Chapter 12

"Shit!" Blaine hissed at the sound of Dave's voice through the door, and the scramble began, clothes and shoes quickly picked up in his arms as Kurt removed all appearance of sex – lube, condom wrapper - and he ushered Blaine into the bathroom. He messed his hair even more and Blaine could only wonder why with a confused expression on his face, as Kurt closed the bathroom door in front of him. He took a deep breath and opened the door to face Dave.

"Dave," Kurt said, deliberately rubbing his eyes and looking tired, "What are you doing here? I was sleeping."

"Oh sorry," Dave said looking sheepish but entering the room anyway, "I just needed to see you Kurt; I couldn't leave things the way they were." He sat down on the bed, completely oblivious to Kurt's slight flinch as he remained by the door. The thought of what had just occurred there, the worry that the smell still lingered flashed across Kurt's face but Dave didn't notice, his head in his hands as he realised he had been keeping so much in since Kurt had left for Paris.

"I've been doing some serious thinking Kurt," he started saying but then he noticed Kurt's straight stance, his serious expression and beckoned him to sit beside him on the bed. "I think I needed you to say all that back in New York, I needed you to break up with me to realise. I need you in my life Kurt, I can't survive without you, we need to make this work."

Kurt sat there in stunned silence, suddenly aware that Blaine would be pressed against the bathroom door, hearing the whole conversation.

"Let me get dressed," Kurt said wearily, "We'll talk then, let's go somewhere."

Dave was unsure but then his mind starting whirring into action and a plan seemed to hatch itself in his brain and he nodded in agreement. Kurt changed quickly, adjusting his hair in the mirror, deliberately avoiding the bathroom but quick as he could he ushered Dave out of the hotel room and followed behind. The beautiful thing about trust is that it can so easily be lost but when you have it completely, thoughts of lies and misdemeanours seem so far away. Dave completely trusted Kurt – not even a whisper of an indiscretion graced his mind as they started to wander through the streets of Paris, Dave having a clear idea of where he wanted them to go. Kurt sent a quick message to Blaine telling him to leave quickly and his mind was allowed to search for reasons, for excuses, things he needed or wanted to say to Dave but nothing came.

They soon found themselves approaching the Eiffel Tower and Kurt felt panic surge through his stomach that Dave wanted to be romantic, wanted something Kurt couldn't give. He stopped.

"What's wrong?" Dave asked when he turned to see Kurt's pale face in the moonlight.

"I can't Dave," he whispered, "I can't do this…"

"Please Kurt," Dave said desperately, "I've always wanted to see this and I know you'll love it, please?"

Kurt could only hear Blaine's pleas in bed only an hour ago, could only see his desperate face just before he came and in an endeavour to wipe the image from his mind and focus on Dave, he shook his head and ploughed forward, determined to end this soon.

They sat on a bench underneath as the tower suddenly displayed itself in all it's lit up glory, flashing and starry. Kurt found himself gulping in desperation but Dave only looked up with his mouth open at the beauty. He lowered his gaze to look at Kurt while he took out something from the inner pocket of his jacket.

"Kurt," he whispered as he opened the little black box and Kurt gasped as his eyes alighted on what was inside. A white gold ring.

Dave, his eyes fully focused on Kurt, his expression one of love and honesty, dropped to one knee in front of Kurt and asked the question that Kurt had hoped to hear one day but definitely not from this man.

"Will you marry me Kurt?"

Kurt couldn't say anything; he just stared at the ring, so cold and emotionless in the wintry air. Kurt wanted to throw it as far away from them as he could, wanted to scream no but only gulped as tears threatened to pour down his face in panic. Dave mistook this as happiness and he smiled up at Kurt, love oozing from his face.

"I've loved you for so long Kurt, always want to love you, always want to be near you and I never realised it before but if this ring means so much to you, than it means so much to me. Will you marry me? Please? It would make me so happy."

Kurt still couldn't speak, just shook his head as a tear escaped his eye and he swallowed fiercely against the lump of panic forming in his throat. Dave suddenly looked puzzled.

"No?"

Kurt stood, walked away without a word and Dave took a moment to regain any semblance of understanding and he stood too and started following Kurt who was walking briskly away, trying to escape.

"Kurt, Kurt wait," he said as he caught up to Kurt and tugged his arm, "Where are you going?"

"I can't Dave, I can't do this," Kurt was saying as he continued to walk away. "I can't do this," he kept repeating this to himself until Dave regained his reason and stood in front of Kurt, blocking his path.

"What do you mean? Why? I thought you wanted this?"

"I don't want this, we broke up," Kurt said, suddenly exasperated, annoyed that he had to explain, "You didn't want this."

"But I want you Kurt," Dave said, starting to plead, clutching Kurt's arm, trying to impart understanding through his eyes and Kurt understood his desperation, he just couldn't take it.

"I don't deserve all this Dave, we broke up, you can't do this."

"Did you want to break up? Don't you love me?" Dave whispered, sudden realisation dawning on his face and he felt foolish and so so small standing there with his ring, his shoulders broad and heavy.

Kurt looked at him. He thought then that he must have loved Dave once, must have cared as he stood watching the sadness in Dave's eyes. He thought back to his attempted suicide, how he really wanted to help, how he really wanted to make Dave feel like he had friends in New York when he moved here, how he so desperately wanted to care for him. When he thought back to those early days, it had only been about helping him, caring for him. A misguided notion of friendship and love; a complete misunderstanding and Kurt had let it carry on. He had searched and searched for something to keep him with Dave but he couldn't and he had to let him go, had to let him know.

"I'm sorry," Kurt whispered, "I think I love someone else." At this Dave's eyes widened and Kurt felt instantly guilty. The idea that someone else had taken Kurt's love had never even occurred to Dave.

"I think I do love you Dave, I will always care for you but not like that, just as friends and it went too far and I'm sorry…" he said, finally letting it out there, explaining himself. Dave looked at the ground, his feet the only thing grounding him, making him aware that he was here and hearing what was clearly breaking his heart.

"I should go," Dave said as he walked away from Kurt and Kurt nearly followed, so desperate not to leave on bad terms but knowing it was best to leave him on his own. He felt two inches tall but he continued to watch Dave walk away, getting smaller and smaller in the distance and then made his own way back to his hotel, feeling heavy and constricted.

xXx

Kurt barely acknowledged the hotel receptionist who attempted to speak to Kurt as he entered but she soon realised he wouldn't hear and was trapped in his own world, which is why he was surprised to find Blaine sitting on his bed as he entered his hotel room.

"What are you doing here?" Kurt said wearily as he took off his jacket and sat on the chair next to Blaine on the bed. "I thought you were going home."

"I couldn't go, I'm sorry, I had to wait. Did you go back to him?"

Whatever Kurt was expecting Blaine to say upon his entrance, he wasn't expecting that and he looked up, all sadness gone from his face, as he saw Blaine's expression, so open, so inviting.

"Of course not," he exclaimed and he flung himself on Blaine and kissed him fiercely, causing an 'oomph' to escape Blaine as he was lain on the bed. Kurt littered little kisses all over Blaine's face as he smiled, his eyes twinkling at the sudden change in Kurt.

"I don't know how you do it," Kurt was saying as he continued to kiss along Blaine's stubbly jaw, "Why do you make me feel this way?"

"I don't know," Blaine said gasping as Kurt placed a wet kiss below his ear, the sweetest spot. He parted from Kurt's grasp and sat up.

"Do we need to talk about it?" Blaine asked sensibly. Kurt looked carefully at Blaine, his chest swooping at the knowledge that he was sensible and really cared, really wanted to know how Kurt was feeling, despite the obvious bulge in his trousers that Kurt had elicited from him.

"Maybe," Kurt whispered and he sat up, resting his back on the headboard and indicating that Blaine do the same beside him. They sat like that for a while, Kurt stroking nonsensical patterns on Blaine's clothed thigh.

"He asked me to marry him," Kurt said, monotone and matter-of-factly, causing Blaine to do a double-take.

"He what?!"

"It was so awful to watch and so surreal, I mean I had wanted that all along, the man must be so confused," Kurt said, looking down, feeling so guilty, so torn.

"And you said no?" Blaine said, just checking.

"Of course," Kurt said, still not confident enough to look at Blaine, "I knew as I watched him that I had never felt what he felt. I never loved him like that, I only cared for him, wanted the best but I've never felt that way towards him and I felt so bad. I'm a dreadful person Blaine." Tears sprang to Kurt's eyes and he gulped them away, determined that no pity should be given. "He deserves so much more than me and I hope he finds true love, I really do." Blaine nodded, feeling so incredibly lucky that he got Kurt but so incredibly sad for Dave that he had to lose him. He knew what that would feel like.

"Do you think you made a mistake with me?" Blaine asked timidly, "Do you think we should have done things differently?"

"Yeah," Kurt said, looking at Blaine's warm brown eyes, "We should have remained friends until we had both parted from our boyfriends and I know it got real messy but actually people would still be hurt either way. But I never made a mistake with you." Kurt smiled. "You could never be a mistake, Blaine." Blaine leant in slowly for a sweet kiss and smiled as their lips parted.

"I think our love is kinda bittersweet now," Blaine said sadly and Kurt nodded, "But now's the time to really enjoy ourselves."

"Life can begin," Kurt said in agreement.

xXx

Blaine woke first to find himself wrapped around Kurt protectively, almost as if he was afraid that he would disappear before he woke. Kurt's skin was warm to the touch and he started stroking his exposed arm and shoulder as Kurt slept on, the flutter of his eyelashes showing deep sleep, his smile warm and inviting. Blaine couldn't believe he was here.

He looked on as Kurt slept, so aware that he had nearly lost him and that he had never felt so at peace, so alive. He loved Kurt, he knew, wanted him like he had never wanted anyone else, almost addicted to him but now in the clear light of morning, he could see Kurt for what he really was. Blaine knew that affairs of any kind could seem exciting and illicit but this was what he had craved all along. He wanted Kurt heart and soul and now Dave was gone, now that Sebastian was on the mend, now they could live their lives together, now they could be free. Today started a new chapter and Blaine had never felt so free.

xXx

Although it was the best morning for Kurt, being woken up with kisses and warm fingers dancing along his skin which lead to deep kisses and a shower together, Isabelle did not have a pleasant morning. She awoke to find herself ill and regretting drinking that late night martini that had been just the one too many. She text Kurt to explain she would have to forgo all the shows today and that she would meet him for their early morning flight the following day.

"You shouldn't be so happy that Isabelle is ill," Kurt reprimanded Blaine as he happily jiggled around the room.

"I'm sorry I can't help it," Blaine said grinning widely, "I get to see Alexander McQueen's show with you," and he continued his happy dance and Kurt could only smile affectionately. Kurt knew it was going to be an exciting day and he couldn't wait.

xXx

The Chanel and Valentino shows didn't disappoint either and Blaine was like an excited puppy on the second row behind Kurt who had been able to get Isabelle's ticket. He bounced as he saw all the wonderful dresses and the spectacle and show. The models looked so austere that they were in deep contrast to Blaine's excited face and Kurt gave him a few warning looks, especially as he was trying his best to remain reserved and calm. As they waited for the Alexander McQueen show, after a quick lunch, even Kurt couldn't contain himself anymore and his eyes were wide as he kept turning to speak to Blaine to explain what he was expecting from the heavily pregnant Sarah Burton who had designed Kate Middleton's dress. A kind lady in the front row, seeing how often Kurt turned to talk to Blaine before the show started, offered to swap seats with Blaine and he eagerly walked round just as the lights dimmed, the show about to start.

The black bee keeper hat that covered the models' faces as they paraded and showed off the dresses, gave such a sense that the real beauty was hidden, that Kurt tugged Blaine's hand next to him in anticipation of the next outfit. The dresses were big and bright, yellow, red and black creations, with such tight corsets and the wide wiring underneath revealed as the materials cascaded over the top. Amber was the material of choice for jewellery and Kurt thought back to Blaine's eyes as he looked on, then turned to see Blaine's wide grin next to him. The men showed off next, the pin stripe definitely back in fashion and Blaine nudged Kurt when all the male models sported heavily gelled hair and deliberately plastic looking make up.

"Look," he said, grinning, "I'm in fashion."

Sarah Burton was unable to reveal herself at the end, as she was now on maternity leave and this had been an unusually small gathering of editors and important people. Kurt thanked his lucky stars that he could get two exclusive tickets to this event. As Kurt left the show, Blaine holding his hand like he had dreamed of all those times, he started to think about his dreams and how they had changed over the years. Even talking to Blaine's friend Charlie, he had thought he was clearly destined to be a singer, to live his dreams on Broadway but he had forgotten. He had loved fashion from the first moment he could dress himself and thinking back to those occasions he planned outfits with his mother before going to parties with friends from school, he treasured those memories of learning to sew and create his own designs. What he had missed as he sat in his office at was not the singing but the creating. He wanted to design and make and he had become bogged down with inconsequential admin and paperwork. He needed to explore his own talents again and this week had stirred that passion and love of fashion within him like a spark of fire that now needed to be stoked and stirred to make a real and stable flame. It was as they ate dinner that evening, the night before they would return to New York, that Kurt discussed these plans and ideas with Blaine, whose face lit up in excitement that Kurt felt alive again and that they could now formulate plans together. Kurt knew music would always be in his life, knew that it would always be a hobby like cooking but fashion was something he could always do well and he knew he wanted to strive to be the best. With Blaine, here in Paris together, he finally started to believe he could do anything, and become what he truly wanted to be, someone he could admire and respect. Looking across at the man who he had fallen in love with so suddenly over the last few months, Kurt knew he could finally be himself, in fact there was nothing he couldn't be and he felt amazing.