Kurt and I often spent many nights drunk on his living room floor, of all places. We’d finish two bottles of wine and pretend to be philosophers, acting like we could make sense of everything in the world or bring about new questions that no one ever thought to ask. It was so refreshing to be young and stupid with someone else rather than drinking a beer alone at the end of the night and going to bed before nine. We’d laugh until our sides hurt when one of us said something particularly absurd. Usually I said the silliest things but that was okay because I loved hearing Kurt laugh.

We laughed our way through winter and into spring. Central Park began to bloom with new colors and with the flowers came the allergies for me. For Kurt, the dawning of spring meant the release of his company’s new collection. He spent many nights downtown, schmoozing in fancy venues and rubbing elbows with people who knew Kate Spade and Marc Jacobs. He always asked me if he looked okay before leaving his apartment, making sure his hair was absolutely perfect. He’d leave excited and come back completely exhausted. I would rub his shoulders and caress his naked spine until he fell into a deep sleep.

Our sex life bloomed as well. I finally gathered my courage and gave the first blowjob of my life. I was probably horrible at it. Kurt talked me through the basic points and I just sort of improvised the rest. I was allowed plenty of practice, of course. I learned how to tease, how to lick just so, and how to suck with just enough pressure to make Kurt whine into the darkness. After a few months, I felt like I became a cock sucking pro. I swallowed his come without any reluctance. Once I even made him scream.

I loved sex.

However, I think I loved it a little bit more than Kurt. I was the virgin, I was the inexperienced one, so I had the most to learn. As the months wore on, I began to feel like…it wasn’t enough. It didn’t feel like I wasn’t enough, that’s not what I mean. It’s just like, I knew that Kurt had gone, um, all the way and I knew I wasn’t quite ready for that yet. He wanted it, though. Sometimes he would be sucking me and he would brush a finger over my entrance, very lightly, and I’d squirm away from the sensation. While I was very much a gay man and I knew that’s what it would all lead up to, the thought of…something up there was still kind of foreign to me.

“It doesn’t hurt that much,” he would say, attempting to ease my fears. “It’s pretty rough the first time, but the more you do it, the easier it gets.”

Occasionally I would get dressed in the morning and I’d catch him staring at my ass for just a few moments too long, as if it was the one thing he wanted and the one thing he couldn’t have.

“I’d really like it if you went with me.”

I stood awkwardly in my living room, wringing my hands nervously at the thought of actually going through with this.

“I – I don’t know,” I said.

“It’s not like there’s going to be a bunch of famous people there, baby,” Kurt said, trying to convince me. “It’s just an office party to celebrate the successful launch of the line.”

“I’m just not that great with crowds,” I told him.

“You play your guitar on busy New York street corners every other day,” he pointed out. “There are far more people on the streets of New York than there will be people at this party.”

“Yeah, but I don’t have to talk to them.”

“I’ll stay with you the whole time, I promise,” Kurt said as he placed his hands on my shoulders to calm me. “I won’t leave you alone.”

“I just-” I paused, taking a deep breath, “I don’t want to be a disappointment.”

“There’s no way you could be,” he assured. “Why would I be with you if I thought you could be a disappointment?”

“You tell me.”

“Blaine,” he said gently. “It’s just one night. You don’t even have to say that much if you don’t want to.”

I looked up into his pleading eyes. I had no idea why he wanted me to go to the party so badly but he seemed to really want me by his side. Realizing I’d be more of a disappointment if I turned him down than I would be if I made a fool of myself at the party, I sighed.

“Okay.”

He perked up immediately. “Yeah? You’ll come?”

“Yeah, I’ll go,” I said. “But if – if I feel too awkward or weird, I have the right to leave whenever I want.”

“That’s totally fine,” he said excitedly, hugging me tightly. “You leave if it gets too uncomfortable.”

“Why do you want me to go so badly?” I asked when he pulled away.

“Because you’re my boyfriend,” he said simply. “And I haven’t had the chance to show you off yet. I talk about you all the time at work and everyone keeps asking when they’ll get to meet you.”

“Oh,” I said weakly, terrified at the whole prospect. “Great.”

“It’s going to be great,” he said with obvious enthusiasm. “They’re going to cater Italian appetizers things, which I know you love, and there’s going to be champagne and a little dance floor. Ugh, we’re going to have so much fun.”

Yeah. Fun sounded like the…appropriate word.

It’s almost painful to talk about that night. I knew from the start that I was going to have an awful time, but Kurt had done so much for me that I simply couldn’t back out without feeling like a complete asshole. He dressed in a simple black suit with a skinny black tie for the party. I dressed in a charcoal colored suit, but when I tried to knot my red tie, Kurt gave a frustrated sigh and whipped it out from under my collar.

“We’re not going to a high school Valentine’s day dance,” he chided, flipping through his own assortment of ties. “Here.”

He handed me another tie and I stared at it in confusion. “How…is this tie any different than the one I brought?”

“It’s different because it’s deep maroon and not fire engine red,” he scoffed. “Honestly. Sometimes I wonder where I picked you up.”

“Technically you picked me up off a street corner,” I snapped.

“You’re not a vagabond,” Kurt returned in a harsh tone.

“Stop getting mad at me,” I said furiously. “You’re the one who wanted me to go to this thing. You know this is hard for me.”

Pinching the bridge of his nose between his eyes, Kurt nodded and licked his lips.

“I know. I’m sorry,” he apologized. “We’re just running late.”

“I thought fashionably late was actually a term that applied to a situation like this.”

“At this rate, we’re going to be beyond fashionably late,” he informed, checking his watch as I looped the maroon tie. His head snapped up as if he just had an epiphany. “You know what would make life easier?”

“What?” I asked, adjusting the tie for the last time.

“If you just moved in,” he said, throwing his arms in the air. “You’re already here the majority of the time. It makes perfect sense. If you lived here, your wardrobe wouldn’t be stuck at home and we wouldn’t have to wait for you to go home and change whenever we want to go out and do something.”

“You…want me to move in so we can avoid wardrobe issues?” I asked in disbelief. Of all the reasons that might have caused him to come to such a drastic conclusion, I didn’t think wardrobe malfunctions would rank at the top. Then again, this was Kurt. “Are you serious?”

“No, that’s not the only reason,” he said quickly.

I glanced at the clock on the wall, desperate to change the subject for some reason.

“We should go,” I said, rushing past Kurt while I finished with my cufflinks.

“That’s not the only reason,” Kurt repeated once we were in the town car that the company provided him. “I swear.”

I shrugged uncomfortably, staring out the window at the flashing lights of New York City. Everything glittered here, exuding opportunities and expenses. Sometimes I missed the nights when I would walk the streets alone, hands in my pockets with the ability to just observe without interacting. There was always so much to look at in New York.

I loved Kurt. I did. I loved him with everything I had but we had only been together for nine months and my time in New York was the first real time in my life where I was able to call the shots. Sure, I had my freedom in college, but being an RA in a dorm was a busy life. I had a lot to look after and freshmen problems to soothe. New York was my opportunity to live my life on my own terms.

Then again, nine months was a considerable amount of time. I did spend the majority of my time at Kurt’s when I wasn’t working or withdrawing from the world. But I needed to have the ability to withdraw. I needed to have that option. If I moved in with Kurt, I’d lose that ability and I’d lose a hell of a lot of privacy.

“Does the thought of moving in with me…scare you?” Kurt wondered while we were on our way to the party.

“It doesn’t scare me,” I explained. “It’s just – I’ve never had to share every aspect of my life with someone. I mean yeah, I had a roommate for a few years in college, but we still lived our separate lives. The dorm was really just the place where we both slept.”

“It’s not like we’ll be together twenty-four hours a day,” he said. “We’ll both still be working. You just spend so much time at my place anyway. It makes sense to take that step.”

“Does it?” I asked naïvely because I didn’t have that answer. I had no experience on that front. “Have you ever lived with someone else?”

“I lived with someone for a few months, yes,” Kurt said, avoiding my gaze.

“Like a roommate or a boyfriend?”

“A boyfriend,” he clarified.

The thought struck a chord with me. We had never talked about past lovers. Well, it’s not like I had anyone to talk about but Kurt was experienced and learned in the art of relationships, unlike me. I had absolutely no idea how many ex-boyfriends he even had. I didn’t even know when he was last in a relationship.

“What happened to him?” I asked softly.

“He left,” Kurt replied in clipped tones. “He found someone else.”

The cold aloofness in Kurt’s voice made my heart ache. How could anyone find someone better than Kurt? He was fantastic in pretty much every aspect. I wondered, after his ex left, if Kurt had been just as lonely as me when we met. He always called me his lost, lonely boy but I began to think about Kurt prior to our meeting. What had he been like? Did he walk the streets alone at night as well? Did he long for a hand to hold or something to ward away the pain of feeling pointless?

He kept staring out the window, silent, as if lost in a memory and the lack of sound broke me in half. I didn’t like seeing Kurt like that and I certainly didn’t like thinking of him being alone. He was so loving and kind.

He deserved better.

I slipped my hand into his. Once my fingers were laced in the spaces between his, he eventually turned and looked at me. His eyes glistened with unshed tears.

“I just – you know I like to be alone sometimes,” I whispered, staring down at our entwined hands.

“I know,” Kurt said. “But I could easily turn the guest room into a space for you. I have plenty of space. Too much space, really.”

Swooning at the idea of him going to such lengths to make a home for me, I smiled sadly. “What am I supposed to do with all the stuff you bought me, you idiot?”

Finally cracking a smile, he wiped away a tear and placed his other hand on top of our clasped ones.

“We can work something out,” he assured me.

I nodded and he leaned in and kissed me, soft and slow.

Reservations about the now imminent move still clouded my mind as the car pulled up to the curb in front of the venue for the party. It was some art gallery that had been reserved and the building seemed to shimmer in the moonlight and the flashing lights from the city itself.

“We’ll talk more about it later,” Kurt said as the driver opened the door. “Let’s just have fun tonight.”

Taking a deep breath in order to steady my anxious nerves, I climbed out of the car.

The party was definitely…swanky, for lack of a better word. Everyone looked absolutely beautiful and Kurt looked perfectly at ease in the foreign setting. We mingled and he made the proper introductions, kissing a few women on their cheeks and nudging me in front of him whenever he introduced me to someone particularly high up in the ranks. My palms were sweating the entire time and I know I stuttered more than once.

“He’s quite shy,” Kurt would say when someone asked me a question I didn’t quite know how to answer. I was so fucking thankful for Kurt’s tact when I was so far out of my element.

“Cute though,” some pretentious woman said as her eyes raked over my body.

I squeezed Kurt’s hand. Just like my second run in with Kurt, I still despised being scrutinized and it seemed like that’s what this entire business was about.

“He’s even quieter than the last one,” the woman remarked crudely. “Hard to believe.”

“Leave it, Audrey,” Kurt warned.

I was caught between wanting to kiss Kurt for defending me so readily or asking him exactly who the ‘last one’ had been and what he was like.

“I was only making a comment,” she said.

“Yes and your comments are usually best left inside your enormous mouth.”

“You’re one to talk, dear,” she said patronizingly. “You’re one of the most sarcastic little bitches at this office.”

“I’m witty,” Kurt said, not nearly ready to back down from the argument. “But I’m not rude. Maybe one day you’ll grow up and learn the difference.”

“I’m nearly twenty-nine years old,” she snorted. “I can safely say I’m the more mature one here.”

“Yes, and it’s most definitely showing on your face,” Kurt said in a falsely sweet voice. “You should consider getting that looked at. Come on, Blaine.”

I allowed Kurt to lead me away, all the while internally cheering at the fact that he definitely got the last shot in that little spat.

“You work with these people?” I asked incredulously as Kurt lead us to a table covered in food. Most of it was untouched, of course. If ever people were concerned with body image, it would have been that lot.

“Audrey’s a…special case,” Kurt explained. “We were both up for my job at the same time. Obviously I won out.”

“Because you’re fantastic,” I said as if it was a given.

“I like to think so,” he said coyly. “Food?”

“…No one else is eating.”

“They all have a seriously warped image of health,” Kurt reminded, picking up a plate of his own and picking up a few things with which to fill it. “Try the spinach artichoke dip with the bruschetta.”

Content that I at least wouldn’t be looking like a fat cow on my own, I began filling one of the tiny plates with various things. Kurt had been correct. The dip was delicious and I went back for seconds. It’s not like anyone else was going to eat anyway.

The first part of the party passed smoothly, save for the one little squabble with Audrey. Kurt and I even danced to a song I didn’t recognize. It was very formal and we kept a small distance between our bodies. This wasn’t the type of party where we could be comfortably cozy with one another, but just dancing with Kurt was something new and wonderful. He led me across the dance floor, guiding me with practiced ease and a kind smile on his face. I had hoped to share many more dances with him.

Only when Kurt’s assistant, Margerie was her name, asked to share a dance with him did things become a little rocky. I was extremely reluctant to release my hold on Kurt’s hand. I didn’t want him to leave me.

He promised.

“Just one dance and I swear I’ll give him back,” Margerie said and I could tell she had no other intentions. I was just terrified to stand around alone.

And all Kurt could do was shrug, only partially apologetic, and be swept away, hand slipping from mine. He left me. He left me alone and he said he wouldn’t. I stood next to the table with the champagne completely alone, looking utterly lost and bereft in the middle of a group of people who I could never even hope to fully understand. The song seemed to last for fucking ever and people were beginning to look at me strangely. Or, at least that’s how I felt.

“Margerie’s married, don’t worry.”

I snapped my head to the side to stare at the intruder. Okay, he wasn’t really intruding considering I didn’t own the space, but he startled me and I was already on edge.

“What?”

“She’s married,” the man said again, glass of champagne in hand as he gestured to my boyfriend and his assistant laughing on the dance floor. “She won’t run away with him to California or anything.”

“Right,” I said, attempting to smile but it must have looked forced because the man cocked his head in a peculiar way.

“You okay?” he asked in what sounded like genuine concern.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said. I tried to be as casual as possible but definitely failed. “Sorry. I just – I don’t do crowds.”

“Ah,” he said, nodding understandingly. “And of all the places to be left alone, he left you here in the middle of a shark tank.”

“Shark tank?” I asked warily.

“They’re a bunch of gossip vultures,” the man explained. “Plus, you know, you’re fresh meat and they’ll want to wheedle out any information on Kurt they can get.”

“…Why would they want to do that?”

“Kurt’s a great designer on the team,” he said. “One of the best. But he’s…particularly quiet when it comes to his past or his private life. We knew he was dating you, of course. He’s always proud of someone new in his life.”

“I’m sorry but I – I don’t think I caught your name.”

“Julian,” he said with an amused grin. “We met a little while ago.”

“Oh, right,” I said, shaking my head. “Sorry, he introduced me to so many people. It’s hard to keep track of everyone.”

“Oh it’s fine,” he said, brushing off my mistake.

“What-” I swallowed for courage, “what did you mean when you said that Kurt was always proud of someone new in his life?”

Julian looked at me with something akin to intrigue. “You should have been here when he brought in his last boyfriend,” he said. “I’ve never seen him so excited to have a new toy.”

“…Toy?” I repeated meekly, glancing back at Kurt who had apparently noticed I was talking with someone.

“Not to say you’re a toy,” Julian said quickly, attempting to cover up his faux pas. “Actually, he seems pretty invested in you. He’s always talking about how he has to get home because he’s taking you somewhere or how he took you out shopping or things of that nature. He seems pretty sweet on you.”

“So he – he doesn’t talk like I’m some kind of toy?” I asked, needing reassurance.

“No, not at all,” he said suavely. “Though…it is rather odd how similar you are to his last boyfriend.”

“In what way?”

“You’re both quiet, really shy, and it seems like you both don’t like crowds all that much,” he expanded. “Not to mention, you both have those eyes.”

“What…eyes?”

“The pretty kind,” he said with a smile. “The kind that make you look like a lost, loving puppy.”

At that, I looked back to Kurt who had definitely stopped laughing and was glaring at me for some reason.

“You’re far more beautiful than his last boyfriend was, I must say,” Julian added, reaching out to touch my face.

I took a step back instantly, staring at him in revulsion, wondering how he had the balls to attempt to touch me like that when Kurt could obviously see us. He dropped his hand and his smile widened.

“You don’t have to be scared of me, Blaine.”

“I have to go,” I said hurriedly, turning on my heel and heading for the door.

“Oh, don’t leave!” I heard Julian call out just before I heard him laugh at my back.

Tears burned my eyes as I reached the elevator, pressing the down button frantically. We always do that, don’t we? We always press the button more than once as if it will somehow force the elevator to appear sooner and it never helps. Luckily, the doors opened and I threw myself inside and slammed the button for the first floor.

I didn’t need to know those things. I didn’t need to hear any of that. I didn’t need to hear how similar I was to an ex-boyfriend or just how lost puppy-like my eyes looked, as if I somehow needed saving from the big bag world and Kurt had a fetish for taking in strays. Biting down on my finger, I did my very best not to burst into hysterics there in the elevator. I began to suffocate in the small space and I don’t think I’ve ever jumped out of an elevator so impatiently before. I ran out and shoved the doors to the gallery open, choking on the cool night air. The street sounded like a multitude of car bombs exploding in my head and I wanted to break down and hide myself from the noise and the lights and the fear.

I must have looked like some psychotic asylum escapee but I couldn’t help it. The town car we had arrived in was no longer near and I didn’t have the number to call the driver. I fished out my wallet with unsteady hands. When I opened it, I found that I only had seven dollars.

Seven dollars wouldn’t even get me to the end of this avenue in a cab in this kind of traffic.

Great, just great. He dragged me out here, told me I could leave whenever I felt uncomfortable and I didn’t have the money to get home.

I just wanted to go home. I wanted to find my sanctuary and take solace in my own little space filled with useless, decorative stuff that I never needed in the first place and curl up under my thick comforter and let the worries of the world fall away.

Home was thirteen blocks away. It wasn’t that far and I was desperate enough to get away from the buildings and brave the harsh crowds on the sidewalk if only it meant I could finally be home.

Just as I began walking, my phone vibrated in my pocket. I knew it was Kurt but at that moment I had only one goal and talking on the phone was not on the agenda. Walking quickly, I shoved past the people, the people, so many people. Oh god, I had been absolutely insane to move to this city. What did New York hold for a hermit like me? I knew I looked odd in my classy suit with head down and rushing through the crowds but I avoided any and all eye contact with passersby until the swarm of bodies began to thin. The closer I got to my apartment, the louder my phone seemed to vibrate and the more intent I became on ignoring his calls.

The walk to my apartment seemed like it lasted eons when really it could only have been half an hour at most. My hands were sweating and shaking by the time I finally entered my building and unlocked my door.

Once I was inside, I flicked on the light and slammed the door shut. I leaned against the inside, panting loudly into the silence of the room. My eyes darted around, as if I needed to double check and make sure I was really home before I tugged off my suit jacked and tossed it over the arm of my little sofa. I wrenched the stupid maroon tie from around my neck and dropped it on a sofa cushion. I stripped myself of every article of clothing, suppressing the urge to throw a shoe at the wall, shut off the light, and dove into my bed.

The familiar smell of my sheets and pillows calmed my frayed nerves and I hid my head beneath the comforter. My world was silent and warm and safe. There was no Julian, no snooty coworkers, no anorexic assistants, and no more bad possibilities.

Until I heard my phone vibrate in my suit pants pocket from across the room.

I ignored it and when it stopped, I wallowed in the sound of silence and the sensation of peace.

I think I must have dozed off because the next thing I knew, someone was pounding on my door. Groaning into my pillow, I knew I couldn’t avoid him anymore and dragged myself out of bed, hands scrabbling at the floor in the dark until I discovered a pair of sweatpants to cover myself with. I tugged them on just as I heard Kurt knocking on my door again.

When I pulled it open, I didn’t expect to see him so livid. I know I didn’t answer his phone calls, but there was no real need for him to be so angry.

Or so I thought.

“Where in the fucking hell did you go?” he asked loudly, slamming the door shut, drowning us in darkness. “Oh for the love of-”

I heard him fumbling for something and that’s when the lamp on my side table near my sofa turned on.

“Where did you go?” he asked again.

It was just…a really dumb question.

Considering we were both standing in my living room.

“Home, obviously,” I said before I yawned.

He smacked my hand away from my mouth when I reached up to cover my yawn and I froze. Standing there, looking far too imposing, he settled his hands on his hips as if still waiting for a response.

“You said I could leave whenever things got too weird so I-”

“The only weird thing that happened tonight was the fact that I saw you flirting like a two dollar whore with Julian August. Flirting! Right in front of me!” he shouted, eyes like steel and looking at me with unwavering accusation. “What the hell were you thinking? And then you just left? And you didn’t even answer my calls!”

“Are you – are you serious?” I asked in a horrified whisper. “You thought I was – he was the one that was coming onto me!”

“Oh I’m so sure,” Kurt snapped. “Don’t even pretend like you didn’t enjoy your little chat and his alluring little smiles.”

“I did nothing wrong,” I stated, standing my ground because I didn’t think I’d screwed up.

“Oh no, it’s not like you left because you were afraid I’d call you out on your behavior in front of everyone.”

“My – my behavior?” I sputtered. “I’m not a child who needs reprimanding!”

“You’re my fucking boyfriend!” he yelled, gripping my upper arms painfully. He began to shake my half naked body vigorously as he spoke. “You’re mine and you have no fucking right to be some slut in front of nearly everyone I know! How could you do that to me?”

He accentuated every single word with the harsh shaking and his fingers began digging into my arms so forcefully I was sure I was going to develop bruises.

“S-stop!” I cried, becoming scared.

“What did you say to him?” he demanded, jarring me even more. “What did he say to you?”

“He – he told me people would want to – to ask me questions about you and he kept talking about how s-similar I was to your ex and how we had the same eyes and-”

The shaking ceased but his hold on me remained strong. I never knew Kurt was that strong.

“He what?” Kurt asked in a deadly tone.

“He said – he said we were both shy and quiet and we had big, pretty eyes,” I told him, my voice weak and tired. “He said I was more beautiful than your ex and he tried to – to touch me and that’s when I left.”

His fingers dug into my skin even more and when I attempted to slither out of reach, he simply pulled me closer and held on tighter. I bit my lip to suppress a pained cry.

“Don’t listen to him,” he said forcefully. “Don’t listen to a damn thing he says. He-”

“You’re hurting me,” I whimpered, my lips beginning to pout as tears spilled down my cheeks. “Please let me-”

“Oh my god,” he breathed, looking at his hands on my arms. He pulled them away, as if he had his fingers submerged in hot, flickering flames and took a step back. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t – oh god, I’m sorry.”

I sniffled pathetically, wiping at my wet, red eyes and avoided returning his gaze. My arms throbbed as the blood began to flow again and I wrapped my arms around my thin waist, covering my naked torso.

“Blaine, I’m sorry, I didn’t know what I was doing. I was just so fucking worried,” he admitted, running his hands through his hair, an action I’d never seen him resort to because he was always so concerned with his appearance.

He obviously had no idea how volatile he had been if he was actually messing up his hair. Maybe it seemed like a silly thing to notice, but I knew Kurt very well at that point and messy hair was something he could never tolerate.

“I – I saw you with him and I knew he was gay and – god, you have no idea how easily he corrupts men and how quickly he goes through lovers. I freaked out and you kept looking at me like you were afraid of being caught and then you ran out and you wouldn’t answer your phone and I didn’t know what was going on,” he babbled.

Kurt never babbled.

“I was looking at you because he was scaring me,” I said quietly, my eyes still on the floor. “You left me and you promised you wouldn’t and he kept telling me all these things and-”

“Don’t listen to him,” Kurt said. “He just wants you for himself and he’d tell you anything to get you away from me.”

“So,” I said slowly, finally finding the courage to look into his eyes, “you don’t just like me because I’m shy like he was?”

“Baby, no,” he said soothingly, taking a tiny step closer to me as if he was scared I’d run away.

Maybe I should have.

“I just – I like quiet guys,” he tried to explain. “I like to be with people who don’t have a lot of drama in their lives and don’t make a big fuss about everything. I guess – I guess shyness is just a quality that those types of guys share. I’m not with you because you remind me of him. I’m not. I’m completely over him. I was over him when I met you.”

“Who was he?” I asked cautiously. “You never talk about anyone you’ve been with.”

Giving a soft sigh, Kurt shrugged helplessly. “You really want to do this right now?”

“I think you owe it to me after the way you just overreacted,” I said truthfully.

“You’re right,” he said with a nod and helpless eyes. “You’re right. Here, sit down.”

He pulled out the two chairs at my little kitchen table and I watched him sit first before I took a seat myself. Staring down at the tabletop, he tapped the surface as if he was trying to find the words and a place to start.

“My ex-boyfriend’s name was Harrison,” he began. “He was my age and we met during my senior year of college. We dated for a while but he broke up with me three months before I met you.”

I wasn’t sure if that was a long enough time to be out of the rebound stage, but I figured I would have heard Kurt at least mention him before now if he hadn’t been completely over him when we met.

“He was the one who lived with me,” he added. “I came home to find him fucking someone else in our bed. He laughed in my face when I told him how hurt I was and then he said I was clingy and too possessive so he left.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered because no one deserves to have that happen to them. “He shouldn’t have ever done something like that.”

“What I didn’t know was that he had been having guys over every night I worked late for the last two months we were together. I found that out the day he came to pack up all his stuff.”

I could do nothing but nod because while it was really awful, it was something that happened in the past and I didn’t want it to become an issue that either of us dwelled upon.

“And that’s the story,” he concluded. “There’s not much more to tell.”

“Julian said you saw him, your ex, I mean, as a toy.”

“Julian is a bastard and always has been. He was the one I caught Harrison with in bed that night.”

“Jesus,” I said under my breath.

“So you can – you can see why I jumped to the worst conclusions.”

“Yeah,” I nodded, beginning to feel a little bit guilty for being so scared of Kurt.

“I never meant to hurt you, Blaine, I swear. Are you okay? Are your arms okay? I didn’t-”

“I’m fine,” I assured him even thought I could still feel a bit of pain.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” I said as I stood. “I’m just tired. I was finally asleep when you knocked.”

“I can go,” he said. “I know you probably don’t even want to be around me right now.”

“No,” I said quickly. Now that things had calmed down, I realized just how habituated I had become to feeling Kurt next to me when I slept. I didn’t want to lose that and I didn’t want him to feel any worse.

It was just an overreaction. And now I knew to stay away from Julian. And now Kurt knew to not leave me alone at any other functions we attended together. It was just something that had to happen and while very dramatic, no real damage had been done.

And I really wanted to cuddle with him.

“Stay,” I said simply, gingerly taking hold of his hand and leading him to my bed.

Obviously I should have realized things had gotten out of hand but my thought process made sense to me at the time. I mean, he was just scared and worried and jealous and he had the right to be. I had been listening to a bunch of trash talk and what’s more, I was hearing it from the one guy that Kurt definitely had a right to have a grudge against.

But he was…Kurt was wrong to handle me that way, I can see that now.

I just thought things would go back to normal.

I only ever wanted to be happy with him and if I didn’t talk to anyone else from Kurt’s past, that would be an easy task, you know? We could ignore that single blip of an episode and we could be happy again.

I just wanted to be happy.

That’s all I wanted, I swear.