Kurt returns to their dorm room a few minutes prior to curfew. He doesn't know what he expects to find when he walks in, but he's still slightly surprised to find the room dark and silent, catching sight of Blaine tucked into his bed. Kurt inches into the room, mentally apologetic about all of the light pouring in before he shuts the heavy door with a soft click. He moves about as quietly as possible, setting his bag on the floor and toeing off his shoes. He was sort of hoping he could come back and they could talk this all out. He was hoping they could go back to how things were before.

He hates that he'll have to fall asleep not knowing what will happen in the morning.

With a soft, resigned sigh, Kurt removes the rest of his clothes and tosses them into or near the laundry basket; he really can't see where the damn thing is at the moment. He climbs into his bed, clad in only his boxers, tugging the sheet and comforter up to his neck.

It's so cold.

He and Blaine haven't slept separately for the past week and a half.

It's…lonely.

Kurt curls in on himself, head resting heavily on his pillow.

He feels awful.

Because he's being selfish. And he's lying. Even if it's just a partial lie. If Blaine doesn't want to continue this whole thing, he has the right to call it off. He just wants Blaine to be in his life, no matter the capacity. If he wants to just be friends, sex or no sex, then Kurt's okay with either. He just…just wants his friend back.

The room is so silent and the air is filled with the stiff, uncomfortable tension of words unspoken.

He shivers.

He hears rustling, shifting behind him from where he's curled up facing the wall. The sound of light, muffled footsteps reaches his ears and suddenly he's freezing as he feels his covers lifted.

But then he's enveloped in the warmth of Blaine's body, one of his strong arms wrapping around Kurt's frame.

"I'm sorry," Blaine whispers into his ear as he tucks himself behind Kurt, wrapping them up in the blanket. He nuzzles his nose against the back of Kurt's neck.

"Me too," Kurt says. "I shouldn't have…if you don't want to do this anymore, we don't have to. I just don't – don't want you to stop being my friend."

"Never," Blaine says instantly. "I'll never stop being your friend, no matter what."

And because the fist that had been gripping his heart for the past few hours was unclenched right away at those words, Kurt releases a relieved little sigh.

"Okay," is all he says.

He feels Blaine's smooth lips press a kiss to the top of his naked spine. "And I don't want to stop doing this either," Blaine admits. "Touching you and kissing you and holding you."

"Why?" Kurt needs to know.

"Because it feels good," Blaine says. "Because I like making you feel good. Because I don't want you to – to look for it somewhere else and get hurt by someone."

Kurt can't help but wonder, by staying here and letting this continue, if he'll end up getting hurt anyway. But for now, with Blaine wrapped around him, Kurt stops letting himself wonder that.

"I'm sorry that I didn't believe you," Blaine continues. "I was so stupid and selfish. I just didn't think about that."

"I've never had someone touch me like this before," Kurt reminds him, covering Blaine's hand with his own as if to emphasize his point. "And I never expected stuff like this to feel as good as it does. So when I look at you…it's hard to – to stop thinking about it. About how it feels to have your hands on my skin. I'm sorry that I can't stop it."

"You don't have to," Blaine says softly, kissing his shoulder. "I didn't understand. I do now, though."

"Don't you…don't you think about it sometimes? I mean, when we're not in here," Kurt wonders.

"I try really, really hard not to," Blaine tells him. "Because I don't want to um, look like I'm leering. You just look like you're adorably smitten. Which I guess is why I didn't get it."

Kurt snorts at his description. "Adorably smitten, huh?"

"Basically. And I feel like I just look like a tiger that's ready to tear you limb from limb."

"I doubt you look like a jungle cat in heat."

"Well that's what it feels like," Blaine grumbles.

Laughing ever so slightly, Kurt traces Blaine's knuckles absentmindedly

It's nice to know that they're okay now.

But there's still one question that wants to claw its way out of his throat.

"Can I ask you something?" he finally squeaks out.

"Sure."

"It's…kind of personal. So you don't really have to answer it if you don't want to."

"Oh. Um…okay."

"Why don't you want a boyfriend?" he breathes into the dark, hand frozen atop Blaine's.

"Is – is this because-"

"This has nothing to do with me."

For the most part.

"I'm just concerned, I guess. You seem so…wary of the whole relationship idea. I guess I don't really understand why," Kurt says. "If you don't want to tell me, that's okay."

Blaine sighs behind him and he feels Blaine's forehead press against the back of his neck.

"No, I'll tell you."

But Blaine falls silent for a few seconds. Kurt simply twines their fingers together, holding Blaine's hand tight against his bare chest.

"Remember when I told you that I didn't have a boyfriend?" Blaine asks.

"Yes."

"Well I didn't – didn't lie. He was never my boyfriend. He was just my really good friend. And he was gay too."

Sounds familiar, Kurt thinks to himself.

"He was my first kiss," Blaine continues quietly. "But he was never my boyfriend."

"Okay…"

"No one else knew we were gay," Blaine explains. "We only told each other. It wasn't even…I don't even know how to explain it. We kissed because we felt like it was the – the right thing to do, I guess? I mean we were young and didn't really know what we were doing. It was just like, 'hey, you're gay, I'm gay, let's see how this kissing thing works'. So that's what we did it. But nothing ever happened after that."

"He didn't suddenly turn straight and start teasing you or something, did he?" Kurt asks hesitantly.

"No," Blaine assures him, pulling Kurt just a tiny bit closer. "It wasn't anything like that. I'm pretty sure he's still gay to this day."

"So what does he have to do with why you're not, um, ready for a relationship?"

Blaine's voice drops to the barest of whispers. "He came over after school to study one day. We were up in my room on my bed. He - he had his head in my lap. It wasn't anything like that, though. We were just studying. And we were really close, you know? It didn't seem weird to us. But…m-my dad came up and he saw us like that."

He pauses.

"Blaine," Kurt urges gently. "What happened?"

"Nothing. Not until after my friend left. But when he left…my dad pulled me aside – literally – and started yelling at me. He kept shouting things at me, like, telling me that I can't be a queer and only fags sit that close to other guys. And if he ever found out I had a, and I quote, faggot little homo boyfriend that he would disown me on the spot. It wasn't until later that night that I realized he'd had a few drinks. But it was still terrifying."

"But…he knows you're gay now, doesn't he?"

"Yeah. After I came out to him and my mom two years later. My mom seemed okay with it. Or at least, she didn't say anything against it. My dad, though…my dad said he didn't care that I was gay, so long as I was never gay under his roof."

Kurt wanted to sneer in disgust.

"What does that even mean? What, you have to pretend to be straight when you're at home or something?"

"Basically I don't ever bring it up when I'm around either of them. I could never bring my boyfriend around my dad. I can't – won't risk that. I don't know what he'd actually do if that ever happened. But I know that it scares me. It's scared me ever since that one day. I just don't – don't think I'll be comfortable having a boyfriend until I'm at college or something."

Kurt doesn't ask Blaine anything else on the matter. He doesn't ask Blaine if he still might have feelings for Kurt, despite the fear his father has planted in him so long ago. He doesn't ask if they could maybe be together in the future if they attend college near each other.

Blaine makes sense to him now. He sees why he's so much more reserved around the other boys at Dalton. He sees why Blaine doesn't look at him any longer than necessary during the day. He sees why Blaine's so tactile and affectionate when the sun sets and they're alone in their room.

They're more alike than Kurt initially thought.

Here, in this little dorm room, Kurt hides from his bullies and the terror of the conservative world.

Blaine hides from his father.

And from his deeply instilled fear of being exactly who he is.

When Kurt turns in Blaine's arms a few moments later to press a firm kiss to his friend's lips, he ignore Blaine's tear stained cheeks and kisses all the bad memories away. Just for a little while.