We meet most evenings now. As soon as Kurt finishes work we meet for dinner or drinks before sometimes seeing a show or a movie together, just like all those years ago. We can't be as attentive as I'd like but my fingers sometimes graze his as we walk through the park and he glances at me and smiles, knowing my wish and wanting it too. I have never felt so at ease with another person, able to talk about anything and loving the company. We laugh and joke but we sing together at my flat, my piano now being put to much better use as he sings so beautifully. I hope it is enough for him and that he doesn't regret too much the choices he has made in life.

Our relationship keeps progressing and moving forward and I love the new things I have discovered about him. I love how he falls apart at my touch, love how he moans in pleasure because of me. He looks so beautiful and I often look at his profile as he's feeding the ducks or watching a movie and I wonder how he is mine, how I got to be so lucky.

We took the next step in our relationship last night and I have never been so nervous. I wanted to do it right, wanted it to be enjoyable. We spoke of it first, Kurt blushing at the discussion but as we spoke of what we would do, his eyes darkened and he crept closer to me on the sofa. I had never wanted someone as much as I did then.

His eyes looked so trusting but mischievous and he crept onto my lap, his legs either side of my own. He undid my shirt after taking off my jacket and the feel of his fingers stroking my chest, had me closing my eyes already in pleasure. He kissed along my jaw, then neck as he came closer to nibble my earlobe. That always did it for me and I came undone, skin tingling at the pleasure and gripping him closer. I kissed what skin I could, undressing him quickly and loved feeling the soft skin of his back, my hands splayed behind him. His tongue soon played with mine as we kissed deeply and I couldn't help but exhale in his mouth, so in awe of this gorgeous man in my lap. He suddenly stood and looked down at me still on the sofa, my arousal obvious and embarrassing, as he smirked and held out his hand.

"Come on, we should continue in the bedroom."

"But it was nice yesterday," I whined. He smirked again and shook his head as if I was a silly child he always liked to indulge. I got up obediently and took his hand as he led me to my own bedroom and undressed me by the door. I always feel so loved when he undresses me, his gaze so adoring that I feel the most attractive man in the world. He kissed everything that he exposed, my shoulders, my chest and hips as he went lower. He licked me as he removed my boxers, his eyes widening at seeing me so close I think. We had had relations but nothing so intimate and the slow sensual licking and kissing made me groan in pleasure. It was so tantalising I was desperate to come already. He sensed I was close as I started to tug his hair and he removed his mouth causing me to whine like a child when candy has been taken away. He laughed but removed his clothes and walked to the bed. I loved how his confidence was growing and he turned back to look at me, gaping open mouthed no doubt. I practically ran to his side and we landed with an oomph and got under the covers, prepared to enjoy each other all over again.

It always seems like hours go by when we touch and kiss, always on the brink of getting closer and closer. After a while I begged him, so desperate for more and I got up so I could show him what I had managed to procure at the hospice without anyone knowing - surgical lubricant. His eyes widened but then he smiled and shook off the covers a little so his chest was exposed as well as the dusting of hair by the v shape of his hips. I gulped at the sight and he blushed.

I prepared him well, conscious that it might hurt otherwise. I wanted so desperately to lick him open but I knew that could wait. We had all the time in the world to explore and taste and I suddenly felt tears prick at my eyes at the knowledge that he was mine.

He soon begged for more so I entered him slowly and as he squeezed his eyes shut at the burn, I waited until he asked for me to move. He felt so tight I was sure I would come soon. We went slowly and as he opened his eyes I knew I loved him more than anyone, more than myself and I would do anything for this man beneath me. I have never felt so connected to another person and now I have him in my life I won't ever let him go.

I warned him I was close and I started to stroke him in time to my rhythm. He looked so beautiful as he writhed in pleasure and his eyes closed as he came with a shout. I came soon after.

I didn't want to part from him, clinging closer and not caring about the mess between us but after a while he pulled a face and I cleaned us up with a cloth. I snuck back beneath the covers as soon as possible and he crept closer to me, resting his head on my chest.

I love that he can spend most nights with me, leaving for work early in the morning and we eat breakfast and dinner together. I love not being tied to a job but can be of real use in the hospice and I get to play in the bar. As he laid there on me, his breath slowing, I kissed his head knowing he was close to sleep.

"I love you Kurt," I whispered.

"I love you too," he said after a while and he sat up on his elbow and smiled, his eyes twinkling.

"Will you stay?" I asked. He looked at me as if I was asking a ridiculous question.

"Of course," he said.

"I mean forever." His expression changed to one of deep thought.

"What will that mean?" he asked. He lay down on the bed but faced me sideways.

"It will mean we're in a relationship. They can't touch us and what we have Kurt. What we do in private will be just that - private. We don't have to parade the streets making it obvious but I hate that we have to hide and can't live our lives properly. I love you and should be able to share that with the world."

"I want that too but I think we're a long way from that. What will I tell Maggie and Bobby?"

"I honestly don't mind. We can keep it a secret if you like."

I completely understood his reticence. My two sons were still in South Africa and would only visit occasionally. I would not have to share my real life with them at all but Kurt still had a life and family here in England. He would need to be discrete and start initiating change gradually.

"I want to tell them, I think they'll understand after a while," he said, his gaze wandering around the room, his mind clearly thinking of all possibilities. I wanted to be there for him, share it with him but I knew he would need to discuss it with them privately. We spent the evening discussing how it would be done and I cooked him dinner. As we sat there eating and then cleaned up the dishes together, I realised I wanted this forever –domesticity with the man I loved and the world could be damned. I had lost him once, now he was here, I hoped he would never leave.