Chapter 7

Kurt extricated his limbs from Blaine as he woke very early the next morning. Blaine was breathing warmly near his ear but very slowly Kurt managed to leave his bed and gather his discarded clothes, changing quickly and quietly before leaving the hotel room. He felt like the lowest creature as he left the hotel, the receptionist well aware of what he had been doing in a guest's hotel room, well aware that he was a cheater. As he did the walk of shame back to his apartment where he knew David would be asleep, trusting Kurt's text that he was round a friend's place, he cried. Hot angry tears flew down his face and as he heaved in his breath painfully he knew it couldn't continue, that he couldn't see Blaine again. The bars and clubs he performed at would be avoided, contact discontinued. He would never see Blaine again and he would try his best to forget last night and his touch and kisses. He would return to Dave and determine how he really felt about the man he had shared his life with now, for nearly a year.

When he thought back to their time together Dave was surprisingly sweet and attentive. They could speak for hours about topics that interested both of them and although Dave wasn't a fan of musical theatre, his face would light up whenever Kurt spoke about it, as if he fell a bit more in love with him just because of his enthusiasm. Kurt made an effort to like Dave's hobbies – football in particular but he realised as he walked home to him, the main reason they did so well together was their differences. Dave was strong and Kurt felt protected and loved around him, as if one hug could end every problem. It didn't matter that they didn't have much in common, their similarities were what mattered. They believed in the same things and could come together to respect what the other wanted. Which is why the decision not to marry had shocked Kurt so much. The idea that he could never have this, that it was already decided for him, infuriated Kurt, made him want to rebel. And rebel he had.

He arrived to his apartment and let himself in, trying not to wake Dave but maybe not trying as hard as he usually did. As he removed some of his clothing to get into the bed, Dave stirred and looked up as Kurt approached. His face was warm and inviting and Kurt felt, that in spite of all he had done, that he needed to feel together with someone, needed to feel that he mattered.

"Hey," David mumbled sleepily.

"Hey."

"Come here," and Dave opened his big bear arms, beaconing Kurt closer and he couldn't resist, he went to him and sunk in those arms.

"I thought you were sleeping at a friend's?" Dave mumbled in Kurt's hair as he kissed him sweetly.

"I decided to come home," Kurt said, stifling his tears but failing to stop it reaching his voice. David noticed.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Dave reached round to catch Kurt's eyes with his own gaze and as a lone tear trickled down Kurt's face, he caught it with his finger and kissed it away.

"I just needed to be home, I guess." Kurt said, allowing the tears to fall freely now.

Dave tugged Kurt closer, allowing him to bury his head deeper into his shoulder as he cried. Soon the tears stopped and Dave parted slowly from Kurt so he could see his face.

"Are you ok?"

"I think so," Kurt whispered.

"I know it's been strange between us Kurt, I know you've been avoiding me, but I want to make it up to you. You should know that I…" Dave couldn't say it, it was clearly on the tip of his tongue, Kurt could tell but as Dave looked into Kurt's blue grey eyes awash with tears, he could feel his own tears approach his eyes.

"I love you Kurt," he finally said, "I've loved you for so long and I could never say it before but I'd be lost without you. I love you so much." He kissed Kurt sweetly and Kurt felt himself sink into the kiss, scrunch his eyes against pictures his mind was showing him. Kurt desperately tried to look at him as Dave's fingers trailed over his cold skin. He breathed deeply trying to forget the ghost of the fingers he had felt over his chest and arms and hip bones, trying to forget the warm sweet kisses he had shared with another man. Dave sighed in pleasure as Kurt took over, causing the images to disappear in his mind as he forced himself to feel and look and touch the man beneath him. Kurt felt his chest constrict in panic but being a consummate actor he could play the part of dutiful boyfriend who brought his partner to climax in the darkened room, so far away from the man with the curly hair and triangular eyebrows who was lying in a bed across town, wondering how things had gotten so wrong.

xXx

Blaine had woken up as he had felt Kurt peel his legs away from him, noticed the sudden cold as the warmth was removed and he silently watched Kurt change and leave without saying goodbye. He could tell from his sad expression that Kurt felt guilty, didn't want a verbal reminder of what he had just done so Blaine let him leave but he lay there still awake several hours later wondering.

Blaine thought he was a good person. He tried to do the right things, had tried his best with Sebastian which he thought deserved some kind of medal because that guy had been difficult to live with for the last six months. He put his heart and soul into all the activities he did – music, records, looking for jobs for Sebastian, making friends. He always tried so hard, yet here and now he had failed. He had failed Kurt when he clearly needed a friend, he had failed himself and he knew he had disappointed his father not because he was gay but because he had been with someone like Sebastian. God only knew how he would feel about Kurt and what they had done. Blaine lay there and knew he was wrong this time and didn't quite know how to fix it. He would have to move into his dad's place across town later on, then show up for a gig he had booked only a few weeks ago and all on his own. But he had done this before, before he had met Kurt, before his life had taken a different path and this was nothing out of the ordinary.

In the end he called on Charlie, who rallied round with a few of their college friends to help him move in. They asked a few questions namely about Sebastian and why they had to fetch his things when Sebastian had agreed to leave the place empty but they didn't pry too much and Blaine told them the barest of details. It just seemed a mess and Charlie understood. Then the inevitable happened.

"So how'd you meet that Kurt guy?" Charlie asked as they were unpacking some of his belongings into the apartment his dad had allowed him to occupy.

"Oh just at a bar the other night when I was playing. He and his friend Rachel invited me over after the set for a drink and we met a couple of times for lunch. He's nice," Blaine said nonchalantly, avoiding Charlie's gaze.

"He seems nice," Charlie continued, "What's his story? Gay?"

"Yeah, he has a boyfriend," Blaine said, putting things away in the kitchen.

"I see," Charlie said, nodding in understanding as Blaine came back into the room.

"Meaning?"

"Oh nothing," Charlie said quickly, "Just that he seemed to mean a lot to you that night, I mean we rarely see Sebastian at one of your gigs."

"Well it's obvious why isn't it?" Blaine said angrily, "I mean he gets drunk with his friends most nights, is too busy to see me play and was never interested. It was just my job to him and I don't really want to talk about Sebastian if you don't mind."

"Sure, I get it," Charlie said, starting to bring more boxes to the correct rooms. He didn't mention it again but Blaine was riled enough after it had been mentioned once. Charlie soon left when all the boxes were in the correct place and he knew he would be a hindrance in the unpacking. Their other friends had gone after the heavy lifting had been completed and Charlie didn't want to be a nuisance anymore. He said he'd text him soon for a catch up or a drink at the bar and he was gone.

As the door closed, Blaine sank on the sofa, thanking someone silently that his dad had furnished the apartment. He knew he was lucky he had his dad to bail him out again but the feeling that he was a precious little rich boy helped by daddy again got to him. He knew he'd been rude to Charlie but the fact that he could already tell Kurt was someone important really annoyed him, made him aware that he had fallen hard for a guy he hardly knew. The thought that Kurt had simply walked out of his life that morning, with no clear intention to see him again, really irked him. Before he knew what he was doing, he grabbed his phone from his pocket and rang Kurt.

Blaine was surprised that Kurt answered nearly straight away but instead of a greeting all he could hear was muffling and distant voices.

"Kurt?"

"Blaine?" Kurt whispered, "Why are you ringing?"

"What's going on?" Blaine asked.

"I was busy, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong Kurt," Blaine said almost exasperated, "I'm just ringing from my new apartment and I…" Why was he ringing?

"Look I need to go, Dave's coming in… Yeah it's just Rachel," Kurt said loudly as Dave obviously entered.

After a moment he continued. "Blaine? I need to go, why did you ring?" Kurt sounded tired.

"I just needed to speak to you I guess," Blaine said feeling pathetic, "I'll see you around then Kurt." And just as he was about to hang up, he could hear Kurt's clear voice call out on the line.

"Wait! Maybe we should meet…" Kurt said, whispering again.

"Ok," Blaine said, hope rising and a neutral place discussed to meet in twenty minutes.

xXx

Kurt hadn't known what he was doing. As he hung up, he looked around the bedroom in panic as if it knew the answers to his madness. The sound of despair in Blaine's voice - that was the reason, Kurt decided, he only wanted him to feel better about moving into a new place, leaving his boyfriend, that was why. But as Kurt thought about it, he remembered Blaine's parting words of 'I'll see you around Kurt' and they had thrown him. He knew he had planned not to contact Blaine again, decided not to blur the boundaries, concentrate on his relationship with Dave but on the phone when he needed to act, to make a conscious decision to breakaway, he couldn't do it. He couldn't not see the man that had made him feel alive again, with the ghost of his lips and fingers on his body, he couldn't turn away from that. So he had agreed to meet in a safe coffee shop where no one would know them, where there could be no repeat of earlier activities and conversation could take place. It was only as Kurt walked to the coffee shop, after explaining to Dave that Rachel needed some audition help, that he realised. Conversation between him and Blaine was half the trouble.

xXx

Kurt had further to go so Blaine had arrived first, finding a comfy corner seat and having remembered Kurt's coffee order from the other day, he waited patiently, tearing a napkin into shreds as he watched the door.

Kurt came through the door amongst a crowd and as they parted, walking to the counter, Kurt's eyes alighted on Blaine in the corner and his heart went out to the guy who clearly felt guilty and hated waiting. He walked calmly to his chair and stood by the table as Blaine got up in greeting. There was an awkward moment where they weren't sure how to greet each other but as a sort of hug was agreed, Kurt sat down opposite Blaine and thanked him for his coffee.

There was a silence for a while as Kurt settled and started to drink his coffee. He looked carefully at Blaine, not knowing where to start so he decided small talk.

"So how was the move? Are you ok?"

"Yeah," Blaine said, surprised at the topic, "The place is furnished so it was just a few of my things from Sebastian's place and Charlie helped." Blaine shrugged his shoulders and looked back to his shredded napkin, deciding to discard it and drink his coffee too.

"I'm glad you had someone to help," Kurt said quietly, knowing he had agreed to help the day before but not knowing how to apologise.

"Yeah," Blaine said not wanting to accuse but not knowing how to continue.

"Did you see Sebastian?"

"No he made himself scarce when I asked him to," Blaine said.

"Good," Kurt said, nodding and drinking more coffee.

"Look Kurt," Blaine said suddenly, aware of the time ticking and feeling foolish, "Why'd you go? I mean you left without a goodbye, left with nothing and I know it's awkward, know there's Dave but…" Blaine could only let it trail away, realising what he was asking, realising what they were doing.

"I'm sorry Blaine, I just couldn't stay. God, I've never felt so low and they all knew what we'd been doing and the walk was shameful and…" Tears sprung into his eyes but he was determined to blink them away. He would get this out.

"It can't happen again Blaine, I mean I have Dave and you have Sebastian and we can't do it again, we just can't."

"I'm not with Sebastian anymore," Blaine said, almost too loudly, "It doesn't have to be that way Kurt, you know it doesn't, we don't have to sneak around."

"And you want me to leave my boyfriend? We've just met Blaine and I hardly know you and…" Kurt just sighed.

"Look I know its mad," Blaine said, almost laughing, "But things with Sebastian have been going wrong for months and he knows it now and I can tell you haven't been happy with Dave, you don't even love him."

"You don't know that!" Kurt said, annoyed that this man knew so much already.

"I do, you won't admit it, but I know."

"He loves me," Kurt said weakly.

"And that's enough?"

"Yes for the time being," Kurt looked down at his hands, continued to whisper.

"Well I hope you'll be happy then," Blaine said bitterly, sitting back, looking at the dregs of coffee at the bottom of his mug.

Kurt sighed. "Maybe we can just be friends, see each other occasionally, get ourselves sorted; I mean nothing needs to happen just leave it for a while."

"Yeah ok," Blaine said, resigned to at least this small contact, this slither of hope.

"Where are you singing tonight?" Kurt said trying to change the topic, lighten his mood.

"Actually a little bar down this street. It's not a normal gig – they ask me to be a regular, give me a small fee to sing and appear there but anyone can sing and join in. I just sort of guarantee that at least someone will perform."

"Sounds good," Kurt said smiling as Blaine's face changed on the topic of music. His shoulders relaxed, his face broke into a smile, all of his sulk had disappeared. Kurt thought he looked beautiful.

"You should come," Blaine said eagerly, almost forgetting the pact mentioned a moment ago.

"I don't know…" Kurt said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Come on Kurt, I'll let you sing too and we can just forget what happened, can't we?" He looked so wide-eyed and hopeful that Kurt could only smile and agree, listening to Blaine's directions and agreeing to meet him there later.

xXx

As Kurt returned home to Dave who was watching the game in only a pair of shorts, he almost forgot the lie he had told and looked slightly confused when he was asked how Rachel had been.

"Oh she's great," Kurt said waving his hand dismissively, "She's always fine, she worries about nothing." He went into their bedroom to take his jacket off and returned to cuddle next to Dave on the sofa.

Something had shifted between them since last night and although Kurt hadn't been able to return Dave's feelings, they had shared something. Dave knew something had changed; Kurt felt more relaxed around him and didn't appear to be avoiding him any longer. They could maybe start to talk again and he had missed this side of Kurt – touchable, loving. He sighed into Kurt's hair as he kissed him sweetly and Kurt felt protected and loved. The knowledge that he had hurt Dave, that he had done something that would break him, made Kurt more determined for him never to find out. He had been foolish and in a moment of need he had slipped. He looked back and all he had really needed was to feel loved, cared for. It didn't matter that he had more in common with Blaine, that he could talk so easily with the guy with the amber eyes of liquid gold. He was fleeting and Dave was sturdy and there for the long haul. This thing with Blaine was thrilling but not real and Kurt wanted to be responsible. He snuggled closer to Dave but was soon hastily moved aside as Dave's team scored. Kurt never had a clue.

"I think I'll get ready," Kurt said, getting up.

"What for? Where are you going?"

"I said I'd meet Rachel for dinner, you don't mind do you? We haven't spoken properly for a while."

"You saw her earlier!"

"But that was to help, this is a proper catch-up tonight," Kurt said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Ok, don't be back too late." Dave turned back to look at the screen and Kurt didn't let himself think too much on the lie he had told and what it meant.

xXx

Kurt did have dinner with Rachel but he mentioned he was going to a bar later, conveniently leaving out the name of Blaine. She spoke on about her auditions and what she was practicing for. She had received a call-back for the audition she had prepared and she was all excitement as she spoke, completely oblivious to Kurt checking his watch and waiting for the cheque. They parted just after 9 and Kurt caught the subway to the bar he had agreed to meet Blaine.

As he entered, the little bar quiet and unassuming, Blaine was already playing but no one seemed to notice as they carried on chatting and drinking. His music seemed to change the atmosphere only subtly and as Kurt entered and walked to the bar to order a drink, a few more people looked at the piano, noticing the man behind the instrument and watching carefully. Kurt stayed at the bar to drink until Blaine had a break and walked over to join him, Kurt surprised he had been noticed.

"What are you drinking?" Blaine asked as he planned to order another one.

"I went out for dinner earlier, with Rachel," Kurt said conversationally, after a while.

"Oh yeah," Blaine said, "How was she?"

"She's ok thanks, still dreaming of Broadway and just waiting for it to happen. But it will one day, she's got a call-back tomorrow."

"Well that's exciting," Blaine said, genuinely pleased for her.

"Yeah she'll do well."

"You know you could do well, don't you?" Blaine whispered, not sure if he was over-stepping.

"I'm not Rachel," Kurt said.

"No, but that's not what makes you so awesome," Blaine said sincerely, "You have such a unique voice Kurt, you're special," he rubbed his elbow gently to emphasise the point.

Kurt ignored the tingle he felt next to this man and smiled.

"You should sing tonight," Blaine said excitedly, looking around at the small gathering of people. "There really is no better feeling than singing to a crowd, even a relatively small one." Kurt nodded. "Go on, you know you want to and I know they'll love you. I'll get Mike to play," he said, indicating another guy the other side of the bar, "He's great." He walked over to Mike and spoke to him before Kurt had the chance to change his mind or interrupt. Kurt could feel the nerves rise in his chest and as he looked around at the people barely noticing the music or lack of it, he knew they would be a tough crowd to please.

Mike tapped him gently on the shoulder and asked what he wanted to play and as he looked at Blaine, about to seat himself in the corner of the bar with his drink, settling to watch Kurt eagerly, he knew just the song to sing and he approached the piano.

He started to sing, as the piano started, the usual dance beat left out of the song so Kurt felt exposed and raw and he avoided Blaine's eager eyes.

Will you tell me once again
How we're gonna be just friends?
If you're for real and not pretend
Then I guess you can hang with me

Blaine looked startled at the song choice as he recognised the words and as the realisation of the words sunk in, he watched carefully as Kurt continued.

When my patience wearing thin
When I'm ready to give in
Will you pick me up again?
Then I guess you can hang with me

And if you do me right
I'm gonna do right by you
And if you keep it tight
I'm gonna confide in you
I know what's on your mind
There will be time for that too

If you hang with me
Hang with me

Just don't fall recklessly, heedlessly in love with me
Cause it's gonna be
All heartbreak, blissfully painful insanity
If we agree
Oh, you can hang with me

The sincerity in Kurt's voice as he sung drew the crowd in as Blaine continued to watch. He knew he was being addressed, knew it was meant for him but at that moment he could only imagine what blissful and reckless joy it would be to have Kurt in his arms and the feeling startled him.

When you see me drift astray
Out of touch and out of place
Will you tell me to my face?
Then I guess you can hang with me

And if you do me right
I'm gonna do right by you
And if you keep it tight
I'm gonna confide in you
I know what's on your mind
There will be time for that too
If you hang with me

Just don't fall recklessly, heedlessly in love with me
Cause it's gonna be
All heartbreak, blissfully painful insanity
If we agree
You can hang with me

Just don't fall recklessly, heedlessly in love with me
Cause it's gonna be
All heartbreak, blissfully painful insanity
If we agree
Oh, you can hang with me

Hang with me

The lone voice of this man with just the piano, had people at the bar listening and listening carefully. Blaine had been mesmerised as Kurt sung, completely oblivious to those around him and as people started to clap enthusiastically, some even standing in applause, something in Blaine clicked and he started to walk towards Kurt. Kurt noticed and thanked Mike for playing as he walked off the little stage, stopping at the bar for a drink to calm his shaking hands.

"Please talk to me," Blaine whispered by his ear and Kurt closed his eyes against the tide of emotion threatening to engulf him. He thought he could do this, thought he could innocently meet Blaine and return to Dave, trusting and kind Dave, but he couldn't and he felt like the wicked witch of the west, about to melt on the floor of the bar.

He turned to look at Blaine, feigning confidence and smiled.

"I meant it Blaine," he gulped, "Nothing more needs to be said."

"Ok," Blaine nodded and swallowed what he wanted to say. He could do this, he could be Kurt's friend, could confide in him, help him when he thought he might give in, help him achieve his dreams. He could watch Kurt and listen to Kurt, knowing that someone else got to have him and he could be that friend that he needed. Because at that moment, the thought of being without Kurt, the thought of not seeing his eyes and hearing him sing, well that was too much.

Kurt smiled in understanding and they spoke about easy topics and how Kurt had recently applied again for NYADA and NYU this time, hoping to be accepted. Blaine encouraged him and was excited for him and Kurt managed to slip under the covers in his bed with Dave, without feeling guilty about his evening, without understanding the wrongness of the situation. Kurt only realised he had been saved.