He throws himself back against the couch in exasperation, folding his arms over his chest as he looks over at Nick defiantly, daring him to argue back, but his friend simply raises his hands in admission.

"Well... they kind of are, right?"

"What, friends?" Kurt shakes his head fervently, his voice even more high pitched than usual. "The guy gave him AIDS, Nick. AIDS. How can you be friends with someone that gave you AIDS?"

"You're being way too dramatic," Nick says soothingly. "First off, Blaine doesn't have AIDS, he's HIV positive - there's a big difference and you know that. Secondly, do you really think Blaine would've exchanged phone numbers with him if he didn't want to see the guy anymore?"

But Kurt rolls his eyes, unimpressed with Nick's attempt at calming him down.

"Please, Nick," he huffs, "you know Blaine as well as I do: he's too polite for his own damn good. If someone tried to rob him he would probably end up inviting him over for coffee. That guy ruined his life! I mean, it's because of Brad that Blaine is positive, that he got bullied and had to transfer and lost a year. It's Brad's fault he feels so uncomfortable about dating, and basically, it's because of Brad that Blaine and I broke up. Trying to be friends with someone like that is bound to end in disaster."

"Or you could say that since it's because of him that Blaine transferred to Dalton, it's thanks to him that you two actually even met," Nick reasons back. It earns him a push against his shoulder and a glare that would have been lethal had he not built up resistance over the three years he's been friends with Kurt.

"Are you seriously trying to be smart with me, Duval?"

"All I'm trying to do is get you to see things from a different perspective," Nick shrugs, looking a little indignant as he rubs over his shoulder. "And if Blaine wants to be friends with that guy then that's his business. I think you know that."

"What are you getting at?" Kurt sighs, rolling his head against the back of the couch to look at his friend. Out of the two of them Nick has always been the more reasonable one, and while that's part of the reason Kurt's talking to him right now and not to Rachel or Mercedes, it can be quite annoying when he's trying to make Kurt understand something without really telling him what it is. As he's doing now.

"I think there's another reason why you're so upset about Blaine starting to see that Brad guy again," Nick evades the question, looking at Kurt inquisitively, but Kurt refuses to take the bait.

"Such as?"

"You're jealous."

It's all Kurt can do to stare at Nick, his mouth opening and closing again while he's trying to decide whether to downright reject the accusation or simply ignore it altogether. He's saved from making an actual decision when his cellphone starts ringing, and he takes the call without even checking who it is.

"Hello?"

"Well hello there, Lady Lips!"

It takes Kurt a couple of seconds before he recognizes the voice of the person on the other side of the line, and not just because his mind is still preoccupied with the previous conversation: he hasn't heard her in well over a year.

"Santana?"

Kurt's voice is equal parts confusion and annoyance, and Nick has to bite his lip to keep himself from laughing - he doesn't know Santana too well, but he knows Kurt well enough to realize that he would have taken the jealousy-conversation over a phone call with Santana any day.

"Please, don't fall over yourself in your enthusiasm," Santana snaps. "You always greet your friends like this?"

"Sorry to be surprised you even care after ignoring all of our calls and messages for a whole year," Kurt bites back, meanwhile shrugging at Nick who mouthed an amused 'why is she calling?'

"Distance is supposed to make the heart grow fonder, Kurt, didn't anyone ever tell you that? Anyway - Britt and I bumped into Mike and Tina the other day, and they told us you're living the dream in New York..."

Kurt glances over at his desk in the corner, where, barely a couple of weeks into the new school year, a large pile of sketches and an even more impressive amount of fabric samples are already hiding his laptop from view. It was what he wanted to do, yes, but calling it 'living the dream' was still somewhat of a stretch.

"... and since we will be crashing the Big Apple for Halloween," Santana continues, unaware of Kurt's musing, "we decided to honor you with our company!"

"Are you... are you inviting yourself over?"

Kurt is barely able to hide his horror. Sure, it had been ages since he'd seen both girls and he couldn't say he hadn't missed them, but having them stay at their not-all-that-big apartment would present a challenge, at the very least. But Santana continues as if she hasn't even heard him - which, now that Kurt thinks of it, is actually very likely.

"We'll be staying three nights, and don't even try to blow us off because I know you have a spare bedroom: Tina told me you finally managed to tame that songbird of yours! I'd say congratulations but seeing how much time it cost you it would be wildly inappropriate."

The reference to his relationship with Blaine makes Kurt's stomach drop, and he swallows hard. But now is not the time to be thinking about any of that, nor is Santana the person to be doing any thinking with, and he forces himself to stay calm.

"Well well, never thought I'd live to see the day where Santana Lopez would forego saying something inappropriate," he smirks. "Then again, seeing as this is also the day where she is so out of the loop she's actually not aware that Blaine and I broke up five months ago, maybe I shouldn't be so surprised."

"Excuse me?"

"... and that 20/20 hearing is also a thing of the past, it seems. Oh Santana, how you've changed."

It's the easy way out, letting his sarcasm do the work, but at least Kurt feels a bit more on top of the conversation now. Unfortunately, it doesn't last long.

"Whatever, Snow White. We land the 31st at half past three at JFK - I expect you to pick us up there. And make sure you get us into the best Halloween party in town, because we wants to get our dancing on, entiendes?"

And with that, she hangs up, leaving Kurt to stare down at the phone in his hand for a couple of seconds before he looks back up.

"So," he says, keeping his voice as neutral as he can. "Seems like we'll be having visitors for Halloween."

"Seems like you'll be sharing a bed with Blaine for three nights," Nick replies in the same casual tone, leaning back into the couch as he crosses his arms, but his eyes are twinkling.

"Don't," Kurt warns him, putting his cell phone back on the coffee table.

"Don't what?"

"Don't look at me like that. Like sharing a bed with Blaine -which I won't, by the way, they'll sleep on the couch no matter what they say- but even if I did, sharing a bed will not magically bring us together."

Nick shrugs non-committally.

"Maybe not, but it could help," he says in a suggestive tone of voice, a little smirk appearing on his face as he watches Kurt get up, but Kurt just isn't in the mood for jokes right now.

"Who says I even want help?" he replies pungently, trying to take advantage of Nick's surprise to slip past him towards the kitchen. He's just not fast enough.

"Wait a minute," Nick grabs his wrist and turns him around. "Are you seriously telling me you don't want to get back together with Blaine?"

Kurt shrugs, twisting his arm to release it from Nick's grip.

"What I'm saying is that I don't know whether I want to get back together with Blaine."

Kurt wants to take the words back as soon as they're out, because out loud they sound so much more real than they did in his head, and suddenly he's not so sure that that is what he wanted to say in the first place. But that's the thing with Blaine: Kurt isn't sure of anything anymore.

"I mean - I don't know if we can get back together." Kurt rubs his forehead, a nervous tic he's taken over from Blaine, before he looks back down at Nick. "Because I... he broke my trust, Nick. He kept this huge thing hidden from me and how do I know he won't do it again?"

"You don't," Nick tells him as he gently pulls him down onto the couch again. "You don't. That's the whole point of trusting someone, isn't it? There's no guarantee, there are no refunds: you believe that they'll treat you right, that they'll be honest with you, because you trust them."

"But how?" Kurt asks, because this is the question he's been asking himself over and over again ever since Blaine said those three horrible words at the hospital all those months back. How do you regain trust that was never really there in the first place?

"Time," is Nick's simple reply. "Just give it time."

For Kurt, it's not enough.

"But I've given it time!" he exclaims frantically as he waves his arms. "I've given it plenty of time! It's been five months and still every time he comes home later than he said he would, I can't help but wonder where he was, what he did. And I can't even ask him because how will I know he's telling me the truth? I mean... am I not, like, supposed to be past this stage by now?"

But Nick slowly shakes his head.

"Kurt, you were never in that stage in the first place."

"Excuse me?"

Kurt looks positively apprehensive, and Nick shifts so that they face each other.

"What did you do after you broke up with Blaine?" he asks softly. "You fought to make it through all the pills and the counseling sessions and your life, but when did you actually take time to accept the break-up? To come to terms with everything? To talk to Blaine? You need to accept what happened before you can possibly move on, and right now you're just trying to ignore it all and get back to what you had before. But things don't work that way."

He takes Kurt's hands in his, squeezing gently.

"You need to focus on you first, for a bit, before you can deal with you and Blaine. And it's ok not to be ok with it, you know? It's ok to take some distance, to take your time to pick up the pieces and dust them off before you start puzzling them back together. Just... give it time..."

But all Kurt can do is shake his head as he bites back the tears.

"I don't think that's gonna help, Nick. I don't think it's gonna help because, even if I get over myself, if I find a way to trust him again... he has HIV. He has HIV and how can I even..." he gulps back a sob, wiping at his nose as he tries to recompose himself. "He challenged me to kiss him, the day before yesterday, because apparently Mercedes is scared to touch him and I got mad and he challenged me to prove I wasn't scared, too. And I couldn't."

He looks up now, not even protesting when Nick wipes the tears from his cheeks. "I couldn't do it. What kind of a relationship can I offer him if I'm too scared to kiss him, let alone... let alone have sex with him?"

"Hey, hey, don't you think you're asking a little bit too much of yourself here?" Nick asks, taking Kurt's face in his hands. "What did I just tell you? One step at a time... Step one: accept what happened. Don't hide it away, or ignore it - give it a place. Step two: figure out what you want from Blaine. Being with him won't be easy, and before you jump into that you need to make sure that that's what you really want. For both your sakes."

"And then what?" Kurt asks meekly, barely able to concentrate on Nick's words for all the energy he's putting in trying to stop crying.

"And then you'll find a way," Nick tells him with more confidence than Kurt can ever imagine feeling, ducking his head to be able to look Kurt in the eyes. "Look, Kurt, Blaine cares about you - you know that. And if you want to be with him he'll wait for you. He's not going to run off with some random guy just because you need a bit more time, not even when that guy is the first guy he ever fell in love with and lost his virginity to, okay?"

Kurt cringes when he hears his fear being put to words so bluntly, and he bites his lip as he gives up on fighting back his tears.

"But what... what if-if... what... if he... does?" he sobs, frantically trying to wipe away his tears before Nick stops him and pulls him in.

"He won't," he whispers, hugging Kurt tight, "he won't. Promise."

And Kurt just lets himself be held, lets his tears run freely as he finally gives in to the fear that's been paralyzing him for so long. Fear he'll never be able to forgive Blaine, fear he'll never be able to reach that place again where he could love Blaine unconditionally, but most of all fear that someone else might take that place before he gets the chance to get back there himself. Because although he knows running away from Blaine and the secrets he's kept would hurt, the possibility of staying and losing the fight, of seeing Blaine fall for someone else hurts even more. And right now he just doesn't know if what he feels for Blaine is strong enough to take that risk.

.

By the time Blaine comes home, Nick has already left and Kurt is squealing at a Project Runway rerun on television. His eyes are still a bit puffy, but when Blaine asks about it, clearly worried, he shakes his head.

"Nick was here and ..."

"... he made you cry?" Blaine asks, apprehensive, and despite himself, Kurt lets out a chuckle.

"Not really, no," he says, smiling up at Blaine and trying to make it look as convincing as he possibly can. "We had a... talk. One of the heavy kind."

Blaine nods slowly, dropping his satchel next to the kitchen counter, and Kurt can almost see the wheels turning in his head as he takes in Kurt's appearance: his puffy eyes, the way he's slouched against the couch, the slightly red nose; and Kurt sits a bit straighter.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Blaine finally asks, but Kurt shakes his head. This is something he needs to figure out for himself, first, before he can possibly take it to Blaine.

"Nah, I think I've had it with talking for today," he says. "Maybe later, I just... I have a lot to think about first... Thanks, though."

He smiles again in an attempt to wipe the worried look off Blaine's face. He can see it doesn't really work, however, and so he scrambles onto his knees, placing his right hand over his heart and holding up his left, an earnest look on his face.

"I solemnly swear I won't bottle it up until I burst and I will come to talk to you if necessary." He cocks his head as he drops his arms. "Better?"

Blaine looks at him in confusion for a moment, squinting a little as he's clearly trying to gauge whether Kurt is being serious or not, but finally he lets out a small huff, shaking his head as he smiles at Kurt in amusement.

"Alright then," he says, holding up his hands while he walks towards Kurt. "Any non-crying inducing news from Nick then?"

He lets himself fall into the couch opposite Kurt, leaving Kurt to feel momentarily disappointed until he remembers what Nick told him - that he needs to take some time for himself first, needs to be sure about where he wants their relationship to go. Maybe putting some distance between him and Blaine, figuratively and literally, is not such a bad idea.

"Well, we're going for karaoke, if that falls under the 'news' category," he says as he settles back in the couch. "You wanna come?"

"Oh god please yes!" Blaine all but groans, throwing his head back against the couch. "I haven't sung in ages!"

Kurt can't help but laugh at the staged drama.

"You sing at that restaurant place every Sunday, or did you forget about that?"

"It's not the same," Blaine objects indignantly, "we have a set list, I can't just get up and sing what I want. And it's like, once a week. It's nothing, really."

"I told you you should've taken Musical Theatre as your minor," Kurt tells him, "or at least take some course somewhere - but no, you just had to fully focus on Psychology. So don't expect me to feel sorry for you now."

"I don't," Blaine shrugs, shifting in the couch so he can lie down, throwing his arms over his head, and Kurt has to try hard not to let his gaze linger where Blaine's shirt has ridden up just a little. "I'm perfectly happy with my course schedule, but that doesn't mean I would object to more singing. So, when are you going?"

"Thursday at 7," Kurt says, and he knows it's wrong as soon as he's said it. There's a stiffening in Blaine's body, a flicker in his eyes - but when Blaine opens them again there's nothing that betrays there might be something wrong.

"Of course," he says calmly. "Thursday. Seven o'clock. No problem."

"You don't have to," Kurt says hesitantly, wondering whether he'd imagined Blaine's moment of panic after all, "if you have somewhere else you needed to be."

And there it is again: that nervous flicker, the tiniest twitch around his mouth before Blaine clears his throat.

"No no, it's ok, it's... I wanna go. I wanna go."

It sounds sincere enough, but Kurt can feel the annoyance rise in his chest. It's not that he doesn't believe Blaine actually wants to go, but he just feels there is something else Blaine's not telling him. It's their discussion from two days ago all over again, and Kurt's about to give Blaine a taste of exactly how annoyed he is, when Blaine starts talking again.

"I just... I got this- thing... I sometimes go to," he says slowly, purposefully, and even though his voice sounds steady, he's avoiding Kurt's eyes.

"A thing?" Kurt cocks his head, not sure where this is going. "Could you be more vague?"

"A... group," Blaine clarifies, turning his head towards Kurt as he forces the words out of his mouth. "A support group. For... me. People like me, I mean. Positive people."

He's telling me something, Kurt thinks frantically, he's telling me something. He could have lied about it or kept it a secret. He almost did. But he didn't, he told me. On his own accord. Because he trusts me.

It still doesn't feel quite right, though, because Blaine going to a support group hardly classifies as a world-shocking confession, and it seems ridiculous for Blaine to even want to keep it from Kurt. So why did he almost? Why on earth would Kurt be opposed to Blaine going to a support group?

But then it hits him.

Kurt has had a crazy schedule over summer, what with the internship and catching up on everything and everyone he missed during finals and... well... that, obviously, so he can't be too sure whether there was a pattern of Blaine being out on Thursdays during that period. But he does remember the Thursday evening classes Blaine had had -or had claimed to have?- all through last year.

And suddenly he feels like screaming, wondering whether this is the last thing that Blaine hasn't told him or whether it's just one more item on a long list of secrets he is slowly uncovering. Still, Blaine's telling him now, spontaneously, more or less. That has to count for something, right?

How do I know I can trust him? - You don't.

"That's good," he hears himself say, "that you have that. That's... good."

"You could come."

Blaine blurts out the words, and for a moment Kurt's not sure whether he heard it right - until he sees the way Blaine looks at him.

"To the group," Blaine clarifies needlessly, hesitantly searching for Kurt's eyes. "It's not just... it's for other people too. Not just- friends. Relatives."

Partners.

He doesn't say it, but Kurt hears it anyway.

"You could come. If you wanted to."

Kurt doesn't, not really. The idea of meeting up with a group of strangers whose only connection to you is that they share one of your issues, is less than appealing to him. Save for his transfer to Dalton, talking about his problems has rarely brought him anything good, and he prefers to deal with them in the privacy of his own head. It only serves to make him realize the enormity of the invitation, though, and it's enough to make his breath hitch in his throat. Regardless of whether or not Blaine has lied about this before, he is telling Kurt now, and not only that, he is actually inviting him into that part of his life, a part Kurt knows for a fact he hasn't shared with anyone before. And even though the idea of accompanying him to the support group terrifies him to no end, he can't turn Blaine down. Not now, not when Blaine is clearly trying.

"Maybe," he nods slowly, hoping that the whirlwind of feelings he's experiencing isn't written all over his face. "I'll think about it."