Not even an hour has passed when Kurt hears someone fiddling at the front door again, and hesitant footsteps enter the hallway.

"Kurt?"

'Here!" Kurt shouts, or rather, yelps, from where he's slouched on the bathroom floor. Blaine appears to have heard him anyway, however, because within seconds he's in the doorway and it's clear he doesn't like what he sees.

"God, Kurt, are you ok?"

He doesn't even bother to take off his coat and just runs to the sink, wetting a washcloth to wipe Kurt's face while Kurt tries to reassure him that, yes, he is just fine. Blaine doesn't seem to hear, though, launching into full-on nurse mode.

"Why didn't you tell me, I could've... or at least sent someone... can you walk? Here, put your arm around me... have you had anything to drink yet?"

"Some water... orange juice... "

"Jesus, Kurt, why didn't you ask to switch cocktails?"

As he helps Kurt to the living room and installs him on the couch, Blaine continues his tirade on how Kurt should've told someone earlier he was feeling this bad, and if Kurt wasn't feeling so miserable he'd probably find it endearing to watch. It makes him feel exactly how much he missed his boyfriend as well as his buddy these past couple of days - until he remembers how they ended up in this situation in the first place.

"Blaine... Blaine, stop fussing... I'm fine," he says, reaching out to grab the other man's hand as he pulls a blanket over him. "I thought I could take eating an apple, my stomach disagreed, that's all. It's out now, I'll be fine."

Blaine looks at him skeptically, but lets himself be pulled down nonetheless.

"Are you sure?"

Kurt nods.

"Because I can-"

"Blaine," Kurt insists, pulling him back down when Blaine wants to get up again. "I'm. Fine."

The silence that follows isn't so much uncomfortable as it is expectant, and Blaine awkwardly rearranges Kurt's blanket to give his hands something to do.

"You know you really should buy your own pair of sweats," he says, obviously trying to make conversation, "mine will always be too short on you."

"I have never owned sweat pants, and I'm not planning on changing that anytime soon," Kurt shrugs haughtily. "And I would've changed but I didn't expect you to stop by today still. Don't you have class now?"

He lets his eyes trail over Blaine - the wide, too long pair of blue jeans he's obviously borrowed from Gary, the maroon sweater he doesn't recognize but is surprisingly flattering on him, the lines around his eyes that weren't there four days ago.

"I know how you hate waiting for things you're not looking forward to," Blaine replies uncomfortably. "And I guessed talking to my ex-boyfriend kinda classifies as a practical exercise for that Psychology of Trauma course."

Kurt feels his heart skip a beat.

"Is that what we are?" he asks, quietly. "Ex-boyfriends?"

"Aren't we? I mean..." Blaine hesitates, suddenly aware of a boundary he may have overstepped. "I kind of assumed..."

"Yeah, well, assumptions are the termites of relationships, aren't they?"

"You mean you don't want to break up with me?"

The hope that flares up in Blaine's voice and eyes is almost too much for Kurt to take, and he instantly knows he made a mistake in using that particular quote.

"This is not about what I want, Blaine," he tries to explain, "it's about what I need. And what I need is to talk about this, first. All of this."

Blaine seems to crumble, pulling away from Kurt to cuddle up on himself in the other couch.

"What do you want me to say?"

"Just be honest with me. Please."

Blaine nods, and Kurt knows that, in that moment, he could ask Blaine anything, and he would get a truthful answer.

"I know you didn't cheat on me," he says. "At least I don't think you did - it would be kind of hard to get two tests 90 days apart when we haven't even been together for that long. Which means it happened before. And I don't understand... why? I just don't get why you didn't tell me."

It's a simple enough question, but the answer seems to come harder to Blaine.

"I tried," he finally says. "I really tried. I wrote you letters, and I prepared speeches. I even brought pamphlets one time, you know, for friends and family of... they're still in my drawer if you..."

He looks away.

"I just never... I could never actually dó it. Sáy it. I was so scared of losing you. Still am. You're... you're one of the best things that have ever happened to me and I... I mean, even my own parents barely wanted anything to do with me after they found out, and with the way Jeremiah took it-"

"Wait, what?" Kurt asks incredulously, holding up his hands. Anything Blaine has said so far is so very... Blaine, but this is a name he hadn't expected to hear. "Jeremiah?"

He vaguely remembers the GAP employee, the only guy Blaine had ever spontaneously expressed an interest in. After he'd finally managed to pluck up the courage to ask him out -for Valentine's day, no less-, the date had ended with an upset and angry Blaine returning to Dalton much too soon, refusing to talk to anyone for over a week.

"Please don't be mad," Blaine pleads, but he looks guilty. "We only knew each other for a couple of months back then and I wa-"

"That's not what I meant," Kurt interrupts him. And it isn't, because suddenly this isn't about why Blaine didn't tell Kurt anymore. Because somehow, somewhere, Kurt had assumed Blaine had gotten infected during his first year in New York, carried away by the sheer amount of possibilities the city had to offer to a country boy. It was part of the reason why he was so angry, because Blaine hadn't even given Kurt the chance to be there for him when it all happened. But if Kurt understood correctly, if Blaine had told Jeremiah, that meant that...

"Blaine, how long exactly have you been... I mean... how old were you when..."

.

"Sixteen," he said, and the doctor across the desk eyed him critically. To Blaine's surprise there was no judgement in his look, but he could still feel how those piercing eyes seemed to be able to read everything that was going on in his mind. He lowered his head, relaxing a little when he felt his brother squeeze his hand encouragingly.

"I just really don't want to worry our parents when it's not necessary," he heard Gary say. "I promise if the result is negative... I mean... positive... we'll tell them. But they don't even know he's gay. They won't take it well."

The doctor simply nodded, and Blaine felt like he could breathe again. They found a doctor who was willing to test him without informing his parents, and he was just going to go through this formality, prove to his brother there was nothing to worry about, and then they could all just move on with their lives and this nightmare would be over.

His first test was negative.

His second one, three months later, was not.

.

"Jesus, Blaine..." Kurt breathes, appalled. "Sixteen... wow... but what did you even, I mean... how did you even cope with that?"

Blaine laughs humorlessly.

"I didn't, not for the longest time. I rebelled so hard I actually stopped taking my meds at one point. Developed resistance, the whole circus. It took weeks before they found a new cocktail that worked and didn't have me puke my guts out."

There's a vague memory tugging at the edges of Kurt's conscience, but it's gone before he can actually attempt to place it.

"But how?" he asks incredulously. "How does a sixteen year old contract HIV?"

Blaine lets out another short, sarcastic laugh.

"The usual way," he replies. "Being young and naive."

.

"Please, Gary!" Blaine said, looking up to his brother. "Let me visit for Easter break!"

"You don't want to visit me, you want to visit the gay bars and gasp at handsome New Yorkers," Gary laughed as he packed his suitcase.

"Your fault," Blaine pouted, falling back on the bed. "Every break you come home with stories of your conquests and how wonderful the gay scene is, and I'm stuck here in Ohio between the homophobes and the pretty, yet hopelessly straight boys."

"Just one more year, little brother, and then you're off to college and you can explore all these wonders yourself. Until then, you just stay here in your pretty little closet, and don't get yourself into trouble."

"What if I wánted to get into trouble?" Blaine winked.

"Blaine," Gary said with finality, slamming his suitcase shut. "It took mom and dad over a year to accept me, and they only managed by placing all their hopes on you to defend the family honor. If you're coming out while you're living under their roof, you're gonna make life very hard on yourself. Not to mention what they'll do at school. I've been there, Blaine, trust me, just... stay in. One more year."

"A year and a half," Blaine corrected him, crestfallen. "I just want to know what it feels like! To be able to check out a boy openly. To bé checked out. To kiss, maybe..."

"Forget it, Blaine. You're too young."

"You were younger than I am now when I caught you kissing Liam under the bleachers..." Blaine rolled onto his stomach, looking up at his brother pleadingly. "Just, tell me you'll think about it? Please?"

Gary sighed, cocking his head. He remembered his junior year at high school - the hormones, the frustration, ...

"Alright, I'll ask," he said, raising his hands in a vague attempt to calm Blaine who had started jumping up and down the bed exitedly. "But I'm not promising!"

.

"I spent a whole week in New York, hanging with Gary and his college friends, and it was just... amazing," Blaine says, his face lightening up at the memory. "We didn't go out that much -Gary didn't want to risk me getting caught with a fake ID- but there were dorm parties and the like and I... god, I just wanted to make the most of it all."

He rubs his forehead, pausing for a moment to give himself time to decide how to continue the story.

"Gary kept a close eye on me all the time, and mostly his friends didn't want to piss him off so they kept away from me, but I still managed to get a couple of kisses, and some more, here and there... . And then there was Brad.

"From the moment he saw me, he just... didn't let go. He wasn't pushy, or anything like that, he seemed content just watching me and flirting with me and... I think that, in the end, was what drew me to him. I never had that before. Never had a guy give me attention like thát. Like he wanted me. We managed to sneak off to his dorm room the last night I was there."

When Blaine looks up, Kurt is surprised to see he is actually grinning, a mischievous grin Kurt is sure decorated his face that night as well.

"It was magical. He even told me he'd call me after. He never did, of course, and I was completely heartbroken. The love of my life and I had lost it!" Blaine declared dramatically, but there was an undertone of amusement.

"So I started nagging my brother, trying to get Brad's phone number, or his e-mail address. Something. I hadn't told Gary about that last night, and he didn't immediately catch on, thought I was just being dramatic... When he finally found out..."

Blaine looks back at Kurt, all mischief and amusement gone.

"I really have him to thank for getting tested in the first place - I don't want to think how much damage I might have done if he hadn't dragged me to the doctor. I probably still wouldn't know that I..."

He sighs, rubbing his forehead.

"The worst was telling my parents. They had finally come to terms with Gary being gay, and Gary had worked so hard to show them he was just an ordinary guy, that he didn't sleep around, wasn't overly feminine, wasn't anything like the prejudices they had. And then I came, their perfectly straight son, telling them that not only was I gay, I had managed to be promiscuous enough to catch HIV at the tender age of sixteen."

Kurt is speechless. Of all the scenario's in his head -blood transfusions gone wrong, drugs, rape, even- this was the last he had been expecting. Maybe because it was the most common thing. Maybe because he had made that very same mistake only 5 days earlier.

"This is just..."

"Stupid? Irresponsible? Laughable?"

"So unlike you." Kurt shakes his head. "I mean... you're always so composed, and controlled - you barely even look at other guys. It's hard to imagine you as a hormonal sixteen year old losing his virginity to a college kid he barely even knows and contracting HIV in the process."

"HIV is what máde me composed and controlled," Blaine replies, a sad smile on his face. "I learned that lesson the hard way. Though not as thoroughly as I should have, it appears..."

It's Kurt who breaks the silence after that.

"Do you... do you ever regret it?" he asks tentatively.

"Sleeping with him?"

Kurt nods, and Blaine shrugs.

"I regret being naive. I regret not using protection. I regret not telling Gary earlier so I could have had a shot at PEP. But I don't regret sleeping with him. He wooed me. He was patient, and gentle, and sweet, and I can't imagine anyone having a better first time experience than I had with him. It was... perfect."

"How can you say that?" Kurt asks, incredulous. "How can you stay so calm, and... and sáy that, jóke about it, when he... when he gave you..."

But Blaine shakes his head.

"It's been four years, almost to the day. Being angry and vindictive doesn't solve anything -trust me, I've tried-, so I'd rather remember the good things. Yes, he should've thought of using protection, but there were two of us there that night, and the point is: keeping it safe was as much my responsibility as it was his. And he didn't know, Kurt. My brother told him, after I got my test results, and apparently he completely freaked out."

Kurt just stares at his lap.

"I still don't understand why you didn't tell me any of this earlier. I would never have judged you."

"This has nothing to do with judging and everything with acting, Kurt. And do you have any idea how people react to this?" Blaine asks him, suddenly aggressive. "I know you got bullied physically, Kurt, but bullying takes on a lot of different forms. People at my school, they literally took a detour not to have to see me. No one would sit next to me in class, or pair up for a project with me, or even talk to me. Gary was the only one that wouldn't treat me any differently, but he was miles away in New York. I finally ended up transferring and repeating my junior year. You think I boarded at Dalton because it was easier? It was a thirty minute drive, Kurt, but my parents just couldn't deal with it. With me. Fortunately the dean and the school nurse at Dalton were a lot more discrete than they had been at my previous school, because I don't know how I would have survived otherwise."

Suddenly, Kurt remembers what Gary had told him: 'You have your parents, and your friends, to be there for you. Blaine never had that, he went through it all by himself.'. And even though he knows it's useless, his heart breaks for sixteen year old Blaine.

"The point is, everyone kept telling me I could lead a normal life, but it seemed like nobody would actually let me. Jeremiah... after I told him, he basically accused me of wanting to infect him. And I concluded he was right: it just wasn't fair to let anyone take that risk with me. So I swore I would never date again. I wouldn't set myself up for heartbreak like that again. But you..."

Blaine leans back in the couch, cocking his head and smiling at Kurt as if he's a child that has done something wrong, but he still can't really be mad at.

"You were so damn persistent. Especially after you found that drawing. And I... " he bites his lip, shaking his head, "I know I should've told you, especially after you kissed me. But things went so fast after that, and I thought maybe you'd be mad at me, for tricking you, or something, because I should've told you before. I was convinced we'd break up as soon as you found out, and I... I started postponing it. Because now I had this... this thing I never thought I would have and I... I couldn't let go. It wasn't really a problem, after all, not as long as we didn't actually... have sex. But the longer it lasted, the more scared I got that I would lose you, and I just... "

He starts rubbing his forehead again, as if he wants to clear his head from what he's trying to say.

"I know it was selfish. I guess I thought that maybe, if I could prove to you first I could be the perfect boyfriend, you'd be more reluctant to break up with me if I told you - and I wás going to tell you, Kurt, you háve to believe that, I would never have let things go any further without telling you."

"I know," Kurt says softly, and he means it. "I believe you. But you still lied to me."

Blaine bows his head.

"I did. And I'm really -really-, truly, and deeply, sorry."

And Kurt feels the desperation clutch at his chest as he looks at the man in front of him. He doesn't want to do this, not really, but there's no other way. He's past the anger, past the disappointment. He knows he can work past the hurt, he can even work past the blame he's put on Blaine because there were two of thém that night, too. Still, he can't go back to what they were, what they had. He wouldn't know hów, because the foundation of it all -their absolute trust in each other- is no longer there.

"I still love you. But I don't think I can do this."

His voice is shaking - he has to bite his underlip to keep himself from crying and he can see Blaine is fighting hard not to give in to the tears as well.

"It's not because you're..."

"I know," Blaine nods, avoiding Kurt's eyes as he stands up. "I understand. I'll... I'll start packing my stuff, look for a new place. Gary said I could st-"

"No."

Kurt scrambles out of the couch now as well, the blanket Blaine had thrown over him held tight around his shoulders.

"Please stay."

He's not sure of what he's asking, not sure if this is really what he wants. But he knows what he doesn't want, and he doesn't want Blaine to go.

"Don't leave. I don't want to be alone now. I... I can't do this... ," he gestures between them, "us... not, not yet, at least, maybe never... but I - I need a friend, Blaine. I need you. And I'm so scared. I'm so fucking scared."

He breaks down when he feels Blaine's arms wrap around him, shaking as the tears stream down his cheeks and he lets his emotions run freely for the first time since that dreadful morning. Blaine presses him close, holds him up, and Kurt hates himself when he wonders for a split second if they could infect each other through their tears. He wonders if this will be them, from now on, if the lingering fear of the virus will always be there, in every touch, in every hug, and he understands, in that moment, why Blaine was so terrified of telling him.

"I don't want to be scared, Blaine, I don't want to be scared of you."

"Then don't be," Blaine tells him, somehow managing to sound confident through his tears, "don't be. I know it's hard, and frightening, but you're going to be fine. We're going to be fine. I'm going to be there every step of the way and everything is going to be just fine."