the chance
Take you to every party cause all you wanted to do was dance
Now my baby's dancing, but he's dancing with another man.

Robert was beaming and he suddenly stood and opened the door, talking to someone in the corridor before closing it and sitting to watch and listen.

Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made
And it haunts me every time I close my eyes
It all just sounds like uh, uh, uh, uh

Blaine almost didn't notice the other people coming into listen, he was so engrossed in his song and remembering how he had felt at the time he wrote it. Despite Blaine missing Kurt and Adam's first dance, it seemed he couldn't miss all the dancing at the wedding, and he could picture them dancing now, so close and Blaine's chest had constricted at the sight.

Too young, too dumb to realize
That I should have bought you flowers and held your hand
Should have gave you all my hours when I had the chance
Take you to every party cause all you wanted to do was dance
Now my baby's dancing, but he's dancing with another man.

Although it hurts I'll be the first to say that I was wrong
Oh, I know I'm probably much too late
To try and apologize for my mistakes
But I just want you to know
I hope he buys you flowers, I hope he holds your hand
Give you all his hours when he has the chance
Take you to every party cause I remember how much you loved to dance
Do all the things I should have done when I was your man
Do all the things I should have done when I was your man

It was such a simple song but all the executives in the room, even the secretary that had helped Blaine find his way to the conference room, were mesmerised at the singing and the heartbreak evident in his face. They must see so many hopefuls come in daily or hear so many demos but everyone in that room realised why they did the job they did and how amazing music really was at expressing emotion.

As the song finished Blaine looked up with a sad smile, expectant but worried at the use of the male pronoun. Robert came forward.

"That was amazing," he said, stretching out his hand to shake Blaine's, "I think we have a new star." Everyone in the room clapped and Robert led him into his office where they would discuss contracts and album ideas. He clearly looked excited at the prospect of signing Blaine, who only looked stunned.

xXx

"That's fantastic Blaine!" Kurt exclaimed over the phone as Blaine rang him as soon as he left the building. "We need to celebrate, I'll meet you now. We should go out to dinner!" Kurt sounded so excited that Blaine could only nod until he realised Kurt couldn't see him and he confirmed that they would meet in half an hour at a restaurant they both knew.

Singing that song had brought back how sad he had felt, how overwhelmed he had been when faced with Kurt and Adam. When Kurt had forgiven him earlier as he played 'Teenage Dream', he had been so relieved but surprised at how much he had needed to hear those words. A weight had been lifted and he wanted now to enjoy his success with the man he had known all along was the man of his dreams, his soul mate. Elliot was right, he shouldn't miss this opportunity to find true love and really show Kurt how much he meant to him.

Blaine waited outside the restaurant for Kurt and as soon as he approached, Kurt practically ran to him and hugged him tightly. As they parted Blaine almost thought Kurt was happier than he was at the news that he was going to release an album, his smile wide and contagious.

"I just can't believe it Blaine, you're going to be a superstar, I just know it!" He bounced on the balls of his feet and Blaine laughed.

"Not quite yet, I think there's a bit of work ahead but I am excited. Let's go in."

While eating their meals Blaine explained in a bit more detail about what the plan was and what they were hoping his music would sound like. They knew he would appeal to younger girls so Blaine had agreed to sing gender neutral songs despite making it quite clear he wouldn't hide if he were to date in the future. At this Kurt raised his eyebrow in question.

"In future? Aren't you dating Elliot now?"

"Oh yeah, about that," Blaine started, looking sheepish, "I think we're keeping it casual after our dinner the other night."

"Casual?"

"Well Elliot's busy and I'm busy and we never did decide if we were exclusive or not, so we'll see."

"That doesn't bother you?" Kurt asked, raising his eyebrows.

"No not really. I mean if I loved him and wanted to be exclusive definitely but we've never been that way. I don't know..." Blaine said shrugging his shoulders.

"I don't know Blaine that sounds risky. I mean what if he breaks your heart? I couldn't do that. I want to be loved completely and utterly. I know it sounds stupid and naïve coming from a recently separated man but I still believe in love – perfect, all-consuming, 'can't live without the other' kind of love. Don't you?"

Blaine thought for a moment. He had always wanted that and he had thought he had that with Kurt in high school but as he looked at him now maybe he had imagined it all along. Maybe it had been real for him but just a high school romance for Kurt. How did you really know when someone was right for you? Maybe they had had their fizz and spark, now all that was possible was a fizzle.

"Definitely yes," he answered, "But I don't know if everyone is that lucky Kurt. To have more than one love in a lifetime? I don't know." Blaine shrugged his shoulders, obviously thinking of his own life, he didn't think about what it would sound like to Kurt, who was ending his 'til death us do part' relationship. Kurt visibly blanched and sat back in his seat.

"Ouch," he said.

"Oh god," Blaine said, eyes wide at what he had said, "I didn't mean you; I was just thinking about my own life. God I'm such an idiot. Of course you'll get two loves, more than two loves if you want – I..."

"It's ok Blaine, its fine," Kurt said sadly, "I get it, it's what I've thought myself if I'm honest. I mean I was lucky, who does get more than one chance at love? Some don't even get that. I am lucky." He said the last statement as if he was trying to convince himself too. He started to fiddle with his napkin and Blaine recognised that nervous tick in himself and wanted to laugh. Instead he placed his hand on Kurt's, effectively stilling his nervous behaviour with his napkin.

"Kurt, you will find love again, I promise. If you only get one true love that just means Adam wasn't yours."

Kurt looked at Blaine, his blue eyes swirling, showing a myriad of emotions and Blaine felt like drowning in those eyes, at once so arresting and beautiful. Blaine knew at that moment for definite that despite all the years and heartbreak that this man in front of him was his soul mate and he would die trying to get him back.

"How about we go dancing?" Blaine suddenly suggested and Kurt looked taken aback at the abrupt change of topic.

"Dancing?" Kurt asked and Blaine nodded.

"To celebrate? I feel like dancing, let's dance!" Kurt knew when Blaine was in excited puppy mode and he chuckled. They paid the bill and made their way to a traditional club that Blaine and Kurt had been to before but with separate dates and on different occasions. As soon as they entered they seemed to be transported to another world, where chivalry and dancing were the heights of romance. They felt underdressed but after a cocktail at the bar and watching couples of all ages, genders and sizes dance together, they got the courage to go on the dance floor themselves. While Kurt was in the bathroom, Blaine spoke to the conductor, requesting an old favourite and as soon as Kurt returned he offered his hand to lead them to the dance floor.

As the piano started to play, Blaine took Kurt's hand bringing him closer, another hand wrapped around his waist. The song slowly became recognisable and Kurt looked at Blaine then at the small orchestra, not sure who was to blame for the choice of song.

I know it's late, I know you're weary
I know your plans don't include me

"Blaine?" Kurt said, his expression unsure but Blaine only smiled and brought him closer.

"Just enjoy it," Blaine whispered near his ear and Kurt smiled.

Still here we are, both of us lonely
Longing for shelter from all that we see
Why should we worry, no one will care girl
Look at the stars so far away
We've got tonight, who needs tomorrow?
We've got tonight babe
Why don't you stay?

Deep in my soul, I've been so lonely
All of my hopes, fading away
I've longed for love, like everyone else does
I know I'll keep searching, after today

Blaine knew he had tried to search for love for all this time, knowing it was right here but he was so desperate for Kurt to know too. Kurt could only remember when they had last danced, when they had last heard this song. The slow movements, the closeness – he hadn't known this for quite a while, even with Adam and it all seemed so simple. He clung closer to Blaine in his desperation to know something, to feel something he had forgotten.

I know it's late, and I know you're weary
I know your plans don't include me
Still here we are, both of us lonely
Both of us lonely

Kurt realised Blaine was lonely, just like him, his notion of love so ridiculous to Kurt's romantic ideal, he thought Blaine couldn't possibly believe it himself. It was comforting to know he would always have Blaine, his best friend.

We've got tonight, who needs tomorrow?
Let's make it last, let's find a way
Turn out the light; come take my hand now
We've got tonight babe
Why don't we stay?

We've got tonight babe
Why don't we stay

The song ended and they parted, kind smiles shared and Kurt thought he knew why Blaine had requested that song – he was wrong.

In My Life

A blog celebrating love and acknowledging heartache

I sit here writing again while he is in bed, wishing I was with him, tucked up in his side or watching him sleep. Not like a creeper but just like I used to when he slept over my house in high school. I always have been an early riser, he used to say it was because I consumed a few too many sweets in the daytime. I used to wake before him and roll over on my side, disentangle his limbs from my body so I could watch him instead. His eyes would flicker and occasionally his lips would tremble out little puffs of air but he looked so beautiful I could never wake him. It annoyed him when he was often late for school but I have no regrets.

We danced last night. It was actually the same song we had last danced to, all those years ago, when I still believed. I remember holding him close, breathing him in and feeling his warm back under my fingers. I had forgotten how magical it all felt that night, until I tried to relive it tonight. His body felt the same but I remember feeling so blindly hopeful and optimistic and I wonder what my eighteen year old self would think, looking at me now at twenty-four. It' not that I don't hope but I feel so different now. I believed so utterly that we were supposed to be together forever, that he would come around and realise this for himself but he never did. I wanted him to have the same conviction as me, I realise now I should have told him myself, made him see.

I tried to remind him last night of our chemistry together, of what we used to mean to each other but I think he only thought I was lonely. He wants love and romance but he still doesn't link those with me and I am left to remember all on my own.

I know I need to tell him, need to declare it much more boldly but I also know he might need his space after the situation with his ex-husband. Part of me feels if I wait any longer I may be too old but then another part of me knows I'd wait forever if I had a chance.

Just writing that makes me sound so pathetic but as I danced with him tonight I knew that if we only had tonight, then at least we had tonight. The smell of his hair, the warmth of his back under my fingers, his kindness, his beautiful voice – I can know those things and love him utterly and completely on my own.

Blaine Anderson is in love with Kurt Hummel – but only on my own.

xXx

Blaine finishes the blog post and decides to go for a run to clear his head before Kurt wakes up. He thinks that maybe he'll cook him breakfast, waffles or pancakes and he quickly changes into his sweats before making a hasty departure to run through the park.

Kurt wakes only a few moments after Blaine leaves, his hair a mess and rubbing his eyes he wanders into the kitchen to make coffee. Finding no Blaine, he is a bit surprised, knowing Blaine is an early riser so he goes to his bedroom and finds the door open. He is about to close his door when he notices his laptop still open on his bed and goes to close it, effectively shutting it down until he notices Blaine still has writing open and he doesn't want him to lose any work that he hasn't saved. A quick glance shows him this is no ordinary song-writing and he reads more closely:

Blaine Anderson is in love with Kurt Hummel – but only on my own.

He finds his heart clench and his mouth opens as he continues to scroll upwards so he can fully read the blog but that is not enough and he reads all the blog posts he can find. He reads the post that he read after his wedding day, the post he had assumed was written by a stranger. He reads the post of their first encounter, their shared Christmas times, their first kiss, Blaine's worst mistake. All the posts, but especially remembering 'Come What May', cause tears to tingle in Kurt's eyes and his chest to constrict at the realisation that he had forgotten. Forgotten Blaine and all that he had meant to him.

It is then that Blaine returns and Kurt can hear his deep breathing after his run before he sees him. It is clear that Blaine tries the kitchen and living room before he wanders to his own bedroom to find Kurt. Kurt, who is sitting on Blaine's bed, reading his blog posts with tears streaking down his face, his mouth wide open as Blaine enters. Blaine's eyes glance from the open laptop to Kurt's face and he can only look horrified as he realises – Kurt knows the truth.