As soon as Kurt acknowledged he was sad he was determined to enjoy the last few days with Blaine for what they were. They went to Disneyland as planned on Boxing Day and laughter rang out, photos were taken and rides taken repeatedly.

It reminded Kurt that he was lucky to have found such a guy as Blaine, mature enough to talk to, responsible and articulate and so sexy it hurt. But he was also carefree and child-like and loved challenges. Kurt wanted to be more like him at the same time as celebrating their differences. Kurt felt bigger when he was with Blaine, felt complete.

Glances would be chanced between the two, both aware of the truth but putting on an effort to really enjoy each other's company. The following day was an early start to the Louvre followed by all the major museums and art galleries that Kurt knew Burt would want to know all about – proof that he had actually been on vacation and learned a few things.

Blaine's belongings that were not really of his character were discarded the next day and repainting started, overalls on and furniture covered. It was a serious job for Kurt, determined to make a good job of Blaine's apartment so he would have a place to return to that would make him feel at home. Blaine looked over at Kurt, so serious and determined as he painted, that he couldn't help himself. He slowly walked over and painted Kurt's cheek and stood frozen next to him.

Kurt turned mouth agape in horror and Blaine's laughter caused him to reawaken and take action. Suddenly paint was splashed everywhere – noses, hips, feet, hair and Kurt screamed in horror.

"Stop Blaine, stop!"

He slipped on a patch of paint and landed on his bottom and feeling an opportunity present itself, he tackled Blaine to the ground by his legs. Blaine landed next to him and abruptly put both his legs around Kurt's thighs, grabbing his hands to put above his head and he smirked.

"Ha! You have been trapped! Try to get out of this one now!" Blaine said, triumphantly.

"But you can't do anything, you have no free hands!" Kurt answered, smirking as he realised he had won.

Blaine looked down. Kurt's nose, cheek and chin were smudged with paint and a glob threatened to drip from his hair.

"You look beautiful like this," Blaine looked so serious, Kurt's face instantly fell.

Blaine fell slowly on top of Kurt, letting go of his hands and letting his body rest and attach itself to Kurt, his legs tucking in between Kurt's own. Kurt gasped, his breath leaving him but a smile creeping slowly to his face. Blaine's lips lowered gently to Kurt's and the kiss carried so much meaning, Kurt gasped, struggling to breathe without his mouth. Blaine lifted his face slowly.

"Sorry, I just – you looked so…." Blaine whispered.

"Don't worry," Kurt said, as he disentangled himself and got up, brushing his legs down, as if he could remove the mess surrounding him with quick strokes of his hand.

"Kurt?"

"Don't worry Blaine, we should get this mess sorted and finish up. It's getting late." Kurt refused to look at Blaine, only got himself sorted and continued to paint the area he was working on.

They continued until they had finished, in silence, Blaine glancing at Kurt occasionally to find him concentrating on his task, jaw set rigidly, eyes determined. Once finished they packed away and Kurt walked silently to the bedroom to change, Blaine following behind.

"Kurt? Are we finished?"

Kurt turned, unsure of his meaning. "We've finished painting yes. I'm going to shower than I guess I had better start packing." He turned away from Blaine, not wanting to meet his eyes.

"Can I join you? For the shower I mean?" Blaine asked suddenly shy, like he was overstepping.

"Sure, it'll save water."

"Save water? Oh ok." Kurt looked at Blaine. Blaine looked at Kurt.

"I can't do this Blaine. I can't let you kiss me, shower with me knowing that you'll be gone tomorrow. I just, it's too hard, I need to protect myself."

"What about enjoying what time we have?"

"I tried, I really did but I just got too tired."

"Ok, I understand."

Blaine showered and while Kurt showered he tidied the apartment, packing Kurt's things. Kurt left the bathroom to find Blaine dressed smartly in a checked shirt and black bow tie and tight black jeans. He looked irresistible but Kurt resisted.

"Quick get dressed, we're going out," Blaine said in the most enthusiastic voice he could muster.

"Where to?" Kurt said weakly.

"The piano bar."

"I don't know Blaine…"

"It's your last night Kurt, we need to try."

"But I haven't packed."

"You have," Blaine said, gesturing to the suitcases lying to the side of the room.

"Ok."

Kurt changed quickly with the only outfit that Blaine had not packed and they were ready to leave. They walked in silence for a while as the wind blew noisily around them. Blaine tucked his hands in his pockets, determined not to reach out to Kurt, who was so cut off and removed.

"There's a place Rachel and I go to on Fridays in New York called Callbacks that reminds me of this place," Kurt said as they walked into the familiar bar.

Blaine simply nodded.

"They're looking for people to sing regularly during the week actually. You'd get a fee and there's always a connection with those kinds of places – once you're in at one place, you're welcome anywhere."

"Sounds nice."

They found stools at the bar and looked over to see the girl who sang Fireworks sat in her usual place next to her boyfriend, chatting with a group of people surrounding her. She looked so happy, like she belonged and had found her place, that Kurt couldn't help the envy that started in the pit of his stomach. He swallowed, desperate to only feel happiness for her, wanting just a piece of that for himself.

"What are you thinking?"

"Just that life isn't really what I planned for myself. I never intended to stay at Vogue for longer than a year, a gap year before NYADA and I was offered a pay rise, a different more challenging role and I accepted. I'm still there, I haven't changed. I look at that girl from the other night and I feel jealous that she has found her place. She belongs. I'm nowhere."

"I thought you were happy in New York?" Blaine felt hopeful.

"I love it there but I wish I had found something to make me feel a bit more whole. I still could never leave Blaine. My Dad means too much."

"I know, don't worry there's no guilt here Kurt. I totally get it. I just wish things could have ended differently."

"Why did you take me here? I don't think either of us are in the right mood for a sing song."

"I suppose but I need you to know."

"Know what?" But as Kurt turned to face Blaine he was already walking to the piano and Kurt could only swallow and wish that they didn't keep talking to each other in song.

The keys were tinkled gently and the song barely there as Blaine started to sing. He only looked down at his hands as he sang and Kurt kept silently begging for those eyes to look his way, to really show him.

When the rain is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love.

Blaine looked directly at Kurt. He knew it wasn't just his decision but Blaine felt Kurt leaving, he was saying 'goodbye' as Blaine remained, singing and alone.

I know you haven't made your mind up yet,
But I would never do you wrong.
I've known it from the moment that we met,
No doubt in my mind where you belong.

Blaine closed his eyes, too painful now to look elsewhere. A smile graced his face as he sang, remembering their first meeting.

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,
I'd go crawling down the avenue.
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret.
Though winds of change are blowing wild and free,
You ain't seen nothing like me yet.

I could make you happy; make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn't do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
To make you feel my love
To make you feel my love

Kurt hadn't meant to leave but he found his legs moving, feet leaving the bar and the cold air hitting his face outside before he realised. He walked briskly down the street, looking about him and suddenly aware of shouting.

"Kurt! Kurt! Wait!"

He didn't stop, only walked and there was a sense of relief, he knew how to walk, he could do that well.

"Kurt!" Blaine finally caught up to him and grabbed his elbow.

"Don't go!"

"No Blaine," Kurt span round fast, "You are making this difficult, not me. I am not leaving, I am returning. I was always going to have to return, I was never meant for this place."

"But you love it here!"

"Here with you, here on vacation but it's not my home and I didn't think it was yours either."

"What do you mean?"

"You don't belong here. You should be in New York with me!" Kurt shouted.

"New York?"

"Yes New York. It never even crossed your mind to think about following me, did it? You would never leave Paris and choose New York for me. I know that now." Kurt sat down on the curb, his hands open, his eyes searching for some clue in the lines there.

Blaine sat down next to him silently. "I don't get it, Kurt. You want me to go with you?"

"It doesn't matter Blaine, it will never happen. I understand."

"No you don't. I'd never really thought about it. I mean my whole life's here, my family."

"Exactly."

"I just never thought it was an option."

"No but you would much rather sing about love, pretend that it means everything, that you would die, that you would move, that you would go hungry, all for love, all for me? I don't think so." Kurt got up, started walking.

"But it is true Kurt. I would do those things."

"Actions speak louder than words Blaine and we're still fighting."

Blaine grabbed him by the shoulders to get his attention, lift his disappointed eyes towards his face and show him.

"No, I would." Blaine kissed him fiercely, trying to convey everything with just one kiss, his desperation, his need, his love.

Kurt stood back, separating himself, needing to steady his feet.

"I don't understand Blaine, are you moving to New York?"

"I don't know Kurt but I would if I could. I don't know…"

"Well I suppose that's enough to be getting on with," Kurt said as he resumed walking slowly. They kept apart on the journey home, hands in pockets, faces frowning, deep in thought but nothing shared. They had edged closer to the centre but neither had reached the compromise and they understood the implication.

Blaine felt in his pocket for his apartment key as they approached the building, when Blaine pulled out two keys.

"Oh I forgot, I agreed to house sit for the guy upstairs while he's away for Christmas. I said I'd check his post, water his plants occasionally. Do you mind if we do that now?"

"No that's fine."

They walked upstairs to the top floor and Kurt waited patiently in the living room as Blaine tidied and watered the plants. The view was even more amazing from the roof as Kurt wandered around and noticed the small heated pool.

"It's amazing isn't it?" Blaine said, as he came behind Kurt.

"Yeah, is it heated?"

"It's the quickest to heat too. I've only been in it once when the guy had a house warming party last year."

Kurt simply started to take off his clothes and pile them neatly on a chair near the pool.

"Kurt, what are you doing?"

"What does it look like?"

"We can't…"

Kurt continued until he was naked and he went in.

"You only live once."

Blaine smiled and did the same, stripping and walking into the pool.

Kurt closed his eyes, his face to the sky.

"I reapplied to NYADA this year. My dad text me while you were singing, to say I got accepted after all and although I'm a few years behind Rachel I can still live my dream, do what I planned after all."

Blaine didn't know what to do with this information so remained silent. He knew that Kurt could never leave now and he didn't really want him to. This was his chance to see if he could do it, if he was capable. It was the only choice for Kurt, he knew that.

Kurt started to sing softly; seemingly unaware Blaine was next to him, totally at peace for the first time that night.

"Nightswimming deserves a quiet night… I'm pining for the moon and what if there were two, side by side in orbit around the fairest sun? That bright, tight forever drum could not describe nightswimming."

"I love that song," Blaine whispered next to him, "I love you."

"I'm glad we got to end this way Blaine," Kurt said, opening his eyes, "I love you too and this is the perfect way to say goodbye." Blaine looked hurt, wounded and he turned to face away from Kurt.

"I don't think you should come to the airport tomorrow," Blaine's head whipped round so quickly to face Kurt that he cracked his neck. "I don't really want to say goodbye there, this is perfect enough."

"Why are you doing this Kurt?" Blaine looked so hurt, Kurt remained calm.

"It was always going to end Blaine. If it continues later than that's great but don't worry if it doesn't. We both have lives and really this was the best way to spend my holiday."

"You don't mean that, you're saying that so you'll feel better tomorrow. You don't mean it."

"Perhaps not but this is perfect and I don't want it to end." The last tremble in his voice betrayed his truth. He got out of the water and picked up his clothes, dripping wet he padded through this stranger's apartment and returned downstairs, hoping he didn't meet anyone on the way down.