It had been exactly two days since Kurt had last talked to Blaine. So calls, no visits, not even a cheesy note being pushed in under his door. Kurt knows, he shouldn’t be upset. He doesn’t even have the right to. After all, he is the person Blaine is cheating on Santana with. Even if it might have not been considered downright cheating before, after their last meeting, it most certainly is now.

As always when Kurt needs to think, he is sat upon the staircase in the garden of his little chapel. He blocks the street out, turns his back to it so he can pretend he was the only one around as he stares into the icy beauty that all of this had turned into. It was getting freezing now and most of the trees are white with frost and snow.

Kurt shudders slightly in the cold, his breath drawing visible clouds into the air as he huffs and pulls his scarf tighter around his neck to hide his nose in it. He is sure he looked like Frosty the Snowman already.

Sure, it would be warmer at home where he could cuddle up on his couch and watch a movie. But the problem was, the couch still smells like Blaine. Every time Kurt would place his head on one of the pillows, the memories come back and he sees a sweaty, panting Blaine on them, back arched and lips parted as he moans his name. He did that to him. So why is it so easy for Blaine to just leave?

A second later, Kurt hears footsteps, almost too quiet and muffled by the snow beneath those feet coming closer.

He doesn’t move, he doesn’t look up.

From the corner of his eye, he sees him sitting down on the other end of the staircase, as far away as it was possible.

Kurt should have known, he really should have.

After he had told him about his chapel, of course it was only a matter of time before he turned up here. But he still has no clue what to do or say. All he knows is that he can’t just get up and throw himself at him because it still hurts, being left in the dark with no signs of life after he had just experienced his first time doing anything sexual with someone but himself.

They sit in silence for a long time, neither of them saying anything or moving. Kurt doesn’t dare looking over at him as he is scared what he might do if he does.

“It’s nice here.” Blaine finally says.

Kurt simply nods, of course it is. But that doesn’t help their situation either. Part of him wants to just leave, walk away from this place as far as possible and forget all of this ever happened. But the other, stronger part ties him to the stairs and forces him to stay put.

“I’m sorry.” Blaine whispers, his voice almost too soft in the icy wind but Kurt hears it anyways and simply nods again. He doesn’t trust his voice at the moment.

“Kurt, please, say something.” He pleads and alright, Kurt thinks. If he wants him to, he will.

“Fine. What do you want to hear? That I worried myself sick? That I spent the last few days thinking you finally realized that I’m not really what you want but just an adventure before you get married? A bachelor-party-joke? That I felt like you had your fun and then went back to Santana and forgot I even existed?” he snaps, knowing fully well that he shouldn’t but he can’t stop talking now that he started. The words just keep flowing out. “There, I said something. Happy now?”

It’s quiet for a long time and Kurt thinks he just destroyed every ounce of hope he still had inside of him, that this is the end.

“I didn’t.” Blaine says after a few moments and his eyes are trained on the snow covering the step he has his feet on as he speaks.

“You didn’t what?” Kurt asks, his voice powerless, quiet. He feels like with his rant, all the energy left his body along with the anger.

“Forget about you. I could never.”

Unsure of what to say or do, Kurt looks over at Blaine and meets gentle, but pain-filled hazel eyes.

That look seems to be enough for Blaine because he’s slowly getting up and walking over to where Kurt is sitting. A moment later, he finds him sitting on the stair behind himself with his legs on either side of him.

Kurt knows he shouldn’t feel so comfortable here, he’s not even touching him, not really. But he does. And as soon as he sighs and leans back into his chest, and Blaine’s all around him, he feels as safe as he can.

Blaine’s arms are wrapped around his shoulders tightly and he can feel him nuzzling the top of his head.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call. Santana got home early and she was furious. I didn’t want to… you know…” he shrugs and Kurt knows. He didn’t want her to know where he was, what he did. Of course not. And he understands that, but it still hurts to know he’s the dirty secret kept away from Blaine’s soon-to-be-wife.

“What’s going to happen?” Kurt asks softly, hey eyes fluttering close in the embrace.

“What do you mean?”

“With us. When you get married…”

“I don’t know.” Blaine answers after a few moments.

Kurt knows for a fact that he can’t keep doing this forever. He can’t always sneak around and he can’t do this to Santana, as much as he dislikes her. Kurt could never forgive someone who cheated on him and he’s doing exactly that to her right now. And as big of a bitch she may be, she doesn’t deserve this.

“But we’ll figure something out.” Blaine whispers.

“You shouldn’t promise things you can’t keep, Blaine.”

Blaine doesn’t answer to that and Kurt can’t even bring himself to be sad. Blaine’s a good guy, an amazing guy actually and Kurt is pretty sure he knows how wrong this is himself. He obviously cares about Santana or he wouldn’t be marrying her. So he should do what all the good guys do, should be the stronger person and tell Blaine to leave, to go marry her and be happy.

But he can’t.

He just sits there for another few minutes, leaning back into the other man’s embrace before he gets up and turns around to Blaine, still sitting on the stairs.

“I’ll head home, I still have work to do.” He says softly and reaches out to cup Blaine’s cheek gentle, his thumb running along the slightly scruffy skin.

Slowly, he leans in to press to smallest of kisses to his forehead, well aware of them being in a relatively public setting.

“Don’t stay too long, you’ll catch a cold.” He whispers and tucks at his scarf before he gives him a small smile and turns around, walking off.

Some day, Kurt may be the bigger person.

But today is not the day.