April 28, 2012, 4:08 a.m.
Perfect Porcelain: Chapter 22: Kurt
M - Words: 2,248 - Last Updated: Apr 28, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 23/? - Created: Feb 29, 2012 - Updated: Apr 28, 2012 653 0 10 0 0
When Kurt wakes up the next morning, he needs a moment to remember where he is. He expected to hear Evan's snoring or the sound of the shower running, but instead he's welcomed back into reality by two strong, tanned arms around him. Arms covered in angry, red lines.
Luckily, Kurt remembers it's Blaine before he freaks out. Right, he's home. With Blaine. Blaine has been cutting himself. Blaine had cut himself before he met Kurt. Blaine started again because of him. It's almost too much and too painful to process. How did things turn out like this?
Kurt turns around slowly, trying not to wake up Blaine, but his boyfriend groans softly and blinks, his eyes on Kurt. "Kurt.." He breathes softly. Kurt nods and presses a kiss on Blaine's dry lips. "Hey."
It takes a lot of self-control, not to freak out over the cuts. Yesterday, Kurt had felt hurt, confused and upset. He tried his hardest to hide it, though. Knowing the feeling, he didn't want to upset Blaine even more. Or make him feel guilty, probably worsening the whole situation. So he forced himself to stay calm and comfort Blaine, instead of getting angry and showing how upset he really felt.
Kurt wants to kiss Blaine again, but then the shorter boy is suddenly crying and Kurt doesn't really know what to do. So he wraps his arms around Blaine, feeling the body shake in his arms. "Blaine, sht.. Breathe. I'm here. Kurtie is here.." His words make Blaine sob even harder, his arms are tightly wrapped around Kurt's waist, leaving him feeling a bit uncomfortable, especially after his gaining. Blaine is pulling him closer and Kurt tries to breathe normally, even though the uncomfortable feeling is building up inside of him. He fights the urge to push Blaine away en softly brushes his fingers through the loose, dark curls instead.
It takes a while for Blaine's sobs to fade away into silence, the only sound left being Kurt's shushing in Blaine's ear. He's softly rubbing Blaine's back, the boy still clinging to Kurt, even after he has stopped crying.
"I'm sorry." He then chokes out. Kurt shakes his head and presses a kiss on top of Blaine's curls.
"It's okay, baby. It's okay." He glances at the alarm clock on their nightstand and sits up straighter, slowly letting go of Blaine. "It's 10am, we should eat something. Let me make you breakfast." He says gently. Blaine blinks and then nods, looking tired. So Kurt tucks him in and kisses his lips. "You get some rest."
Kurt manages to make them a decent breakfast, glad they went to the store to get food. He looks around the house and notices that Blaine's clothes are randomly stuffed inside the closet, his own clothes are scattered around the house and all their plants have died. Kurt is glad they don't own any pets right now. Blaine had been right when he said he's bad at organizing and cleaning. There are dirty spots everywhere, even though it looks like Blaine tried to clean, he obviously missed quite some spots. Kurt already noticed some the day before, but he didn't want to upset Blaine, who seemed to have tried his best to make everything look good for Kurt.
When he enters the bathroom, he instantly notices his case with razors, hastily stuffed between a stack of towels. Kurt shakes his head and takes the plastic case in his hands. He opens it and stares at the razors for a moments, before picking one up. "Blaine. I'm sorry." He breathes softly. Then he puts the razor back and empties the entire case into the toilet, like Blaine did with the other razor. He watches the pieces of metal getting sucked away, as he flushes the toilet. At least that was something.
Kurt doesn't know where the sudden strength comes from, but it feels good to know he's doing something smart and healthy - the feeling he keeps on trying to get whenever he eats something, except he hasn't been able to yet.
He returns to the bedroom, where Blaine has been sleeping for some time now. Kurt smiles, but the smile fades as he notices Blaine's expression; He looks scared and upset and is clinging to Kurt's pillow. Kurt crawls onto the bed and kisses Blaine's neck to wake him up. Blaine mumbles something Kurt can't understand, until he recognizes his name. "Blaine, wake up. I made breakfast."
Blaine groans and opens his eyes, looking disorientated and confused. Kurt just smiles and presses another sweet kiss in Blaine's neck. Blaine replies by wrapping his arms around Kurt and pulling him closer. "My beautiful Kurt." He mumbles softly, before nibbling on Kurt's ear. It makes Kurt's blood rush South and for a moment he can't think straight. It makes him happy to be called beautiful, though. He just wishes he could believe he really is beautiful. So he kisses Blaine's lips and then softly nudges his arm.
"Come eat something." He whispers. Blaine nods and slowly gets up, his arms still wrapped around Kurt's thin waist. He attempts to attack Kurt's neck with kisses, but Kurt gently shifts away, leaving the bed. "Get up, lazy pants." He says with a grin. Blaine groans and lets himself slide out of the bed, following Kurt to the kitchen, where he has put down a plate of toast with scrambled eggs.
Blaine sits down and instantly attacks the food as if he hasn't eaten for weeks. Kurt watches him with a smile. It takes about 5 minutes for Blaine to finish half of the plate. Then he looks up at Kurt. "You're not going to eat?"
Kurt shrugs, feeling a bit awkward. He fills a glass with water and joins Blaine at the table. "I made it for you."
Blaine then glares at him, apparently not buying his attempt to brush it off. "Kurt." He says with a hint of a warning in his voice. Kurt looks down at his glass, shifting a bit on his chair.
"I'm not hungry." He replies.
He's startled by a loud crash when Blaine's chair falls backwards, caused by the boy standing up too fast. "I'm making you some fucking eggs you're going to eat all of it, Kurt. I thought you were getting better, so quit the pathetic bullshit!"
Kurt stares at Blaine with wide eyes, tears welling up. "Blaine." He squeaks out, his heart aching in his chest. He hates it when Blaine gets angry, especially now, because he has stayed calm about the cutting and actually helped him, by comforting him and throwing the razors away. Though Blaine doesn't know about the last part yet. He decides this isn't the right time to tell him either.
Honestly? Blaine's sudden mood swings have never come up in their conversations. They don't occur often, but Blaine has moments in which he suddenly lashes out on people. He's done it before, towards Finn, but mostly towards Kurt. Kurt has never said anything, because it's mainly a sign that Blaine feels confused about something. He's noticed the treat in Finn too, a few times. Apparently Blaine can't handle it well when he doesn't understand something. Things like Kurt's disease.
It scares Kurt when Blaine gets angry like that. He doesn't quite know how to deal with it. When Blaine is just upset, Kurt can hold him until his walls break down and then he comforts his boyfriend – like this morning. But when he's angry like this and starts to yell at Kurt, it's just upsetting and leaves Kurt feeling desperate. The anger never stays long, but after Blaine self-destructive behavior, Kurt is scared he'll do something stupid.
So he watches closely, alert, how Blaine breaks eggs and starts to bake them. He puts two slices of bread in the toaster, his actions all looking slightly aggressive. Kurt concentrates on his own breathing, to control his racing heart, eyes following Blaine's movements. Tears are stinging in his eyes as he replays Blaine's harsh words in his head. He was right, though. Kurt was being pathetic. He is being a filthy hypocrite, considering how he's been talking Evan into getting better. It doesn't mean it's easy, though. He still feels fat and disgusting when he looks at his reflection in the mirror. He still pulls at the fat on his sides and legs and ass.
Blaine puts down a plate in front of him with quite some force. Kurt is surprised the plate doesn't break as it crashes down onto the table. The scent of scrambled eggs, freshly baked, warm toast and still melting butter is entering his nose, making his empty stomach growl.
"Eat." Blaine commands.
Kurt stares at the food, feeling sick. His old thoughts are coming back. He doesn't want this. Calories, calories, calories. Fat Kurt. Fat, pathetic Kurt. "No." He says. "I can't eat this. It's greasy."
There's a sting in his cheek that he registers, before he actually realises Blaine just slapped him. "Fucking eat, Kurt. I'm not letting you relapse here. Eat the fucking eggs, right now."
Tears are sliding down his cheeks and his body is trembling. Blaine is being mean and insensitive and it hurts. He has the urge to push the plate away, but he doesn't want to risk Blaine getting physical. So he slowly picks up a piece of toast and takes a bite. The butter melts on his tongue (fat, calories, disgusting) and he has to fight against his urge to gag when he swallows the bite.
"Go on." Blaine says, impatiently.
Kurt clenches his free hand into a fist. More tears are sliding down and soft sobs are shaking through his body, while he continues eating. Every bite is torture and terrifying, but what scares him most right now is Blaine.
The ride back to the clinic is silent with a heavy, uncomfortable atmosphere. Kurt has eaten everything on the plate and feels terribly fat, swollen and upset. Blaine is still angry and hasn't said a word to Kurt since he commanded him to finish his plate. It makes Kurt want to curl up on his bed and cry until he passes out.
When they reach the familiar building, Blaine doesn't even make an attempt to leave the car. He just remains behind the wheel, apparently waiting for Kurt to leave by himself. But Kurt can't do that – no matter how much Blaine is hurting him now, he can't just leave without making up or at least trying to. So he moves closer and sits down onto Blaine's lap, who glares at him with a mixture between annoyance and confusion. Kurt lets his long legs straddle Blaine's upper legs and leans in closer to capture his boyfriend's lips.
First, Blaine tries to push him away, but soon he's replying roughly on the kiss. Kurt notices the hot tears, as they drip onto Kurt's jeans. His eyes widen in worry and guilt.
"Oh, Blaine. Don't- Don't cry. I'm so sorry. You were right. I'm just being pathe-"
He gets shut up by Blaine's warm lips and tongue, successfully silencing him, while Blaine's arms wrap themselves around Kurt's waist. Kurt lets out a soft whimper and pulls back after a few minutes, to catch his breath. Blaine is still holding on to him.
"Kurt."
"Hmm?"
"I love you. I'm sorry for getting angry like that. I'm just- I already feel bad about the.. the cutting and.. I really, really don't want to cause you to relapse. You are doing so well and I managed to fuck it all up in a weekend. I'm a terrible boyfriend and I should support you and I do, but I don't really show it, do I? And-"
Kurt presses his lips against Blaine's again, shutting him up this time. "Blaine, it's not your fault. I'm still not better. I guess they were just right; I'm not ready to go back home yet. But that's okay. I really loved seeing you and feeling you again. I freaked out, especially after you got angry. I just lost it, because I fell back into my old thoughts. I need this place for a bit longer."
Blaine nods and closes his eyes, resting his cheek against Kurt's chest. "I really miss you."
"I miss you too." Kurt says softly. He lifts up Blaine's chin and softly kisses his lips. "I love you."
Blaine smiles weakly. "I love you too."
"I- I should get inside."
"Let me help you with your bag."
Kurt nods and allows Blaine to carry his bag, while they enter the building. Emily greets them with a "Handsome boy you got there, Kurt."
Kurt blushes and feels Blaine's hand brush against his. He gratefully lets his fingers slip between Blaine's. His boyfriend squeezes his hand softly and when Kurt looks at him, he catches Blaine's smile.
They reach Kurt's room and Blaine puts Kurt's bag down on his bed. Then he pulls Kurt into another kiss. "I wish I could see you more often. I don't want to wait another month." He breathes into Kurt's air.
Kurt bites his lip and nods. "I-"
Before he can continue his sentence, he's startled by a noise, coming from their bathroom. It sounds like a dull thud. Kurt frowns. "Evan?"
No answer. Kurt starts to feel slightly worried. Blaine's arm slips around his waist and Kurt can feel in the embrace how tense Blaine is.
"Ev? Evan?"
"We need to go in, Kurt." Blaine whispers.
Kurt nods and walks over to the door that connects their room to the bathroom. He knocks once, calling Evan's name again, and then opens the door, his eyes instantly widening. "Oh my God."
"Kurt? What's wrong?" Blaine sounds a bit scared.
"Blaine.. Get Emily."
Comments
uM SCREAMS???!
Ahw xD Sorry? ^^"
BUT! WHYYYY?! Cliffhanger! :( Okay, my heart LITERALLY BROKE during the eggs bit. OMG I'm not sure if I wanna be pissed at Blaine for yelling or at Kurt for not eating -SIIIGH-
I'm so sorry. This story is going to be the death of me, I swear. My poor babies ; - ;
evaaannnnn D:
He'll be fine!
Oh my God, I'm so sorry ; - ; Why do I make people cry ;w;
Oh-my-god!!! Poor Evan!!! I think this i one of the chapters I've cried harder with, and that means a lot cause I've cried with nearly every chapter.
Loving this story more and more with every chapter! Pllease update as soon as you can- this it truly amazing and brilliant :)
Thank you so much! I'm still busy writing right now, so please don't give up on my story. I'm writing two stories at once right now xD