Days go by, slowly and lonely. Blaine wants to give Kurt some time to get used to the place and the people before he'll come visit him. He calls Kurt every day, before bed. He asks about Kurt's day, his conversations with therapists, if the people are nice, how he's feeling. Kurt mostly just replies saying he's tired, so then Blaine sings him to sleep. After he hangs up the phone, he cries himself to sleep. Every night.

He hasn't taken the razors out of Kurt's coat again. He refuses to look at them, face the temptation of dragging those blades down his skin and drown in the beautiful, bright red. They're on his mind almost all day, but he works on school, works extra shifts at work and tries to keep himself busy and away from the empty house and the danger in the pocket of Kurt's coat. He does wear Kurt's scarves a lot, just to have his scent with him. Sometimes he just sits in the big walk-in closet and closes his eyes, taking in Kurt's scent and imagining he has his boyfriend with him. Maybe it's pathetic, but spending about an hour in the closet calms him down.

One day, Finn calls him and invites him and Kurt to a game. Blaine is torn between making up an excuse for Kurt and declining. He doesn't know if Finn or Burt will want to talk to Kurt to ask if he's okay with it. So instead, he tells Finn he will discuss it with Kurt when he gets home from work. It was easy to say Kurt is at work or school when someone calls. They know how busy Kurt is and how much of a perfectionist, so they instantly believe he's working long evenings with his study group on projects. They ask Blaine if he's okay sometimes. Blaine says he's fine. It's so hard to lie to Burt every time he calls to speak to Kurt. It wears him out, so when it's time to talk and sing to Kurt, he's exhausted and depressed.

Blaine feels alone. Terribly alone. He isn't exactly taking care of himself either. His appetite is gone, because he hates eating by himself. He hasn't shaved since Kurt left. His dark curls are messy and his brown eyes look dark and tired. He's pretty sure he hasn't taken a shower in about five days and the place is a mess. Blaine knows why. First of all, Kurt was the neat one, who makes sure everything is clean and folded and smells of soap. He organizes almost obsessively and cares a lot about appearance, so Blaine forces himself to shave and shower every day, so Kurt won't get angry. He wants to look good for his boyfriend too. Now only his classmates see him. And the people at his work. Blaine really couldn't care less about his looks.

At Dalton, it was important to look clean and neat. The private school had an image and an attitude and he had to look nice so people accepted him. After his past at the public school he went to, Blaine was careful not to piss anyone off. He didn't really try to make friends, but the Warblers came to him. At first there was Nick, who somehow sensed that Blaine was tense, scared and a bit withdrawn. He was nice to Blaine, sat next to him in class (if he didn't have class with Jeff) and invited him for coffee with his friends.

They were all nice to him, liked him and gave Blaine time to adjust to the group he was suddenly part of. They invited him to audition for the glee club, that was popular and cheerful and talented, so Blaine wasn't sure how to say no. But as soon as he tried out, their mouths fell open and when he finished, Jeff pulled him into a tight hug, welcoming him to the Warblers.

It took a few weeks or months, before Blaine could tell him about what happened at his previous school. He was scared for their reaction, because it was also the first time he mentioned he's gay, but they all looked shocked and angry, but understanding. They all hugged him or patted his back and told him he was safe now. It was one of the happiest moments in Blaine's life.

He was still caught up in his past, though. Nightmares haunted him, the feeling of failure and weakness always present. During vacations, his father would always ask him if he had a girlfriend yet, on which Blaine replied he didn't know why his father would ask that, because Blaine is gay and Dalton is an all-boys school. His father would always get angry and threaten to get him out of Dalton, but his mother would always assure him Blaine needed the school for his safety. His father would reply she was right. Except for one time, during Christmas. When the family was there and he lost it, telling Blaine it was his own fault he got beaten up. That he asked for it, by becoming a fag. Blaine replied, in tears, that he was born gay and he wouldn't come home anymore. That evening, Blaine left the house, drove back to Dalton and cut himself for the first time.

He doesn't really remember why he chose the option. He'd read about it, seen it on TV. It was bad, an addiction, weak and for sad people. But Blaine was sad. He couldn't stop crying and he was just desperate. At first, he considered just ending it. But he remembered his friends and how kind and caring they had been. He refused to traumatize them by turning up dead, in a pool of his own blood. Besides, Blaine didn't really want to die. He just needed to punish himself for being a failure, for being gay, for not being the way his father wanted him to be. For not being like his brother.

So he took a pair of scissors and made a small cut. It was more like a scratch. It didn't bleed, it just stung enough to practically numb him. It was weird to suddenly have a clear mind, because the pain distracted him from the chaos in his head. But it stopped too quickly. That wasn't like he planned it. So he made more scratches, the stings numbing his head and arm. The days after that go better. His head feels lighter and he's able to smile more. But after about two or three days, depression kicks in again. His mother calls him and asks how he's doing. She apologizes for her husband's behaviour. Blaine can only feel hurt and anger. So he tells her he's fine and as soon as the call is ended, he rushes to his desk and grabs his scissors.

Months later, he switched from scissors to razors, because the sting wasn't enough. He needed to see blood, to prove he was still alive. His friends didn't know about his newfound addiction. Blaine spent his days feeling empty, waiting for the end of his last class so he could lock himself in his bathroom and finally release his anger and hurt on himself.

When he met Kurt, the world suddenly seemed brighter, happier. Becoming Kurt's mentor and friend kept him busy and made him feel useful and important. The fear in the boy's blue eyes, made him swear to himself he would stay strong and be there for Kurt. After their second coffee date, he threw the razors away. He was never, ever going to go back to being weak and pathetic. Kurt gave him hope with his strength and wit. The day he met Kurt, Blaine could smile genuinely again for the first time in months. After he realised he had fallen for Kurt and they shared their first kiss, Blaine was sure he would get happy. No matter what happened, Kurt saved him and he would save Kurt.

But now, Blaine feels empty and alone. He's desperate and tries to let himself get caught up in work and school, so he doesn't need to think about anything. He tries not to think about Kurt, until he can call him and even then he tries to keep his emotions inside, because his lovely Kurt needs to get better and not worry about Blaine. So he holds back his tears until Kurt is asleep and he has ended the call. His thoughts slowly wander off, back to the case in Kurt's coat. He doesn't want to go there. He can't even touch it, because he knows he'll lose it.

Confused and desperate, Blaine grabs his phone. He scrolls through his contact list, knowing he needs someone to talk to. It feels like betrayal towards Kurt, but he can't keep it in anymore. He stares at the familiar name, hesitating, knowing it's one of the worst options he could pick, but he doesn't know who else would really care to listen to him. So he presses the call button and presses his phone to his ear. It takes about three rings, because of the time. A sleepy voice greets him.

"Blaine? What's going on? Do you know what time it is?"

Blaine swallows and takes a deep breath.

"Can I see you tomorrow? I really need to talk. Let's get coffee, okay?"