Kurt looks up from the schedule he had spread out on the desk in front of him and pulls the pen from where it’s trapped between his lips to pick up the buzzing phone.

Blaine. Of course.

Since he talked to has dad, Kurt had done a lot of thinking. About himself, about Blaine, about them. And what he came to realize was that there would most likely, never be a them. Blaine cares about him, he didn’t doubt that from the way he looked at him but at the same time, it wasn’t enough. No matter how much both of them care, in less than a week now Blaine would get married.

There is no denying that fact.

So Kurt should probably just stop this while he can, before it breaks his head completely.

He should.

Yes, I am. Why?

Just because he should, that doesn’t mean he does it though. Something is stopping him from outright ending whatever it is Blaine and him have going on. He knows the name for it but he can’t allow himself to think it. It would make it even more complicated.

The buzzing of his phone rips him out of his thoughts once again, but this time it’s a call.

With a quick movement, his thumb slides across the screen before he presses the phone to his ear.

“Yes?”

“Kurt?”

“You texted me ten seconds ago, who do you think it is?” Kurt teases despite his previous thoughts. The second he hears Blaine’s smooth voice in his ear, all doubts and worried vanish even though he knows they’ll come back later.

“Right. Uhm, so you’re free tonight?”

“Yes.”

“Would you like to come over?”

“Wh- wait. Like… to your house?” Kurt asks, startled. He had no problem with Blaine coming over, but coming to him? To his house? Really?

“Yeah.”

“What about Santana?”

“She’s at a convention for one night and sleeping over at Brittany’s right after. Pre-wedding talk and a spa or whatever. I think Brittany mentioned a massage too and I overheard Santana talking on the phone, saying how relaxed and rested she always felt afterwards.”

Kurt hummed, not really listening to the last bits, but only hearing about the fact that Santana wasn’t home for two nights and Blaine was inviting him over.

“Why?”

“I wanted some time with you… alone. I… I miss you, Kurt.”

“I miss you too, but…” he sighed, rubbing one hand over his face as he closed the folder on his desk and rested his elbow on it to lean his chin onto his fisted hand. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”

“Please?”

“What if Santana comes home early? Or if she calls to check up on you?”

“She won’t. I called her when she had a sleepover at Brittany’s once before and she was basically yelling at me to not bother her when she was with her and Brittany was talking about taking her out to eat or something like that in the background. So I’m not risking that again.”

“Okay.”

“What?”

“I said okay. I’m coming over.”

“Really?”

“Yes, Blaine. But only if you let me do my work now. Otherwise, I’ll have to put you into that wedding dress later to let you try it on.”

Blaine chuckles on the other end of the line and it instantly makes Kurt smile along, his free hand playing with the abandoned pen.

“Okay. Awesome. I’ll see you then. You got my address, right?”

“Yes.”

“Cool. Uhm. Bye.”

“See you then, Blaine.”

And with that, Kurt hangs up and lets out a sigh. He doesn’t even know why he agreed to that but he can’t help the giddiness bubbling up in him already.

So he smiles.

Or at least, he did until he looks down to open up his work again and finds the front of his folder decorated with small, gray scribbles of ‘Blaine Anderson’, ‘BA’ and even one ‘Hummel-Anderson’, complete with hearts and flowers all around.

Groaning, he reaches for the rubber and starts cleaning the mess away, shaking his head.

“What the hell are you doing, Hummel?” he murmured to himself as he brushed his desk clean again and forced himself to focus.

Several hours later, Kurt stands in front of Blaine’s door, bag slung over his shoulder. He needs to do his skin care routine regardless where he sleeps, of course.

And holy hell, if Kurt had been expecting a nice apartment building, he had been horribly wrong. Right now, he’s standing in front of a huge, two-story house with a gorgeous, small yard in front of it. It looks like one of those houses in the garden and decoration magazines. And it’s completely intimidating.

So Kurt reaches out with an unsure hand to press the button next to the door and nearly jumps when the bell rings. God, he needs to calm down. Taking a few deep breathes, he has managed to get his heartbeat back to normal once the door opens.

And there he is, Blaine. Gorgeous as ever, if a little shy looking. Kurt’s breath stutters once again and he bites his lip to get a grip before he dares to look at him properly.

“Hi.” Blaine says, softly.

“Hey.”

And so he steps aside and lets him in. Nodding politely, Kurt unwraps his scarf and unbuttons his coat. Before he can even try to slip it off, he feels two strong hands on his shoulders, helping him out of it.

“Oh. Uhm. Thanks.”

Smooth.

He hears Blaine chuckle behind him as he picks the bag up and looks over at Kurt.

“Come on.” He says and there’s something, a sparkle, making his eyes shine in a way that should probably make Kurt uncomfortable but doesn’t. There’s a bit of mischief and a lot of insecurity, so he follows quickly into what seems to be the living room.

And there, all previous attempts to calm his breathing or heartbeat fail miserably.

The entire room is decorated with candles, warming the room up and giving it a comfortable, cosy atmosphere. The burning fireplace just adds to that. On the large table in the middle of the room, there are two plates and another chandelier and oh god, Kurt feels like he just walked into a fairytale.

“Too much?” Blaine asks carefully from where he has set Kurt’s bag down on the leather couch. Leaning against the back of it and fiddling with is hands.

Yes, Kurt thinks. He should be doing this for Santana, his fianc�, should set up a candlelight dinner for her and heat up the fire place. But not for him. Not for the wedding planner he’s cheating on her with. This isn’t right.

But there’s so much hope in Blaine’s eyes, beneath all the fear and insecurity, he looks like a little boy seeking for improvement, wanting to make someone proud. How can Kurt hurt him when he looks at him that way?

“No.” he says softly and walks over to him, peeling one of his hands away from where they were picking on his thumb and taking it in his. “You’re really just a big, cheesy romantic, huh?”

Blaine laughs at that, dropping his head and his cheeks flush, Kurt can see that even in the dim light. And he’s pretty sure it’s not from the cosy warmth in the room.

“It’s amazing, Blaine.” He reassures him and before he can stop himself, he’s reaching out to tip his face back up, thumb stroking his cheekbone.

“I’ve never done anything like that.” He whispers, head tipping into the touch to his cheek as his eyes flutter shut. Kurt can’t stop touching.

“Thank you. For doing this, I mean.”

“It’s okay.”

Blaine catches Kurt’s hand from his face in his own and brings it to his mouth, lips pressing a tender kiss to his knuckles. He smiles. And that’s what gets Kurt every single time. How happy simple things like that seem to make him. So Kurt reaches up to drag his fingers to the curly mop on top of his head, thankfully without any gel today and smiles back.

“Dinner?” Blaine asks and Kurt nods happily. Yeah, sitting down sounds good.

Dinner passes quickly. Blaine really is a fabulous cook, even Kurt has to admit that, the chicken was delicious and the wine fit everything perfectly. They talk about everything they can think of, about High School experiences, about Glee Clubs and fashion choices, about the latest magazine of Vouge that Blaine hasn’t read but needs to and about the football game that was on yesterday which Kurt can only sigh about. If it wasn’t for their clasped hands on top of the table, one could have mistaken that for a simple dinner between close friends enjoying each others company.

After the plates and glasses and everything else is in the dishwasher though, Blaine motions towards the fireplace. On the furry rug, there are several large pillows and blankets and Kurt smiles as Blaine settles down, wriggling his toes towards the fire and rubbing his hands together. With a fond sigh, he sits down on a pillow next to him and crosses his legs.

“Thank you.” Blaine whispers and looks over, subtly – or at least he probably thinks so – shuffling closer.

“For what?”

“For coming over.”

“It’s no problem.”

Everything seems a little awkward and too cold even with the fire burning until Blaine reaches over and takes his hand again.

“I’ve missed this.”

“Blaine, we can’t-“

“Please.” Is all he says as he moves, pushes the pillow between them away and suddenly, he’s right in front of Kurt, his knees bumping into his and his hands are cupping his face. Kurt doesn’t know how all of this happened without him really noticing, but he can’t help but stare now. The way Blaine’s eyes plead and his lip is worried between his teeth.

“I’ve missed this too.”

The worry seems to fall away from his face a little and is replaced by a gentle smile. Blaine’s fingers brush over his cheek bones and then, his thumb drags over his bottom lip. Slow, way too slow and then he feels his breath on his face. Kurt doesn’t even have the will to protest as Blaine’s plush lips mould against his own in a way he will never get used to.

Somehow, without talking any more, they manage to lay down, Blaine hovering over Kurt as their lips still work against each others. It’s careful, almost shy as Blaine’s mouth slides lower, explores his jaw and neck while his hands that had been firmly plastered to his waist dip under his shirt just lightly. And Kurt feels like he’s a teenager, blushing and gasping at the touch of his fingertips.

Blaine pulls back to look up at Kurt’s face and when he doesn’t seem to find anything to stop him, he attaches his lips back to his pulse point and sucks as his fingers slowly undo the buttons of his dress shirt.

It comes off soon enough, quickly followed by Blaine’s own one and then they stop to look. The fire still makes everything somehow warmer, calmer, more soft and Kurt instantly arches into it as Blaine strokes one timid hand down the centre of his chest.

“You’re gorgeous.” He whispered, his lips once again trailing over the skin of his neck but lower, biting at his collarbone and sliding even lower, across his chest and over a nipple. Kurt keens and pushes into it, moaning, which seems to encourage Blaine to do whatever thing he just did with his tongue and teeth again.

By the time Blaine is working on his belt and manages to shove his pants down, Blaine is a groaning mess beneath him, bucking up helplessly as Blaine shimmies out of his own jeans.

They’ve done this before, Kurt reminds himself, but it still feels so new, so amazing and perfect and still. Still there’s something in the back of his mind that he can’t seem to push away.

“Bl-“ he cuts off when he rolls his hips down into his and he has to physically push at his shoulders to get his attention. “Blaine. Are you… are you sure? I mean what about Sa-“ a fierce kiss shuts him up, followed by another jerk of Blaine’s hips that leaves Kurt’s mind blank.

“Don’t say it. Please. I want to. Please let it be just us for tonight.” He whispers, right into his ear and it’s supposed to sound sultry, he can tell, but the insecurity and fear of rejection is still laced into his tone. So Kurt runs a gentle hand through his hair and kisses the top of his head. He can’t say no, even if it’s the right thing to do.

Blaine relaxes into his arms and his hips roll again and again, both of them clinging to each other and breathing in each other’s scent as they move.

Kurt’s close, so close and it’s just going to take a bit more friction until he –

“K-Kurt.” Blaine mutters as his hips still and he pulls away, sitting back on his heels.

Biting his tongue to stop the protest he already feels coming up, Kurt frowns in confusion and scrambles to sit up as well, doing his best to focus on Blaine instead of the obvious bulge in his underwear.

“What’s wrong?”

“I want to do this.”

“Then why did you stop?”

“No. I want to do … everything.”

That’s when Kurt realizes what Blaine is talking about. He doesn’t want to grind against Kurt until they’re both panting and coming in their briefs, he doesn’t want a handjob in front of the fireplace. He wants to loose his virginity. With Kurt. To Kurt.

“A-are you sure? I mean what about –“ he cuts himself off, remembering. “I mean, are you sure you want to do this with me?”

“Yes.” He doesn’t even miss a heartbeat as he answers and Kurt lets out a deep sigh.

He remembers the talk his dad had given him at seventeen. You matter, Kurt. He knows he does now, and he knows he should do this with someone he trusts and is comfortable with. But the thing is, he is all of that with Blaine. He has never felt as safe and cared for in the presence of another man as he does when he’s around Blaine. And if he’s being honest, he wants this too. With Blaine.

“Okay.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

Kurt smiles and pulls him back in, chests flush as he presses his mouth back to his and pushes his hips up. Everything goes fine for a while until he notices that there’s a sort of big lack of movement from Blaine’s side and that he’s actually trembling just slightly.

“Hey. Are you okay? We don’t have to do this.” Kurt whispers as he pulls back and strokes Blaine’s cheek gently, brushing a single curl out of his eyes.

“No, I want to.”

“Then what is it?”

“I’m just… I’m a little nervous. I don’t know what to do.” He admits in a small voice and bites his lip adorable so Kurt can only smile and wrap him up in his arms.

“That’s okay. We can figure it out together.” He whispers into his hair and presses a kiss to it. “For now, let me take care of you. We’ll need… do you have lube? And uhm… condoms?” he asks, a bit awkward but Blaine’s face is buried in his shoulder anyways so thankfully he can’t see his blush.

“Uhm. Yeah… in our bedroom, upstairs. Lube are in my side and condoms probably in hers…”

Kurt raises one eyebrow because if they haven’t slept with each other, why are there condoms in Santana’s bedside table?

“Bought them just in case.” Blaine mumbles into his shoulder and Kurt can see how red the tips of his ears are. “I can get them.” He starts to pull away but Kurt grips his shoulders and turns them over, easing him down onto the pillows.

“No. I’ll get them. You wait here and take a few deep breaths. Try to relax.” He whispers and kisses his forehead before he gets up and walks upstairs, trying to ignore the hard-on straining his briefs.

Well, this isn’t awkward at all, eh thinks as he walks into Blaine’s bed room. He’s in here while being hard with Blaine in the same position downstairs. Trying not to think about it, he walks to one of the bedside tables and pulls it open. Inside, there are a few tissues, chap stick and the promised Lube. Grabbing it, he closes the drawer again and moves over to the other one.

In there, the first thing he finds is something that looks like a photo album.

No Kurt. Don’t do that. No.

Telling the voice of reason in his head to shut up, Kurt takes it out and flips it open on a random page.

There’s a picture of Santana, wearing a tight, short dress and raising a glass as a blond woman clutches her waist, holding up a glass herself as both of them cheer at someone out of the picture.

He flips the page.

He finds what looks like an old picture, Santana in a cheerleading outfit, her hair pulled up into a tight ponytail and she’s smiling brightly at the camera. Her pinky is linked with the one of the same woman from earlier, only that she’s a few years younger as well.

Another flip.

It’s the two of them again, laying down as it appears. The Blonde’s ponytail is a bit messed up and Santana’s hair is frizzy but they both look somewhat happy as they smile up at the camera, cheeks pressed together.

So that’s probably Brittany. She looks nice enough, Kurt decides. And the two of them seem to be really close. So Santana Lopez is actually nice to someone, wow.

Before he can go into detail more though, he hears a rustle downstairs, followed by a rather wary and careful call of his name and he hurried to shove the album back in there and grabs one of the condoms before he rushes downstairs to find Blaine still lying on the pillows, seemingly relieved by Kurt’s presence.

“Alright.” Kurt mutters, more to himself than anyone else as he slides closer to hover over Blaine this time. “I’m nervous too.” He admits as he places the supplies to the side and leans in to kiss his lips softly.

“A very wise man once told me we could figure it out together.” Blaine breathes and smiles up at him. So Kurt relaxes and nods as he starts kissing down Blaine’s neck and along his chest. That seems to calm Blaine down as well since he sinks back into the pillows and settles his hands on Kurt’s shoulders.

Once Kurt’s lips reach the waistband of his boxers, he stops to look up at him with questioning eyes and though he feels Blaine’s hands tightening on his shoulders, he nods at him. So with another press of lips to the patch of dark hair disappearing under the remaining piece of clothing, Kurt hooks his fingers into the waistband and tugs.

The image in front of him is gorgeous, Blaine all spread out for him, beautiful tan skin covered in dusky hair everywhere. And it is all his, all for him to touch, to run his fingers over and brush his lips across. At least for tonight and right now, Kurt doesn’t allow himself to think much further. Tonight is all they got right now and in a way it’s really romantic and dramatic but it’s also so very sad that it would break his heart if he even thought about it.

So he doesn’t.

Instead, they’re soon tangled together, Kurt’s underwear somehow lost in the haze and lips glued together firmly. Their hips are rutting together and Kurt would have never imagined it could feel this amazing to just grind against another person’s hipbone. But it does and he never ever wants it to stop.

Or at least, he doesn’t until Blaine’s hands press against his shoulders only slightly, easing him back so they can look at each other. They don’t need to say anything, Blaine simply locks his eyes on his and Kurt knows. The bit of fear and nervousness from earlier is gone and is replaced entirely by a deep sort of trust.

That hits Kurt right in the chest because no one has ever shown that sort of trust towards him, no one had ever relied on him to take of them but here Blaine was, allowing him to do whatever he thought was right and still looking at him with those big innocent eyes. How could he even look innocent when he was split naked in front of him?

Despite that, Kurt nods, presses a kiss to Blaine’s forehead and sits back a little. Quickly, he finds the lube and pops the bottle open, covering his fingers and rubbing them together to warm them up a little. As he leans back over Blaine to nip along his neck, his hand slowly sneaks between their bodies. The second he brushes his finger down the cleft of Blaine’s ass and across his entrance, he feels him tense for a quick moment, but he simply keeps on circling the puckered muscle until he relaxes again.

He doesn’t even know where it comes from, the sudden knowledge and confidence. Everyone had always assumed that Kurt would be the perfect little bottom, the guy who blushes and squeals underneath some big hunky man. But this is so much better, so much more comfortable. It simply feels right to stroke Blaine’s side to put him at ease while he puts a bit more pressure to his finger, keeps rubbing and massaging until just the tip slips in. Both of them gasp at the same time at that and Blaine relaxes quicker around him than he had expected.

One finger slides in easily and Kurt quickly wonders how Blaine manages to know exactly when to relax, but the he guesses the reason and does blush a little after all. Which is completely silly because why would he blush over thinking about Blaine masturbating when he has his finger knuckle-deep inside of him?

Their lips find each other again at two, tongues sliding wetly and breathy gasps and moans filling the room until Kurt has three fingers inside of him, spreading and scissoring to open him up as gently as he can fathom. Every now and then Blaine winces a bit, hisses under his breath and Kurt takes it as a sign to stop, to let him adjust and only moves again when Blaine angles his head up to press their mouths together.

They work good together like that, without a single word.

Even as Kurt pulls his fingers out, rolls the condom on, slicks himself up and lines his cock up to Blaine’s hole, they don’t need a single word, Kurt’s free hand strokes Blaine’s hip while Blaine holds onto his arms and their eyes are locked so hard that nothing could break them apart right now. No force in this world.

This is the moment, Kurt thinks, this is where he looses his virginity. He had always seen it as this big thing, this life-changing experience when he had known that it wasn’t deep inside – no pun intended. But now that he looks at Blaine and feels his heart rise with all the feelings he holds for him, he knows he’s doing the right thing. There don’t need to be rose petals or huge, romantic speeches. All he needs is the man he so desperately wants and for now, he’s got him.

And so he pushed forward slowly.

The tight heat enveloping him is making his head spin instantly. He inches forward, bit by bit and once he’s buried inside all the way, cracking one eye open to look at Blaine who’s got his head thrown back, red lips parted and shiny with spit as he pants roughly, he knows it. This is what home feels like. Being with Blaine is like coming home to a place he has never seen but still feels so incredibly comfortable in.

It isn’t until Blaine downright whines and tugs at his arm that he realizes that he has been staring and staying still for way too long. So he leans down, rests his forehead against Blaine’s and starts pulling his hips back to push back inside a moment later.

Building up a rhythm is hard as neither of them has a single clue what they’re doing, so their hipbones bump into each other’s and their legs get tangled but they can’t be bothered to care. Blaine turns out to be very vocal, arms wrapped around Kurt’s body, clinging to him as he rocks his hips back, trying to chase Kurt with each thrust.

It’s perfect here, Kurt thinks, and wishes he could stay inside of Blaine forever even if the tell-tale heat in his stomach tells him he won’t be able to.

It’s all to hot, too good, to much sensation. The fireplace is still burning bright, the fire burning against their already overheated bodies and the quiet music fills each gap their wanton moans and gasps leave.

Blaine comes first, only three thrusts after Kurt wraps his hand around his cock and strokes him in time with his own movements. His head tips back, exposing his throat to him as his back arches off the pillows.

“Oh god, ohmygod Kurt!” he groans out, “I lo-“ at that, Kurt ducks down and crashes his lips to his, swallowing his words before they can be spilled out aloud. He acts on reflex, without so much as thinking about it, but he knows he can’t handle hearing the words he has been aching to hear now, in this setting, because Blaine is coming between them and feels close to Kurt.

He doesn’t want to hear it unless it means something, unless he really means it. And as much as Kurt believes Blaine cares deeply about him, he knows he doesn’t fully mean it. Not yet, maybe not ever.

And Kurt wants his first time being told those three words to matter.

Blaine doesn’t fight it, just clings to his sweaty back and clenches down around him, sucking his lower lip into his mouth at the same time and Kurt is done for.

He comes with a gasp, finger tightening against Blaine’s shoulder as his hips stutter with the best orgasm of his entire, young life.

He trembles as his vision blurs and his entire body goes limp. Unable to hold himself up for much longer, he collapses onto Blaine, face smashed into the crook of his neck. The room is quiet safe for their heavy breathing and the quiet crackling of the fireplace as Kurt pulls out, ties the condom up and awkwardly realizes that there’s no waste basket. So he just sort of pushes it aside and has barely time to realize how incredibly unhygienic that is before Blaine’s strong arms pull him back against his chest.

He smiles up at him with this calm and incredibly relaxed face. He looks tired, but his eyes still sparkle, even more than Kurt has ever seen them do.

For a moment, Kurt feels like he might cry. Never has a moment felt as right as it does right now, never has the urge to hold on, bottle this up and keep living it forever been this big.

Kurt had been happy with his life before, content, satisfied, comfortable.

But Blaine, Blaine is his missing puzzle piece.

Said puzzle piece is currently wrapping his arms around them and Kurt lets himself go, rests his head on Blaine’s shoulder and pecks the sweaty skin of his neck.

“This… was amazing.” Blaine whispers eventually, voice hoarse and quiet, as if he fears speaking too loudly might ruin the moment and make them realize it’s all just been a very elaborate and very embarrassing wet dream. Kurt knows that fear.

“It was.” He agrees softly and hooks his leg over Blaine’s waist, shifting when he hears him wince when he makes accidental contact with his now sensitive cock.

Blaine just sort of smiles at him and combs his fingers through his hair. Kurt lets him, though he would usually throw a fit for someone messing with his hair. Right now, he just feels like a cat being stroked.

He knows it’s all a bit messy with all the sweat and Blaine’s come still on his stomach. But he can’t even be bothered about that.

The phone rings.

Kurt lifts his head, but Blaine only tightens his hold.

“Blaine-“

“Leave it.”

So he does, just snuggles back up to him and lets him draw random patterns on his back until it stops ringing.

Three minutes later, it rings again.

Blaine shushes him, kisses him softly and tells him the same thing. Kurt understands, of course, he doesn’t want to get up either so he decides that Blaine probably knows best.

When it rings for a third time, Kurt is about to either kick Blaine to answer or throw a nearby pillow at the damn thing when the answering machine answers the phone.

“I have no clue why you refuse to answer the phone,” an annoyed voice echoes through the room and both of the freeze in an instant. “But you better have a good reason for it ‘cause this is annoying as hell. Anyways. Britt’s got some dancing gig tonight, so I’m coming home early, just thought I’d let you know. I swear to god, if there is some stray dog in the house again like last time just because it is so cute and made puppy-eyes at you, you and that dog can sleep on the street tonight.”

There’s a pause where there seems to be no noise, no whisper, where the music in the background seems to have shut off and the fire seems to have grown silent before Santana speaks again.

“I’m home in five minutes.”