July 26, 2011, 5:41 a.m.
The McKlainely Series
McKlainely High Senior Year: Chapter 15
E - Words: 4,229 - Last Updated: Jul 26, 2011 Story: Complete - Chapters: 21/21 - Created: Jul 26, 2011 - Updated: Jul 26, 2011 8,072 0 1 0 0
Kurt Hummel hated hospitals. No, he decided, hate wasn't nearly a strong enough word. He absolutely despised them. He vaguely remembers seeing his mother in a hospital, but from that experience he clearly remembered the sterile scent of the waiting rooms. His father was in the hospital for days after his heart attack and then Kurt himself was stuck in a hospital for nearly a week. Blaine's words from almost precisely a year ago invaded his mind. "Because we didn't know a fucking thing…no, you do not know precisely how I felt. You didn't see how hard it was… So don't fucking sit there like some god damned princess and pretend you know every single thing that's going on in my head!"
He instantly regretted everything horrid he'd said to Blaine that day because this was agony. This…this waiting and not knowing what's going on and nobody being able to tell them a damn thing. He sat in a waiting room chair, Blaine by his side, tapping his fingers nervously and impatiently against his lover's hand. They'd been here for an hour already, having called both of their parents and made sure the hospital alerted Jared's parents. This was the same hospital Jared's father worked at as a nurse and they were able to get a hold of the man, no questions asked.
Kurt wanted to cry. He wanted to. He felt like he should cry, but right now he was far too on edge to do anything but tap his foot and avoid Blaine's glances. He didn't want to look his boyfriend in the face right now because every time he did, Blaine was looking at Kurt like he was expecting him to break out into hysterics at any moment or start blaming himself for all of this. Jared's words echoed clearly in his head. "You've got each other. You don't need me."
So yeah, maybe Kurt felt a little guilty about that part. Had Blaine and Kurt been too wrapped up in each other to notice what was going on? Were there previous signs of depression? Had Jared been acting differently, had he been more reserved and less sociable? Or did it all happen after Jared's friends had verbally abused him regarding his sexuality? Kurt thought they had made it clear when they said to call either of them if he needed any help. He couldn't figure it out and it was driving him absolutely insane and if Jared didn't pull through this –
No. Stop it, Kurt told himself. He's going to be just fine. He was still awake when the EMTs loaded him up in the ambulance. Things were going to be fine.
But where the hell were –
"Hi, we're here about Jared Barnes, our son," a woman was saying breathlessly to one of the nurses at the desk near to them. "We got a call that he-"
"Mrs. Barnes?" Blaine asked as loud as he dared.
The couple at the front desk turned to face them.
"Yes?" the woman asked.
"I'm Blaine Anderson and this is Kurt Hummel," Blaine greeted. "We – we're the ones that found Jared."
"Oh thank god!" Mrs. Barnes exclaimed in relief, rushing over to hug them both. "Thank you, thank you so much. I can't even begin to express how grateful I am. I'm Linda and this is my husband, Brian."
"It's nice to meet you both," Kurt finally said in greeting. "We still don't – don't know anything. They haven't told us how he is yet."
"I'm going to talk to some of the doctors I know," Brian Barnes said to his wife. "See if they can tell me anything."
The man disappeared from their view and Linda collapsed into a chair beside Kurt.
"All they," the woman stopped to breathe for a moment. "All they told us on the phone was that he had overdosed. Can you…can you tell me anything else."
"They were prescription sleeping pills," Kurt said dully. "We don't know how many, but it seemed like we got there just in time."
"Oh god," Linda mumbled, hanging her head in her hands. "I knew we shouldn't have left him, I knew it. He seemed okay, though. He looked a bit tired, but he just…he seemed just fine. We were only going to dinner and we promised him we'd be back soon."
"Did he…tell you?" Blaine had to ask. "Did he tell you what his friends from Kansas said?"
Linda wiped at her crying eyes with a tissue from her purse. "He told us that they didn't agree with his choice, that they were vocal about it, but he didn't tell us exactly what they said."
"They were cruel about it," Blaine told her. "They said he was disgusting and that he should die."
"Oh my god," Linda said, her breath hitching. "They – I've known them since they were children! I never thought that…oh, Jared, no…"
"We tried to talk to him," Kurt promised. "He came and told us about it on Monday before school and we tried to tell him that we were still here for him but he just kept saying that it wasn't the same."
"He's had the same group of friends since he was so little," Jared's mother explained. "They've always been such kind people. I never imagined that they could be so heartless."
"Jared did tell me that he'd never been exposed to homosexuality before he came here," Kurt pointed out. "If he wasn't, then neither were they. But they obviously weren't raised in an open-minded household like yours."
"We told him that it didn't matter," Linda cried. "I don't care if he's gay or straight or if he wanted to be celibate for the rest of his life. It didn't matter; we'd love him for who he was."
"That's very good to hear," Blaine said softly, taking Kurt's hand in his once more.
"Oh," Linda spoke, seeing their intertwined fingers. "Oh, you must be – you're the boys Jared speaks so highly of. He says you're his best friends here."
Kurt's heart swelled at the words and then it deflated because…best friends? Sure, Kurt thought they were close but he'd never imagined Jared would consider them his best friends.
"Thank you so much for making friends with him," Linda gushed. "The move was so hard on him. Even though he's almost nineteen now, sometimes I still see that unsure fifteen year old shine through."
"We're glad to be Jared's friends," Blaine replied for both he and Kurt. "He's an amazing person."
"The first day he found out you two were together, he came home and told us all about you. He was so…proud of himself for being accepting, the way we raised him to be. He said…you two were quite instrumental in helping him figure out his own sexuality."
Okay, Kurt didn't know how close Jared was to his parents, but if he told them about how Kurt and Blaine had kissed him, things were about to get really awkward.
"He said you two were the happiest couple he'd ever seen and that you were the most loving. It showed him a wider range of love, I think. I'm glad he could be so honest with us. There's nothing wrong with loving anyone, no matter their gender. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise, okay, boys?"
The couple nodded together and at that point, Brian returned and Linda stood immediately.
"Did they tell you anything?" she asked worriedly.
"They said he vomited most of it up during the ambulance ride. He was much more coherent by the time they got him here and they're making him drink liquid charcoal right now," he told his wife.
Ugh, that sounded absolutely revolting. "What – what does that do?" Kurt asked.
"It's going to soak up what was left of the pills in his system, basically. The longer it stays down, the better, but if he throws it up after having kept it down for even a little while, that'll be fine too," Brian explained. Then he seemed to figure out that he was explaining it to perfect strangers. "I'm sorry, who are you?"
"These are Jared's friends, Kurt and Blaine. They're the ones that found him," Linda said.
"Ah. Thank you, then," Brian said with genuine gratitude in his voice. "If it weren't for you…he'd…"
"It's okay, he's okay," Linda cut her husband off. "He's going to be fine, right?"
"Physically, yes. But he needs to see a therapist."
"Mr. and Mrs. Barnes?" an attendant from behind them called. "You can see your son now."
"Thank you," Brian said. "Would you boys like to see him too?"
"Yes, please. But you go in first. We'll wait out here," Kurt said.
"Alright. We'll come get you soon," Brian told them. "And thank you again. You may have very well saved our son's life."
Kurt nodded slowly to the man before they disappeared through a couple of doors. Kurt sighed deeply, his shoulders a little less heavy now that they knew their friend was alive and conscious. He finally turned to look at Blaine, who was smiling sadly.
"I love you," Blaine whispered.
Kurt returned his same exact smile. "I love you too."
While they were waiting to see Jared, both boys called their parents to keep them updated and let them know that their friend was okay.
"He's ready to see you now," Linda said as she and Brian walked through the doors. "Room 414A. And then you boys should go home and get some sleep."
They nodded their thanks and walked through the double doors and down the hall to Jared's room. Their friend lay there with an IV in his hand, looking awfully pale.
But at least he was alive.
"Hey Jared," Blaine greeted quietly, he and Kurt moving to sit in the chairs what were placed on opposite sides of the bed. "How're you doing?"
Jared shrugged and toyed with the edge of the thin blanket tucked over his form. "Okay, I guess."
"You had us worried there for a while," Kurt said softly. "Nobody would tell us what was going on. I was ready to break down the doors and find out myself."
Okay, so maybe that had been a failed attempt at humor. But Kurt had never seen his friend looking so positively sad before.
"I'm sorry," Jared whispered brokenly to the couple. "I – I can't believe you saw me like that…I-"
"Hush," Blaine said immediately. "You don't owe us an explanation."
"Actually, I'd kind of like one," Kurt said frankly.
"Kurt, I don't think-"
But Kurt didn't let him finish. "I'm not – I'm not mad at you, Jared. I'd just like to be able to understand…why. You knew that you had us. You knew that you could talk to us. I don't see how you seemed to think that…that this was your only option."
"I know that now," Jared tried to explain. "But…before, when I – when I actually took the pills…I didn't see it. I felt…so alone and so…I see you guys together and you're so – so happy together. You're perfect for each other and you support each other. And then my – my friends said those things to me and for some reason…I don't know why, I just felt so…you guys have each other. You don't need me. I mean, I almost broke you guys up once before and I just…I kept feeling like I was coming between you some how."
"You felt like the perpetual third wheel?" Blaine tried to understand. "Because that's not how we see you. I mean, I know we can be…overtly affectionate sometimes but-"
"No," Jared stopped him. "It wasn't like that. I don't even know how to explain it. I just…it was like you guys had each other and you were always there with the Glee club and they all have each other and I'm not a part of that. You guys are – you're the best friends I have now. And when my – my friends from before said those things, they were pretty much cutting me off and I knew that…you were all I had. And then I felt so stupidly alone because all I kept thinking was how you didn't need me around, it'd be better if I wasn't even there and I just kept thinking that over and over and over and…well…you saw how that turned out."
Kurt put his hand on top of Jared's to stop him from picking at the blanket. Jared finally lifted his eyes to look at Kurt. "And now what do you think?"
Jared's light eyes filled with tears. "I think that you cared enough to come check on me and if – if you hadn't…I'd be dead now."
"We'll always be here," Blaine said with conviction. "We were worried for three days. We tried to contact you and you stopped replying. Kurt thought it was his fault."
"Oh thank you, Blaine, I'm pretty sure I told you that in confidence," Kurt snapped.
"Well you need to hear it directly from the source. Because I refuse to let you beat yourself up over this and I refuse to let you draw into yourself and pull away from me," his lover said bluntly.
"Kurt, how could you…" Jared began, slightly shocked. "No, none of this – this has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with me and my stupidity, but you did nothing wrong."
"I just…I figured maybe I'd forced you…into all of this."
"Into what? Being gay?" Jared asked.
Kurt nodded sadly.
"No," Jared said emphatically, turning his hand over so that he could squeeze Kurt's tightly. "You showed me what I couldn't see before. I wasn't – wasn't even aware that was a choice. You helped me realize what I – who I truly am. But you didn't force me into anything. Don't think that. Please don't think that. Because that's not what I think at all."
Kurt had to clear his throat before speaking. "Okay."
"Promise me," Jared said. "Promise me you won't think that."
"I promise," Kurt said softly, nodding his head.
"Okay, Mr. Barnes needs his rest now," a nurse said as she walked in.
"When will he be released?" Blaine wondered.
"We'll want to keep him overnight under suicide watch, but he should be free to go tomorrow," the nurse told them as she checked Jared's IV. "Probably sometime in the morning."
Blaine nodded and stood, Kurt following suit. "We'll see you tomorrow," Blaine said to Jared. "We'll probably stop by your house after rehearsal, I don't think we'll be able to get here before you get released." Blaine bent down to press a kiss to Jared's forehead. "Sleep well."
Kurt leaned over Jared as well, kissing his cheek. "We're always here. No matter what."
"Thank you," Jared whispered. "I'll see you guys."
"Yes, you will," Kurt replied with a smile as Blaine grabbed his hand.
The walked out of the room and back down the hall, bidding his parents farewell and letting them know they'd be dropping by to see their friend at home the next day.
When they arrived at Kurt's house, they crawled into Kurt's bed and let themselves cry the tears they'd been holding back all night. They held each other throughout the sobs and kissed each other's faces until they fell asleep together.
Things were going to be okay.
"Kurt, Regionals is tomorrow," Mr. Schuester reminded him the next day in the beginning of Glee class. "Today is the last chance we have to rehearse. I don't know why you want us to learn this song now."
"When I explain the situation, I expect you'll be on board as well," Kurt said primly, not willing to back down an inch.
Mr. Schue sighed and motioned his hand to give Kurt the floor to speak.
"What's going on?" Mercedes wondered.
"We, as in Blaine and I," Kurt said gesturing to his boyfriend who stood as well and moved to stand beside him, "need your help."
"There's a song we want to perform for a friend after rehearsal today," Blaine added. "And we'd really appreciate it if you guys would come with us."
"What?" Rachel asked in outrage. "You want us to learn another song? The competition is tomorrow, we don't have time to-"
"Rachel," Kurt said as levelly as he could. "Believe it or not, we do understand the significance of the day of the week. However, this is something that needs to be done. A friend of ours, of all of ours, needs our support."
"Does this have anything to do with Jared?" Quinn asked.
"Oh yeah, he hasn't been here at lunch all week," Tina recalled. "What happened to him?"
"Jared…Jared was in the hospital last night," Blaine began.
"What? Is he okay?" Santana asked in concern.
"Are we going to go visit him there?" asked Puck.
"He's not in the hospital anymore, he was released this morning," Blaine continued to explain. "He…we hadn't heard from him since Monday, so we went and checked on him last night at his house."
"When we found him…he had – he overdosed, intentionally, on some sleeping pills," Kurt told the group.
"Oh no," Rachel gasped, her hand coming to her mouth.
"Wait," Mr. Schue interrupted. "Jared attempted suicide? Jared Barnes? From my Spanish class?"
"Yes," Kurt confirmed. "We called an ambulance and they got him to the hospital in time to get the drugs out of his system. But he had to stay overnight under suicide watch."
"But he's okay, right?" Brittany asked. "He's okay?"
"Yeah, Brittany, he's okay," Blaine told the tearful girl. "There were just some really bad things that happened in his life that he wasn't able to handle, and he didn't feel like he could reach out to anyone."
"Dude, that sucks," Finn put in. "What song are we gonna sing?"
"I'm assuming we're going to his house, then, since he's not at the hospital anymore?" Quinn wondered.
"Yes," Kurt answered. "And we have the perfect song."
Hours later, after rehearsing the song that Blaine and Kurt had chosen and polishing up their Regionals routine, the entire Glee club stood in Jared's living room. Jared was seated on the sofa, his parents on either side of him, and Puck sat in a chair with his guitar in his hands.
"We're sorry to bring so many people into your home," Blaine apologized. "But we all wanted to show Jared some support in the form of song."
"It's kind of what we do best," Kurt added. "So Jared, this is for you. We love you. And we're all here for you."
"Damn straight," Puck said from his chair. "Uh…I mean…yeah."
"Lovely," Kurt drawled.
Puck played the opening chords to the song and Blaine and Kurt stepped out in front of the group to take the lead.
Here comes the sun,
Here comes the sun,
And I say
It's all right
Little darling,
It's been a long, cold lonely winter,
Little darling,
It feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun,
Here comes the sun,
And I say
It's all right
Little darling,
The smiles returning to the faces,
Little darling,
It seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun,
Here comes the sun,
And I say
It's all right
For the small music break, Kurt pulled Jared so his feet and twirled his around, glad to see his friend smiling again. He and Blaine brought him to stand in between him, laughing as he turned beet red before everyone joined in on the song.
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Little darling,
I feel that ice is slowly melting,
Little darling,
It seems like years since it's been clear
Here comes the sun,
Here comes the sun,
And I say
It's all right
Here comes the sun,
Here comes the sun,
It's all right
It's all right
As the song drew to a close, Jared had tears in his eyes once more, as did his parents who were clapping furiously. Blaine and Kurt enveloped him in a strong hug, which caused the rest of the Glee club to gather around them so it turned into a massive cluster of hugging, tearful choir kids, with Jared at the center of it all.
The only thought on Jared's mind was how happy he was to have friends again. And these friends would be the ones he'd keep in contact with when high school was over.
On Friday afternoon, New Directions drove home from Regionals with another huge trophy to add to their collection, huge smiling faces, and light hearts.
For the first time, they'd be going to Nationals.
In New York Fucking City.
Everyone was of the mind to go to Blaine's house that night for a party, but when Blaine called his parents to see if it was okay, his smiled dropped.
"…O-okay, mom. No, it's…how long are they staying?" he asked into the receiver. "What? What to do you mean undetermined?"
Kurt shot Blaine a curious glance but Blaine turned his back on him.
"Okay. Mom I…I don't want to come home tonight," Blaine told his mother. "No, I just want to have fun with my friends for one more night. You know I can't bring…yes, I'll be home tomorrow. I'll be at Kurt's….yeah, I love you too. Bye." He hung up.
"Can we have the party at your house instead?" Blaine asked his boyfriend.
"I'll call and ask," Finn put in, pulling out his phone and walking away from the group so he could dial his mother.
"What's wrong?" Kurt asked.
"I'll tell you in the car. Either way, is it okay if I stay at your place tonight?"
"Of course," Kurt said swiftly, taking one of Blaine's hands in his own.
"Mom and dad said it was fine for everyone to come over for a while," Finn told them, sliding his phone back in his pocket.
Kurt didn't know why his and Blaine's houses always ended up being the go-to party places, but Kurt decided not to question that when he was in the car with Blaine on their way home.
"My grandparents are in town," Blaine finally explained. "My mom said they came because they realized it was my eighteenth birthday last weekend and…well, I'm assuming they're here to give me all the paperwork and stuff that goes along with my inheritance. They've never showed up for my birthday before."
"How long will they be here?" Kurt asked, dreading the answer.
"Undetermined," Blaine replied with a bit of venom in his voice. "I'm sick of this. I'm sick of – of hiding who I am. I don't even want their money. They can burn it for all I care. Or give it to charity. But I don't need it. I don't need it to pay for school, I don't need it to buy a car or a house. And my parents are just fine without their money too. They don't even use the inheritance my dad has. It's all in savings, accruing interest, or it's in bonds."
"Blaine, it's okay."
"No it isn't," Blaine said forcefully. "That whole week they were here last time was fucking torture. I hated not seeing you and we barely got to talk because they always wanted me around and – ugh. I'm tired of it. I don't want to do it anymore."
"But you said you didn't…you didn't want anything to happen to your dad."
Blaine went quiet for a few moments before speaking. "He's…I'll talk to them. I'll tell them tomorrow that I'm tired of being someone I'm not. If they…if they don't think it'll hurt them in any way, I'm telling my grandparents and they can fuck off back to England and I'll be rid of them for good."
"Your grandparents live in England?"
"Yeah. In some country castle thing."
"Oh, right, I forgot about the castle."
"I've only been there once," Blaine said. "And it was the most stifling environment I've ever been subjected to in my life."
"I'm sorry," Kurt said quietly.
Blaine sighed and moved his hand from the steering wheel over to Kurt's thigh. "No, I'm sorry. I don't mean – I'm just venting. You have nothing to do with it."
"I know," Kurt said, covering Blaine's hand with his own. "I still feel bad for you. I wish I could do something to help."
"…Will you come with me?" Blaine asked nervously. "If…if my parents say it's okay, will you…will you be there when I tell them?"
Kurt's heart stopped beating for about half a second, he was pretty sure. This was kind of a big deal. He didn't know if he could handle the harsh words Blaine's grandparents were sure to throw at them.
"I – I don't know, I'm…"
"No. God, I'm sorry, that was a horrible thing to ask," Blaine apologized as they pulled next to the curb in front of Kurt's house.
"If you really want-"
Blaine undid his seatbelt and turned to face his boyfriend, framing both sides of Kurt's face with his hands. "Stop. No. I've been going on about how awful they are and then I asked – no. I don't want you to have to deal with that. It's not your place. They would say disgusting things about you and I refuse to let them. I love you way too much to put you through that. I shouldn't have even asked."
Kurt covered Blaine's hands around his face with his. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I just…I don't think…"
"It's okay," Blaine leaned over and kissed Kurt's forehead. "I'm not going to get you into that situation. They're my family. I'll deal with it. But if I wind up at your house that night or call you crying, don't be surprised."
"Okay," Kurt whispered.
Blaine offered Kurt a small smile. "Now let's go celebrate. Because we are going to Nationals in May and it's going to be fucking awesome."
That night, after a riveting round of slightly intoxicated sex (Kurt may have kept a few bottles of vodka from the party last month, and he and Blaine maybe possibly indulged in a few shots after everyone went home), the boys fell into a deep sleep. Though Kurt's heart was a little heavier.
Comments
Whenever I hear Here Comes The Sun, I either cry or feel like crying! I love this fic so much, and it has actually touched me. I downloaded the song on my IPod and I'm in tears a lot! I love it