Kurt misses work and he gets multiple text messages from Caroline wondering where the fuck he's at. After the seventh message, Kurt finally texts her back and says no, he will not be in today. He turns his phone off.

He's been lying in bed, clutching that pillow for over two hours now and all he wants to know is why. Why did he leave him? Why did he leave without a word? Kurt thought he was happy, he thought they were okay, he thought everything had been resolved and they could get back together. If not, then why had Blaine said 'I only want you, it's always been you'? Why did he say all those amazing things? Kurt keeps thinking back to Blaine's words, trying to see if there was something he'd missed.

Oh.

Oh god.

He'd never said it back. He never told Kurt that he loved him back

Kurt had poured his heart out, professed a love that had been clouding his mind for so many years now and he never thought that…

So Blaine didn't…didn't love him?

Was that it?

Oh god, and now his chest aches even more and he doesn't…doesn't know what to do. Why does everything hurt so badly?

If he didn't love him, then why did he…why did they have sex?

Ugh, Kurt wants to hit himself. People have sex without love all the time, he thinks. He's sure done it plenty. But why did it seem so different with Blaine? Why did it feel different?

Why did it feel like they'd somehow been pieced back together after five torturous years?

Why did Blaine hold him so close when they'd fallen asleep? Why did he wake once in the middle of the night to feel Blaine pressing soft, precious kisses to the back of his neck? Why did Blaine's hands feel so right in his when Kurt held them?

Why did Blaine's eyes seem to light up at the mere sight of him yesterday when he'd shown up at the coffee shop?

Why did Blaine hug him and hold him like it was just them, like they were the only two people in this world?

He's driving himself fucking insane with all of these thoughts, with all of these unanswered questions and he almost misses the sound of someone knocking on the front door.

Kurt sniffles, wipes a few of the tears from his face, and hauls himself out of bed. It's then that he realizes, oh fucking hell, he's still naked after his shower, so he pulls on the first pair of jeans that he sees and pads tiredly to the front door. He's fully expecting to see Caroline standing there on his doorstep with a bag of chocolate and a chick flick, but when he opens the door…

His heart stops.

There, with both hands braced against the doorframe and head angled down, stands Blaine Anderson with his backpack on his shoulders.

Kurt chokes out a sudden sob and then his voice leaves him.

"I've been sitting at the bus stop for hours," Blaine begins to say, "After I brought back the flower." He keeps his head down and Kurt can't see his eyes. "I don't know how many busses stopped there but I…I couldn't bring myself to get on any of them."

Kurt still doesn't speak but he finds more tears rolling down his cheeks, his eyes rimmed red and he's frozen on the spot.

Blaine finally lifts his head to look at Kurt.

Kurt sees that Blaine, too, is crying and his face is pale. Blaine's wet, hazel eyes search Kurt's face, taking him in and Kurt hopes he sees how sad he is, how terribly miserable Blaine had made him.

"You don't…Kurt…you scare the shit out of me," Blaine admits quietly, his hands still braced on the doorframe. "You scared me when we were teenagers and you scare me even more now."

Kurt opens his mouth to say 'what the fuck are you talking about, you asshole' but nothing comes out.

"I've never, in my life, felt so strongly about another person. I didn't…didn't understand it, I didn't know why I felt so lost without you. When we were together and I'd be lying in bed at night alone, all I could think was that I felt so lonely and so…incomplete without you by my side all the time and it isn't…it wasn't healthy for me to think that, especially since we were so young. I didn't understand how I could feel so…and you…just seeing you, being this close to you…I don't know how to handle all the things I feel. And you're not even the same person, you're different and you're…your heart is harder. And I know, I know it's because of me, because I left you the way I did. The reason I know is because I felt the same thing."

Kurt is finally able to speak, though his voice comes out tear-rough and weak. "How did you feel?"

"Like a part of me had died," Blaine confesses. "Like one half of my soul had been sliced out of me and thrown carelessly into a mass grave or something. Like life was over. And I couldn't handle it."

"So that's why you never contacted me?" Kurt asks, not in a cruel manner, not sarcastically. He's simply wondering.

"I felt like I was addicted to you, to your presence," Blaine tries to explain. "You were in my veins. I didn't know that…people could feel like that. I thought it wasn't natural, I thought something was wrong with me."

"And today?" Kurt whispers. "Why did you leave me today? This morning?"

Blaine looks him dead in the eye, his gaze unwavering and he almost looks terrified but Kurt can't be sure.

"Because I thought I was finally over you. But with one night you dragged me under again. And I'm in even deeper now and all I can see is you," Blaine says softly, reaching out a timid hand to caress Kurt's tear stained cheek. "I can't stay away from you anymore. I tried and I can't…when I was sitting there, on that bench at the bus stop, I felt like I was making the biggest mistake of my life."

"So it's…it wasn't because you don't love me?" Kurt has to ask.

Blaine's face crumples and he begins to cry harder. He finally steps inside, shrugs his backpack off, drops it to the floor, and frames Kurt's too-sad face with his hands.

"No, Kurt," Blaine says through his tears, shaking his head. "I've always loved you. I loved you then and I love you now and I'll love you until…until forever, I think. You're a part of me."

Kurt's legs give out from under him but Blaine is there, he's right there and they fall to the ground together, sobbing together, arms wound tight around each other's bodies.

"You can't do that again," Kurt whispers, ashamed of how pathetic he sounds and ashamed of how desperate he feels. "You can't do that to me."

"I won't," Blaine promises, kissing Kurt's temple. "I won't, I swear."

"You just…left. I didn't…didn't know what to do."

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Blaine cries into Kurt's hair. "I never want to hurt you, I'm sorry."

Kurt nods against Blaine's neck, breathing him in and just holding him there in his lungs. He's almost afraid to exhale because he thinks he'll wake up from a dream and Blaine won't really be there, on his floor, holding him tight. Kurt is sort of mad at himself for falling so hard, for loving so fiercely and he wishes he could bring his sarcastic front back up but it seems to have fallen away and his feelings for the man whose arms were wound around him so securely had taken its place.

They spend the entire day in bed together and Kurt decides Blaine looks just as beautiful with the sun on his skin, that same sunshine tipping through the window he'd despised so much earlier, as he does in the moonlight.

They take their time re-learning and memorizing each other. Kurt lets his fingers brush ever so slightly against Blaine's sun-warm skin, kissing places he might have missed the night before because he wants all of Blaine, every last inch.

The room is filled with soft, sweet sighs and long, breathless moans and the names 'Kurt' and 'Blaine' melt into the walls, into the floor, into the closet and into that shoebox Kurt hides away from the world.

They speak of the past and of the future. Blaine tells him he didn't kiss Kevin. Kevin had kissed him and he was very drunk and very shocked and he tried to push him away. Kurt says he remembers seeing his hands against Kevin's chest as if he were about to do exactly that. Blaine says he only wants to kiss Kurt for the rest of his life because he thinks Kurt tastes like every good memory, every perfect sunset, every slow snowfall, and every beautiful song. Kurt says they can go to Napa Valley together and they can drink all the wine they want. Blaine says they can travel together and he'd make sure Kurt had a backpack just like his. Kurt plans on telling Caroline tomorrow that he's taking a prolonged leave of absence and no, he's not sure when he'll come back but yes, he'll be back eventually because Blaine wants to hear him sing in the coffee shop again. He promises he'll stay for the whole set list next time.

"You left that flower," Kurt whispers when night falls and their legs are intertwined beneath a cool set of sheets.

"I was afraid you'd forget me," Blaine admits, pulling Kurt closer, tilting Kurt's head up with a single finger from where it lay on his chest in order to press a deep kiss to his lips.

"I could never forget you," Kurt tells him. "You're unforgettable."

And suddenly, that too small, almost dingy apartment doesn't seem dingy at all and maybe it feels a little smaller, sure, but that's because it's filled with something like hope.

And hope takes up a lot of space, you know, because it scares away all the bad things in the world and it makes you feel a little lighter, a little better, and a little more loved.

End.