Chapter 14

The night was sadly spent, Kurt barely acknowledging Blaine's presence and Blaine couldn't handle it. He didn't know how to deal with this situation – he wanted to make everything right but knew he couldn't. It wasn't easy and he knew Kurt blamed him.

Kurt knew he was being petulant, knew that there was nothing Blaine could do to make this better but he also knew that it hurt. He wanted everything to be easy and it wasn't and he couldn't see a way for this to change.

After painfully trying to remain still all night so Blaine could sleep, Kurt remained awake, eyes wide open and thinking until the small hours. He slept only slightly and as he woke he realised Blaine had rolled onto his arm and Kurt could no longer feel the blood through to his fingertips. Blaine looked so beautiful and peaceful this way, so at ease in Kurt's arms that he didn't want to move him. The sun had painted patterns on his face and Kurt found himself gently smoothing his hair. He felt the words almost forcing themselves out as he watched Blaine and he sung so quietly as Blaine woke.

I will sing you morning lullabies
You are beautiful and peaceful this way
I know you have to close your eyes on everyone
Let me help you, to sing you sleep
With morning lullabies

Blaine opened his eyes slowly, blinking in the dim light and as his eyes focused on Kurt's face he noticed the slight tears rolling down his pale face as Kurt sang. Kurt sang without realising Blaine was watching. As he finished, Kurt closed his eyes, trying to hold back the need to wake Blaine, to hug him, to kiss him, to never leave. Blaine simply stroked his finger along Kurt's porcelain face and started kissing his cheek, slowly then gathering speed as desperation took over. He couldn't bear the thought that he would leave and never return, that he would hurt and not be comforted, that he wouldn't wake with Kurt beside him again. Kurt allowed Blaine to continue as his tears flowed freely, no noise made but suddenly he hugged him closer, desperately trying to cling on. They hung together like this for several minutes until Kurt's alarm on his phone signified he would need to get ready for his flight.

Without saying a word, Kurt got up and changed, Blaine only looking on in silence, dumbfounded that he could continue after such an exchange.

"Where are you going?"

"To catch my flight Blaine," Kurt whispered.

"How can you leave like this? With barely a whisper said between us, nothing?" Blaine was so hurt his chest ached and he could hardly breathe.

Kurt looked to Blaine for the first time in several hours, looked at his eyes and saw the sadness and hurt and finally realised he wasn't the only one in pain.

"I can't do this Blaine, you know how I feel."

"And you know how I feel, you can't just leave."

"I have to, I said last night that I'll remember the holiday, I'll remember you."

"It's not enough, I have to know I meant something," Blaine pleaded.

Kurt looked carefully at Blaine, not really believing his words.

"You mean everything Blaine," he whispered, "You are simply everything."

He turned to finish getting ready but Blaine got to him before he could leave the bedroom. He kissed him slowly, tenderly. "You are everything to me Kurt and I want our ending to at least reflect that."

"It will." And Kurt was gone, and finished packing in record time.

He didn't acknowledge Blaine as he left in the taxi to go to the airport with him; he simply understood that Blaine would follow.

As Kurt prepared to leave once his plane was called and his new luggage was checked in, he turned to face Blaine bleakly.

"You know what I want to say don't you Blaine, you know?"

"Yes I know," Blaine replied, "I'm sorry if I caused you pain Kurt, I really didn't want to and I wish, I wish that…"

"I know," Kurt said as he placed a single finger to his lips, "I know. I love you Blaine." A single tear tipped over onto his cheek and fell to the ground, and Blaine kissed him gently.

"I love you Kurt."

And he was gone.

xXx

Life continued, painful though it was. Kurt returned to his apartment with Rachel and put himself into preparing for NYADA with all of his heart and passion. Blaine returned to his writing and Paris living, though there was no heart in anything he did. He spent the next few days sorting his work, making the final touches to his plan to leave and start writing on his own, for himself. He felt prepared to face the world alone but it wasn't what he thought it would be. He had hoped he would find himself powerful and independent but rather found that he was lonely and depressed.

A few days afterwards he knew he had to see his family, his mother already quite offended that he had spent Christmas without them. He knocked on the door, already hearing the shouting within and wondered what the argument was this time.

"Blaine," his mum Clarice said as she hugged him warmly, "I am so glad to see you." He had always been a solace to his mum, staying neutral in their arguments but defending his mum when necessary. She had missed him.

"Your father is in a foul mood again," she whispered as they walked to the dining room, dinner all prepared. Blaine found his father sitting at the head of the table, clearly waiting impatiently for dinner so he could return to his study.

"Blaine, you have decided to grace us with your presence," was his father's greeting and Blaine mumbled an apology.

As they ate his father glanced at Blaine every so often, checking his mood, wondering how to start the topic that was on everyone's mind.

"What happened to that boy?" Richard asked suddenly after the main meal was packed away and Clarice was preparing dessert.

"Kurt you mean?" Blaine said indignantly.

"Yes, the one you left everything for, where is he?"

"He's in New York, he went home," Blaine looked down, suddenly defeated.

"Ah I see, couldn't manage the long haul then? When will you be back to work then?"

"Dad it wasn't a decision that went with Kurt, I'm never going back. I should have done it years ago."

"But what for? What was it all for? He certainly wasn't worth it," Richard scoffed.

"Of course he was worth it!" Blaine exclaimed as he stood, "He was worth everything and I blew it."

"Calm down Blaine." Richard started gesturing for him to sit as his mother returned.

"Blaine, what's wrong," Clarice said.

"I should have done this a few days ago, I don't know why I'm here. Why am I here?" He appeared to ask the room but he looked blankly at his hands, desperate to find the answer there.

"Where else would you be?" Richard scoffed, "You belong with your family."

"No dad, I belong with Kurt and I blew it but I think I finally know what I need to do." And he walked out of the house, hailing a taxi soon after, as his parents looked on, unsure what had just happened.

xXx

"Are you coming?"

"I don't know Rachel, I don't really feel like singing."

"It'll be great practice for NYADA Kurt and you'll get to see your competition."

Kurt looked over to see Rachel all ready with her shortest black skirt and nails painted. Her brown eyes warm and twinkly as she anticipated New Year's Eve madness at Callbacks.

Contemplating remaining in the apartment and feeling sorry for himself led Kurt to think he might do something foolish, like eat an entire tub of ice cream and gain so much weight he wouldn't be able to fit into any of the NYADA dance wear. He got up and got ready, determined to look fierce despite the pain. Soon they were out the door and Rachel linked arms quickly.

"He clearly wasn't worth the heartache Kurt, don't let him ruin your time at NYADA, you've waited so long for this. You deserve it all. Mercedes once told us, real divas don't need any man to make a success of their life."

"Perhaps pain and success sometimes do go hand in hand."

Rachel remained fiercely optimistic as they continued to Callbacks and found the place heaving with NYADA students and hopefuls. The night was young and the music loud and Kurt suddenly thought of the Paris piano bar where so many songs had been sung, where drinks had flowed and Blaine's eyes had sunk into his own. Kurt suddenly wished he could transport and magically find himself in Paris. If he was wishing for things, perhaps NYADA would be able to transport too.

But he couldn't have it all and perhaps Blaine wasn't meant to be. A whole plate of opportunities stood before him in New York, he just had to find the joy in them after all.

They sung the night away, Rachel and Kurt singing separate solos and duets together as well as with a few people Rachel had met, and as drinks were drunk, Kurt could feel himself melt away a bit and a pleasant buzz sound in his ears.

Midnight approached and the television above the bar showed the preparation in Times Square for the ball to drop. Kurt and Rachel clutched drinks and hugged each tightly, at least knowing they could rely on each other for a midnight kiss. Neither noticed the door open loudly, too engrossed in the music and the television.

A single tap on the shoulder alerted Kurt first and as he turned around, assuming it was a stranger bumping him, he gasped at seeing Blaine, cheeks ruddy from the cold air and breathless.

"Blaine!"

"May I have a kiss at midnight?" Blaine shouted as the countdown began and they were bustled together by the crowd around the bar. Kurt smiled.

"5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1! Happy new year!"

Drinks were clunked together and cheers shouted as Kurt leaned closer to Blaine and kissed him tenderly, then fiercely, fearing he was a mirage and would disappear as soon as New Year songs were sung and fireworks exploded. He opened his eyes to find Rachel gaping comically and Kurt laughed.

"Hi, you must be Rachel?" Blaine asked, extending his hand to introduce himself.

"Blaine?"

"Blaine? What are you doing here?" Kurt asked.

"I'm here forever Kurt if you'll have me." Blaine was suddenly shy, nervous he had gambled for nothing, that it was too late.

"Forever?"

"I left Paris. Well you know I left my father's firm anyway and I suddenly thought to myself, what is really holding me back? I can write anywhere and I tried to live without you and thought my family were enough but I couldn't do it. Nothing compares to you, Kurt, nothing."

"Marry him Kurt! Marry him and never let him go!" Rachel suddenly exclaimed, shaking Kurt by the shoulders and Blaine laughed as Kurt looked perplexed and so so happy.

"I thought you were gone," Kurt said as he shook his head, "I was trying to move on, start again Blaine. I can't believe you're here."

"I got on a plane as soon as I could, I had to pay an extortionate amount for a flight, could only get first class and one way. I can get stuff I need later, and I can return, I can do whatever you want me to do Kurt, just don't let me go. I can't bear it."

Kurt laughed. "I couldn't even if I wanted to, I'm sorry Blaine. I'm sorry I left, I didn't want to."

"I know, but I'm here now." They kissed tenderly and soon excused themselves from Rachel.

"We've got a bit of catching up to do Rachel, I'll see you at the apartment later?" And Kurt was whisked away before Rachel could answer.