June 9, 2012, 7:43 a.m.
The Melody in You: Nocturne
M - Words: 3,894 - Last Updated: Jun 09, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 10/? - Created: Jan 16, 2012 - Updated: Jun 09, 2012 2,365 0 4 0 0
But it wasn’t the school that he was worried about right now. It was his father. More specifically what his dad was going to do when he found out. He didn’t need to be worrying about Kurt, right now. Blaine was the one they should be focusing on right now. Blaine. How was he going to keep him safe now?
That night Kurt went home trying his best to avoid his dad and keep his injuries a secret. But sooner or later his black eye was bound to be noticed. Maybe he could ask for money to buy a new hat or something, and instead walk to the corner store and buy makeup. He joined Blaine and his dad at the table, but before he could open his mouth, his dad started talking.
“Kurt?” his dad addressed him from across the table.
“Yes?” he mumbled into his food keeping his head down. Hoping that the tone in his voice, a deadly calm, was due to him forgetting to take out the trash that morning.
“Kurt, look at me,” his dad said firmly.
Blaine’s head snapped up from his food at the tone of Burt’s voice. Tone commanding. Tone scary. A wrong key was stuck interrupting the music. He knew that tone of voice. Burt wasn’t happy right now. Blaine retreated. And then argued with himself. Burt was good. Burt wouldn’t hurt him. His face from the football game flashed through his memory. Blaine retreated.
Kurt couldn’t deny his dad when he used that voice. Kurt slowly looked up revealing his black eye.
“Did those kids at school do that to you?” said Burt angrily, voice rising.
Kurt pursed his lips keeping silent on the matter.
“Answer me, Kurt,” commanded his dad, voice dangerously low.
Blaine silently begged with Kurt to answer him. Afraid of what would happen if he didn’t. Blaine didn’t want to see Kurt hurt. Especially not at the hands of Burt. Fear stole his ability to breath and squeezed his lungs so only the shallowest of breaths filtered through.
“They were mad that I lost them the game,” Kurt said looking his dad straight in the eyes.
Burt stood up immediately knocking down his chair in the process and slamming his fist on the table so hard everything on it shook. He yelled, “No one stopped it!? No one in that whole damn school stopped it?”
Blaine wanted to run. But what if he was hurt for trying to escape? No. Blaine shut himself inside the cage, away from the world. Closed the iron doors. Too much. He wouldn’t be here when Burt hurt Kurt. He couldn’t be here. The seclusion he sought already closed around him with very little effort. Blaine was an expert at escape. Inside the walls only the music could penetrate. And this is where Blaine stayed. The piano music melded into the bars, becoming the bars. Bars of music. No one could get inside.
“No one saw. They took me out to the field,” said Kurt. Kurt almost added that Blaine had run in and that was why he wasn’t worse off. But he stopped himself before the words could slip through. It would have only started a whole new slew of questions that neither he nor Blaine could answer.
“That is a school. You are supposed to be safe there!” his dad continued to yell.
Kurt looked away from his dad, and that’s when he noticed Blaine, sitting at his chair, trembling. Kurt’s heart broke at the sight. Who knew what horrors Blaine was reliving right now.
“Dad?”
But his dad ignored, blind by his fury.
“Dad!” said Kurt a little louder. His dad stopped and Kurt looked pointedly at Blaine who was shaking and obviously distressed. His eyes were wide and blank, hands clutching the table. Too terrified to move.
Burt lowered his voice, but the anger was still present. “I’m calling your coach.” Immediately he went to the phone and quickly dialed the number from the fridge. “Hi, Shannon, I have a bone to pick with you, and it’s about my son.” Burt walked outside to continue talking to her.
“Blaine?” asked Kurt. Blaine didn’t look or notice him at all.
Kurt walked over and hesitantly touched his shoulder. It was tense, the muscles trembling slightly at the strain of trying to hold on for too long, afraid to fall. At the touch, Blaine looked at Kurt, eyes still not seeing, still too far away. Kurt took his hands and guided his foster brother to his room, Blaine following along mechanically. Along the way, an idea struck Kurt and he grabbed his computer. In the room, praying this would bring Blaine back to the present, Kurt put on piano music. He played solitaire and waited out the storm riding inside Blaine. If his foster brother needed him, he would right be there. Every so often Kurt peaked up from his computer check to see how Blaine was faring.
Eventually his foster brother came slowly out of his trance. The piano music bringing him back. A beacon of light for a ship too long lost at sea, guiding him. After another round of cards, Kurt looked at Blaine, this time smiling fondly. Blaine was playing a piano with his fingers moving along to the music. The first time he had done so in his presence. Kurt glanced at the title of the piece, Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven. He took a mental note remembering it if he needed it another time.
Burt appeared in the doorway beckoning Kurt to follow him to the kitchen leaving his computer behind. “Well, at least she has a level head and sees eye to eye with me,” he Burt the bitterness still present in his tone.
“What did you do?” asked Kurt eyes narrowing.
Changing the subject, Burt asked with regret ridden all over his face, “Did they do anything worse to you?”
“Just more bruises, nothing I can’t handle.” Nothing I haven’t handled before.
“Okay. You tell me right away if they bother you again, Kurt. Got it?”
Kurt nodded.
“Good. How is Blaine?”
Kurt smiled, “Better. He is playing the air piano.”
“I’m going to go talk to him,” said Burt with a sigh.
Kurt nodded and made his way to the living room, he cringed, no he couldn’t watch football anymore. He didn’t know what he was going to watch. What he wanted anymore. Who he was.
“Hey Blaine?” asked Burt.
Blaine immediately stopped playing his piano, hid his hand under his legs and backed into the headboard.
“Blaine, is it okay if we have a little chat?”
Blaine’s eyes were averted, but he shakily nodded his head. He couldn’t deny Burt anything. But he was terrified. Burt was bigger than Blaine. Burt also had muscles.
“Can I sit next to you?” Blaine backed further away.
“I’ll stay right here then. I know I probably scared you tonight with all the yelling and everything. Kurt was bullied yesterday and it made me really mad to see that my son was hurt. I love him. If anyone ever hurt you, Blaine, I would react in the exact same way. Because, you know what? You are my foster son. Both you and Kurt mean the world to me. I promise I will never ever hurt you.”
Blaine was even more terrified than before. Because he was the one who hurt Kurt. It was his fault. Everything was his fault. He tried, he tried so hard to be good. To stay. To manage. But he failed. When Burt figured out everything was his fault, he’d punish Blaine. And Blaine would deserve it. But, for perhaps the first time, Blaine didn’t want it. Blaine didn’t want it from Burt. Anyone else he could have handled it from. But not Burt. Because Blaine began to trust him. Allowed to observe. Allowed to feel. But now, he realized how foolish he was. Piano, he begged. He pleaded for its rescue.
Burt stared at Blaine, confused and heart broken. While his words were intended to mollify Blaine, they had the opposite effect. Blaine was shaking his head vigorously from side to side, pushing himself into the headboard again. Fear written all over his face. A deer cornered by a wolf. Burt stood there at a complete loss of what to do, trying to figure out what went wrong. Accounts of Blaine’s behavior with them so far reviewed in his memory. Throwing the piano against the wall, his tantrums, the times when he was most withdrawn. He tried to figure out what was going on inside his foster son’s head. The realization smacked him in the face. It felt like someone was pressing weights into his chest. It made sense. And Burt paled even more at what his words must have meant to Blaine.
“Blaine, do you blame yourself for everything that has happened since the football game?”
More head shaking from side to side. His eyes were now closed, feet scrambling to get as far away from Burt as possible. Trying to resurrect those bars, that cage. But there were cracks it in, too many. And Blaine couldn’t cover all of them in time. He already exposed too much. Everything was crashing down around him as he frantically tried to keep the sanctuary together.
“No, Blaine. It wasn’t your fault. You weren’t ready to go to a football game. I was the one who asked you to come with us.” But Blaine still had that terrified expression. “It was my fault. I wish I could take everything back, but I can’t.” It broke Burt’s heart to see Blaine so scared of him. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Burt was supposed to be a rock for his foster children, someone they could turn to. This was supposed to be a place of safety. But Burt had made so many mistakes when it came to Blaine lately. That not only did he manage to push him away, but made Blaine terrified of him.
“Blaine, you may or may not believe it as so many people have lied to you in the past, but you are and always will be safe in this house. I know it has been rocky. Others hurt you beyond imaginable. But you are here to stay, and I won’t ever ever do what they did to you. I promise.” He needed Blaine to believe him. But it seemed that this time he had messed up badly. Figuring the best thing to do at this point was leave, he did so. Pressing his hands against his face, Burt shuddered a long and painful sigh. If only Elizabeth were here, she would know what to do.
As Burt walked away, Blaine ran to the edge of his door watching Burt’s retreating figure more confused than ever. Burt had every opportunity to hurt him, but he didn’t. Again, nothing happened again. His thoughts were knotting together as the Hummels seem to make him do. Everything from what he had known previously to everything that had happened since he came here. Nothing made sense. Mad people hurt other people. Burt was mad. Burt had never hurt him. Burt didn’t plan on hurting him. Had said it and then showed it. He walked away.
Burt showed over and over again that they wouldn’t hurt Blaine. He stayed true to his promises every single time. Blaine wanted so desperately for someone to trust. But he remembered Burt’s face and Blaine shook. No, that was Burt getting mad for Kurt, not at Kurt and not at Blaine. He buried his face into the pillow. In confusion. In fear. In determination. He wanted to get better. But getting better was far more terrifying than anything else he had gone through so far.
Finn met Kurt at his locker the next day. “Kurt, what the hell?” he asked.
“What do you want, Finn?” asked Kurt bitterly wishing him to disappear. For everyone to disappear and leave him alone.
“Why didn’t you tell me what happened yesterday!?”
“Why didn’t you stop it?” countered Kurt.
“I didn’t know! Nobody from Glee knew! It was planned all by them. I had no idea.”
“How did you find out then?” asked Kurt with a raised eyebrow.
“Coach Beiste found out. We had a meeting. She was pissed. Told us that if she ever caught us bullying anyone we would be off the team next year. And that the seniors can kiss their scholarships goodbye. It was actually kind of scary.
“Look, I don’t know why you left the game, but Coach said it was important. Please believe me, I-I would have never let them do that to you. Puck, me, Sam, Mike… we would have defended you,” Finn said earnestly with pleading eyes pointing fervently around him.
“And gotten beat up just like me and then out casted?’ Kurt scoffed. “It doesn’t matter anyway. The season is over. Thank you, by the way, for getting me in,” sincerely added Kurt walking away. And giving me at least a few months where I was treated normally. Like a human instead of a punching bag used for practice.
Kurt wasn’t delusional, Coach’s threats while serious, would only keep the jocks at bay. Like a flock of predators circling around their prey waiting for the opportune moment to strike. But this year he had to be strong. He wouldn’t let them get to him. Because this year, this year he had Blaine to look after. Blaine needed him.
Kurt’s thoughts were interrupted as he was shoved against a locker. The metal meeting his shoulder in an almost forgotten horror. All he saw as the figure moved around the corner was a red letterman jacket. A warning, he wasn’t off the hook. Taking a deep breath, Kurt reminded himself, strong. He continued to his French class with his head held high.
A few weeks went by. Kurt’s status at school didn’t change. No one walked with him in the hallways besides Blaine. No one looked at him without a sneer in the hallways besides Glee members, who he subsequently refused to look at. Blaine continued to involuntarily flinch when he saw Burt. But Blaine was working on it. No he wasn’t Mr. Gutera and no he wasn’t Mrs. Fline either. He was Burt. Unfortunately, Burt saw every single one of these flinches and his heart shattered every time, wishing he would take everything back just to have Blaine’s trust in him. Before they were taking tiny steps forward, and now Burt felt like he was losing Blaine and it was all his fault.
-----------------------------------------------------
The day before school got out for winter break, Blaine was handed a test in Spanish class. Previously unaware that there was a test today and not paying attention to lectures whatsoever he had no idea what to do. Looking wearily at the stapled papers paired with a bubble sheet, Blaine began reading the questions. The Spanish questions looked like gibberish and try and he might to recall their meanings he drew nothing but a blank. With averted eyes he hesitantly turned an empty exam to the teacher. What was his name again?
Each class was like that. Some had bubble sheets which Blaine took to pretending they were keys on a keyboard and wrote out some of his pieces. Sometimes this required him to mark two answers at once, which he wasn’t sure if that was allowed or not but did anyway. Others were free answer and, having no idea what to put, left them blank.
That evening at the table Burt asked, “Are you two happy you get a little break from school?”
“It’s nice to have some time to relax,” said Kurt, bitterly. He was more happy about being away from his tormentors and the looks in the hallways.
The only thing Blaine missed about school was an hour of uninterrupted time he got in class to go over his piano pieces. Perfecting and smoothing the pieces out. Playing with the melodies and warping them. That no one bothered him and he bothered no one.
“How about we watch a movie tonight to celebrate?”
Kurt stood out of his chair and said, “I’ll make some popcorn.”
“Blaine you can come watch too, if you wish,” said Burt.
Blaine shrugged and sat himself on the floor in the corner he usually resided in whenever he watched t.v.
Once the popping from the microwave was done, Kurt took a seat on the couch in his usual spot noting that his foster brother sat, once again, on the ground. “Blaine, you can join me on the couch. Really, the floor can’t be that comfortable.”
Blaine shyly placed himself on the other edge of the couch as far away from Kurt as he could manage. Still unsure about what he was allowed to do. The floor was where he belonged in every household he had ever been in. It was weird to be sitting with everyone else. But comforting at the same time. He kept side-eyeing Kurt to make sure nothing bad was going to happen, but of course nothing did. Nothing was going to happen to him. It was okay.
As he watched the movie he realized how nice this was. Sometimes Burt would motion to the popcorn bowl and Kurt would hand it over. Occasionally Kurt offered Blaine some too, never acknowledging it though. A few times Burt commented on the movie and Kurt put in his two cents of thought. Other times Kurt shushed his dad because it was an intense part and Kurt wanted to watch it. It was strange sitting so close to someone, even though Blaine was on the opposite sides of the couch, to just sit and watch a movie.
A few days later, Burt lightly knocked on his door, “Hey, Blaine?”
Blaine opened it to see Burt standing before him.
“I received your report card in the mail.”
Blaine shrank back.
“It’s okay, but we need to discuss your grades. They weren’t good. You probably haven’t had the chance to learn very much since you have been going from school to school, have you? But this is your last school, your last home. You are here to stay.”
Kurt leaned against the door frame listening to the conversation.
“We need to get you a tutor, or something, to help you get those grades up.” But Burt knew that there wasn’t enough money to dedicate Blaine a tutor in all of the subjects he needed. Furthermore, Burt doubted Blaine would be able to handle someone new in his life. Requiring him to open up to another person was asking a lot. Somehow, though, they would manage. They always did. If it was necessary for Burt to be present during tutoring, he of course, would do so.
“I could do it!” piped in Kurt. “I took all of the same classes as Blaine, well that is except Spanish.”
Burt beamed at Kurt, “How does that sound, Blaine?”
Blaine nodded slightly. The phone rang and Kurt ran to get it, handing it to his dad mouthing Mr. Schue. Burt looked curiously at Kurt who shook his head. Who knew what that person wanted.
“He told me that if Blaine joins Glee, he could give him free tutoring in Spanish.”
Kurt’s fury at the indignity of the situation flared instantly, “That teacher is far from selfish. I can’t believe he would blackmail Blaine into something like that. Wait, I take that back. He would do something like that. We can’t let Blaine join Glee. We can’t!”
“And why not?” asked Burt calmly bewildered as to the reason behind his son’s sudden outburst. “I only see good coming out of this, Kurt. He gets to play piano, which is one of the only thing that seems to relax him, and he can make friends. Something I doubt he ever had.”
“Make him join something else, something that isn’t Glee. Band or something.”
“Why?”
Kurt glared at his dad and a staring match began.
But his dad wasn’t giving up, “Tell me, Kurt.”
Finally, Kurt gave in, “He’ll be bullied for it. I don’t think, given his background, Blaine will be able to tolerate the bullying.”
********
Kurt walked away and into his room, bothered by the conversation.
Falling onto his bead, he stifled the tears that threatened to fall. He was supposed to still be in football so he could protect Blaine. If Kurt was still accepted then Blaine could do whatever he wanted and Kurt could keep him safe. But if Kurt couldn’t survive through Glee, how was Blaine going to be able to?
Glee ruined him, and it would ruin Blaine too. The truth that Kurt kept buried for so long; he was bullied badly and because of that, Kurt almost killed himself.
He had recently come out to the Glee Club. Eventually news travelled around school as such news does. The bullying, as a result, had gotten infinitely worse. He was already tortured due to his effeminate voice and being part of the Glee Club. But now that he was gay too, the jocks made it their mission to make sure Kurt was living a nightmare.
Slushies, locker slams, dumpster tosses, swirlies. The names he was called, constantly were never ending. At first he let it roll off of him. But after a while being treated like dirt, the words started twisting his thoughts.
To their credit, the Glee club members tried to protect him. But it was never enough.
He found himself standing on a cliff with a fifty foot drop. If this was how the rest of life was going to be, he didn’t want to live it. He could end it right now and all the pain would go away.
Something caught his eye. A butterfly flapped his wings revealing himself on a tree. His wings now back flat against the bark, was completely camouflaged. The butterfly kept himself from becoming prey because he blended in.
That’s what Kurt needed to do. Blend in. When he got home from school that night, he packed away his more flamboyant clothing, and slowly bought clothes which resembled more Finn than him. He was still regarded as gay, but it was more okay because it was hidden behind clothes of masculinity. He asked Finn about football and found out they were short a kicker. Kurt got on the team because, luckily enough, he was actually pretty good. The players became dependent on him. His life became a fa�ade he hid behind, but the bullying stopped.
And now it was back in full force.
But he had Blaine to look after this year. He had to be strong for Blaine.
Comments
Oh god, my heart just aches for Blaine! I want to hold him in my arms and tell him he's safe and loved. Kurt too, for that matter... I really hope he can find his true voice and be happy instead of trying to fit in all the time. I really, really love this story. Thansk for the update!!
This is so heartbreaking. Kurt and Blaine - they never get a break, do they? Kurt's right. Burt doesn't know how much Kurt got bullied for being in Glee and how much poor Blaine will be subjected to if he joins Glee.
I've spent all morning reading this and it's amazing! But now I have to wait. *sighs* any hints as to how long we have to wait for some klaine to happen? I was litterally just chanting "Kiss! kiss! kiss!" for several minutes...out loud...
Oh my 'lanta. I JUST saw this update. And let me tell you.You're breaking my heart. One letter at a time