Chapter 10

Their first fashion show of the week was to be H & M – the brand had decided to show for the first time in eight years and Isabelle decided she would catch up on sleep and get her hair and nails done rather than attend. As a consequence Kurt had an extra ticket to the event and Blaine's eyes, as he relayed the information on their way to dinner, told him he would be delighted to attend instead.

They had a simple French meal and Blaine was like an excited puppy as he waited for his appetiser. Kurt laughed.

"Maybe taking you along was a bad idea," he said, smiling, "I hope you don't embarrass me at the actual show."

"Hey," Blaine said, almost hurt, "I won't embarrass you, I'm just happy to be here." He went suddenly serious as he finished, "Especially with you." Kurt looked at him carefully and he couldn't help but settle and relax his shoulders where they had been tensed.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be grouchy, I just worked really hard for this. I don't think you'll embarrass me, I think I'll embarrass me." He looked worked up and worried and Blaine wanted to give him a massage but noticing their location decided against it. He would store it in his memory for later.

"You'll be fine. Just think about all those designers awaiting your opinion. They want to show off, want to be the best and desire your good opinion. They must be much more nervous."

"You're always so optimistic, doesn't it get tiring?" Kurt said, after he had looked at Blaine for a while. Kurt had still felt dogged by Dave's presence, despite his split and he worried he would never feel free. Blaine had never looked more set apart, more aware of who he was and happy with it. Kurt envied him.

"No I just think that life is for living. I know I've made mistakes but I think we're a sum of our mistakes and experiences and I wouldn't change anything that happened to me. I don't regret anything I've done."

"Not even what we did?"

"You regret it?" Blaine asked, feeling hurt. Kurt wanted to take back the question. Regret was the wrong word and the expression on Blaine's face needed to be erased.

"No, I don't regret the act, I regret the order I did things. I never meant to hurt anyone and now Dave's at home feeling sorry for himself, probably wondering what went wrong."

"But you didn't love him?"

"I don't know, maybe on some level I did. He was my safe haven I guess, made me feel safe."

"Because he was your teenage bully," Blaine said flatly.

"That's not fair, he's much more than that," Kurt said indignantly. Blaine mouthed his apology.

"I think I made him more than that," Kurt continued, "I think when I forgave him for all he did in high school, he became what he had wanted to be all along. I always felt protected, always secure. I knew myself and although he was different it didn't matter." Blaine looked sad at this admission, as if this took away from their own relationship. Blaine suddenly wondered what they were, what they could ever become.

"I don't think I ever felt that with Sebastian," Blaine said, "I was always the one that protected, always the one to give in. I wanted it to be equal but I knew it never would be."

"I wanted to be equal too but for different reasons. I always felt I needed protecting from myself, maybe I'm grown up enough now to manage on my own."

"Yeah, I think you are," Blaine said, "But I think the best relationships are where you feel protected and safe but equal. I think we all need saving sometimes."

Kurt looked at Blaine – his eyes aglow with emotion and his smile sad – and wondered what they could be.

"What do you think about us now?" Kurt asked in the quiet, the restaurant seeming to almost stop and listen too, the hush of quiet conversation going on with couples all around them.

"You once said we were in between," Blaine said, "I think we're still there but there could be more, don't you think?" He looked hopeful and Kurt thought that as long as Blaine was here, as long as they could talk, could laugh and be transported away, that Kurt would feel safe after all.

"Yes, I do," Kurt said finally as their appetisers arrived and they ordered wine.

xXx

The H & M show was colourful and although Blaine was behind Kurt who was seated in the front row, Kurt could his gasps of excitement as another brightly coloured strapless dress was revealed. Some of the ladies had such cinched in waists and the dresses were buttoned up so high, they looked austere in all their cold beauty and Kurt smiled at them as they walked past, determined to get them to break. Of course they did not.

There was a simple drinks event afterwards and Kurt milled about with Blaine, not feeling confident enough to introduce himself. A few people looked their way but not knowing who they were, they stayed away. Kurt could feel himself relax slightly as more champagne was offered his way and Blaine nibbled on the vol au vents. He looked on the people barely eating and talking animatedly about fashion, with barely contained jealousy and Blaine looked at him.

"They're never going to be happy, you know," Blaine said, indicating the sycophants and models.

"I know, they don't really look that happy to be honest."

"So why do you want to be them? Why are you jealous?"

"Because their world seems perfect, they've created the illusion so well. That's what fashion is all about."

"Constructing yourself?"

"Exactly. You could be anyone you wanted to be, you just have to tailor your outfit to suit your mood or character. It's a lot like acting."

"But what's the real you?" Blaine asked smiling, knowing he was asking the impossible.

"I think I'll never know," Kurt said sadly, looking at Blaine, finally taking his eyes away from the models. "But I want to know."

After a few hours in the company of the perfect, Blaine and Kurt decided to walk around the local sights and ended up near the Jardins du Trocadéro with its cascades of water rising in the air. There were a few tourists enjoying the view of the Eiffel Tower, lit up and majestic and Blaine simply stood there, watching with his mouth agape.

"I can't believe I'm here," he said as he resolutely stared ahead. Kurt could only look at Blaine's beauty and wonder how this man could be near him when he felt so ugly. As Blaine turned slowly in the glow of the Eiffel Tower, his eyes suddenly seemed to be on fire and Kurt gasped.

"Your eyes…" he whispered and Blaine smiled, leaning closer.

"Yours look just as amazing," Blaine whispered and he continued to move closer to Kurt's lips, their eyes locked and Kurt felt the pull, like they were attached by some invisible cord and he knew he couldn't resist, knew he could die trying. Their lips met, eyes still open and as they started to move against each other, Blaine placed his arm around Kurt's waist, bringing him closer. As they parted, Kurt looked stunned and Blaine turned to the beauty ahead of them again.

"I sometimes think there's a cord between us," Kurt whispered, though he felt silly.

"So why resist it?" Blaine turned to look at Kurt with affection and smiled.

xXx

Blaine walked Kurt to his hotel, never mentioning where he himself had booked a room. The implication was clear and Kurt couldn't deny him, didn't want to say how he was feeling. It seemed inevitable and Kurt was done fighting.

They walked into the hotel and when they were finally alone in the elevator, Kurt looking apprehensive, as if just this simple action defined him. Blaine noticed his expression and stroked his hand that was resting by his side.

"You don't mind if I come up?" he asked suddenly shy, "We can just talk."

"Yeah that would be nice," Kurt said smiling as they came out of the elevator and Kurt put his key card through the door. Kurt fixed them drinks as Blaine took off his suit jacket and sat on the only chair.

"Sit on the bed," Kurt said as he took off his own jacket and shoes and rested his back on the headboard. He indicated the space next to him, so Blaine would not settle just for the end of the bed, so far away.

"What are you worried about?" Blaine asked as they settled back on the headboard and he watched Kurt close in eyes in peace.

"Nothing and everything," Kurt cryptically, his eyes remaining closed.

"Ok, then we need to rest until the world is sorted," Blaine said, closing his eyes too against the outside. They sat like that for several minutes, almost dozing with their heads remaining upright when Kurt stole a glance at Blaine and smiled.

"This probably wasn't what you had in mind when you came up, was it?" Kurt said laughing.

"No but I get it Kurt, break ups are tough. I know my relationship with Sebastian was ending ages ago, I just didn't want to admit it. I can be whatever you want me to be."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why would you do that?"

"Be your friend?" Kurt nodded. "Because I want you in my life Kurt. I know relationships are tough, I know that life can be mundane and troublesome sometimes but friends like you are for life. I've never felt more connected to someone, I've never been able to share as much as I do with you and know that I am listened to in return. Maybe we did things in the wrong order but I know. I know you're going to be in my life for years to come because I need you to be." Tears appeared in Kurt's eyes at the simplicity of his statements, how he believed in their relationship so definitely, whatever it was now. He rested his head on Blaine's shoulder as a tear escaped slowly.

"I think I need you in my life Blaine, more than anyone." And he let the tears fall, knowing that Blaine would be here after he had cried his last.