The next day passed in a blur. Despite Blaine's euphoria at his and Kurt's relationship going to the next level, there was the feeling of cold, hard dread knotting around his stomach. His mother's funeral was scheduled for the following day and he was, once again, taking the day off school. But he didn't care – if the teachers actually thought he'd be able to concentrate, they had another thing coming. Blaine was distracted for the whole day before the funeral, unable to focus on one thing. He didn't even realise that Mr Schue had given him and Kurt a duet for Nationals until Kurt repeated it to him a few minutes later, in a soft voice. He had tried to smile, he really had, but it was impossible.

Principal Figgins had granted Blaine the day of the funeral off, but had refused to allow Kurt to be with him. Kurt wasn't going to let it stop him. He had argued for hours with the Principal, saying that it was unfair to let a seventeen year old to go through it alone. But Figgins had still refused, claiming that Kurt had already taken too much time off school.

"Don't worry about it sweetie," Kurt said when they were lying in bed that night. "I'm not going to school tomorrow. I'm not going to leave you."

Blaine sniffed. "I'm just scared. I can't do this alone."

Those words broke Kurt's heart. He wrapped his arms around Blaine's waist and pulled him closer. "Blaine Anderson, you listen to me. You're not going to be alone, okay? I'm going to be right next to you, holding your hand the entire time. If you want me to stay with you when you sing, then I will. I'll sit next to you and I'll hold you. I won't let you be alone."

For some reason, these words made Blaine cry even harder. Kurt let out a soft sigh and kissed his forehead softly. He moved his hand to Blaine's face and traced the track of tears with his fingertips.

"Go to sleep baby," he whispered. "I'll be right here when you wake up."

Blaine gave a small nod and closed his eyes. It took a while but eventually, his breathing slowed and he drifted off to sleep. Kurt waited for a little while and once he was positive Blaine wouldn't wake up, he slipped out of bed. The other boy pouted a little, but he didn't stir. Kurt tiptoed out of the bedroom, dialling a number on his phone as he went.

"What do you want Kurt?"

"Hello to you too Rachel," he said, rolling his eyes.

"You haven't phoned me in over a year… what do you want?" She repeated.

"Is everyone still coming tomorrow?"

"Yes of course. Why, don't you want us to go? Because if you do then that's not fair, we want to support Blaine as much as you do-"

"Shut up, will you? I'm not asking you to stay away. Blaine's upset and I just wanted to make sure. He's convinced he's alone in all of this."

"Have you told him that he isn't?"

"What do you think?" Kurt snapped. "Of course I've told him that. But that doesn't stop him from being upset. This is hard for him."

"Okay, I'm sorry… Yes Kurt, we're going to be there tomorrow. He doesn't know, does he?"

"No, I haven't told him. I think it'll be nice to surprise him and let him know he has us."

"Okay good. Um… are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Just trying to make conversation…"

Kurt pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and finger and let out a sigh. "Sorry I just… I don't usually do phone calls, you know?"

"You used to when we were friends."

"I know. People change."

Rachel was silent for a minute. When she spoke again, her voice was soft. "What happened to us Kurt? We used to be such good friends. You used to tell me everything."

"People change," he repeated, although it wasn't as harsh as before. "I'm not the same person that I used to be. I've changed, Rachel."

"I know you have… Listen, I have to go, I don't want to oversleep tomorrow. Kurt?"

"Yes?"

"I still love you, okay? Even if you don't like me anymore, I still think of you as my friend. Bye."

She hung up. Kurt put his phone back in his pocket and let out a long breath. Rachel was right – they hadbeen good friends, best friends even. But then Karofsky happened and Kurt had pushed everyone away. Yes, it would be nice to be friends with her again, to go back to the way things were but he was a different person. Kurt liked people avoiding him. He was no longer bullied, he didn't have to worry about being thrown in the dumpsters or having slushies thrown at him when he walked down the corridor. He mentally shook himself – he really didn't want to think about it, not now. With another sigh, he went back into his bedroom and slipped into bed beside Blaine. The other boy immediately put his arms around him, still asleep, and Kurt smiled.

Blaine woke early. A glance at the clock on the wall told him it was four in the morning. He got up slowly, running his hands through his hair. At first he couldn't understand why he felt so bad or why his eyes were aching. Then he remembered. The realisation hit him like a ton of bricks. The funeral was in a few hours.

Before he knew what was happening, Blaine was sat on the bathroom floor, his breathing harsh. How had he even ended up in the bathroom?! He had no idea. The one thing he did know was that he was panicking and he had no way of stopping it. He tried thinking of positive things – the fact his father could never hurt him again, Cooper returning to Ohio just to be with him, Kurt being… well, Kurt. But none of it stayed in his mind for long, his pain and his fear overtaking them.

Blaine squeezed his eyes shut as tightly as he could. What the fuck was going on with him? His panic attacks had never been this bad before. He could literally feel the breath being stolen from his lungs, his ribs protesting furiously. Blaine felt like his head was being split in two; was he going insane? His mind was screaming different things at him, and he had no idea what to make of it.

Your mamma left. She abandoned you.

No, she didn't abandon you. She did what she felt was right.

Her funeral is today; surely you can get closure and move on now?

You've been happy. Do you know how disgusting that is? You're happy when your mamma is dead. You were happy to sleep with your boyfriend and go for a meal with his family, when any normal person would be grieving?! She would be disappointed in you.

Maybe you did deserve what your father gave you.

"NO!" Blaine screamed, banging his head on the wall behind him. The action made his head go fuzzy but it made him feel better. He did it again and seemed to calm slightly.

"Blaine," a soft, musical voice said. "What are you-? Blaine!"

The voice sounded confused, scared even. But Blaine didn't seem to have the energy to open his eyes and see. He knew it was Kurt, he wasn't stupid. But he didn't understand why he was there.

"Blaine, what's happening? Come on baby, you need to sit up. Can you do that for me?"

Very slowly, Blaine opened his eyes. He was lying on the bathroom floor. When had he lay down?! He was sat up only a few minutes ago. Kurt was kneeling beside him, biting his lip. He helped him into a sitting position with gentle hands. Blaine tried to speak, but the second he opened his mouth, air came rushing out in a long, harsh breath.

"It's okay Blaine," Kurt whispered, brushing his lips against his forehead. "Just focus on me and breathe. Can you do that? Take deep breaths and try to relax. I've got you."

How was Blaine supposed to take deep breaths when it was impossible to get his lungs to work? He tried breathing in, only for the air to get lodged in his throat. He knew that there wasn't enough oxygen getting to his lungs, and it was painful. It was almost like he was being crushed from inside.

Blaine heard Kurt humming quietly and tried to focus on the sounds. He listened as carefully as he could over his harsh breathing, closing his eyes. He had no idea what Kurt was humming, but it was beautiful. Blaine could feel his hand and squeezed it.

"That's right honey," Kurt whispered. "Squeeze my hand. Count how many times you squeeze it in your head, alright? Focus on that for me Blaine."

He tried to nod, but it made him feel even dizzier. So Blaine did as Kurt said; he squeezed his hand and counted how many times he'd done it. Blaine could feel his body shaking and his chest shudder every time he took a breath but he knew that slowly, his panic attack was subsiding.

"That's it, keep squeezing. You're doing brilliantly."

"Kurt," he managed to gasp with enormous effort.

"I'm here Blaine, I'm right here."

"Kurt." It was almost a whine. Blaine squeezed the hand even tighter and closed his eyes again, focusing on the still-frantic rise and fall of his chest.

"What is it? What do you need?"

"Love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," Kurt said, kissing his forehead once again.

At Kurt's words, Blaine's breathing slowed to an almost-normal rate. He sat up straighter, still clutching Kurt's hand like it was a lifeline.

"Thank you," he said quietly.

"You don't have to thank me. How many times did you count?"

"Seven hundred and forty-three."

"Damn, that's pretty… impressive."

Blaine managed a small smile. "Did you find me like… that?"

Kurt nodded. "I was half-awake when you got out of bed, but I didn't really do anything. I thought you were just going toilet or something. But then I heard you breathing funny."

"And then?"

"Then you screamed. So I came in and you were just lying on the floor. I didn't know what had happened, but I could see you were having a panic attack."

"It's never been that bad before," Blaine whispered. "I couldn't breathe." He wiped away his tears, his fingers still trembling slightly.

"You're okay now," Kurt said, wrapping his arms around him. "I've got you. Do you want to go back to bed?" Blaine shook his head. "What do you want to do then? The service doesn't start until nine."

"I… I don't really feel like doing anything Kurt. I'm going to lie down for a while; you don't have to stay with me if you don't want to."

"Don't be ridiculous Blaine. I'm not going to leave your side."

"You w-won't?"

"I promise."

Blaine gave a grateful nod and allowed Kurt to help him to his feet. They went back into the bedroom and climbed into bed. Kurt wrapped his arms around the younger boy, kissing the top of his head gently. Blaine gave a small smile at the feeling and rested his head on Kurt's chest, closing his eyes. He felt safe in his arms, even though he was in pain. Kurt started humming softly, making Blaine smile again.

"Should I go and get them?"

Carole glanced over to where Cooper was sitting and gave a soft sigh. The older Anderson sibling had been at their house for several hours; he was already in his suit, ready for the funeral. In all the times she had seen him, whether it be face-to-face, or on TV, Carole had never seen Cooper look so… lost. She looked at her watch and gave a nod.

"I think they're in the basement. It's their bedroom," she added when he looked confused.

Cooper nodded and got to his feet, giving her a small smile. He went down the stairs slowly and knocked on the door in front of him. He heard Kurt's voice answer the knock and entered the room. Despite everything, Cooper couldn't help but smile at the sight before him. Kurt and Blaine had already changed into their suits and were half-lying, half-sitting on the bed. Kurt had his arms around Blaine and was holding him close.

"Cooper?" Blaine said, sitting a little straighter. "What are you doing here?"

"Burt phoned me last night. He's going to give me a lift to mamma's funeral."

"What about Sean?"

"Who?" Kurt said, frowning.

"My best friend," Cooper answered Kurt. "He's meeting us at the church."

"Is… is it time to go?" He asked quietly. When Cooper nodded he gave a shaky sigh and got to his feet. He glanced at his reflection in the mirror and straightened his bowtie, his fingers trembling.

"We'll be up in a minute Cooper," Kurt said.

The older Anderson brother raised his eyebrow, but left without saying a word. As soon as he did, Kurt moved to Blaine's side. He could see just how much Blaine was holding back, not wanting to release his grief. There were unshed tears in his eyes and his bottom lip was trembling.

"Come on sweetie," he said softly. "It's okay to be upset."

Kurt's words were his undoing. The tears finally fell from Blaine's eyes as he allowed himself to be embraced by his boyfriend.

"I just c-can't believe today's the day. My mamma's g-gone forever. I'm never going to see her again."

"I know it's hard, but she wouldn't want you to be like this. She-"

"How would you know?! You didn't know her. You didn't sit with her when she was happy, listening to her talk about things. You didn't sit for hours trying to calm her down when she was upset, terrified that my dad was going to hurt her. You didn't know her, Kurt!"

Kurt looked as though he'd been slapped and Blaine immediately regretted his outburst. He expected Kurt to let go of him and go upstairs. What he didn't expect was for him to tighten his grip and plant a gentle kiss on his forehead.

"I'm sorry Blaine," he whispered. "You're right, I didn't know her. But I know you. Cooper told me that you have a really similar personality to her. If it was your funeral and not hers, you wouldn't want her to be upset, would you?"

"N-No," he said, bowing his head.

"Exactly. I'm sorry this is happening to you, Blaine. I'm just trying to help you sweetie."

"I… I'm sorry Kurt. This is just so hard."

"I know it is. But I'm not going to leave your side, alright? I'm here for you."

"Th-Thank you," Blaine said, his voice barely more than a whisper.

"We have to leave," Kurt said gently. "Are you ready for this?"

"No. But I don't think I'll ever be."

Kurt gave him a small, sympathetic smile and took hold of his hand. Together, they walked out of Kurt's bedroom and up the stairs. They found Cooper in the living room, sat with Carole, Burt and Finn, obviously waiting for them.

"You boys all ready to go?" Burt asked kindly. They nodded silently and he stood. "Okay then. Kurt, is it alright if we all go in your car?"

Kurt gave a shrug. The six of them headed outside and climbed into Kurt's Navigator. The car journey was tense; Kurt had refused to drive, choosing to sit in the back, between Cooper and Blaine. He kept hold of the younger boy's hand, murmuring soft words of comfort. Cooper stared out of the window the whole time, his hands clenched into fists.

After what seemed like an age, they reached the church. Blaine looked up at the building and took a deep breath. He knew he had to stay strong, for Cooper's sake as well as his own. He gave his older brother a small smile, relieved when he smiled back before disappearing into the building, followed by Burt, Carole and Finn.

"Blaine, Kurt!"

They turned to see Nick and Jeff walking towards them, both wearing black suits. As soon as they reached Kurt and Blaine, they pulled both of them into a tight hug.

"You c-came," Blaine managed to say, his voice thick with unshed tears.

"Of course we did Blaine Warbler," Jeff said, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

"We're your best friends, we're here for you," said Nick.

"Thank you."

"Come on Blaine," Kurt said softly. "We should be getting inside. I take it you guys are sitting with us?"

Nick and Jeff nodded. Blaine didn't miss the way they glanced at Kurt, nor did he miss when Kurt gave a small, almost invisible nod. He frowned, but Kurt gave him a light nudge and he cleared the thought from his mind, walking into the church.

Blaine looked around the people gathered, his jaw dropping. It wasn't the nine people he'd originally thought. The room was almost full – Cooper was sat with Rose and his best friend Sean, who'd flown in from New York. Burt and Carole were also there, talking to the man who was going to run the ceremony. But what surprised Blaine most was the group of teenagers, filling up five rows on their own - both the New Directions and the Warblers were there. They turned and smiled at the sight of Blaine. Rachel got up and hugged him tightly around the middle without saying anything. Santana also got to her feet and pulled Blaine into a hug.

"How you holding up, tribrows?" She asked in an unusually soft voice.

Blaine couldn't help but smile at the nickname. She'd said it so often, it was normal to him now.

"What are you all doing here?" He asked. Blaine was positive that none of them had permission to be away from school. But he also realised that they didn't care.

"We're here for you," Thad said from his seat beside David. "You didn't actually expect us to let you do this on your own, did you?"

"We're here to support you," said Sam.

"Thank you," Blaine said gratefully, his tears finally spilling over. "You have no idea how much this means to me."

Kurt squeezed his hand gently and led him to his seat at the front.

"You ready?" He asked softly. Blaine turned to look at him, finally dropping all pretence.

"No," he whimpered. "I promised Cooper I'd sing this song I've been working on, but it isn't ready. I don't want to disappoint him Kurt, not today of all days."

"Hey, shh," He said, giving Blaine's hand another squeeze. "Cooper isn't going to be disappointed in you for not singing it. He loves you, I can see that. Your mamma loved you, I'm sure she would just like to hear you sing. It doesn't matter what song you decide to do Blaine."

He took several deep, calming breaths before nodding. "Okay… I know what I'm going to do."

Blaine's head was fuzzy. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the coffin, where he knew his mother was lying just inside. Out of the corner of his eye, Blaine saw the man running the service get to his feet and start talking, but none of his words seemed to go in. Maybe his ears had stopped working. No, he knew that wasn't true, because he could hear the shuddering breaths that came from Cooper as he tried to keep his tears at bay. He tried to pay attention when his older brother got up to speak, but he couldn't. He did, however, manage to catch the odd phrase, such as "had a heart of gold", and "loved us more than we ever deserved, and for that we love her".

Too soon for his liking, Blaine was at the front of the room. He took his seat at the baby grand piano, just off to the side, took a deep breath and started to sing.

"I will remember you, will you remember me?

Don't let your life pass you by

Weep not for the memories

Remember the good times that we had?

I let them slip away from us when things got bad

How clearly I first saw you smiling in the sun

Want to feel your warmth upon me; I want to be the one

I will remember you, will you remember me?

Don't let your life pass you by

Weep not for the memories."

Blaine opened his eyes and looked out at the people in the room. Kurt was crying silently, tears glazing his face. Cooper was now a wreck, his chest heaving with sobs, curled into Sean's arms. Carole had tears falling from her eyes and Burt had his hand on her knee, also trying not to cry. Every member of the New Directions and everyone in the Warblers was crying too. For the first time, everyone in the room could see just how much pain Blaine was in, just how much losing his mother had hurt him. He turned his gaze away from the crowd, settling it on the coffin in front of him.

"I'm so tired but I can't sleep,

Standing on the edge of something much too deep

It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word

We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard

But I will remember you, will you remember me?

Don't let your life pass you by

Weep not for the memories

I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose

Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose

Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night

You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

And I will remember you, will you remember me?

Don't let your life pass you by

Weep not for the memories."

Blaine took a deep breath, looking back at Kurt. His voice was breaking in odd places and he was thankful that the song was almost finished, because he had no idea how much longer he could keep going. There were tears falling thick and fast from his eyes as he sang the final words of the song in a voice much softer than before.

"And I will remember you

Will you remember me?

Don't let your life pass you by

Weep not for the memories

Weep not for the memories."

He pressed the final key down and let out a strangled sob. Immediately, Kurt stood and moved beside him, taking him into his arms. Blaine finally allowed himself to cry, wrapping his arms around Kurt.

"Listen to me sweetie," Kurt said in a low whisper. "You need to sit down. I have to do something for you, but you need to go back to your seat, alright? Can you do that for me?"

Blaine gave a small nod and allowed Kurt to lead him back to his seat. Once he was settled, Kurt moved to the front of the church. Blaine raised an eyebrow, bewildered. He looked at Cooper for an answer, but saw his own confusion reflected in his face. Blaine turned his attention back to Kurt, who opened his mouth to sing into the silence.

"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me

I once was lost but now I'm found

Was blind, but now I see

T'was grace that taught my heart to fear

And grace, my fears relieved

How precious did that grace appear?

The hour I first believed

Through many dangers, toils and snares

I have already come

'Tis grace that brought me safe thus far

And grace will lead me home."

Kurt didn't need a piano or anyone singing with him – his voice was perfect on its own, high, strong and clear. Blaine let out a shuddering breath. He tried to hold back his tears, but it was far too much for him to handle. He curled his hands into fists, trying to calm himself. Kurt watched him closely – he also had tears in his eyes but successfully held them back. When he finished the song, he moved to his seat, taking Blaine's hand.

"Th-Thank you," Blaine managed to say between his sobs.

"You don't have to thank me," He replied. "I told you, I'm here for you."

"Why did you choose that song?"

Kurt bit his lip. "It was played at my mother's funeral," he said eventually. "I remember singing along to it while my dad cried. I think it's beautiful."

He nodded his agreement. Then the man running the ceremony called for their attention. Blaine wasn't listening, but he knew what it meant. Cooper got to his feet, followed by Sean, Nick and Jeff. Kurt glanced at Blaine, an eyebrow raised. He didn't have to say anything for him to understand. The two of them got to their feet and walked towards the coffin, which was covered in white roses. The six of them picked it up carefully, three of them on each side and began the slow walk out of the church with Cooper and Blaine at the front. Both of them were crying silently and couldn't meet the gaze of anyone in the church.

It seemed to take forever for them to reach the spot in the cemetery where their mother was going to be laid to rest. Blaine's body seemed to function without him noticing and before he knew it, he was stood watching the coffin being lowered into the ground, Kurt's arms around his waist. That was when it hit home for Blaine – he'd never get the chance to talk to her again, never hug her, or hear her laugh. He felt his legs give way and sank to the floor, openly sobbing. Kurt crouched down beside him, murmuring words of comfort. It was a while before Blaine was able to speak again.

"C-Can I be alone, please?" He said quietly. The others nodded, some of them patting his shoulder in a somewhat reassuring way and walked away, until only Kurt remained. "Kurt?"

"I know honey," he said quietly. "I'll go if you want to." Blaine nodded. "Okay. I'll be by the car, alright? Take as long as you need."

Blaine nodded and watched as he walked away. The second he was alone, he allowed his grief to consume him, nothing bothering to try and prevent his tears from falling. His sobs were loud and verging on painful. He hugged his knees to his chest and stayed sat on the grass, just staring at the headstone in front of him.

He didn't see the person watching him from behind a tree. He didn't hear the footsteps approach him slowly. But he did feel the blunt force of something hitting the back of his head. He fell forwards, his gaze fuzzy. The spot where he'd been hit was throbbing painfully. He rolled over to his back, squinting to see the person stood above him.

"Karofsky," he hissed.

He saw the arm come down, hitting his head again and everything went black.