Brad has his arms around his waist while Blaine tries to fit the key into the lock of his apartment, but that's only part of the reason why it takes him longer than he would like to admit to actually open the door.

"Come on, Blaine, admit it - just admit you had fun!" Brad whales behind him but Blaine just laughs, letting out a triumphant noise when the door finally swings open. The weight of Brad pressing in behind him is just a bit more than he can take, however, and they stumble inside, crashing against the opposite wall.

"Say it," Brad stage-whispers in his ear, his hands on either side of Blaine as he leans forward, not touching but close enough so that Blaine can't actually move, his back pressed firmly against the wall. "I want to hear you say it."

Blaine giggles, feeling giddy with the alcohol flowing through his veins, and he nudges his nose against Brad's as he opens his mouth to reply.

"Blaine?"

The voice makes both of their heads snap to the side and Blaine can barely process the image of Kurt, standing at the end of the hall with a blanket held tight around his shoulders and looking like he's just woken up, before Brad takes a step back, not a trace of laughter or amusement left in him.

"K-kurt?" Blaine stammers, not sure exactly of what situation he suddenly finds himself in, let alone how to react to it. He feels somehow like Kurt has caught him cheating, although even his alcohol-meddled brain tells him that's a ridiculous notion, not in the least because -and even after all these months the realization still stings- they're not together. "W-what- what are you doing. Up?"

"Waiting for you," Kurt says, sounding surprised that he even needs to clarify. His voice is heavy with sleep, and he stifles a yawn, pulling the blanket a bit closer around him.

"I-eh... I think I'm gonna go home," Brad says suddenly, taking another step back, pointing at the door over his shoulder. "Nice to see you again, Kurt, sorry for waking you up. Blaine... I'll eh... I'll talk to you later, alright?"

Blaine just nods dumbly, lifting his hand in goodbye when Brad tilts his head first at Kurt and then at Blaine before he steps out of the apartment, closing the door carefully behind him.

The soft click seems to wake Kurt up because he sounds firmer when he breaks the traitorously peaceful silence Brad's departure has left behind.

"Where have you been?"

"Out," Blaine shrugs defensively, because the way Kurt looks at him just makes him feel like a five year old who got caught stealing cookies, and he turns around, avoiding Kurt's gaze as he hangs his coat in the cupboard.

"I can see that," Kurt says, sounding a little indignant, taking a step back to let Blaine pass as he goes to the kitchen. "Are you drunk?"

"No."

He knows it's a lie, even if he's not exactly wasted, but somehow he doesn't want to admit that to Kurt.

"I may have had a beer," he says instead, taking a glass and holding it under the tap. "Maybe two."

"So you're drunk."

"I'm happy."

He turns around swiftly, water spilling over his hand from swaying a too-full glass too fast.

"I had two beers, Kurt, I'm allowed to have two beers, you know?"

"Maybe you would be if you'd bother to answer your damn phone!"

Kurt's glancing down, obviously just as surprised by his outburst as Blaine is, and he takes a deep breath before he looks back up at Blaine.

"I called you at least ten times, Blaine," he says, his voice steady although it gets progressively less calm as he continues. "You didn't say anything about not coming home for dinner and I had no clue where you were, didn't even know if you had your pills on you! Do you have any idea how worried I was?"

"Seriously?" Blaine asks, incredulous. "That's what you're going with? I forget to text you I'll be out till later and you're worried about my pills? You're just... you don't..."

He drains his glass, shaking his head as he puts it back down on the counter.

"You really don't trust me at all, do you?"

"Well, did you?" Kurt asks sharply, folding his arms in front of him as if it will somehow protect him from Blaine's sarcasm.

"Yes," Blaine bites back. "Brad and I went for a burger and I had my daily dose of chemicals right on time like a good boy. Happy?"

But Kurt just scowls at him.

"Did that bastard put you up to this?"

"Don't call him that," Blaine says, squinting and growing more annoyed with every minute that ticks by. "He has a name. And no, he didn't put me up to anything. In case you hadn't noticed - I'm an adult, I'm perfectly capable of making my own decisions thankyouverymuch."

He's not sure exactly why Kurt is making such a big deal out of this -it's not like Kurt never goes out with his friends - although, to be fair, the times they don't go out together are few and far between- and he sends him his most indignant glare. He must not be doing it right, though, because his flatmate isn't the least bit impressed.

"Well then, Mr. Adult," Kurt sneers, ignoring the blanket that falls from his shoulder as he gestures wildly with his arms, "next time you're taking your own decisions could you maybe be bothered to at least téll me if you're planning on staying away all night? Or, oh, you know, check your messages?"

"I didn't even get-" Blaine starts, fishing his cellphone out of his pocket, but he cuts himself off when he looks at the screen, sighing in defeat when he holds it up for Kurt to see. "Battery's dead."

"So basically you didn't even look at your phone at all?" Kurt explodes even further. "You didn't think, for even one second, that maybe I could be worried about you?"

"Worried about me?" Blaine asks sharply, eyes squinting. "Or about my pills? Because for a moment there that seemed to be your major concern."

"Oh god, please, you know very well that's not how I meant it," Kurt says lowly as he rolls his eyes, but Blaine barely even hears it. He doesn't want to be angry, but Kurt's treating him like he committed some capital sin and is too stupid to even realize it, and it puts him on edge. Somewhere in the back of his mind he's aware that the two beers he's had aren't doing his judgement any favors, but he can't bring himself to care.

"No, of course you didn't mean it like that," he says scornfully. "I've been taking those fucking things for three years, Kurt; three years, every single day, and I forgot them once. Once. In my second week. So I really don't need anyone telling me how and when I should take them, least of all you, ok?"

He stalks past Kurt and out of the kitchen, wondering how the great night he'd had had suddenly turned into this nightmare. His head is pounding -from shouting or from the alcohol, he doesn't know- and he just needs to get away from Kurt now, even if it means they'll go to bed angry. They can talk about it in the morning.

Kurt, however, doesn't seem to agree.

"You're not being fair, Blaine!' he shouts after Blaine. "I was just trying to help! I know it sucks to have to take those pills but that's no reason to work out your frustrations on me!"

And somehow, that's the drop.

"You don't know shit, Kurt!" Blaine spins around, shouting. "Just because you were on ARTs for a month doesn't make you an expert, you know? Because you don't have to worry about it anymore, do you? You don't have to worry about pills, or doctor visits, or safe sex, or resistance, or having your dinner on time. Well, I do! Every. single. fucking. day for the rest of my life, ok?"

"Yeah, well, maybe you should've thought about that before you let a stranger fuck you bareback then!"

You could hear a needle drop in the silence that follows, but Blaine wouldn't know. His ears are ringing and he's staring at Kurt as he's trying to process what was just said. For a split second he almost manages to convince himself he heard it wrong, but then Kurt brings up his hands to his mouth, his eyes widening in shock at the realization of his own words, and Blaine knows he had heard it exactly right.

"Oh god, I'm sorry," Kurt stammers. "Blaine, I didn't mean that, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry."

Kurt takes a step forward but Blaine raises his arms to stop him in his tracks.

"Don't," he says, voice empty. "Just... just don't."

He feels like the walls are about to crash in on him and suddenly he needs to get away - away from Kurt, away from their apartment, and without another word he turns on his heels. It only takes him four solid steps to make it to the front door, and when he opens it he can't help but looking back at Kurt who hasn't moved an inch. Blaine looks him over just once - looks at the eyes shiny with tears, the slumped shoulders, the arms wrapped around a small, shivering torso.

"Oh, and just for the record," he says poignantly, "he didn't fuck me. I fucked him."

If he slams the door too hard when he leaves he doesn't care.

-o0o-

The door slams shut with a loud bang that resounds through the apartment, and for a good five minutes Kurt just stands there, frozen on the spot, thoughts running through his mind at lightning speed.

Should've thought about that before you let a stranger fuck you bareback!

What had possessed him to think that, let alone say it? True, he'd been annoyed by Blaine's complete lack of understanding for his worries, and waking up to the sight of Brad pushing Blaine up against the wall hadn't helped in the least, but exactly how their fighting had gotten so heated he didn't even think about what he was saying anymore, was something he couldn't quite wrap his head around. Even now, so shortly after, the whole argument already seemed so silly, so stupid.

It only serves to makes him feel all the more guilty for what he said, and how he is ever going to be able to properly apologize to Blaine he doesn't know.

He looks at the clock to see it's well past midnight, and for all the self-chastising he's currently doing he simply can't add thinking about Blaine wandering around the city on his own at this time - without a coat. The thought hits him with frightening force: it's the end of October and Blaine just stormed out in the middle of the night without his coat. Somehow, that realization is what shakes him out of his stupor.

It's much too late to even consider calling any of their friends, but after a moment's consideration he does call Gary. It seems to be his best bet: they don't live too far, and Blaine has a habit of crashing at his brother's when he's upset.

That, and Kurt just needs someone to calm him down right now.

It's Benjamin who answers, sounding only half awake as Kurt explains as vaguely as he can that Blaine ran off.

"When did he leave?"

"Ten minutes ago or something," Kurt says, trying hard to keep the panic out of his voice. It's worse, the dread he's feeling now is so much worse than the worry from before because now he knows there is a very, very real reason to worry.

"Then he can't possibly be here yet," Benjamin says sleepily, and Kurt can hear some muffled noises in the background before Ben starts talking to him again. "Just a minute, Kurt, I'm gonna pass Gar."

"Kurt?"

Gary sounds barely more awake than Benjamin did, but there's something soothing about the familiar voice, so similar to Blaine's, and Kurt feels himself calm down just a little.

"Gar?" he says, voice squeaking. "Gary, he left... he came home like half an hour ago and we got into an argument and I- I said something stupid. Really stupid. And he ran off and the battery of his phone is dead and he forgot his coat and I-I don't know what to do, Gar, I just don't know what to do right now."

He's back on the verge of tears by the time he finishes talking, and he has to bite his underlip to keep himself from actually starting to cry.

"Ok, Kurt, I need you to calm down first, ok?" Gary says soothingly. "Do you- do you want one of us to come over?"

"No," Kurt says immediately, secretly glad Gary doesn't press for details, "no, I need you to be there, if he- if he comes to your place, he'll... he'll need you more than I do. I just... could you just let me know when he gets there? If, I mean? If he gets there?"

"Of course."

There's a short silence, and Kurt closes his eyes, taking a deep breath.

"He'll be alright, Kurt," Gary tries to calm him down. "He's not one to do something stupid, you know that. Even if he doesn't come here, that doesn't mean something happened, okay? You know how he is. He probably just needs some time to cool off. Is there anything else we can do for you?"

Kurt shakes his head, even if Gary can't actually see that.

"No... no, I don't think so. But thank you."

"And don't stay up, ok?" Gary says, sounding genuinely worried. "He's got plenty of friends in town who'd take him in any time of the day or night - and tomorrow morning you'll find him sitting at the breakfast table with apologies."

Kurt huffs, smiling a little at the image despite himself.

"I'm pretty sure I'll be the one offering apologies, really."

"Either way - you should go to bed, ok?" Gary tells him. "There's nothing you can do for now, and I know you, too, you're only going to get crazy scenario's in your head. You'll do both of you a favor if you're well-rested tomorrow. Alright?"

"Sure," Kurt says absent-mindedly, already with his thoughts back to Blaine and where he might go if he doesn't go to Gary's.

"Kurt," Gary's voice pulls Kurt out of his reveries. "Promise?"

Kurt sighs.

"Sure. Promise."

"Good night, Kurt."

"Good night, Gar. Sorry for waking you up."

"Not a problem. I'll let you know if he shows up."

"Thanks."

But when Kurt hangs up, his gaze keeps returning to the front door. It would be madness to go out to look for Blaine, he knows that - New York is a crazy enough place to find someone even if you know where to look, and with no idea of where Blaine might have gone to Kurt doesn't stand a chance.

But there's no chance he'll be able to sleep either, not after what he's said, not when he doesn't know where Blaine has gone or what he might do, two more beers in his system than he's used to having. And without a coat. There's a little voice at the back of his head suggesting he probably went back to Brad to finish what Kurt had interrupted, but Kurt shuts it down immediately. That is definitely not something he wants to think about now.

He scribbles a quick note on the back of the one he'd left earlier that night, slips on the shoes with the least amount of laces and tugs on his coat before he grabs Blaine's too. He doesn't even know what he'll say if he even finds Blaine, but it doesn't matter - right now, he just needs to know Blaine is safe.

-o0o-

It's more by chance than anything else that Kurt finally sees him. He's tried the 24/7 coffee shop they sometimes go to. He's traced the way to Gary and Ben's apartment, both on foot and by subway, and he went to the Williamsburg Bridge which, according to Blaine at least, offers the most stunning view in New York. He's even made it all the way to Times Square, to the stairs where he knows Blaine likes to just sit and watch people, but in the end he's just there, sitting on a small bridge in the park around the corner from their apartment.

Blaine doesn't look up when Kurt drapes his coat around his shoulders and carefully lowers himself on the plastic bag he carries with him at all times for exactly these types of occasions - he doesn't mind sitting on a wet bridge with Blaine at 4am on a Thursday night, but that doesn't mean he should sacrifice his jeans to do it. They sit in silence at first; Blaine with his legs dangling from the bridge, leaning on the railing in front of him with his arms crossed, Kurt a little more stiff, hands in his lap as he watches the water flow slowly below them. It isn't until Blaine brings his hand to his mouth that Kurt actually sees the cigarette in his hand.

"I didn't know you smoked," he says before he can stop himself, a little surprised.

Blaine warily studies the cigarette he's holding, as if it's the first time he's aware it's actually there. As far as Kurt can tell, that might actually even be the case.

"I don't," Blaine says flatly, taking another drag. "I don't smoke. I don't do drugs. I don't drink. I don't have sex. Nope. None of that for me."

"Is that what tonight was about?" Kurt asks carefully, glancing sideways. "Doing stuff you don't normally do?"

"Yes. No. Maybe." Blaine rubs his forehead against his shoulder and sighs. "I don't know."

"Look, Blaine," Kurt starts, "about what I said-"

"It's fine," Blaine interrupts him, the look he shoots Kurt so intense Kurt's mouth freezes mid-movement when he wants to counter that it's most definitely not fine, that it's actually as far from fine as anything could ever be. "You were right. Even if you could've said it a little more tactfully."

Kurt grimaces at the blatant understatement, not sure how to react.

"You know where he took me?" Blaine continues before he even has a chance. "He gave me this whole speech about how I was keeping myself from having fun for all the wrong reasons, how I had to stop punishing myself. He told me all that and you know where he fucking took me?"

He smiles at Kurt over his shoulder, eyebrows frowned as if he still can't quite believe what had happened.

"The fair, Kurt, he took me to a fair. Roller coasters, cotton candy, ... the works. He even bought me one of those sugar-coated apples, you know? How do they call them - pommes d'amour or something?" He chuckles softly, bringing his cigarette back to his lips. "We went to a club after, though, that place on 42nd, I think Nick mentioned it some time ago?"

He looks at Kurt questioningly, but when Kurt just stares back at him with a blank look, he simply shrugs.

"Oh well, I'm pretty sure that was the place. We should go there some time, it was fun. Nice views."

Kurt is pretty sure Blaine must still be drunk - or maybe he is high on something. Nicotine. Or cool night air. In either case, Blaine is supposed to be mad with him, furious, even, but instead he is sitting next to Kurt as if their fight has never happened, casually recounting how much fun he's had on his date tonight. It puts Kurt on edge, feeling that maybe Blaine just isn't mad at Kurt for what he'd said so that Kurt wouldn't be able to be mad at Blaine for what he'd said. Or done. On his date.

It seems Blaine can read his mind, though, because he glances over at Kurt.

"You can ask me, you know," he says, far too casually for Kurt's taste. "If I slept with him."

Kurt's never been happier for the darkness that surrounds them because he's sure his cheeks are flushed red, and he lowers his head, fiddling with his hands in his lap. He had promised himself not to think about the possibility of Blaine and Brad, and up until now he'd been able to keep that promise for the most part of the evening, which is why he hadn't planned to bring the issue up.

Hell, he isn't sure he even wants to know.

"No," he says, quavering a little, "no, that's... it's none of my business."

Blaine had told him he would understand if Kurt didn't want to give their relationship a second chance, but it isn't until now that Kurt realizes that the inverse is not true. Because he needs to know Blaine will still be there, that he will be waiting for Kurt if and when Kurt finally manages to sort through the mess and is ready to start over. And he knows he still has a long way to go -his reaction to Blaine's internship applications earlier that week was proof enough- but he's trying, he's trying so hard, and the idea that he would be working this hard only to find out Blaine had moved on without him... he doesn't think he could bear it.

Blaine lets out an amused huff, as if he couldn't disagree more, and takes another drag from his cigarette.

"Well, I didn't," he says, tilting his head towards Kurt, seizing him up for a couple of seconds and Kurt nods, his gaze fixed on the water below them. "You don't believe me, do you?"

"Nono, of course I do!" Kurt hurries to say, his head jerking up, and he pushes away the memory of Blaine being held against the wall by Brad, their faces inches apart. "Of course I do."

He means it, or at least - he wants to mean it. He's trying to mean it. Because he wants to trust Blaine, wants to be able to take everything he says at face value, the way he could before. But Blaine has already proven him wrong once, and it's hard to forget about that.

Blaine must pick up on Kurt's inner turmoil because he sighs.

"Look, Kurt... I... I know I screwed up. I know trusting me is not your first instinct now. But I have nothing to win by lying, or hiding things from you. On the contrary, even. I can't make you believe me but... if you ever doubt me, just... just remember that, ok?"

Kurt nods again.

It sounds so simple, the way Blaine puts it, and Kurt almost manages to believe it. Maybe not quite, but at least a little bit more than before. It is unexpectedly reassuring, though, because if Blaine believes he has nothing to win by keeping things from Kurt, that must mean he also believes he has something to lose if he does, and Kurt allows himself to think it is him Blaine doesn't want to lose.

Especially since he really, really doesn't want to lose Blaine.

"I really am sorry about what I said," he says off-handedly. Because even if Blaine doesn't seem to be waiting for an apology, he still feels like he has to give one. For himself. "I don't know what got into me. I don't even think it's true, I-"

He cuts himself off when Blaine places a hand on his knee, squeezing softly.

"You were tired and worried, and I was at least a little drunk," he says forgivingly. "We both said things we shouldn't have. And I am sorry for getting so caught up in my evening I didn't think of letting you know I would be home late. Even?"

Hardly, Kurt thinks, but he nods anyway. Unlike Blaine, who seems to have sobered up, he's even more tired and worn out than he was before, and he knows he really can't do this conversation properly right now.

So when Blaine lifts his hand from where it was still laying on his knee, moving his arm back and behind Kurt, Kurt doesn't hesitate for a moment, lets him be tugged him closer, resting his head against Blaine's shoulder. Just for now, it feels right.

He startles when Blaine jerks his shoulder, and he looks up just in time to see him flick away the cigarette end in a practiced motion that tells Kurt that whatever Blaine says, this is definitely not the first time he has smoked. He would have called Blaine out on it if he hadn't been so tired, but as he closes his eyes he realizes that it doesn't really matter anyway. It's a little white lie, one that Blaine probably tells himself as well as Kurt, and while Kurt would rather have no lies at all, he knows that they're each entitled to have their own little secrets, too.

He lets out a yawn, snuggling in closer to Blaine, letting go of his worries and fears for just a moment and simply enjoying the warmth enveloping him. It could be this simple between them, maybe, if he would ever be able to figure things out. Not if, he decides - when. But until then, he wants to relish in this quiet moment of certainty that everything will work out, regardless of whether that means they'll actually get back together. And when he feels Blaine press a kiss on top of his head, he sighs contently. Cold as it is, he'll stay here, in Blaine's arms, for as long as Blaine will let him.