Upon arriving home, Kurt went immediately to his room. Finn stood awkwardly in the living room, a hand on the back of his neck.

"What's wrong with Kurt?" Carole asked immediately, her eyes shooting glances toward Kurt's closed bedroom door.

"He…well Blaine…I don't even know, really."

"Sit down," Carole said, urging him to sit on the couch. "Now tell me what happened."

But just as Finn was about to tell Carole all that he knew, Burt walked through the door and sighed heavily.

"Burt, honey, something's wrong with Kurt. Sit down."

"What?" Burt asked in concern. "What happened, what's going on?"

"We were in Glee and…Blaine walked in and then Kurt walked in and Blaine said he saw Kurt kissing some other dude," Finn explained.

"What?" Carole nearly shouted. "But…Kurt's completely head over heels for Blaine…"

"That's what we thought too," Finn said, nodding his head a bit. "But it…kinda seemed like…Kurt wanted to try out, uh, kissing someone else. Since he'd never kissed anyone else before."

Carole and Burt sat there in shocked silence, their eyes searching everywhere, as if all the answers would be right there in the air.

"So Blaine kind of…actually he didn't…I don't know if they're still, like…together. Blaine was…"

"Pissed, I'll bet," Burt put in.

"No," Finn replied. "Well, I mean he was in the beginning, yeah, but…then he just seemed…really, really like, sad and stuff."

"Should I…go and talk to him, do you think?" Burt asked.

Finn shrugged. "I think he might need some time alone, but I don't know."

"Give him a few hours," Carole advised her husband.

Burt nodded solemnly.

When Burt went down later, he was immediately rebuffed by Kurt. No, he did not want to talk about it. No, he did not want dinner. No, he didn't want to go upstairs. Klaine the fish glared at him from inside his vase on Kurt's desk. Jared called him later and Kurt had to tell him that he really, really didn't want to talk to him right now.

Neither Blaine nor Kurt showed up for school the next day.

On Friday, however, Kurt met Blaine at their lockers.

"I know you don't…don't want to have anything to do with me right now," Kurt said to the other boy. "But I just thought you might like this back."

Blaine turned his bloodshot eyes towards Kurt to see him holding up Blaine's prized sweatshirt.

"Why would you think I wanted it back?" Blaine wondered.

Kurt had to bite his lip. Maybe it was to keep the tears from falling or maybe it was to stop himself from throwing his arms around Blaine's neck. Just the sound of Blaine's voice…it did something to him.

"Because it's…it's yours. And if we're not together, I-"

"Kurt, I never said we weren't together," Blaine said, as though it were obvious.

"But you – I don't – I'm so confused."

Blaine opened his mouth to speak, but thought better of it and jerked his head, motioning for Kurt to follow him. Kurt followed without a word until they were inside that unused classroom they visited once last year. Dust was still piled high on the desktops. Blaine closed the door behind them.

"I didn't break up with you," Blaine said bluntly.

"It…kind of seemed like you did."

"I told you I couldn't leave you."

"But you said I'd lost you," Kurt recalled, still trying to keep from crying. He was so tired of crying.

Blaine sighed tiredly, dropped his bag to the floor, and leaned against the wall. "You did what you did. There's no changing that fact. And I'm really…I feel like I should be angry and never want to speak to you again but I just can't do that. But I am extremely hurt. It makes me feel like shit, when I think about you not even willing to talk to me about something. Especially when we've always been able to talk about anything. That's what makes us good together, that's what makes us work as well as we did. As we do. Fuck." Blaine ran a hand through his unkempt hair. "I don't want my sweater back."

"I wish I knew what you wanted me to do," Kurt admitted sadly, bringing the sweater up under his nose. He felt like a child. "Just…just tell me what I can do so I can fix all of this."

"I wish I could tell you how," Blaine said. "I just know that you saying sorry isn't enough."

"I just want to be with you."

"Do you?" Blaine countered, catching Kurt's misty eyes.

"Of course I do!"

"Don't get mad at me," Blaine shook his head. "I'm just…do you know that it's me you want? Or do you honestly want to go around and date other people?"

"No, I-"

"Please. Let me finish."

Kurt nodded, hugging the sweatshirt to his chest before Blaine continued.

"I get that you would want to do that. Date other people, I mean. I understand that you'd want other experiences. It's easier for me because I've had other experiences. So I can be a little more sure that it really is you I want to be with. I don't…I'm not mad at you for wanting that. I'm not mad at you for – for why you kissed him. I'm upset because you didn't think I'd understand. And I'm kind of sad because it feels like…I wasn't worth anything."

"I'm sorry," Kurt whispered, letting his teary eyes fall closed.

"I know. I know you're sorry." And Blaine did know. "But…you need to make a decision. If you want to be with other people, then that's what you want. And I'm not going to hold you back from – from living your life. But I'll still love you. I'm not…shit, I'm not saying that you can go fuck around and do whatever you like and I'll be right here waiting for you because I don't know if I could do that. If you want to be with other people, then I get to do the same. But I know that that's exactly what I don't want. I don't…I don't want it to seem like I'm giving you an ultimatum. Because I'm not that kind of person. Me personally though, I'm just an all or nothing kind of guy."

"I know."

They stood there in silence, looking at every where else but at each other. Kurt held the hoodie tight to him, smelling what little bit of Blaine's scent was left there. He wanted to hug Blaine. He wanted to feel his arms and he wanted to kiss his neck and he wanted everything. And he really and truly thought that it was Blaine he wanted. Actually, he was pretty fucking positive about that.

"I want you," Kurt finally said. "I only want you."

"You might think that now. But…I'm just…give it a few days or a few weeks so you can think about it."

"Blaine, no, I just want-"

"You said you wanted to fix this. Please respect my asking you to do this," Blaine said quietly. "You're used to me. You're habituated. You've only broken the habit for a couple days. In another couple of days you might be able to see more clearly."

Kurt reached out an arm so he could touch Blaine's hand. "But I don't-"

"Please don't touch me," Blaine said quickly, pulling away from Kurt's hand. "I can't bear it if you touch me."

"I'm sorry!"

Blaine looked through wet, dark lashes up at the boy he loved. "You don't know hard it is for me not to reach out and hold you right now. You don't know how much I want to kiss you. You don't know how badly I want to say that everything's okay and that I forgive you and that we can just go back to the way we were."

Kurt continued crying softly into Blaine's sweatshirt.

"But I can't do that because it wouldn't be fair to either of us…especially me. Because I can't know if I'm setting myself up to get hurt again. And…right now I feel like I need to look out for myself," Blaine finished.

Kurt nodded shakily, his eyes still shut tightly. "Okay."

"So just…do what I asked and…we'll see what happens then."

Kurt wiped at his eyes as Blaine picked his bag up off the floor. "I can…I can still keep your sweater?"

Blaine smiled sadly. "You can keep it forever if that's what you want."

And then he left the room.

The rest of the day was pure torture. Blaine hadn't said that he didn't want to talk to Kurt or anything, but Kurt just felt awkward every time he tried to open his mouth around the boy. If they met each other at their lockers, they were both trying so hard to avoid the other's gaze.

Jared approached Kurt after he watched Blaine walk away. "Hey."

"Jared, I can't-"

"I just needed to say that I'm sorry. Obviously I like, fucked something up between you two," Jared said, his apology very sincere.

"I can't believe you just…did that. I know you're confused," Kurt said, trying to keep his voice down, "but that…I know I'm your friend but you can't just do that. Blaine saw."

Jared's eyes went wide as saucers. "Oh, god I'm so-"

"I'm sure you're sorry. But he won't…he doesn't…he's really upset with me. He's making me take time out, I guess, to make sure that it's really him I want."

"The…the other day you said you weren't sure."

"Yes well, maybe you kissing me helped me realize this," Kurt said angrily. "I don't…I need some time, Jared. I'm not too happy with you right now, if you can believe that."

"I – I…okay. Yeah. I'll…okay."

Kurt walked away.

At lunch, Blaine sat apart from the rest of the group at a table by himself and the other members of the Glee club seemed extremely torn as to who to sit with. Because yeah, Kurt was the one in the wrong, but Kurt was the person they'd known longer. Eventually, Kurt urged Santana and Quinn to go sit with Blaine so that he wouldn't feel so alone. When the girls sat down across from Blaine, he shot Kurt a small look, complete with the slightest of smiles, as if to say 'thank you'. During their off period, Blaine was sure to tell Quinn that she could most definitely join Kurt, Mercedes, and Rachel at the coffee shop. He would be spending his off period alone in the choir room, catching up on homework. And then Glee club rolled around and everything was all kinds of awkward.

Kurt walked in and desperately wanted to sit next to Blaine. Just…be near him. Even if they didn't speak, that was okay. He just…but he didn't. Blaine was perched on the low riser, so Kurt sat on the top one. If he sat on the opposite side of the room, it would look like he was trying too hard and…okay so maybe he was over analyzing all this crap. Whatever.

Even Mr. Schue seemed kind of hesitant when he caught sight of the two boys not sitting next to each other. But class continued as per normal. They still had Sectionals to prepare for, of course.

When class ended, Blaine was the first out the door. Kurt gave a small, defeated sigh.

"Coffee?" Rachel asked, taking Kurt's arm.

"We just came from the coffee shop," Kurt said.

"You can never have too much coffee," Tina reminded him, looping her arm through his free one.

"I don't know what to do," Kurt admitted when he and all the girls sat down in the coffee shop.

"Have you talked to him since the argument?" Rachel wondered, emptying a packet of sugar into her cup.

"Yeah, we talked today."

"What'd he say?" asked Tina.

"That I need to think about what I really want."

"What does that mean, though?" Mercedes asked after sipper her mocha.

"As in do I really want to be in a stable, committed relationship with him or do I want to date around and fuck other people," Kurt clarified.

"Well let me ask you this," came Rachel's voice again. "When you kissed this Jared guy, what was it like?"

Kurt shrugged. "It was boring. I mean the kiss itself was okay, I guess. But…I didn't get anything out of it. I may as well have been kissing a girl. No offense, Brit."

"That's okay, Kurt. I don't mind that you're a dolphin."

Santana snorted loudly. "Sorry," she mumbled when she noticed everyone's odd stares.

"So it wasn't exciting, there weren't fireworks, you didn't get a thrill out of it?" Rachel pressed.

"No. Not at all. But maybe it's because I know that I want Blaine."

"Maybe Blaine has a point though," Mercedes said, much to Kurt's chagrin. "No. Listen. How can you know it's him that you really want if you don't know for sure that you'd want anyone else?"

"…What? How does that even make sense?" Kurt's mind was not at all keeping up with that phrasing. Though it did sound a little like the question Jared had posed to him previously.

"When you're walking down a street or you're in the mall or something and you see a hot guy, what do you think? Do you think about what it'd be like to kiss him, do you think what it'd be like to grab his ass?" Mercedes asked.

"Vulgar much?" Kurt countered with a quirk of his eyebrow before sipping his drink.

"You know what I mean," Mercedes said with a nudge to his shoulder.

"The truth? When I see another guy I find attractive, all I can think is 'oh, Blaine's lips are much more kissable looking' or 'I wonder what Blaine would look like in those jeans because if his ass looks that good, Blaine's will look better'."

"And you're not bored with the sex?" Quinn wondered.

"Uh…no. Our sex life…is wonderful."

"I only ask because I know that can be a factor."

"I know," Kurt said with a nod. "But trust me when I say there's nothing wrong in the bedroom."

"If you're so sure that Blaine's the one, why'd you feel the need to kiss the other guy in the first place?" Tina questioned.

"I don't even know, really. Maybe I felt like I had to try something out. Maybe Blaine was right when he said I was acting like I needed some kind of affirmation. That sounds about right, at this point. Because right now all I'm thinking is how I don't need anyone else. He's got everything and more."

"Wow," Rachel's voice broke through once more. "Maybe you do know he's the one for you."

"Thank you," Kurt drawled. "I do know my own mind sometimes."

"Hey, I'm not the one that let another guy kiss me just so I could see if all was right the way of Klaine."

"Don't bring my fish into this. I just need to figure out exactly how I'm supposed to make this right again."

"He wants you to fight for him," Santana said bluntly. "He wants to know that you think he's worth fighting for."

Everyone around the table looked sort of confused. Santana seemed mighty sure of this.

"…Why do you think he needs that?"

"Well…the other day when we took him home, after you guys fought and stuff, I took him up to his room to make sure he'd go to bed and he kept blabbering on about some things. I don't really get all of what he was talking about, but it sounded like…I dunno, something happened last year or something. Something pretty bad and he just kept saying things like 'what if Kurt lied' and 'what if he doesn't see me like he said' or 'what if he thinks I'm disgusting'. So it kinda sounds to me like the guy feels like he isn't worth shit right now," Santana finished.

Oh god. Oh my god, no, Kurt thought. Blaine, baby, no.

"Oh god," Kurt ground out. "He – no…"

"Kurt, what happened to Blaine?" Mercedes asked in concern.

Kurt bit his knuckle in an attempt not to cry. "I can't tell you. It's…it's really personal. All I can…oh god, no…"

"But, what-"

"No, I can't tell you. It isn't my place to say anything. But he can't…I can't let him think that for one second. Fuck, how do I fix this?" Kurt hissed, slamming his fist down on the table.

"You could always sing him a song," came a new voice from behind Kurt.

He snapped his head around so damn fast that Kurt felt his neck crack.

"W-Wes? David? What're you guys doing here?" he asked in shock.

David nodded his head towards the door. "We're staying with Blaine for the weekend. Since his parents are out of town and he called and said he didn't feel like being alone."

"He's…he's here?"

"Yes," Wes added. "But he decided not to come in when he saw your car in the lot."

"Oh," Kurt replied sadly.

"He wants you to choose him, you know," David commented. "He's practically praying. Wishing on stars and picking up every heads up penny he finds."

"I gather he told you pretty much everything," Kurt grumbled.

"Of course he did," Wes said. "He's so in love with you and it's seriously painful to watch him pretend like he doesn't."

"You…said to sing a song?" Kurt asked hopefully.

"Definitely. While Blaine definitely likes serenading you, he'd kill to have you sing something for him."

"If I have to hear him drone on and on about how you have the voice of an angel one more time…"

"Boy won't stop playing Sarah McLachlan songs in the damn car. I'm about to slap him."

"What should I sing though?" Kurt asked.

"That's your area, Kurt," David said with a shrug. "I mean, I don't know if one song is going to put everything to rights, but it's sure as hell worth a try."

Kurt smiled gratefully. "Thank you."

"Anytime," David said, clapping Kurt on the shoulder. "And also…maybe you should get out this weekend. Don't stay stuck in your room all day. Get yourself in a better mood so that when the time comes, you won't be so mopey."

"I'm not mopey."

"You're all kinds of mopey."

"Fine," Kurt grumbled.

Wes and David bid him goodbye and picked up their coffee orders before leaving the shop.

"…And who, might I ask, were those two pieces of sexy?" Santana finally asked.

"Wes and David, they're from Dalton. They're good friends of Blaine. And don't even think about it. They have girlfriends," Kurt stopped her.

"Oh, ruin my fun," she mumbled.

Kurt stopped to think for a moment. Maybe David was right. Maybe…he should get out a bit. If he went out and had a little fun, maybe he'd get out of this (sigh) MOPEY stage then he'd be able to think more clearly about all of this.

"Speaking of fun," Kurt finally said, "do you know of any good parties this weekend?"

Everyone turned to stare in shock at Kurt.

"David's right. I need to get out of this…thing," Kurt explained.

"My little boy Kurty Hummel wants to get his party on?" Santana asked, giving a mock gasp. "Baby, I can get you drunk."

"I don't need to get wasted," Kurt said immediately. "But a couple of drinks and some loud music sound pretty good right now."

"Kurt, the last time you consumed alcohol, you threw up the guidance counselor," Rachel reminded him.

"She needed decontamination showers," Tina put in.

"I don't plan on drinking until I black out," Kurt snapped. "But I'd like to do something drastic that will help clear my head."

Rachel and Mercedes shared a nervous look.

So on Saturday night, Kurt found himself in the car with Santana, Puck, and Brittany. They were on their way to a party that Puck knew about, taking place in some barn just outside of Lima.

"So you're driving home, right?" Kurt asked Puck, wanting to clarify.

"Dude, yes. That's like, the tenth time you've asked me. Chill out."

"Well from what I understand you're usually the life of the party, not the DD," Kurt shot back. "So excuse me for wanting to make sure I come out of this alive."

"Puckerman's a good drunk driver, don't worry, Kurty," Brittany assured him, placing a hand on his knee.

"Very reassuring," Kurt grumbled.

"Kurt, stop worrying. We'll be fine," Santana said from the front seat. "Is that the place?" She pointed to a barn in the middle of a farm where multiple cars were already parked nearby.

"That's the one," Puck said, pulling up and parking. "We're not gonna have to babysit you, are we?" Puck asked Kurt. "Because you're my boy and all but…there's gonna be a lot of fine, drunk women at this party that I plan on making out with."

"I can take care of myself."

When they walked into the barn, the party was already going, music thumping rhythmically and red cups all around. Puck immediately went to get a beer, assuring Kurt that yes, by the time they were ready to leave he'd be fine. Santana and Brittany hooked pinkies with Kurt and drug him over to a trashcan filled with…something.

"What the hell's in this?" Kurt had to shout to be heard over the music.

"Don't ask," Santana said, filling a cup with the stuff and handing it to him. "Just drink and be merry!"

Kurt looked to Brittany, who was already drinking from her cup, so he shrugged and took a sip. Holy GAGA that was some of the nastiest shit he'd ever tasted in his seventeen years of life. But he soldiered on and took another sip. And another. And then another. And by the time the cup was half empty (or half filled, whichever you prefer), the taste really didn't matter all that much. So when he finished it and asked Santana to fill it up again, she just laughed and did as he asked. He was in the middle of taking another drink when the girls decided it was time to dance. He sat his cup on…was that a hay bale? What even…whatever. It didn't matter.

Because the music was loud and he could feel the beat in his chest and he was in the middle of a mass of people who were all grinding up against each other, guys and girls alike. He laughed along with Brittany and Santana, jumping up and down when it seemed like that was the cool thing to do, and acting extremely goofy when it seemed appropriate. Everybody was happy here, he thought; everybody was laughing and dancing and kissing and it didn't seem like the outside world mattered at all. Nothing mattered but the music and the rhythm and all of this. Damn, he'd been missing a lot, it seemed.

"I want my drink!" he yelled to the girls and they laughed and waved him off as he made his way through the crowd of sweaty bodies.

He finally made his way back to – ah, his drink, right where he left it, thank god. Everything was already tipsy and nice and warm, but he downed the rest of his drink in one go. This is it for the night, he told himself. No more trash can punch for me. He sat on the hay bale, leaning back and resting his weight on his arms, just feeling the music. In a corner far off, he caught a glimpse of Puck with his tongue in some random blonde's mouth and he laughed. That boy was the epitome of a party cliché. Oh and then he saw Brittany and Santana making out. Somehow that didn't come as a shock to him either.

"Hey!"

A pretty little brunette girl walked up to him, a full drink in her hand.

"You wanna dance?" she shouted at him over the thrumming of the music.

"I'm gay!" he felt the need to tell her right off. "I won't make out with you!"

She had a huge fit of laughter and took his hand, saying, "That's okay! At least I know you won't take me home and try and sleep with me!"

Kurt let the stranger drag him to the dance floor and away he went. He didn't even know what real dancing was anymore, all he knew was that he had to move so he did and it was freakin' great! The girl was laughing and he was laughing and everything was just fucking fantastic until –

Suddenly it wasn't any more.

"I think…I think I'm gonna go outside," he said to the girl.

"Okay!" she yelled and continued dancing with the boy next to her.

Kurt stumbled away from the group, his vision going in and out and his heart pounding like the wings of a hummingbird. He couldn't – where were Santana and Brittany? What was wrong with him, he hadn't…they'd know how to fix this. He searched with heavy lidded eyes but he couldn't find them! And where was Puck? Why did his friends leave him, where was he, what was going on? He stumbled towards what he thought was the open door to the barn, but he couldn't be sure because everything was so fuzzy and everything was running together and he felt so ill.

He tried to shout for Brittany or somebody, anybody, but his voice was gone and his throat was dry and he thanked everything ever for the feel of the cool wind on his face as he finally made it outside.

Oh god and the music, he couldn't stand it anymore. Everything hurt, his skin, his eyes, his bones, his muscles and what the hell was going on? He fell onto his hands and knees and had to crawl away from the barn because he couldn't take the music and the thrumming that he'd loved so much earlier and he crawled and crawled until he hit something large made out of wood that he vaguely recognized as a tree, but he wouldn't advise anyone to take his word right now. He couldn't tell what was up, down, or ass backwards because everything was just rolling together and he didn't even know people could feel like this, much less how in the fucking hell he was conscious.

Where were his friends? Where…what…he wanted to go home, but where was home?

Blaine.

Kurt managed to somehow fish his phone out of his pocket and pressed what he hoped was the number two on his speed dial.

'tunderstandpleasepleaseplease –

"Hello?" came a voice through the receiver.

"Help."

"Kurt?"

"I can't…I don't…"

"Kurt, what's wrong? Are you hurt?"

"I can't see, I can't…everything hurts, Blaine…"

"Where are you?" Blaine asked in a hard voice. "Where are you, Kurt?"

"Tree, there's a tree…"

"I don't know where the tree is."

"Music in the barn, it's so loud, I can't-"

"Music in the – Kurt are you at a party?"

"Yes! Please, help!"

"Where's the party, Kurt? I can't help you unless you tell me where the party is."

"In a barn in a field…"

"Are you at that guy's party outside of Lima? The one everyone was talking about last week?"

"Yes! Yes! Blaine, please…"

"I'm on my way. Stay by your tree, Kurt, stay right there."

"I can't…"

"Stay on the phone with me," Blaine demanded. "I should be there in like, twenty minutes."

Easier said that done, that small order. Kurt was pretty sure he just blacked out once or twice, but every time he came to he could still hear Blaine's voice in his ear. He felt the prickly grass under one of his hands and that hurt too. He pressed his face against the bark of the tree and it felt so solid and there. He'd never leave this tree. Blaine said to stay with the tree so he'd stay there. He felt like throwing up, but he couldn't move or get his fucking throat to work anymore. Where was everybody? Why was he alone? Was he alone? Where the fuck did the sky go? He could barely hear Blaine screaming at him through the phone but it didn't matter because he was on the ground, but he was still by his tree and Blaine said to stay by the tree. He didn't know how long he'd been by that tree, but he was pretty sure it felt like eons.

Oh god, what if he'd been here for years? What if he was dead and this was hell where no one was and everything hurt like a fucking bitch and Blaine wasn't there? What if his friends had left him there ages ago and they didn't care if he couldn't see and they didn't care if there wasn't a sky? Everything was so bad. BAD, BAD, BAD BA –

"Kurt!"

Blaine.

Oh he was there. And he was warm. Oh god, he wasn't alone.

"Kurt, what's wrong? I need you to talk to me!"

But all Kurt could do was shake his head and say no, no, no.

"Come on, Kurt, we're gonna take you home."

"I can't leave the tree!"

"You can let go of the tree, I'm here now."

"No, Blaine said that I can't leave the tree, I can't leave it!"

"Baby," Blaine cooed right next to his ear, stroking his sweaty hair out of his face. "Baby, it's me, it's Blaine, I'm right here."

Kurt thought he hugged him but he couldn't be sure because there were other voices now, somewhat familiar voices. But he could only understand part of the conversation because the sounds were morphing together but Blaine was here so he let his eyes fall shut but the voices were still sort of there.

"…you think you're doing, dragging him…"

"…said he wanted to go!"

"…left him alone…drugged or some shit…at him!"

"…sorry, dude, I didn't…"

"…my house and don't you fucking argue…"

"…here, Kurt, I'm gonna pick you up now…"

And Kurt felt Blaine's strong arms all around him, every inch and he smelled familiar and he smelled sweet and he smelled like home.

Everything went black.