June 29, 2013, 10:12 p.m.
The New Year: I'm Still Not Saying Goodbye to You
T - Words: 2,863 - Last Updated: Jun 29, 2013 Story: Closed - Chapters: 14/? - Created: Aug 08, 2012 - Updated: Jun 29, 2013 898 0 3 0 0
January 4, 2013
Blaine awoke mid-morning. After pushing the sleep out of his eyes, he glanced down at the sleeping boy still curled into his side. He smiled gently, a bittersweet feeling washing over him. He loved watching Kurt sleep, but he knew this was the last time they’d be in this position for a while, possibly forever. Blaine closed his eyes and slowly inhaled Kurt’s scent, wanting to store this moment in his memory so that he could look back on it during the long, lonely months he had ahead of him.
After a few moments, Kurt began to stir at Blaine’s side. Slowly he opened his eyes and looked around the room as if trying to remember the events of the night before.
“Morning,” Blaine said, smiling slightly down at the boy in his arms.
Kurt looked at Blaine’s smile and slowly a small grin appeared on his face. “Morning. What time is it?”
Blaine turned his head to look at his alarm clock across the room. “9:34.”
Kurt jumps out of Blaine’s arms and into a sitting position on the side of the bed. “Is it that late already?” He stood and began collecting his things and pulling on his shoes. “Shit! I have to be at the airport in like 3 hours. I still need to pack. Shit, shit, shit!”
Blaine was at Kurt’s side in a flash. He placed a steadying hand under Kurt’s elbow so the boy wouldn’t fall over while putting on his shoes. “Don’t panic. I’ll help you pack. I can still go to the airport with you, right?”
Kurt nodded. “My dad will have to drive you home after. And we’ll have to tell him about last night. He’ll know right away that something’s wrong. Think you can handle the third degree on the way home?”
“Of course, I’ll just tell him the truth. That I love you and don’t want to hold you back while I’ll be too busy to fully give you what you need from our relationship. So I think it would be best if we take a break so that you, if you want, can find someone who can give you everything you need.”
Kurt stopped fiddling with his shoelaces, straightened up, and locked eyes with Blaine. “Blaine,” he whispered, pure love seeping into his voice, “I don’t need anything more than what you give me. You are the only thing I need. Don’t doubt yourself. If after you graduate you end up in New York I will be there to greet you at the airport with open arms. If you don’t end up in New York, I’ll be standing next to you no matter where you go.” He grabbed Blaine’s upper arms and forced the younger boy to look into his eyes. When Blaine finally looked up through his lashes, Kurt continued. “I love New York, but I love you more. If you want to go to California, say the word and I will be there in a flash. If you want to go to Chicago, I’ll be right there next to you. Hell, if you want to live in freaking Alabama with all the homophobic assholes that hate us,” Blaine chuckled uneasily, “I will still be right beside you, holding your hand and supporting you. I. Love. You. I. Want. You. I don’t need anyone or anything else.” Tears threatened to fall from Kurt’s eyes and he was barely able to blink them back.
Blaine, however, couldn’t stop the tears falling from his eyes. “Really?” he whispered, unsure whether or not to believe Kurt’s words.
Kurt nodded and pulled Blaine close to his chest. He rubbed reassuring circles on Blaine’s back as Blaine let the last of his tears fall onto Kurt’s shirt. “I didn’t agree to this break because I want to go out and find someone else. I agreed so that I can prove to you that I don’t need anyone else. I know you’re still a little insecure after the Chandler fiasco, but don’t doubt my love for you.” Kurt couldn’t fight the tears any longer; they started to fall onto Blaine’s back. “If this is what you think you need to get through until graduation, I’ll support your decision. But don’t think that I won’t be ready to have you in my arms again the second you move that tassel and throw that cap in the air.”
Blaine let out one final sob and pulled away from Kurt. “When did you become so rational about all of this? Last night you were the one who was a sobbing mess and I was the one holding it together and doing the explaining.”
Kurt laughed. “I woke up in the middle of the night and did some thinking. I still don’t like this, but I’ll deal with it because I do understand where you’re coming from. I understand why you want to focus on getting through school without the obligation of a long distance boyfriend. I also understand your subconscious desire to test me.” Blaine snapped his head up and opened his mouth to protest. Kurt placed a finger on his lips. “I said subconscious. You’re still insecure about the Chandler thing, and I understand that. I hurt you. I’m so sorry that I did, but I can’t change what happened.” He dropped his eyes from Blaine’s for a moment. When he brought them back up to meet Blaine’s there was a resolve in them that Blaine had rarely seen. “All I can do now is show you every day that I don’t need or want anyone but you. And the way I can do that right now and for the next six months is to support you in your decision to have us take a break and wait patiently for you to graduate and tell me where we’ll be starting our life together.”
Blaine brought a shaky hand up to his cheek to wipe away his tears. Kurt mimicked the action. “Let’s get to your house before it gets too late and you don’t have time to pack.”
Kurt nodded, threw his bag over his shoulder, and headed out of Blaine’s room and to his car. The boys got into the car in silence. The silence stretched into the drive, the only sounds heard were the sounds of the road and the music quietly drifting from the radio. When the opening notes of “Teenage Dream” flowed out of the speakers, Kurt and Blaine shared a nervous look.
“I can change it,” Kurt offered.
“No, no. This is fine. I don’t mind.” Blaine said quickly.
Kurt nodded and went back to focusing on his driving. Quietly, Blaine started to sing along, lost in the memory of meeting Kurt for the first time.
Kurt smiled and snuck a glance at Blaine, who looked genuinely happy. “That was a great day,” Kurt whispered, a mix of emotions creeping into his voice.
Blaine stopped singing and looked at Kurt. “That was one of the best days of my life,” he said, smiling broadly.
Kurt pulled into the driveway of the Hummel-Hudson household. He stopped the car and cut the engine. “Are you ready for this?” he asked, suddenly unsure if Blaine should explain his decision to Burt.
“As ready as I’ll ever be.”
The boys exited the car and walked up to the door. Taking a deep breath, Kurt turned the handle and stepped into the house. He let Blaine walk around him and quietly shut the door.
“Kurt? Is that you? You only have a few hours before we need to hit the road, you’d better start packin’ now.” Burt called from the living room.
Kurt and Blaine walked around the corner into the living room and saw Burt sitting on the couch, hunched over the newspaper. “Is it okay if you give Blaine a ride home from the airport? He wants to come with us.”
“I thought that was a given, son. Of course I’ll give Blaine a ride home.” He looked up for the first time since the boys arrived. He took in their bloodshot eyes and quickly stood. “What’s wrong, boys? You didn’t drink last night did you?”
Kurt chuckled nervously. “No, Dad. We didn’t drink. We just had a rough night.”
Burt looked back and forth between the two boys. “What happened? You both look like you were crying all night.”
Kurt opened his mouth to start, but Blaine put a hand on his arm to stop him. “Mr. Hummel, I told Kurt last night that I thought it would be best if we took a break from our relationship at least until after I graduate.”
To say Burt was surprised would be an understatement. His mouth hung open and he quickly looked between the boys. His surprise quickly turned to confusion. “But, why? I thought you kids were doing well.”
Kurt shook his head. “Dad, I need to pack. You and Blaine can discuss our relationship on your way home from the airport. But I don’t really have the time nor the desire to discuss this right now.” He turned to Blaine. “Come on, Blaine. You said you’d help me pack.” Kurt turned and left the room.
Blaine and Burt looked at each other for a moment, and then Blaine smiled sheepishly. “Sorry, sir. I’ll be happy to explain everything on the ride home from the airport. But right now Kurt really needs me. So, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll head up to his room and help him pack.” Blaine started to turn away from Burt, but Burt clasped a firm hand on his shoulder.
“There’s a lot more to this than meets the eye, isn’t there?”
Blaine nodded slightly. “Yes, sir. I want you to know that I still love your son—I’ll always love him, no matter what—but I think this is what’s best for us right now. If he still wants me in six months, I’d be more than happy to continue our relationship.”
Burt laughed. “Son, I understand you’re still a little nervous about that whole texting thing, but Kurt really loves you. He’ll still want you in six months. I promise. Have a little faith, will ya?”
Blaine let a small grin turn his lips upwards at the corners. “I’ll try, sir.”
“We’ll talk more on the way home, okay, son?”
“Sure thing, Mr. Hummel.” Blaine turned and walked to the stairs.
“Oh, and Blaine?” Burt waited for Blaine to turn around and then continued. “Enough with the sir and Mr. Hummel crap. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you, it’s Burt or Dad.”
Blaine suddenly felt a large weight lifted from his chest. No matter how much of a brave front he was putting on for Kurt’s sake, he was insanely nervous about what Burt would do to him when he found out about the break. Knowing that Burt still cared for him meant more to Blaine than anyone would ever know. But Blaine didn’t know how to express that to Burt, so he did the only thing he could think to do. He walked over to Burt and wrapped his arms around his waist. Burt instantly wrapped his arms around Blaine and held the boy tightly. “You’ll always be a part of this family, son. No matter what happens between you and Kurt, we’ll all be here for you if you ever need anything.”
Blaine nodded into Burt’s chest and then slowly pulled back from the hug. “You don’t know how much that means to me.” Blaine turned and raced up the stairs, not wanting to have Burt see him cry. At the top of the stairs he stopped and turned just in time to see Burt wipe a tear from his eye. As he walked to Kurt’s door, he took a deep breath. Upon entering the room, he saw Kurt sitting on his bed surrounded by clothes. Even though he was facing away from the door, Blaine could tell he was crying silently.
“Kurt?” Blaine took a step towards the bed. “Do you want me to leave? I don’t have to go to the airport if it’s too hard for you.”
Kurt whirled around to face Blaine. “No, no. I wasn’t upset because of you. Well, not really. I was just thinking about how much I wish my mom was here so that she could tell me what to do.”
“Oh, Kurt.” His heart started to break for the boy sitting in front of him.
Kurt quickly wiped away the tears and started folding the clothes around him. “No use crying over something I can’t change. Help me fold these things.”
Blaine placed a comforting hand over Kurt’s and locked eyes with the boy. “I’m sorry you don’t have your mom. But don’t forget that you have your dad and Carole and Finn. They’re all here for you. And you still have me.”
“I know, Blaine. Just sometimes I wish my mom was here to see the man I’ve become. I want her to be proud of me.”
“She is proud of you, Kurt,” Burt said from the doorway. He walked into the room and pulled his son into a hug. “She is so proud of you. How could she not be? You’re a wonderful man, Kurt.”
Kurt let out a soft sob. “Thanks, Daddy.” He pulled away from his father and swiped at the tears on his cheeks. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess today. I promise I won’t be like this forever.”
Burt ruffled Kurt’s hair. “I know, kiddo. It’s tough what you’re goin’ through, but you’ll get out on the other side in an even better position.” He looked at Blaine and nodded once. Then he left the boys alone in the room.
“Come on, let’s get you packed. We need to leave in a little over an hour.”
Kurt nodded and began packing again. The boys packed all of Kurt’s things in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. When Burt came up an hour later to tell the boys that they had about fifteen minutes before they needed to leave, all of Kurt’s things were packed and the boys were sitting next to each other on the bed. They got up and began carrying Kurt’s bags out to Burt’s car. Once everything was loaded the three men got into the car and made the drive to the airport in silence.
Twenty minutes later they arrived at the airport. Burt found a parking spot, they unloaded Kurt’s bags, and the three men made their way into the airport. They walked in silence until they reached security, the point where they had to say their goodbyes. Blaine excused himself to go get a cup of coffee for himself so that the father and son could say their goodbyes in private. Once Blaine saw that they had hugged he slowly made his way back to the men; Burt saw him walking towards them and nodded once.
“I’ll be right back, boys. I’ve gotta use the bathroom before we hit the road again.”
“Alright, Dad,” Kurt said, nodding in understanding. “I won’t go through security until you get back.”
“Sounds good, kid,” Burt said over his shoulder as he walked to the restroom.
Blaine and Kurt stood facing each other looking at the floor awkwardly. Finally Kurt cleared his throat and they looked into each other’s eyes.
“I don’t know what to say,” Blaine whispered.
“Don’t say anything. Just give me a hug and a kiss. We’ve done all of the talking I can handle for the moment.”
Blaine nodded and quickly pulled Kurt into his arms, hooked his chin over Kurt’s shoulder, and wrapped his arms around Kurt’s waist. Kurt twisted his arms around Blaine’s neck. They stayed in that position for quite a while and slowly pulled away, still holding onto one another. Their eyes connected and soon they were both leaning in for a sweet, slow kiss. They held onto the kiss for as long as they could, finally breaking apart when the need for air became too great.
“I’m still not saying goodbye to you,” Kurt whispered in Blaine’s ear.
Blaine nodded, his eyes full of tears. The two broke apart as soon as they heard Burt clear his throat from a few steps away. “Okay, kid. It’s about time for your flight. You better hurry and get through security so you don’t miss it.”
Kurt nodded and quickly gave his dad a kiss on the cheek and told him that he would call him when he landed. Then he turned to Blaine and sighed. “I wish you didn’t need to do this, but I understand why. I love you so much. I won’t stop loving you during these six months. You’ll be with me every step of the way.” He quickly placed a chaste kiss on Blaine’s lips. “I’ll give you a call when I get settled back in.”
With that, Kurt turned and walked through security. He waved at the two most important people in his life before turning a corner and walking out of Blaine’s life, at least for the next few months.
Comments
I like this story! I must say, I'm terribly worried about Kurt and Blaine on Glee. This is kind of giving me hope. I'm hopin all Blaine was suggesting was a "break" in the spoilers that surfaced. But I love this!! Update soon, please. :D
creys for ever and ever and ever
It'll get better for our boys eventually. I promise. Although like all things, it'll get worse before it gets better.